Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 14, 2014
This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!
Last time I got hammered I wrote down some advice for my three female readers. Well here I am again with one more golden nugget for the girls. I’m filling in the blanks for the broads out there, so listen up!
If you live long enough you’re bound to hear broad talking about her failing relationship and how she “worked” to make things better. One often touted method of “working” on things doesn’t actually involve any work at all. I’m talking about lingerie. Women talk about how they dress sexy for their husband without any regard how they’ve let themselves go.
What you ladies need to understand is while men like a woman in lingerie, it needs to be said….since most of you are obviously slow…..we like HOT women in lingerie. Check out the picture above, most me have some version of what we consider hot and that’s what we picture.
So what happens when you squeeze your ass into something you just picked up off the clearance rack at Adam and Eve??? Well a couple things, first off it’s a stark reminder of how far you’ve let yourself go from the time we first met you. So if you’re confused as to why your husband used to love you in something skimpy and now he vomits at the mere site of you, that’s why. You just reminded him of how you ran the old bait-n-switch on him.
Here’s the other scenario that happens, you were never hot to begin with yet you are under some notion that your guy thinks you’re beautiful when the truth is your guy dropped out of high school and is a loser with few choices. So you wear you’re little lace outfit but instead of looking like one of the hot chicks on Instagram you look like someone tried to strangle a giant squid with a garden hose. Good job there Sally, you just basically rubbed your man’s nose in shit, as if he didn’t already know you’re ugly (hence the fact he has to be either high or drunk or both to fuck ya) now you just reminded him of that fact in bold, loud, living color.
So for those of you who want to actually work on your relationship, why not try doing the shit you did to trick him in to marrying you in the first place, like looking hot and blow jobs.
You’re now free to piss on a giant squid.
Posted in Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, relationship, women's studies | Tagged: Adam, advice, blanks, broads, captain, Captain No Marriage, Check, chicks, clearance, fact, girls, Here, husband, Instagram, jobs, ladies, Last, lingerie, Loser, method, notion, nugget, readers, relationship, reminder, scenario, shit, Spice, squid, truth, Turd, version, woman, women | 4 Comments »
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 23, 2014
This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers!
So many of us who voice our opinion concerning men and women are often painted as dickless, woman-haters. Not that I give two shits about what the femtwats think, but I did think it would be nice if I took a moment to give some random advice to the 3 female readers that I have. I have to warn you that it will sound similar to my normal rantings, also it won’t be in any particular order…….as usual.
Ok girls, birth control, fucking use it. That means you, not him using a condom that’s been rotting in his wallet since 9th grade. Speaking of kids, have them after you have a career and stable relationship. Also be able to tell someone why you want them and I mean an intelligent answer other than “I just want them”. Homeless people can reproduce, it’s not a fucking miracle or an accomplishment of any sort. Kids are the quickest path to poverty and a surefire way to stay in poverty if you are already there.
It’s ok to date a loser but don’t have his fucking baby and don’t ever expect him to change. Stop and think about all the losers and assholes you have already dated in the past, well guess what……they were losers and assholes the moment you met them, don’t get pissed at them. Learn to see people for what they really are. Some people are great to party with but you wouldn’t want to commit yourself to them.
Unless you are already financially secure, the purpose of college is to get you a job, it’s not there for you to fulfill your interests, that’s what a fucking library is for. If you want to study literature, join a fucking group and you can piss and moan about King Lear till your twat falls out. But don’t go into debt getting a major in a worthless fucking degree. Yes the other degrees are hard and require shit like math, that just means more studying and less drinking and smoking. Don’t worry, later on you’ll have plenty of time and money to pursue your vices.
Plan for the future girls. Contribute to your 401k or other retirement account. Unless you want to be the old bitch eating cat food, stop buying a new purse every time your clit twitches and put that money into your retirement account. Don’t think you’ll find some sucker to pay your way, chances are you’re too fat for that anyways. Take some of that time you spend reading Facebook and read some financial articles, yes they’re boring but that’s because you don’t know shit about money. Learn dumbass.
