Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 22, 2015
This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!!
It’s been a fucking while, I’m drinking some Hurricane Malt Liquor so get ready for some fucked up grammar, misspellings, and all kinds of other editing fuck ups!
So a buddy of mine and I are sitting out back on my deck drinking some random IPAs and smoking cigars. He starts to tell me about this worn out fucking cunt who has the hots for him.
She’s married, weighs in around 250 on a good day, two kids from some guy who couldn’t even keep a job at Home Fuck Depot, and just turned 30. Her and my buddy went to high school together. She was the ugly chick who had the slamming body but like many women she thought she was hotter than she really was.
So now after 12 years of being with a loser and bulking up, she tells my friend that she’s going to leave the loser and she’s looking forward to “hanging out” with him.
Luckily she doesn’t work with us, so no HR issues here. She messaged him on FaceFuckBook. Basically this chick has the attitude that all her fuck ups should be ignored by my friend. That he should turn back the hands of time to when they were in school and her vag hadn’t been stretched out by child birth and years of abuse.
The problem is this woman’s attitude is actually very common. Women with multiple kids, often from multiple guys, want the rest of us to give her a do-over. She wants us to pretend that when we look at her little womb turds that we don’t see the face of a guy who got to fuck her back when she was actually fuckable. She wants us to pretend that she’s matured and that’s why she’s ready to settle down, not the truth which is she’s being carried off the field like Brett Farve.
Luckily my friend and I both laugh at her dumb ass, but this chick honestly thinks that when she leaves the loser that she’ll be able to run out and get the man of her dreams. She thinks she’ll be hooking up with that doctor or lawyer she’s always wanted.
Fucking cunts today have this attitude that they can do what they want when they have the power (in their early 20s) and that when their looks fade then suddenly the rules should change and we should overlook all their fuckery. We should be “real” men and take in them and their bastard fuck children.
Let me be clear ladies……GO FUCK YOURSELVES!
You’re now free to piss in a single mother’s face.
Technorati Tags: Captain No Marriage
,shitting out kids
Posted in women's studies | Tagged: american women, ass, avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, cunts, fat, marriage sucks, mental illness, piss, shit, shitting out kids | 2 Comments »
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 7, 2014
This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers!!!
So while nobody bats a thousand, the site Business Insider usually does a decent job with tech and business news, but the other day I saw this story come across my newsfeed. It’s a story about how some broad was teased for being ugly back when she was 12 and now 10 years later one of the guys who used to bully her asked her out and she finally was able to get her “revenge”. What made it even worse was the comment above was the link said that this “took guts”.
First off, how this ended up on a business website is fucking beyond me and it was written by a guy, go figure. To quickly address the content of the article, she set up a date with the guy then stood him up by giving the waiter a note to deliver to the guy. All the note did was let the guy know he dodged the fucking crazy train! On top of that, the article included the guy’s response, which unlike her letter, was mature and thought out.
I don’t get why this is even a fucking story. Shit like this happens to pretty much every guy who makes something of himself. Story goes like this…..Young guy can’t get attractive women his own age to even acknowledge he’s alive then fast forward 15 or 20 years and the tables are turned. Women his age are falling over themselves to get his attention. Tom Leykis has been talking about this shit for years and we’ve all lived it. Where’s our story?
The good news for us is we don’t need no stinking story, we’re living the good live while bitches our age are living la vida government assistance with their multiple cunt turds from multiple losers. That’s what I call revenge, laughing all the way to the bank.
You’re now free to live the good life.
Technorati Tags: Captain No Marriage
,american women suck
Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: 101, american women suck, ass, avoid marriage, brasil, Captain No Marriage, hole, leykis, marriage sucks, poon, shit sandwich, snatch | 3 Comments »
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 26, 2014
To my American readers, Happy Fucking Thanksgiving and to those living abroad, Happy Fucking Thursday!!!
As always I appreciate all you fuckers for getting drunk and stopping by to see what shit I wrote while getting drunk.
