Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

In Case You Forgot…

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 2, 2017


marriage-trap

 

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Work From Anywhere!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 18, 2016


This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers!!

Don’t worry about the title of this post, I won’t be trying to sell you on the latest MLM to come down the pike.  I am going to take a minute to offer some drunk advice that can apply to any age but especially for the 20-somethings.

I don’t have to tell you that it’s easier than ever to have some kind of income producing business online.  You’ve probably already read countless articles and watch youtube videos about all the benefits of not having a 9-5 and being tied to a job at a specific location.

Well here’s one benefit all the gurus probably failed to mention.  It’s a way to make sure you never get stuck having some broad’s hand in your wallet.  This isn’t about manning up or any of that bullshit.  I’m talking about you keeping your money and not paying it to some chick you banged, even if you were dumb enough to marry the bitch.

If you have a regular job here in Merica, the nanny state will ass rape you in the public square and garnish your wages.  Your employer will gladly go along with the scheme because at that moment they know you’re fucked and even more of a slave to the company than you were before.

However, if you make your money online you don’t have to have any connections to the US.  You can smile at the judge, not say a word and pick up your shit and move.  No you don’t have to live with pirates in Somalia, there are plenty of desirable places you can park your ass and your money out of reach from money-grubbing bitches.  I’m not going to list them because…..well…….Google.

What I’m saying is even if you don’t have to use the nuclear option of leaving the country to avoid paying some broad it still gives you freedom.  Even if you just have a skill that can be used in another country.  I know this sounds totally crazy to some people but if you ever find yourself in a courtroom and the judge is telling you how much you are going to be paying in alimony to some chick, possibly for life, it won’t sound so fucking crazy then.  It doesn’t sound crazy to the guy who isn’t seeing his kids because his ex called 911 on him before he even got home from work and found the police waiting for him.  It doesn’t sound crazy when suddenly it becomes your only option to live a decent life.

You’re now free to move about the globe.

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Warning Label

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 4, 2016


What’s up fuckers!  Found this oldie but goodie.  Enjoy

msds-for-women

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

What Exactly Do You Want?!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 24, 2016


charlie-fuck-you-bitch_thumb.jpg

This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Have you ever wanted something like a car, different house or apartment and you weren’t really sure you could swing it until you sat down and did the math?  Maybe you even realized you didn’t need the new vehicle or the numbers really made you think about what you really want?  Maybe you really looked at how the location your new apartment would affect your daily life and not just the two days you have off on the weekend?

Well fuckers, when it comes to marriage, girlfriends, and women in general, we need to do the math and look at what we really want or need.

It’s already been discussed here and many other places about how expensive it is to have a wife or girlfriend.  So let’s dive into the other area of what it is we really want.

Sex, that’s pretty much the alpha and the omega of why any guy talks to a woman.  But as Tom Leykis has pointed out sex is a biological need, an urge just like taking a shit or a piss.  He warns us not to fall in love with the urinal, no matter how bad we have to piss.  Excellent advice.

Most guys pay too high a price for pussy, either with their money or their time or both.  Truth is, we just want to bust a nut then go about our day.  That’s what you really want. So why not just do that?  Yes, I know you can’t do that and keep the same easy piece of ass there day in and day out.  First off, talk to any married guy, just because he has ass there at his house 24/7 doesn’t mean he gets it, hell chances are he doesn’t even want it.  Having sex with the same woman over and over is like watching the same movie over and over except that each time you watch it, it gets worse.

Also, while it’s true you will need a bullpen of greater than one to be able to bang a chick and then haul ass, the actual number isn’t as high as you think.  You won’t have to live in the Playboy Mansion to pull it off.  Women love assholes, so when you bang a chick then get up and put your clothes on because (insert bullshit excuse), she MIGHT be pissed for a week or two.  While she’s pissed off, you’ll be banging another broad, and so on.

What’s more likely to happen is your lack on neediness will make her come on even stronger and you’ll just have to go dark here and there when a chick starts getting too needy.  Don’t worry, she’ll be more than ready when you send her the booty call text.