Speaking of fat, if a person can’t control their own fucking body they chances are the other areas of their lives will be equally fucked. Put down the goddamn Twinkie and get your ass on a treadmill and do some squats while you’re at it for that sagging ass. Look, women love to look better than other women, this is the easiest way to do it, work out. A toned body is something that can’t be bought, inherited, or stolen. It has to be worked for and it speaks volumes to your character.
Oh…..going back to finance, learn what the fuck a FICO score is. Pay your fucking bills on time. If you have to put it on a credit card then you can’t fucking afford it Princess! Your wants are not needs, the quicker you learn this the quicker you will actually be able to afford your wants without putting yourself in a fucking hole.
Well I could go on but most American women can’t read so why bother wasting my time.
You’re now free to piss on a homeless woman.
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Posted in Captain No Marriage, money, women, women's studies | Tagged: women buy dumb shit, women's studies | 7 Comments »
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 1, 2014
This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!
Well fuck, it’s that time of year again isn’t it? It’s that magical time when our wonderful government hands out millions of dollars in free money to those who neither earned it or deserve it. Yep, it’s tax time bitches!!!
The single mothers sure love this time of year don’t they? Then to top it off, I was listening to Tom Leykis the other day and he was talking about how the Terminator’s ex-wife did some piece about poor women. After a brief Google search I found several “news” sites that were pimping this shit and passing it off as journalism. One piece even had a picture of some 23yr old broad who was a single mother of two and worked as a waitress. Poor Ms Waitress was struggling to pay her bills, isn’t that sad? Of course the article said that the government (us) should bail bitches like this out. Because it was clearly fate that made her poor and not her shitty decisions.
Well what the fuck, we do bail their dumbasses out, every fucking year!!! You’ve overheard these bitches brag about the thousands of dollars they get back, far more than most of them paid in if they paid any in at all. You’ll see these bitches living it up at, shopping at Target instead of Walmart, eating at fine dining establishments such as Red Lobster and Golden Corral. If you work with any of these slackers you’ll notice absences sharply increase this time of year.
Then by May you’ll hear these same women talking about how broke they are or their piece of shit car broke down and they can’t afford to get it fixed. We need to stop throwing money at stupid people. They are poor because they want to be, they are poor because they never planned or worked to be anything else! These are the same fucks who will go to that tax service whose name rhymes with……cock…….and pay extra money to get a refund anticipation loan. I mean what the hell, it’s not their money, they don’t give a shit if they have to pay out the ass interest charges, these bitches don’t even know what interest is!!!
We need to end this bullshit about kids being expensive, so are yachts but you don’t see the government helping me buy one of them! I have to actually budget and work for shit I want, people who just want to shit out kids should have to do the same thing.
And don’t give me this kids are our future shit or that it’s the kids of today that will be my nurse or doctor when I’m old. First off, the kids of today can’t even move out of the fucking house and live on their own. You think these lazy fucks are going to stay in college long enough to become a fucking doctor?
A kid has better odds of wearing an orange jumpsuit at the local jail than he or she does of being president of a major company, a congressman or any of that other happy horseshit people like to spout off about when they’re talking about kids being our fucking future. These future saviors can’t even carry on a conversation with another human face to face because they’ve spent their lives in their rooms jacking off to Justin Boober and One Erection. So don’t tell me how your stupid fucking kids are the future of this country, at best your kids will have the same shitty as you do that is of course if you can ever get them out of the fucking house!
You’re now free to spit on a poor person.
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Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: absences, anticipation, article, bail, bitches, Boober, captain, college, conversation, Corral, decisions, dollars, Erection, establishments, fate, Favorite, fuck, fucks, Golden, Google, government, hell, journalism, jumpsuit, Justin, leykis, Lobster, Loser, millions, money, news, odds, person, poor, president, rhymes, saviors, shit, slackers, Target, Terminator, Time, Walmart, wife, women, yachts | 2 Comments »
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 25, 2014
This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers!
What’s up fuckers! I just wanted to rant about something I’ve been seeing a lot of lately. We all know that as men, we can’t turn a fucking corner without being told to do something and if we don’t do it we’re not “real” men.