I also want to send a long overdue shoutout to a couple of friends who for obvious reasons shall remain unnamed. You see fuckers, when I first started this mess of a blog it was a collaboration between a couple of pals and I. We never dreamed people would actually read these rantings.
In the beginning we all had access to the blog and email accounts and we all got drunk and responded to reader email. Eventually we all got busy with other projects but especially my two partners in crime for this site. I eventually took over running the site with my associates blessings and urgings (I initially was going to just shut it down since it wasn’t the three of us)
As you can see their urging worked and I continued the site on my own. But even as my two friends got more and more involved with their own projects, they still forwarded any emails they received to me (and still do to this day).
So I just wanted to say thanks to “those guys” for pushing me to keep this thing going back when it almost got shut down before it finally found it’s sea legs. The next few cases of PBR is for them!!!
So if you ever need to rant, piss n moan, opine or whatever else. Feel free to email me at email@example.com. However be forewarned, I’m somewhat of a lazy fuck when it comes to content sometime so don’t be surprised if you say something good to see it as a post.
See ya later fuckers, I’ve got shit to drink!
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 30, 2014
This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!
Man, are there some delusional fucking bitches out there or fucking what!!!
I tell you what, when I say good-bye to the corporate world I definitely won’t miss all these bat-shit crazy women at the workplace.
There’s one skank in particular and I probably don’t even need to describe her, you could probably fucking guess. Overweight…..hold up…she’s fucking fat, two kids from a loser on disability and she’s about to turn 30.
But wait folks, she is telling everyone who will listen (and anyone else in earshot) about how 30 is going to be the start of her new life. Sure she wasted her 20s on some loser and even has the stretched out vag to prove it! She’s decided at 30 to get her shit together…….well not really, but a girl can dream right?
As you might guess, the chorus of fat and fugly friends are telling her the same horseshit all women tell each other about how it’s not too late for her to find a great guy. About how any guy would be lucky to have a woman like her. She’s beautiful and if a guy can’t see that it’s his loss….
Are these bitches serious? I know I see that shit all over social media too, where a butt-fucking ugly bitch posts a picture and all her fat and fucked in the head friends tell her how beautiful she is. Personally I don’t think these bitches believe it when they tell that shit to other women, but ironically they actually believe it when it’s told to them.
So how about that awesome deal our over the hill and NFL sized gal has to offer some lucky white knight? Wow, let’s start with the two bastard children who are both below the age of 10. Hope you don’t plan on doing anything with your life for the next ten years Mr Lucky Guy because the only thing you’ll be doing is paying for kids who fucking hate you. Think she’ll be getting child support? Doubt it, even if she does it’ll be the bare minimum and you won’t see any of it. You better call your doctor for an appointment to get snipped because as Tom Leykis has been telling us for years, these skanks will get pregnant again, whether you want another womb turd in the house or not!!! Let’s not forget the fact that loser she hates so much will be stopping by your house, or even better she’ll have to take the kids to him where she’ll be able to get some dick on the side for old time’s sake.
Let’s not forget that body of hers that is now wrecked because she gave her best years to some loser. Oh sure she’ll tell you how she hates him, but just remember, he fucked her back when the pussy was actually tight. She can’t even hold her piss now, good luck getting off. I’m sure she’ll also tell you how now that she’s older and worn out, she’s now in her sexual prime even though her body and vagina aren’t even good enough to be in a salvage yard!
I could just go on and on forever about this awesome deal, but it’s safe to say that any guy who would get in line for a woman like that deserves what he gets.
Listen guys, it’s not your job to play cleanup when these broads fuck up their lives. All you’ll end up doing is fucking up your own life. Don’t even entertain the thought!
You’re now free to visit Thailand.
Posted in money, Single mothers, women's studies | Tagged: leykis, marriage sucks, single mothers, women's studies | 6 Comments »
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 27, 2014
This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!!!
It’s back to school time again folks, or as welfare moms call it…..Vacation.
