Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Single Moms? No Deal!!!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 30, 2014


single mom

This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Man, are there some delusional fucking bitches out there or fucking what!!!

I tell you what, when I say good-bye to the corporate world I definitely won’t miss all these bat-shit crazy women at the workplace.

There’s one skank in particular and I probably don’t even need to describe her, you could probably fucking guess.  Overweight…..hold up…she’s fucking fat, two kids from a loser on disability and she’s about to turn 30.

But wait folks, she is telling everyone who will listen (and anyone else in earshot) about how 30 is going to be the start of her new life.  Sure she wasted her 20s on some loser and even has the stretched out vag to prove it!  She’s decided at 30 to get her shit together…….well not really, but a girl can dream right?

As you might guess, the chorus of fat and fugly friends are telling her the same horseshit all women tell each other about how it’s not too late for her to find a great guy.  About how any guy would be lucky to have a woman like her.  She’s beautiful and if a guy can’t see that it’s his loss….

Are these bitches serious?  I know I see that shit all over social media too, where a butt-fucking ugly bitch posts a picture and all her fat and fucked in the head friends tell her how beautiful she is.  Personally I don’t think these bitches believe it when they tell that shit to other women, but ironically they actually believe it when it’s told to them.fat-woman-gym

So how about that awesome deal our over the hill and NFL sized gal has to offer some lucky white knight?  Wow, let’s start with the two bastard children who are both below the age of 10.  Hope you don’t plan on doing anything with your life for the next ten years Mr Lucky Guy because the only thing you’ll be doing is paying for kids who fucking hate you.  Think she’ll be getting child support? Doubt it, even if she does it’ll be the bare minimum and you won’t see any of it.  You better call your doctor for an appointment to get snipped because as Tom Leykis has been telling us for years, these skanks will get pregnant again, whether you want another womb turd in the house or not!!!  Let’s not forget the fact that loser she hates so much will be stopping by your house, or even better she’ll have to take the kids to him where she’ll be able to get some dick on the side for old time’s sake.

Let’s not forget that body of hers that is now wrecked because she gave her best years to some loser.  Oh sure she’ll tell you how she hates him, but just remember, he fucked her back when the pussy was actually tight.  She can’t even hold her piss now, good luck getting off.  I’m sure she’ll also tell you how now that she’s older and worn out, she’s now in her sexual prime even though her body and vagina aren’t even good enough to be in a salvage yard!

I could just go on and on forever about this awesome deal, but it’s safe to say that any guy who would get in line for a woman like that deserves what he gets.

Listen guys, it’s not your job to play cleanup when these broads fuck up their lives.  All you’ll end up doing is fucking up your own life.  Don’t even entertain the thought!

You’re now free to visit Thailand.

asian-big-tits-minka

 

Posted in money, Single mothers, women's studies | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

And They Wonder Why……

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 27, 2014


 

bullshit-glass-ceiling

 

This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!!!

It’s back to school time again folks, or as welfare moms call it…..Vacation.

It’s also back to all the little ladies at the office wanting the company they work for to bend and twist around so that their job doesn’t interfere with them having it all and being a mother to their womb turds and future government dependents.

I mean what bullshit it would be if the poor fragile women had to work a regular schedule like men do!!!  That would be awful if women were expected to actually contribute to the bottom line! How sexist!!!

So the little misses come in late and leave early and then come appraisal time they expect the same raise or even more as everyone else who actually fucking showed up for work.

Newsflash girls, you can’t have it all.  Just like men you have to decide if you want to play house or have a career, you can’t do both.   If you choose to shit out kids then don’t bitch when you are passed up at work by people who are better at their job in part because they have actually put some time in on the damn fuck job.

The glass ceiling is a goddamn lie, it’s not some fabled ceiling that holds women back, it’s the fucking holes they dig themselves into.  Getting worthless degrees in college and running up a shitfuckton of debt.  Having kids with convicts and other losers who can’t even support themselves.  Having kids with guys who just want to fuck and have zero interest in parenting.  Trying to trap a guy by “forgetting” your birth control.  All this is shit you guys control.  There isn’t some group of guys wringing their hands worrying about some broad wanting to get into the boardroom. 

