Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

#YESALLWOMEN

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 30, 2014


casey

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!

So let me get this straight, some spoiled millennial brat goes off the deep end and because he was a member of a group that hates PUAs and other men’s groups…..somehow PUAs and men’s groups are to blame?

Feminism is just an outlet for fat white women to bitch about how they’re discriminated against.

The real problem here as with many of these crazy fuck shooters/stabbers is parenting.  This guy was another product of a single mother, she pawned him off on the dad once he got older and the damage was done.

Also, let’s be honest, you can’t make a law to stop crazy and this fucker, in my drunk opinion, was fucking crazy with a capital K!!!

But of course social media blew up with the hashtag #Yesallwomen, because the poor girls here in the West have it so bad.

Listen up ladies, this is what you get when you try to raise a boy without his father or in this case bring the father in when it’s far too late.

This is what happens when we give everyone who participates in sports a ribbon or don’t keep score so that we don’t have losers.  Well guess the fuck what, score or not, these fuckers are losers. 

Every kid needs to learn how to lose, hell every kid needs to be bullied, not to the point of suicide but just in the same manner that the rest of us had to deal with.  It made us stronger and better human beings.  Strong is a word that cannot be used to describe this current generation of walking cumholes these single mothers are raising.

Amercia…….we’re fucked!!!!

You’re now free drive your black BMW where ever the fuck you like.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

You Can’t Spice Up A Turd

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 14, 2014


real woman's ass

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Last time I got hammered I wrote down some advice for my three female readers.  Well here I am again with one more golden nugget for the girls.  I’m filling in the blanks for the broads out there, so listen up!

If you live long enough you’re bound to hear broad talking about her failing relationship and how she “worked” to make things better.  One often touted method of “working” on things doesn’t actually involve any work at all.  I’m talking about lingerie.  Women talk about how they dress sexy for their husband without any regard how they’ve let themselves go.

What you ladies need to understand is while men like a woman in lingerie, it needs to be said….since most of you are obviously slow…..we like HOT women in lingerie.  Check out the picture above, most me have some version of what we consider hot and that’s what we picture. 

So what happens when you squeeze your ass into something you just picked up off the clearance rack at Adam and Eve???  Well a couple things, first off it’s a stark reminder of how far you’ve let yourself go from the time we first met you.  So if you’re confused as to why your husband used to love you in something skimpy and now he vomits at the mere site of you, that’s why.  You just reminded him of how you ran the old bait-n-switch on him.  average woman

Here’s the other scenario that happens, you were never hot to begin with yet you are under some notion that your guy thinks you’re beautiful when the truth is your guy dropped out of high school and is a loser with few choices.  So you wear you’re little lace outfit but instead of looking like one of the hot chicks on Instagram you look like someone tried to strangle a giant squid with a garden hose.  Good job there Sally, you just basically rubbed your man’s nose in shit, as if he didn’t already know you’re ugly (hence the fact he has to be either high or drunk or both to fuck ya) now you just reminded him of that fact in bold, loud, living color.

So for those of you who want to actually work on your relationship, why not try doing the shit you did to trick him in to marrying you in the first place, like looking hot and blow jobs.

You’re now free to piss on a giant squid.

Posted in Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, relationship, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Advice for the Ladies

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 23, 2014


Brazilian beach volleyball player

This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers!

So many of us who voice our opinion concerning men and women are often painted as dickless, woman-haters.  Not that I give two shits about what the femtwats think, but I did think it would be nice if I took a moment to give some random advice to the 3 female readers that I have.  I have to warn you that it will sound similar to my normal rantings, also it won’t be in any particular order…….as usual.

Ok girls, birth control, fucking use it.  That means you, not him using a condom that’s been rotting in his wallet since 9th grade.  Speaking of kids, have them after you have a career and stable relationship.  Also be able to tell someone why you want them and I mean an intelligent answer other than “I just want them”.  Homeless people can reproduce, it’s not a fucking miracle or an accomplishment of any sort.  Kids are the quickest path to poverty and a surefire way to stay in poverty if you are already there.

It’s ok to date a loser but don’t have his fucking baby and don’t ever expect him to change.  Stop and think about all the losers and assholes you have already dated in the past, well guess what……they were losers and assholes the moment you met them, don’t get pissed at them.  Learn to see people for what they really are.  Some people are great to party with but you wouldn’t want to commit yourself to them.

Unless you are already financially secure, the purpose of college is to get you a job, it’s not there for you to fulfill your interests, that’s what a fucking library is for.  If you want to study literature, join a fucking group and you can piss and moan about King Lear till your twat falls out.  But don’t go into debt getting a major in a worthless fucking degree.  Yes the other degrees are hard and require shit like math, that just means more studying and less drinking and smoking.  Don’t worry, later on you’ll have plenty of time and money to pursue your vices.

