Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.


Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 7, 2016


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Chick Leaves Marriage….but ONLY after Shitting out a Kid

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 27, 2016

This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Not that this will surprise anyone who reads this blog, but over at the Suckington Post they have a story from a single mom……big surprise…….talking about how having her son gave her the strength to leave her husband.

Yes after years of marriage it wasn’t until she shat out a womb turd that she “realized” that her husband was verbally and emotionally abusive.  No folks not until she had locked down that 18+ year annuity did she realize she needed to leave her marriage.  Funny how that shit works.

She mentioned that she grew up with two parents but for some reason she decided on her own that her son didn’t need that.  No like most Western women she has decided that she’ll raise him to be perfect little gentleman, nothing like the guy she spent so much time spreading her legs for.

But that’s not all folks…………if you wander down to the comment section you’ll see several women say that they could have written the same dumbfuck story.  Isn’t that special?

Also throughout the story she makes sure to reference the kid as HER son, as if she had some sort of virgin birth.  She also mentioned how she didn’t have much money and would have to work……..brace yourselves……FULL TIME……..gasp!!!  A woman working full time, what kind of sorcery is this?  That poor little princess!!

It’s stories like this that I wish I could sit down with the guy and get his side of the story.  Like how he probably worked his ass off to support her and how the “abuse” was actually her constantly bitching about him working to take care of her and how marriage wasn’t the fairy-tale she thought it should be.

This is just one of thousands of examples of what marriage has become today.  Marriage is a shit sandwich for guys and that’s probably an insult to shit sandwiches!

If you guys aren’t tuning into the Tom Leykis show to catch the family law hour every other Tuesday, you need to start.  Or if you’re a lazy fuck like me, just subscribe and listen to it whenever, that segment alone is worth the money!  They talk about crazy shit like this all the time!

I just don’t know what else to say, that article is pure fuckery and so are the majority of women.  Just use em and lose em.  That’s all you can do and as they say in the UFC…”Protect yourself at all times”

You’re now free drink about the cabin.







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Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 15, 2016

What up fuckers!  This is your Captain speaking!

Quick one here as we get ready for another week of kicking ass and drinking beers.

Stay focused on YOUR shit. I know that’s hard to do. You go to work and the rest of the sheepfuckers at your company are just trying to make it one more year so they can get that extra week of vacation.

You can’t confide in these fucks. Trust me, it’ll do more harm than good, especially if they see you making progress. If they see you as that crab in the bucket trying to make a leap for the rim, they’ll latch on to you and pull your ass back down to their level so fast it’ll make your nuts ache.

Just keep doing your shit under the cover of darkness and when the day comes just leave with a huge smile on your face and whisky on your breathe.  In the meantime, keep on fuckin!!!

You’re now free to ditch the 9-5.


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Fuck Marriage

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 10, 2016

fuck marriage

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Screw the Rich?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 6, 2016

This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

A lot of this won’t apply to readers of this blog, but chances are you know some fuckers out there who are bitching about how they’re getting fucked by the rich, blah, blah, blah.

Back during the whole Occupy Wall Street bullshit, Adam Carolla released a rant about everyone is all pissed off the rich and he wondered how we got here.

Well, here we are, everyone is still pissed at the rich.  I get that I’m probably in the last generation who grew up in a world where everyone didn’t get trophy just for fucking showing up, but come the fuck on people.

Rich people don’t do the same dumb shit everyone else does.  I’m not a Hillary fan but she didn’t get knocked up in high school by the guy working the ticket booth at the local movie theater.  Hell she picked a guy who went on to be president, some of you broads can’t even pick a guy who can keep a needle out of his arm yet you think shit isn’t fair?

Yes, rich kids have an advantage early but their advantage doesn’t automatically mean everyone else is shut out.  You could have learned code at your local community college and gone on to build the next Uber or Twitter, but you didn’t, you knocked up your high school sweetheart instead.  Is that the fault of the 1%?

The average lazy fuck American reads one book a year, the average CEO reads four to five a month (according to Google which never lies).  I can hear people now talking about how they don’t have time to read that many books, they’re busy with the kids they didn’t plan for.  They have to take their kids to play sports…….all the sports, because even though little Johnny is the runt of his class he looks so cute in his football uniform, wonder why the coach never puts him in?  Oh well, there’s always soccer even though little Johnny has asthma, we don’t give a shit because we’re the parents who live through our kids!!

Some of you might ask how shows like Shark Tank and The Profit are popular if we hate the rich?  It does seemed fucked up at first, doesn’t it?  That’s because America has gone from a nation of people who get shit done to a nation of armchair quarterbacks and backseat drivers.  People love to watch those shows and say, “Hey I had that idea!”.  They like to think they are just like those people on TV, they too could come up with that million dollar idea, they might even have some hair-brain idea, hell maybe even a good idea but will they ever get off their ass to do anything with that idea?  Hell no!