One thing in particular really pisses me off because it’s one of the best ways to completely ass fuck your life. Taking on another man’s child or in a lot of cases children!!!!
Guys stop jumping on the fucking grenade. Stop being the goddamn martyr!!! We need to lose this idea of sacrificing for no reason is somehow noble. It’s not noble, it’s fucking retarded, in fact it’s full retard!!!!!
Newsflash Poindexter, you weren’t her first choice, or even her 100th choice, you’re just all she’s left with now that her body and vag has been wrecked by having kids. Kids that even their own father don’t want shit to do with, so why the fuck should you?
Do you realize how many guys “step up” only to get stepped on by the very children they helped raise once they become adults and decide they want to have a relationship with their “real” father? Thanks for paying the bills sucker!
I worked with a guy who met a chick who looked ok, she was one of these chicks who was cool and looked decent but she was literally one cupcake away from the plus-size area of the store. Which spoiler alert……she’s way past plus sized now. He got with this chick when she was still fucking around with her ex and “happened” to get pregnant. Obviously in hopes of trapping the ex but he said fuck you and left her pregnant bloated ass.
Well my buddy, Mr Knight in White Pussy Satin, decided to “step up” and be a so called real man. What has he gotten in return? Well she has gained ton of weight and looks like warmed over shit, something she didn’t do when she was with the bad boy who left her while she was knocked up. He gets to pay ALL, yes all, the bills for this bastard womb turd because she won’t go after the ex for child support. Basically my friend bought a used up Jag off a buy-here pay-here lot and the thing is rapidly falling apart and will NEVER look or run as good as it used to.
Fellas, stop being the nice guy. Be the dick. Trust me, it works a hell of a lot better. Your wallet and your dick will thank you.
You’re now free to jizz on the Super Bowl Halftime Show.
Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, cunts, fuck american women, marriage sucks, moms, parent, single mothers, whores, women's studies | 7 Comments »
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 16, 2013
This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers!!!
Have you seen this bullshit here?
Too attractive? Am I looking at the right pic in this article? Granted I’ve never been to New York (because I don’t go to shitholes), but really too fucking attractive? You’ve got to be shitting me!!! Yes she looks better than most American women but that’s not exactly a difficult feat. It’s about as meaningful as being the prettiest waitress at Denny’s.
I can’t believe women are getting worked up over this. Let’s pretend for a second that this shit actually happens………….how many American women would even fall into the category of “too attractive”???? I’ll wait while you tally that huge number up……NOT!
If this were an article about how American women were too fat, too greasy, too stupid, too uneducated, too wide to fit through the fucking door….then you’d have a valid point that would actually affect the average American woman. Being attractive is not an issue most American women have to deal with, ever.
You’re now free to kick a bitch as she falls out of the ugly tree…
Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 10, 2013
Technorati Tags: captain No Marriage
Posted in sex, women's studies | Tagged: American, Ameriskanks, ass, avoid, balls, bbw, Captain No Marriage, cunts, curvy, fat, full figure, horrid, Marriage, prick, sbbw, shit, suck, thick, tits, torrid, women | 2 Comments »
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 22, 2013
This is your Captain speaking…..welcome aboard fuckers!!!
Title says it all……do you date coworkers?
Most of us probably have at some point. I did when I made a lot less money, now I’d never risk it.
Some of my peers think I’m crazy because of "all the hot women at work", but unless you work at strip club or a Hooters, chances are there aren’t as many hot prospects around as you might think. Think I’m crazy, check this out…
Couple thousand people in my building, about 75% female, so about 75 women out of every 100 people. Well here in good ole Merica about 70% of adults are overweight or obese, so that leaves us with 23 women out of the 75 that aren’t fat. Of those 23, chances are half of them will be way past their prime, so you’d be lucky to have a dozen of the 23 that would be under 40. Of the remaining 12 half of them will be fucking ugly, might be a butter face or two in there if you’re lucky. So now we’re down to 6, of those six at least 4 or 5 of them will be either married or in a relationship. So for every 100 people I see, one possibly two might be available to fuck, maybe not even one or two if you weed out for mental health issues. Yes my math is probably fucked up but you get my point fuckers.