Plan for the future girls.  Contribute to your 401k or other retirement account.  Unless you want to be the old bitch eating cat food, stop buying a new purse every time your clit twitches and put that money into your retirement account. Don’t think you’ll find some sucker to pay your way, chances are you’re too fat for that anyways.  Take some of that time you spend reading Facebook and read some financial articles, yes they’re boring but that’s because you don’t know shit about money.  Learn dumbass.

Speaking of fat, if a person can’t control their own fucking body they chances are the other areas of their lives will be equally fucked.  Put down the goddamn Twinkie and get your ass on a treadmill and do some squats while you’re at it for that sagging ass.  Look, women love to look better than other women, this is the easiest way to do it, work out.  A toned body is something that can’t be bought, inherited, or stolen.  It has to be worked for and it speaks volumes to your character.

Oh…..going back to finance, learn what the fuck a FICO score is.  Pay your fucking bills on time. If you have to put it on a credit card then you can’t fucking afford it Princess!  Your wants are  not needs, the quicker you learn this the quicker you will actually be able to afford your wants without putting yourself in a fucking hole.

Well I could go on but most American women can’t read so why bother wasting my time.

You’re now free to piss on a homeless woman.

homeless

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Posted in Captain No Marriage, money, women, women's studies | Tagged: , | 8 Comments »

A Loser’s Favorite Time of Year

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 1, 2014


money grubbing bitch

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Well fuck, it’s that time of year again isn’t it?  It’s that magical time when our wonderful government hands out millions of dollars in free money to those who neither earned it or deserve it.  Yep, it’s tax time bitches!!!

The single mothers sure love this time of year don’t they?  Then to top it off, I was listening to Tom Leykis the other day and he was talking about how the Terminator’s ex-wife did some piece about poor women.  After a brief Google search I found several “news” sites that were pimping this shit and passing it off as journalism.  One piece even had a picture of some 23yr old broad who was a single mother of two and worked as a waitress.  Poor Ms Waitress was struggling to pay her bills, isn’t that sad?  Of course the article said that the government (us) should bail bitches like this out.  Because it was clearly fate that made her poor and not her shitty decisions.

Well what the fuck, we do bail their dumbasses out, every fucking year!!!  You’ve overheard these bitches brag about the thousands of dollars they get back, far more than most of them paid in if they paid any in at all.  You’ll see these bitches living it up at, shopping at Target instead of Walmart, eating at fine dining establishments such as Red Lobster and Golden Corral.  If you work with any of these slackers you’ll notice absences sharply increase this time of year.

Then by May you’ll hear these same women talking about how broke they are or their piece of shit car broke down and they can’t afford to get it fixed.  We need to stop throwing money at stupid people.  They are poor because they want to be, they are poor because they never planned or worked to be anything else! These are the same fucks who will go to that tax service whose name rhymes with……cock…….and pay extra money to get a refund anticipation loan.  I mean what the hell, it’s not their money, they don’t give a shit if they have to pay out the ass interest charges, these bitches don’t even know what interest is!!!

We need to end this bullshit about kids being expensive, so are yachts but you don’t see the government helping me buy one of them!  I have to actually budget and work for shit I want, people who just want to shit out kids should have to do the same thing.

And don’t give me this kids are our future shit or that it’s the kids of today that will be my nurse or doctor when I’m old.  First off, the kids of today can’t even move out of the fucking house and live on their own.  You think these lazy fucks are going to stay in college long enough to become a fucking doctor?jail

A kid has better odds of wearing an orange jumpsuit at the local jail than he or she does of being president of a major company, a congressman or any of that other happy horseshit people like to spout off about when they’re talking about kids being our fucking future.  These future saviors can’t even carry on a conversation with another human face to face because they’ve spent their lives in their rooms jacking off to Justin Boober and One Erection.  So don’t tell me how your stupid fucking kids are the future of this country, at best your kids will have the same shitty as you do that is of course if you can ever get them out of the fucking house! 

You’re now free to spit on a poor person.

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Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Don’t Jump on the Grenade!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 25, 2014


grenade

This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers!

What’s up fuckers!  I just wanted to rant about something I’ve been seeing a lot of lately.  We all know that as men, we can’t turn a fucking corner without being told to do something and if we don’t do it we’re not “real” men. 

One thing in particular really pisses me off because it’s one of the best ways to completely ass fuck your life.  Taking on another man’s child or in a lot of cases children!!!!

Guys stop jumping on the fucking grenade. Stop being the goddamn martyr!!! We need to lose this idea of sacrificing for no reason is somehow noble.  It’s not noble, it’s fucking retarded, in fact it’s full retard!!!!!