Do you wage gap morons even have a fucking clue how hard it is to find people qualified to sit in the boardroom!!!  Of course you don’t, it’s much easier to sit and bitch about other’s success than it is to roll up your sleeves and make your own success happen.  Show me a person who hates rich business people and I’ll show you a lazy fuck.

You think it’s luck that makes you wealthy? No dumbtits, it’s work, it’s doing shit 99% of people won’t fucking damn do.  You bitch about a glass ceiling yet you don’t even work hard enough to merit getting out of the fucking basement!

Women are the reason there aren’t more women at the top.  Women are their own worst enemies.

You’re now free to piss on the ceiling.

 

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#YESALLWOMEN

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 30, 2014


casey

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!

So let me get this straight, some spoiled millennial brat goes off the deep end and because he was a member of a group that hates PUAs and other men’s groups…..somehow PUAs and men’s groups are to blame?

Feminism is just an outlet for fat white women to bitch about how they’re discriminated against.

The real problem here as with many of these crazy fuck shooters/stabbers is parenting.  This guy was another product of a single mother, she pawned him off on the dad once he got older and the damage was done.

Also, let’s be honest, you can’t make a law to stop crazy and this fucker, in my drunk opinion, was fucking crazy with a capital K!!!

But of course social media blew up with the hashtag #Yesallwomen, because the poor girls here in the West have it so bad.

Listen up ladies, this is what you get when you try to raise a boy without his father or in this case bring the father in when it’s far too late.

This is what happens when we give everyone who participates in sports a ribbon or don’t keep score so that we don’t have losers.  Well guess the fuck what, score or not, these fuckers are losers. 

Every kid needs to learn how to lose, hell every kid needs to be bullied, not to the point of suicide but just in the same manner that the rest of us had to deal with.  It made us stronger and better human beings.  Strong is a word that cannot be used to describe this current generation of walking cumholes these single mothers are raising.

Amercia…….we’re fucked!!!!

You’re now free drive your black BMW where ever the fuck you like.

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You Can’t Spice Up A Turd

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 14, 2014


real woman's ass

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Last time I got hammered I wrote down some advice for my three female readers.  Well here I am again with one more golden nugget for the girls.  I’m filling in the blanks for the broads out there, so listen up!

If you live long enough you’re bound to hear broad talking about her failing relationship and how she “worked” to make things better.  One often touted method of “working” on things doesn’t actually involve any work at all.  I’m talking about lingerie.  Women talk about how they dress sexy for their husband without any regard how they’ve let themselves go.

What you ladies need to understand is while men like a woman in lingerie, it needs to be said….since most of you are obviously slow…..we like HOT women in lingerie.  Check out the picture above, most me have some version of what we consider hot and that’s what we picture. 

So what happens when you squeeze your ass into something you just picked up off the clearance rack at Adam and Eve???  Well a couple things, first off it’s a stark reminder of how far you’ve let yourself go from the time we first met you.  So if you’re confused as to why your husband used to love you in something skimpy and now he vomits at the mere site of you, that’s why.  You just reminded him of how you ran the old bait-n-switch on him.  average woman

Here’s the other scenario that happens, you were never hot to begin with yet you are under some notion that your guy thinks you’re beautiful when the truth is your guy dropped out of high school and is a loser with few choices.  So you wear you’re little lace outfit but instead of looking like one of the hot chicks on Instagram you look like someone tried to strangle a giant squid with a garden hose.  Good job there Sally, you just basically rubbed your man’s nose in shit, as if he didn’t already know you’re ugly (hence the fact he has to be either high or drunk or both to fuck ya) now you just reminded him of that fact in bold, loud, living color.

So for those of you who want to actually work on your relationship, why not try doing the shit you did to trick him in to marrying you in the first place, like looking hot and blow jobs.

You’re now free to piss on a giant squid.

Posted in Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, relationship, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Advice for the Ladies

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 23, 2014


Brazilian beach volleyball player

This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers!

So many of us who voice our opinion concerning men and women are often painted as dickless, woman-haters.  Not that I give two shits about what the femtwats think, but I did think it would be nice if I took a moment to give some random advice to the 3 female readers that I have.  I have to warn you that it will sound similar to my normal rantings, also it won’t be in any particular order…….as usual.