Another thing that leads to this misperception of our workplace teeming with pussy is the fact we tend to stay in our own areas. So we might have 3 or 4 hot women in our department, we see them all the time and it leads our minds to think we’re surrounded by beauty when all we’re really doing is blocking out the fatties and ugly broads and focusing on the couple half-way decent looking broads.
What I’m saying is it’s not worth your job to go hunting in an environment that isn’t even target rich, it’s actually target poor when you compare it to other venues. Even if you do score the hottest piece of ass at your job, what happens when you break up with the bitch or if she sees you talking to another chick about business but she assumes you’re fucking her because she’s bat-shit crazy and marches down to the HR department to file a sexual harassment claim? Pussy isn’t worth your career, hell it’s not even worth losing a piss poor fucking job over.
Trust me guys, don’t date bitches at work, don’t be fucking lazy and go for the low hanging fruit. It’s low hanging for a reason.
You’re now free shit in the recycle bin.
Technorati Tags: Captain No Marriage,Company,Pier,Captain,Title,coworkers,Most,money,Some,women,Hooters,Think,Couple,Merica,adults,butter,relationship,health,math,Another,misperception,workplace,fact,areas,department,broads,worth,environment,venues,chick,harassment,Pussy,hell,Trust,fuckers,aren,shit
Posted in money, Politics | Tagged: Captain No Marriage, career women, women's studies | 2 Comments »
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 8, 2013
This is your Captain speaking, sorry about that landing in San Fran, but……….Welcome aboard fuckers!!!!!!!
Ok, you probably never expected me to support any kind of marriage but hear me out fuckers. Some of you probably already know my angle on this so here we go!!!!!!!
Listen, our family court system is FUCKED!!! We all know that, if you’re a man you might as well lube up your ass and grab your ankles because you will get royally screwed in court by your ex, the lawyers, the whole fucking system!!!
As we’ve talked about here and other people have brought up in other venues, the only time they change a law that’s unfair to men is when it affects the little women too. Just look at the case in Florida where the governor vetoed a bill that would have eliminated lifetime alimony. I mean we can’t have that now can we? What would the poor little gold-digging whores do?
So what we need guys is more bitches thrown on our side of the fence. What we need is a nice pretty young thing to get with some manly looking broad and the two divorce. It would be even better if they adopted a kid too, that way the manly bitch could get ass raped just like any man.
Things aren’t going to change until women start to feel the pain too, then it will suddenly become a national priority, there will be pages of editorials of how the system is broken and unfair.
I personally don’t give two shits who you’re fucking, this isn’t about gay, straight or sheep lovers. The marriage failure rate for gay people will be just as shitty as it is for the rest of us. So hang on to your butt plugs and rubber fists gay people because this is one ride that won’t make you explode with pleasure. You have just boarded the Shit Town Express!!!!
I’ve tried to warn the LGBT community that marriage was a shitty deal, but you fucks refuse to listen, so now I want you to get exactly what you’re asking for, because that’s the only way men will get what I’m asking for. The system is broken people, take off your Elton John rose colored glasses and try to see what the fuck I’m saying. Read the comments on this blog and others like it. You don’t want this.
However, since the gay community seems to think they know more than the rest of us, fuck em. I look forward to the day when some crying cunt in on the Today show talking about how her ex-wife took her for everything she owned. Welcome to our world cunt.
You’re now free to do whatever the fuck you want.
Posted in marriage sucks, Politics, women's studies | Tagged: adoption, alimony, american women suck, avoid marriage, captain, Captain No Marriage, cunt, editorials, Elton, failure, fists, Florida, Fran, fuck, fuckers, glasses, governor, John, Just, lawyers, LGBT, lifetime, Listen, lovers, Marriage, marriage sucks, Read, rubber, sheep, shit, Some, support, system, Town, venues, Welcome, wife, women | 5 Comments »