It’s also back to all the little ladies at the office wanting the company they work for to bend and twist around so that their job doesn’t interfere with them having it all and being a mother to their womb turds and future government dependents.
I mean what bullshit it would be if the poor fragile women had to work a regular schedule like men do!!! That would be awful if women were expected to actually contribute to the bottom line! How sexist!!!
So the little misses come in late and leave early and then come appraisal time they expect the same raise or even more as everyone else who actually fucking showed up for work.
Newsflash girls, you can’t have it all. Just like men you have to decide if you want to play house or have a career, you can’t do both. If you choose to shit out kids then don’t bitch when you are passed up at work by people who are better at their job in part because they have actually put some time in on the damn fuck job.
The glass ceiling is a goddamn lie, it’s not some fabled ceiling that holds women back, it’s the fucking holes they dig themselves into. Getting worthless degrees in college and running up a shitfuckton of debt. Having kids with convicts and other losers who can’t even support themselves. Having kids with guys who just want to fuck and have zero interest in parenting. Trying to trap a guy by “forgetting” your birth control. All this is shit you guys control. There isn’t some group of guys wringing their hands worrying about some broad wanting to get into the boardroom.
Do you wage gap morons even have a fucking clue how hard it is to find people qualified to sit in the boardroom!!! Of course you don’t, it’s much easier to sit and bitch about other’s success than it is to roll up your sleeves and make your own success happen. Show me a person who hates rich business people and I’ll show you a lazy fuck.
You think it’s luck that makes you wealthy? No dumbtits, it’s work, it’s doing shit 99% of people won’t fucking damn do. You bitch about a glass ceiling yet you don’t even work hard enough to merit getting out of the fucking basement!
Women are the reason there aren’t more women at the top. Women are their own worst enemies.
You’re now free to piss on the ceiling.
Technorati Tags: avoid marriage,marriage sucks,Captain No Marriage,Wonder,Captain,welfare,moms,Vacation,ladies,office,government,dependents,women,sexist,appraisal,Newsflash,girls,
Posted in marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: appraisal, avoid marriage, basement, bitch, boardroom, captain, Captain No Marriage, clue, college, damn, debt, degrees, dependents, enemies, fuck american women, girls, government, Just, ladies, losers, luck, marriage sucks, moms, Newsflash, office, person, sexist, shit, Vacation, welfare, women, Wonder, zero | 9 Comments »
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 30, 2014
This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!
So let me get this straight, some spoiled millennial brat goes off the deep end and because he was a member of a group that hates PUAs and other men’s groups…..somehow PUAs and men’s groups are to blame?
Feminism is just an outlet for fat white women to bitch about how they’re discriminated against.
The real problem here as with many of these crazy fuck shooters/stabbers is parenting. This guy was another product of a single mother, she pawned him off on the dad once he got older and the damage was done.
Also, let’s be honest, you can’t make a law to stop crazy and this fucker, in my drunk opinion, was fucking crazy with a capital K!!!
But of course social media blew up with the hashtag #Yesallwomen, because the poor girls here in the West have it so bad.
Listen up ladies, this is what you get when you try to raise a boy without his father or in this case bring the father in when it’s far too late.
This is what happens when we give everyone who participates in sports a ribbon or don’t keep score so that we don’t have losers. Well guess the fuck what, score or not, these fuckers are losers.
Every kid needs to learn how to lose, hell every kid needs to be bullied, not to the point of suicide but just in the same manner that the rest of us had to deal with. It made us stronger and better human beings. Strong is a word that cannot be used to describe this current generation of walking cumholes these single mothers are raising.
You’re now free drive your black BMW where ever the fuck you like.
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: BMW, Captain No Marriage, Elliot Rodger, NRA, single mothers, women's studies | 1 Comment »
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 14, 2014
This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!
Last time I got hammered I wrote down some advice for my three female readers. Well here I am again with one more golden nugget for the girls. I’m filling in the blanks for the broads out there, so listen up!