Ok girls, birth control, fucking use it.  That means you, not him using a condom that’s been rotting in his wallet since 9th grade.  Speaking of kids, have them after you have a career and stable relationship.  Also be able to tell someone why you want them and I mean an intelligent answer other than “I just want them”.  Homeless people can reproduce, it’s not a fucking miracle or an accomplishment of any sort.  Kids are the quickest path to poverty and a surefire way to stay in poverty if you are already there.

It’s ok to date a loser but don’t have his fucking baby and don’t ever expect him to change.  Stop and think about all the losers and assholes you have already dated in the past, well guess what……they were losers and assholes the moment you met them, don’t get pissed at them.  Learn to see people for what they really are.  Some people are great to party with but you wouldn’t want to commit yourself to them.

Unless you are already financially secure, the purpose of college is to get you a job, it’s not there for you to fulfill your interests, that’s what a fucking library is for.  If you want to study literature, join a fucking group and you can piss and moan about King Lear till your twat falls out.  But don’t go into debt getting a major in a worthless fucking degree.  Yes the other degrees are hard and require shit like math, that just means more studying and less drinking and smoking.  Don’t worry, later on you’ll have plenty of time and money to pursue your vices.

Plan for the future girls.  Contribute to your 401k or other retirement account.  Unless you want to be the old bitch eating cat food, stop buying a new purse every time your clit twitches and put that money into your retirement account. Don’t think you’ll find some sucker to pay your way, chances are you’re too fat for that anyways.  Take some of that time you spend reading Facebook and read some financial articles, yes they’re boring but that’s because you don’t know shit about money.  Learn dumbass.

Speaking of fat, if a person can’t control their own fucking body they chances are the other areas of their lives will be equally fucked.  Put down the goddamn Twinkie and get your ass on a treadmill and do some squats while you’re at it for that sagging ass.  Look, women love to look better than other women, this is the easiest way to do it, work out.  A toned body is something that can’t be bought, inherited, or stolen.  It has to be worked for and it speaks volumes to your character.

Oh…..going back to finance, learn what the fuck a FICO score is.  Pay your fucking bills on time. If you have to put it on a credit card then you can’t fucking afford it Princess!  Your wants are  not needs, the quicker you learn this the quicker you will actually be able to afford your wants without putting yourself in a fucking hole.

Well I could go on but most American women can’t read so why bother wasting my time.

You’re now free to piss on a homeless woman.

homeless

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Posted in Captain No Marriage, money, women, women's studies | Tagged: , | 8 Comments »

A Loser’s Favorite Time of Year

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 1, 2014


money grubbing bitch

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Well fuck, it’s that time of year again isn’t it?  It’s that magical time when our wonderful government hands out millions of dollars in free money to those who neither earned it or deserve it.  Yep, it’s tax time bitches!!!

The single mothers sure love this time of year don’t they?  Then to top it off, I was listening to Tom Leykis the other day and he was talking about how the Terminator’s ex-wife did some piece about poor women.  After a brief Google search I found several “news” sites that were pimping this shit and passing it off as journalism.  One piece even had a picture of some 23yr old broad who was a single mother of two and worked as a waitress.  Poor Ms Waitress was struggling to pay her bills, isn’t that sad?  Of course the article said that the government (us) should bail bitches like this out.  Because it was clearly fate that made her poor and not her shitty decisions.

Well what the fuck, we do bail their dumbasses out, every fucking year!!!  You’ve overheard these bitches brag about the thousands of dollars they get back, far more than most of them paid in if they paid any in at all.  You’ll see these bitches living it up at, shopping at Target instead of Walmart, eating at fine dining establishments such as Red Lobster and Golden Corral.  If you work with any of these slackers you’ll notice absences sharply increase this time of year.

Then by May you’ll hear these same women talking about how broke they are or their piece of shit car broke down and they can’t afford to get it fixed.  We need to stop throwing money at stupid people.  They are poor because they want to be, they are poor because they never planned or worked to be anything else! These are the same fucks who will go to that tax service whose name rhymes with……cock…….and pay extra money to get a refund anticipation loan.  I mean what the hell, it’s not their money, they don’t give a shit if they have to pay out the ass interest charges, these bitches don’t even know what interest is!!!