Newsflash Poindexter, you weren’t her first choice, or even her 100th choice, you’re just all she’s left with now that her body and vag has been wrecked by having kids.  Kids that even their own father don’t want shit to do with, so why the fuck should you?

Do you realize how many guys “step up” only to get stepped on by the very children they helped raise once they become adults and decide they want to have a relationship with their “real” father?  Thanks for paying the bills sucker!

I worked with a guy who met a chick who looked ok, she was one of these chicks who was cool and looked decent but she was literally one cupcake away from the plus-size area of the store.  Which spoiler alert……she’s way past plus sized now.  He got with this chick when she was still fucking around with her ex and “happened” to get pregnant.  Obviously in hopes of trapping the ex but he said fuck you and left her pregnant bloated ass. 

Well my buddy, Mr Knight in White Pussy Satin, decided to “step up” and be a so called real man.  What has he gotten in return?  Well she has gained ton of weight and looks like warmed over shit, something she didn’t do when she was with the bad boy who left her while she was knocked up.  He gets to pay ALL, yes all, the bills for this bastard womb turd because she won’t go after the ex for child support.  Basically my friend bought a used up Jag off a buy-here pay-here lot and the thing is rapidly falling apart and will NEVER look or run as good as it used to.

Fellas, stop being the nice guy.  Be the dick.  Trust me, it works a hell of a lot better.  Your wallet and your dick will thank you.

You’re now free to jizz on the Super Bowl Halftime Show.

cheerleadersthong

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Too Hot to Handle

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 16, 2013


attention whore

This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Have you seen this bullshit here?

Too attractive?  Am I looking at the right pic in this article?  Granted I’ve never been to New York (because I don’t go to shitholes), but really too fucking attractive? You’ve got to be shitting me!!!  Yes she looks better than most American women but that’s not exactly a difficult feat.  It’s about as meaningful as being the prettiest waitress at Denny’s.

I can’t believe women are getting worked up over this.  Let’s pretend for a second that this shit actually happens………….how many American women would even fall into the category of “too attractive”????  I’ll wait while you tally that huge number up……NOT!

If this were an article about how American women were too fat, too greasy, too stupid, too uneducated, too wide to fit through the fucking door….then you’d have a valid point that would actually affect the average American woman.  Being attractive is not an issue most American women have to deal with, ever. 

You’re now free to kick a bitch as she falls out of the ugly tree…

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

Keep Calm

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 30, 2013


don't get married

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks | Tagged: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Just saying…

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 10, 2013


curvy and fat

Posted in sex, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Fishing Off the Company Pier?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 22, 2013


fishing

This is your Captain speaking…..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Title says it all……do you date coworkers?

Most of us probably have at some point.  I did when I made a lot less money, now I’d never risk it. 

Some of my peers think I’m crazy because of "all the hot women at work", but unless you work at strip club or a Hooters, chances are there aren’t as many hot prospects around as you might think.  Think I’m crazy, check this out…

Couple thousand people in my building, about 75% female, so about 75 women out of every 100 people.  Well here in good ole Merica about 70% of adults are overweight or obese, so that leaves us with 23 women out of the 75 that aren’t fat.  Of those 23, chances are half of them will be way past their prime, so you’d be lucky to have a dozen of the 23 that would be under 40.  Of the remaining 12 half of them will be fucking ugly, might be a butter face or two in there if you’re lucky.  So now we’re down to 6, of those six at least 4 or 5 of them will be either married or in a relationship.  So for every 100 people I see, one possibly two might be available to fuck, maybe not even one or two if you weed out for mental health issues.   Yes my math is probably fucked up but you get my point fuckers.

Another thing that leads to this misperception of our workplace teeming with pussy is the fact we tend to stay in our own areas.  So we might have 3 or 4 hot women in our department, we see them all the time and it leads our minds to think we’re surrounded by beauty when all we’re really doing is blocking out the fatties and ugly broads and focusing on the couple half-way decent looking broads.

What I’m saying is it’s not worth your job to go hunting in an environment that isn’t even target rich, it’s actually target poor when you compare it to other venues.  Even if you do score the hottest piece of ass at your job, what happens when you break up with the bitch or if she sees you talking to another chick about business but she assumes you’re fucking her because she’s bat-shit crazy and marches down to the HR department to file a sexual harassment claim?  Pussy isn’t worth your career, hell it’s not even worth losing a piss poor fucking job over.

Trust me guys, don’t date bitches at work, don’t be fucking lazy and go for the low hanging fruit.  It’s low hanging for a reason.

You’re now free shit in the recycle bin.

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Posted in money, Politics | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

Reader Mail

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 9, 2013


Mail

What’s up fuckers!  Every once in a while I sober up just long enough to read a couple emails.  Today I found this one from a vet, which I’d like to thank him and all our our service members for their duty. 