If you live long enough you’re bound to hear broad talking about her failing relationship and how she “worked” to make things better. One often touted method of “working” on things doesn’t actually involve any work at all. I’m talking about lingerie. Women talk about how they dress sexy for their husband without any regard how they’ve let themselves go.
What you ladies need to understand is while men like a woman in lingerie, it needs to be said….since most of you are obviously slow…..we like HOT women in lingerie. Check out the picture above, most me have some version of what we consider hot and that’s what we picture.
So what happens when you squeeze your ass into something you just picked up off the clearance rack at Adam and Eve??? Well a couple things, first off it’s a stark reminder of how far you’ve let yourself go from the time we first met you. So if you’re confused as to why your husband used to love you in something skimpy and now he vomits at the mere site of you, that’s why. You just reminded him of how you ran the old bait-n-switch on him.
Here’s the other scenario that happens, you were never hot to begin with yet you are under some notion that your guy thinks you’re beautiful when the truth is your guy dropped out of high school and is a loser with few choices. So you wear you’re little lace outfit but instead of looking like one of the hot chicks on Instagram you look like someone tried to strangle a giant squid with a garden hose. Good job there Sally, you just basically rubbed your man’s nose in shit, as if he didn’t already know you’re ugly (hence the fact he has to be either high or drunk or both to fuck ya) now you just reminded him of that fact in bold, loud, living color.
So for those of you who want to actually work on your relationship, why not try doing the shit you did to trick him in to marrying you in the first place, like looking hot and blow jobs.
You’re now free to piss on a giant squid.
Posted in Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, relationship, women's studies | Tagged: Adam, advice, blanks, broads, captain, Captain No Marriage, Check, chicks, clearance, fact, girls, Here, husband, Instagram, jobs, ladies, Last, lingerie, Loser, method, notion, nugget, readers, relationship, reminder, scenario, shit, Spice, squid, truth, Turd, version, woman, women | 3 Comments »
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 23, 2014
This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers!
So many of us who voice our opinion concerning men and women are often painted as dickless, woman-haters. Not that I give two shits about what the femtwats think, but I did think it would be nice if I took a moment to give some random advice to the 3 female readers that I have. I have to warn you that it will sound similar to my normal rantings, also it won’t be in any particular order…….as usual.
Ok girls, birth control, fucking use it. That means you, not him using a condom that’s been rotting in his wallet since 9th grade. Speaking of kids, have them after you have a career and stable relationship. Also be able to tell someone why you want them and I mean an intelligent answer other than “I just want them”. Homeless people can reproduce, it’s not a fucking miracle or an accomplishment of any sort. Kids are the quickest path to poverty and a surefire way to stay in poverty if you are already there.
It’s ok to date a loser but don’t have his fucking baby and don’t ever expect him to change. Stop and think about all the losers and assholes you have already dated in the past, well guess what……they were losers and assholes the moment you met them, don’t get pissed at them. Learn to see people for what they really are. Some people are great to party with but you wouldn’t want to commit yourself to them.
Unless you are already financially secure, the purpose of college is to get you a job, it’s not there for you to fulfill your interests, that’s what a fucking library is for. If you want to study literature, join a fucking group and you can piss and moan about King Lear till your twat falls out. But don’t go into debt getting a major in a worthless fucking degree. Yes the other degrees are hard and require shit like math, that just means more studying and less drinking and smoking. Don’t worry, later on you’ll have plenty of time and money to pursue your vices.
Plan for the future girls. Contribute to your 401k or other retirement account. Unless you want to be the old bitch eating cat food, stop buying a new purse every time your clit twitches and put that money into your retirement account. Don’t think you’ll find some sucker to pay your way, chances are you’re too fat for that anyways. Take some of that time you spend reading Facebook and read some financial articles, yes they’re boring but that’s because you don’t know shit about money. Learn dumbass.