We need to end this bullshit about kids being expensive, so are yachts but you don’t see the government helping me buy one of them!  I have to actually budget and work for shit I want, people who just want to shit out kids should have to do the same thing.

And don’t give me this kids are our future shit or that it’s the kids of today that will be my nurse or doctor when I’m old.  First off, the kids of today can’t even move out of the fucking house and live on their own.  You think these lazy fucks are going to stay in college long enough to become a fucking doctor?jail

A kid has better odds of wearing an orange jumpsuit at the local jail than he or she does of being president of a major company, a congressman or any of that other happy horseshit people like to spout off about when they’re talking about kids being our fucking future.  These future saviors can’t even carry on a conversation with another human face to face because they’ve spent their lives in their rooms jacking off to Justin Boober and One Erection.  So don’t tell me how your stupid fucking kids are the future of this country, at best your kids will have the same shitty as you do that is of course if you can ever get them out of the fucking house! 

You’re now free to spit on a poor person.

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Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Don’t Jump on the Grenade!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 25, 2014


grenade

This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers!

What’s up fuckers!  I just wanted to rant about something I’ve been seeing a lot of lately.  We all know that as men, we can’t turn a fucking corner without being told to do something and if we don’t do it we’re not “real” men. 

One thing in particular really pisses me off because it’s one of the best ways to completely ass fuck your life.  Taking on another man’s child or in a lot of cases children!!!!

Guys stop jumping on the fucking grenade. Stop being the goddamn martyr!!! We need to lose this idea of sacrificing for no reason is somehow noble.  It’s not noble, it’s fucking retarded, in fact it’s full retard!!!!!

Newsflash Poindexter, you weren’t her first choice, or even her 100th choice, you’re just all she’s left with now that her body and vag has been wrecked by having kids.  Kids that even their own father don’t want shit to do with, so why the fuck should you?

Do you realize how many guys “step up” only to get stepped on by the very children they helped raise once they become adults and decide they want to have a relationship with their “real” father?  Thanks for paying the bills sucker!

I worked with a guy who met a chick who looked ok, she was one of these chicks who was cool and looked decent but she was literally one cupcake away from the plus-size area of the store.  Which spoiler alert……she’s way past plus sized now.  He got with this chick when she was still fucking around with her ex and “happened” to get pregnant.  Obviously in hopes of trapping the ex but he said fuck you and left her pregnant bloated ass. 

Well my buddy, Mr Knight in White Pussy Satin, decided to “step up” and be a so called real man.  What has he gotten in return?  Well she has gained ton of weight and looks like warmed over shit, something she didn’t do when she was with the bad boy who left her while she was knocked up.  He gets to pay ALL, yes all, the bills for this bastard womb turd because she won’t go after the ex for child support.  Basically my friend bought a used up Jag off a buy-here pay-here lot and the thing is rapidly falling apart and will NEVER look or run as good as it used to.

Fellas, stop being the nice guy.  Be the dick.  Trust me, it works a hell of a lot better.  Your wallet and your dick will thank you.

You’re now free to jizz on the Super Bowl Halftime Show.

cheerleadersthong

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments »

Too Hot to Handle

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 16, 2013


attention whore

This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Have you seen this bullshit here?

Too attractive?  Am I looking at the right pic in this article?  Granted I’ve never been to New York (because I don’t go to shitholes), but really too fucking attractive? You’ve got to be shitting me!!!  Yes she looks better than most American women but that’s not exactly a difficult feat.  It’s about as meaningful as being the prettiest waitress at Denny’s.

I can’t believe women are getting worked up over this.  Let’s pretend for a second that this shit actually happens………….how many American women would even fall into the category of “too attractive”????  I’ll wait while you tally that huge number up……NOT!

If this were an article about how American women were too fat, too greasy, too stupid, too uneducated, too wide to fit through the fucking door….then you’d have a valid point that would actually affect the average American woman.  Being attractive is not an issue most American women have to deal with, ever. 

You’re now free to kick a bitch as she falls out of the ugly tree…

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

Keep Calm

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 30, 2013


don't get married

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks | Tagged: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Just saying…

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 10, 2013


curvy and fat

Posted in sex, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

 
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