What I’m saying is think about the kind of life you want.  Maybe you are the guy who likes female company for shit other than fucking.  Fine, still keep it to that event and don’t let her worm her way into your daily life.  Chances are whatever deal you’re going too, it will have chicks there, so even for you “female company” guys, taking a chick you know someplace is still a bad idea, it’s the old bringing sand to the beach.  You want to be available for new opportunities.

You’re now free to move about your life.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Welcome to the Real World…Pussy

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 18, 2016


protesters

This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Holy fucking shit!!!  I was fully expecting to be under the reign of Queen Hillary come next year.  Don’t get me wrong, the nanny state will still no doubt get bigger, it’s just what governments do.  We’re fucked in that respect.

But damn, look how the SJWs, feminists and pretty much everyone the left has just lost their fucking minds.  I mean the poor little things, they’ve never had to deal with loss before.  What happened to the participation trophy?

Now I see stories about white people wearing safety pins to designate themselves as safe people to talk to or some bullshit.  Why?  Well……….you might want to sit down for this…….there are bad people out there.  Yeah, who the fuck knew.  Apparently they were all sitting on their hands until the election, they were sitting at home canning vegetables for the long winter ahead.  Until Trump won, then suddenly they all came out of the woodwork and are now threatening anyone who isn’t a straight white male.

This is seriously some of the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. Am I saying there aren’t racists and shit out there, of course not. I’m saying they’ve been there all along but Generation Snowflake thought all their FaceBook likes and boycotts were actually doing something.  I mean fuck, why actually do something when you can change your profile picture?

Welcome to our world snowflake, where the system is fucked and so are you. How much of a fucking pussy to you have to be to actually be depending on a certain candidate to get elected.  Ok, if you work in DC, different story.  But you know what the fuck I’m saying, all these fucks on social media talking about how fucking scared they are now.  How dark times are coming.  Bunch of fucking twats!

I didn’t vote for Trump, ever since the Libertarians said they want to legalize hookers and blow, I was in!  Now, have I cried or rioted the past several elections when my guy NEVER wins………no, I voted, I drank……sometimes not in that order………and I went about my fucking life because I am the one who determines my fate, not some old fucks in Washington.

Grow up snowflakes, this is the real fucking world where there are winners and losers and you fucks are losing.

You’re now free shove a safety pin up someone’s ass.

 

Posted in Captain No Marriage, Politics, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Merica

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 7, 2016


rosie.jpg

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, Uncategorized, women's studies | Leave a Comment »

Chick Leaves Marriage….but ONLY after Shitting out a Kid

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 27, 2016


This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Not that this will surprise anyone who reads this blog, but over at the Suckington Post they have a story from a single mom……big surprise…….talking about how having her son gave her the strength to leave her husband.

Yes after years of marriage it wasn’t until she shat out a womb turd that she “realized” that her husband was verbally and emotionally abusive.  No folks not until she had locked down that 18+ year annuity did she realize she needed to leave her marriage.  Funny how that shit works.

She mentioned that she grew up with two parents but for some reason she decided on her own that her son didn’t need that.  No like most Western women she has decided that she’ll raise him to be perfect little gentleman, nothing like the guy she spent so much time spreading her legs for.

But that’s not all folks…………if you wander down to the comment section you’ll see several women say that they could have written the same dumbfuck story.  Isn’t that special?

Also throughout the story she makes sure to reference the kid as HER son, as if she had some sort of virgin birth.  She also mentioned how she didn’t have much money and would have to work……..brace yourselves……FULL TIME……..gasp!!!  A woman working full time, what kind of sorcery is this?  That poor little princess!!

It’s stories like this that I wish I could sit down with the guy and get his side of the story.  Like how he probably worked his ass off to support her and how the “abuse” was actually her constantly bitching about him working to take care of her and how marriage wasn’t the fairy-tale she thought it should be.

This is just one of thousands of examples of what marriage has become today.  Marriage is a shit sandwich for guys and that’s probably an insult to shit sandwiches!