Speaking of fat, if a person can’t control their own fucking body they chances are the other areas of their lives will be equally fucked. Put down the goddamn Twinkie and get your ass on a treadmill and do some squats while you’re at it for that sagging ass. Look, women love to look better than other women, this is the easiest way to do it, work out. A toned body is something that can’t be bought, inherited, or stolen. It has to be worked for and it speaks volumes to your character.
Oh…..going back to finance, learn what the fuck a FICO score is. Pay your fucking bills on time. If you have to put it on a credit card then you can’t fucking afford it Princess! Your wants are not needs, the quicker you learn this the quicker you will actually be able to afford your wants without putting yourself in a fucking hole.
Well I could go on but most American women can’t read so why bother wasting my time.
You’re now free to piss on a homeless woman.
Technorati Tags: Plan,Contribute,retirement,account,food,Take,Facebook,person,areas,Twinkie,treadmill,Look,FICO,card,American,assholes,piss,shit
Posted in Captain No Marriage, money, women, women's studies | Tagged: women buy dumb shit, women's studies | 8 Comments »
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 1, 2014
This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!
Well fuck, it’s that time of year again isn’t it? It’s that magical time when our wonderful government hands out millions of dollars in free money to those who neither earned it or deserve it. Yep, it’s tax time bitches!!!
The single mothers sure love this time of year don’t they? Then to top it off, I was listening to Tom Leykis the other day and he was talking about how the Terminator’s ex-wife did some piece about poor women. After a brief Google search I found several “news” sites that were pimping this shit and passing it off as journalism. One piece even had a picture of some 23yr old broad who was a single mother of two and worked as a waitress. Poor Ms Waitress was struggling to pay her bills, isn’t that sad? Of course the article said that the government (us) should bail bitches like this out. Because it was clearly fate that made her poor and not her shitty decisions.
Well what the fuck, we do bail their dumbasses out, every fucking year!!! You’ve overheard these bitches brag about the thousands of dollars they get back, far more than most of them paid in if they paid any in at all. You’ll see these bitches living it up at, shopping at Target instead of Walmart, eating at fine dining establishments such as Red Lobster and Golden Corral. If you work with any of these slackers you’ll notice absences sharply increase this time of year.
Then by May you’ll hear these same women talking about how broke they are or their piece of shit car broke down and they can’t afford to get it fixed. We need to stop throwing money at stupid people. They are poor because they want to be, they are poor because they never planned or worked to be anything else! These are the same fucks who will go to that tax service whose name rhymes with……cock…….and pay extra money to get a refund anticipation loan. I mean what the hell, it’s not their money, they don’t give a shit if they have to pay out the ass interest charges, these bitches don’t even know what interest is!!!
We need to end this bullshit about kids being expensive, so are yachts but you don’t see the government helping me buy one of them! I have to actually budget and work for shit I want, people who just want to shit out kids should have to do the same thing.
And don’t give me this kids are our future shit or that it’s the kids of today that will be my nurse or doctor when I’m old. First off, the kids of today can’t even move out of the fucking house and live on their own. You think these lazy fucks are going to stay in college long enough to become a fucking doctor?
A kid has better odds of wearing an orange jumpsuit at the local jail than he or she does of being president of a major company, a congressman or any of that other happy horseshit people like to spout off about when they’re talking about kids being our fucking future. These future saviors can’t even carry on a conversation with another human face to face because they’ve spent their lives in their rooms jacking off to Justin Boober and One Erection. So don’t tell me how your stupid fucking kids are the future of this country, at best your kids will have the same shitty as you do that is of course if you can ever get them out of the fucking house!
You’re now free to spit on a poor person.
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Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: absences, anticipation, article, bail, bitches, Boober, captain, college, conversation, Corral, decisions, dollars, Erection, establishments, fate, Favorite, fuck, fucks, Golden, Google, government, hell, journalism, jumpsuit, Justin, leykis, Lobster, Loser, millions, money, news, odds, person, poor, president, rhymes, saviors, shit, slackers, Target, Terminator, Time, Walmart, wife, women, yachts | 2 Comments »