It’s a well written letter, make you think.  Now here it is…

 

Why I don’t support men’s rights groups: On my first deployment I was pulling guard duty with this SGT in his 40s, I was about 19 at the time. All he did was stare at the wall and dip. Sitting there staring at the wall and dipping tobacco. I could never understand at 19 why he was so shut down emotionally. So I asked him why. He replied with an answer I’d never forget: I figured out the meaning of life he said, "I’m normal and everyone else is fucked up in the head". Those were his exact words.

Now I’m 25 going on 26. After being burned by women and no longer being a nice guy to them I learned how to stand up for myself and not let myself be walked all over, or even worse avoid them all together which saves me the effort and possible embarrassment of an argument in public, but at the same time teaches them that anything they say is OK simply because they are a woman. Sometimes as I fall asleep at night I think about who I really am and I notice that I’m less trusting of women and don’t want to ever get married. Why would I when most of my adult friends got screwed over one way or another. Out of ALL the people I know, I know only ONE yes ONE man has full custody of ONE of his 3 children. And that’s only because the mom was in jail for drugs right before the divorce and judge kinda had to rule his way.

So back to contemplating about my Inner self. It’s incredibly difficult to turn on TV and see in EVERY sitcom of how the man is always portrayed as a dumb useless irresponsible person who only thinks about football and beer. And of course the women on TV are always right, smart and entitled to absolutely everything they want. That kinda stuff is boring to watch so I flip the channel every time I see something like that. But who would I talk to about it? My circle of friends is gone because I recently moved to a different city. I can’t just walk into a bar, come up to a stranger and start talking about real shit like this. I have to carry on a rather boring superficial conversation about food or cars.

So I went online and found your site. Witch kinda reinforced the concepts that are already in my head: women use men and men let that happen because most of them are pussies themselves. That is until they get burned enough and become heartless bachelors, or even worse: submit to society, get married and forever get used as a slave by their wife who would divorce and take everything she can get her hands on if the man doesn’t act right. And if a man has a dispute with a woman the man is guilty until proven innocent. Proving yourself innocent is a very expensive process in court these days. This whole system is messed up and for some reason people are scared to talk about it publically. Only words exchanged are online in anonymous forums. I tried talking about this shit in public places with people I know. Most of them are frankly not intelligent enough to understand my points or they just don’t care about it because they are too stupid to realize just how much they would really get fucked in a divorce court or even in a dispute that winds up in front of a judge. And those who understand are too scared to come out of the closet.

There’s a whole list of things that are wrong with society today. And no, the problem isn’t liberals, republicans, gun collectors or anti-abortion groups. The real problem is that we live in a world where the society worships Kim Kardashian and a lot of women want to act like her. The problem is that men empower wrongdoing done by women by not standing up for themselves. And those men that do stand up for themselves don’t get labeled by the media as the "good guy". To be honest, men do a lot of shit wrong too but that kind of behavior doesn’t last because of courts and social exile that any woman can impose on any guy that tells her something she doesn’t want to hear.

So why don’t we males organize ourselves into political power? Well two reasons in my opinion: first of all there’s too much political correctness these days and the first politician to mention "men’s rights" is going to be committing a "public political suicide". Second and most important reason is that men want to fuck most the women while women want only 10% of the top preforming males. So the top 10% of men get 100% of the hot chicks. Notice no women are ever homeless by the way unless they’re old or fat. I’ve seen plenty 20 year old guys in down town Chicago asking for change, not a single 20 year old chick ever asked me for a nickel. So as a man I have a choice to compete with the rest and be a successful bachelor or settle for less and become a slave to my future wife. Either way I won’t be in an organized movement for "men’s rights". I will either get it my way and make money and travel the world enjoying life in every country or I will get enslaved by marriage and the court system. So either way I won’t be an activist.

On my last night out in Austin, I tried coming up to multiple hot random chicks and talking about serious shit like this. I didn’t get any good results at all. So what does that teach me? Play a game or be played but there is no changing it. Worst of all I’m beginning to think that the hotter a woman is the more entitled she feels. A gross stereotype maybe but prove me wrong. So as I go out pondering the streets looking for a one night stand I’m beginning to realize that I also know the meaning of life: I’m normal and everyone else is fucked up in the head.”

 

See, I told you that shit was good.  So many great points in one email!!!

I’m of the mind that if this gentleman enjoys his life the way HE wants to enjoy it, that sends a far greater message than any political action group could ever do.  So my good man, I am raising my glass to you where ever you might be, I hope that you are making your own way and enjoying your life to the fullest.  Cheers.

 

Posted in Captain No Marriage, Marriage, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

 
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