If you guys aren’t tuning into the Tom Leykis show to catch the family law hour every other Tuesday, you need to start.  Or if you’re a lazy fuck like me, just subscribe and listen to it whenever, that segment alone is worth the money!  They talk about crazy shit like this all the time!

I just don’t know what else to say, that article is pure fuckery and so are the majority of women.  Just use em and lose em.  That’s all you can do and as they say in the UFC…”Protect yourself at all times”

You’re now free drink about the cabin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Remider

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 15, 2016


What up fuckers!  This is your Captain speaking!

Quick one here as we get ready for another week of kicking ass and drinking beers.

Stay focused on YOUR shit. I know that’s hard to do. You go to work and the rest of the sheepfuckers at your company are just trying to make it one more year so they can get that extra week of vacation.

You can’t confide in these fucks. Trust me, it’ll do more harm than good, especially if they see you making progress. If they see you as that crab in the bucket trying to make a leap for the rim, they’ll latch on to you and pull your ass back down to their level so fast it’ll make your nuts ache.

Just keep doing your shit under the cover of darkness and when the day comes just leave with a huge smile on your face and whisky on your breathe.  In the meantime, keep on fuckin!!!

You’re now free to ditch the 9-5.

 

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Fuck Marriage

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 10, 2016


fuck marriage

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Screw the Rich?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 6, 2016


This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

A lot of this won’t apply to readers of this blog, but chances are you know some fuckers out there who are bitching about how they’re getting fucked by the rich, blah, blah, blah.

Back during the whole Occupy Wall Street bullshit, Adam Carolla released a rant about everyone is all pissed off the rich and he wondered how we got here.

Well, here we are, everyone is still pissed at the rich.  I get that I’m probably in the last generation who grew up in a world where everyone didn’t get trophy just for fucking showing up, but come the fuck on people.

Rich people don’t do the same dumb shit everyone else does.  I’m not a Hillary fan but she didn’t get knocked up in high school by the guy working the ticket booth at the local movie theater.  Hell she picked a guy who went on to be president, some of you broads can’t even pick a guy who can keep a needle out of his arm yet you think shit isn’t fair?

Yes, rich kids have an advantage early but their advantage doesn’t automatically mean everyone else is shut out.  You could have learned code at your local community college and gone on to build the next Uber or Twitter, but you didn’t, you knocked up your high school sweetheart instead.  Is that the fault of the 1%?

The average lazy fuck American reads one book a year, the average CEO reads four to five a month (according to Google which never lies).  I can hear people now talking about how they don’t have time to read that many books, they’re busy with the kids they didn’t plan for.  They have to take their kids to play sports…….all the sports, because even though little Johnny is the runt of his class he looks so cute in his football uniform, wonder why the coach never puts him in?  Oh well, there’s always soccer even though little Johnny has asthma, we don’t give a shit because we’re the parents who live through our kids!!

Some of you might ask how shows like Shark Tank and The Profit are popular if we hate the rich?  It does seemed fucked up at first, doesn’t it?  That’s because America has gone from a nation of people who get shit done to a nation of armchair quarterbacks and backseat drivers.  People love to watch those shows and say, “Hey I had that idea!”.  They like to think they are just like those people on TV, they too could come up with that million dollar idea, they might even have some hair-brain idea, hell maybe even a good idea but will they ever get off their ass to do anything with that idea?  Hell no!

People like to watch those shows and act like they’re one of the sharks, they probably criticize some of the sharks when an idea they like gets shot down.  It’s a combination of the iceberg effect and the lotto mentality people have.  They see the person on tv with their idea but they don’t see all the shit that guy went through to get there, they don’t see the failed attempts, the strained relationships, and all the just plain hard fucking work!!!  They just see the person cashing in and remark about how “lucky” that person is and how they could do that too if only they weren’t so busy.

SPOILER ALERT:  The rich aren’t out to fuck the little guy, the little guy is busy fucking himself and is doing a better job than the rich ever could.

You’re now free to stop fucking yourself. 

 

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