People like to watch those shows and act like they’re one of the sharks, they probably criticize some of the sharks when an idea they like gets shot down.  It’s a combination of the iceberg effect and the lotto mentality people have.  They see the person on tv with their idea but they don’t see all the shit that guy went through to get there, they don’t see the failed attempts, the strained relationships, and all the just plain hard fucking work!!!  They just see the person cashing in and remark about how “lucky” that person is and how they could do that too if only they weren’t so busy.

SPOILER ALERT:  The rich aren’t out to fuck the little guy, the little guy is busy fucking himself and is doing a better job than the rich ever could.

You’re now free to stop fucking yourself. 


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“Weighing In” on SI’s Swimsuit Issue

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 27, 2016

This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Two hundred fucking pounds on the cover of SI’s swimsuit issue?  I’m sure you’ve already heard about it, all the fatties are rejoicing and some youtube chick released a video titled “Dear Fat People pt2” where she made fun of the whole situation.  Needless to say the powers that be didn’t care for a woman, one that probably works out at that, would break the PC ranks and speak the truth.  This broad brought up a great point in that SI is…was….a magazine about elite athletics and competition.  Why put someone on the cover who embodies the exact opposite?  I couldn’t agree more, but there’s a deeper point. 

The truth is fuckers, when was the last time you actually picked up the swimsuit issue from SI?  I can remember when it wasn’t a standalone issue like it is now and the last time I looked at it was definitely pre-internet, probably as a teenager.  Hop into my hot tub time machine fuckers and let’s look back!

Yes, here we are back when if you wanted to see porn you either needed a VCR or you had to brave the local adult theater and hope you didn’t run into your pastor.  This is back when your local video store (yes we used to have to leave the house to rent a fucking movie) had that special room in the back marked “Adults Only”.    That’s pretty much the last time any magazine, including SI was relevant and even then we only bought the swimsuit issue.  We could get sports news daily on ESPN.  SI is one of those mags you subscribe to because your old man used to get, kind of like Penthouse or Swank.

It’s no secret that all old media outlets like newspapers and magazines are seeing their sales decline as online media takes over. What happens when a company loses it’s customers?  Well they have to find new ones, in this case SI is obviously going after women and poor guys who bang fat chicks.

Now if SI would have done this back in 1990 it would have meant something, it would have been a real victory for the PC crowd, but not so much today.  Regular guys have abandoned ship, sorry PC crowd but you’re storming an empty castle.  It’s like the guy who bangs the hottest girl in school…… the 20yr reunion, that shit don’t count and you just look stupid.

You’re now free to look at hot bitches on Google Images, like a normal person.


Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

My Kids Come First…After My Poor Decisions

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 19, 2015


This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!

Anyone else sick and fucking tired of all these wenches talking about how their kids come first?

Also have you noticed that many of these broads talking about this usually are single mothers who picked a loser to reproduce with, now they bitch about him being a loser?

The most important decision a woman can make is who the father of her children will be and most women completely and utterly fuck that decision up.  Don’t tell the everyone the kids are your world then five minutes later talk about how their father can’t come around because he has warrants out for his arrest.

If you truly gave two fucks about your womb turds you would have cared before you shit them out.  You would have made sure they had at least a fighting chance or at the very least you would have made sure the father had steady employment and wasn’t racking up frequent flyer points at the local jail.

But you didn’t do that, did you Supermom?  No you didn’t give a fuck who knocked you up.  So now we don’t give a fuck about you or any of your bullshit about how you put your children first.   Running around with 3 fucking kids with 3 different last names, you don’t give a damn about your kids.  You’re a waste of oxygen and definitely a waste of taxpayer money.

You’re now free to kick these bitches to the curb.


Posted in Single mothers, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

You’re Just Doing It Wrong!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 23, 2015

This is your Captain speaking, welcome aboard fuckers! 

Ever get into a discussion about marriage and women with that one guy who thinks there isn’t a problem?  To him it’s simple, all the OTHER guys getting fucked are simply doing it wrong.

Yep, we’re all fuckups who don’t know what we’re doing.  But this guy, he’s going to do it “right”.  He says shit like this:

  1. He’s going to keep his wife happy

  2. He’s not going to give her a reason to cheat

  3. He’ll treat her the way she wants to be treated

  4. Blah, blah, fucking blah

Some of these guys suffer from a delusion similar to what some have described as the Disney Princess Syndrome in women.  I guess for guys we can call it the Colonial Times Syndrome, because you’d have to hop into a hot tub time machine and go back to the colonial days to find a woman who fit into the traditional sense of marriage.

They simply want something that doesn’t exist while at the same time refusing to see the world in front of them.  I’ve even asked these guys if they’ve ever met a woman close to what they’re looking for.  Of course the answer is no, but they don’t let facts get in their way, they’re partying like it’s 1799!!!

The problem is later on when these same guys call a show like Tom Leykis or email a site like this one to talk about how their little princess turned out to be a self-absorbed, mentally ill, cheating, money-loving bitch.  Wow, who knew?

I’m not saying you shouldn’t want a family or a chick that’s faithful. What I’m saying is before you make something a goal, make sure it still exists. I’d love to go saber-tooth tiger hunting with my dentist.  That’s what I want dammit!!!  But what I want doesn’t fucking matter because what I want died out a long time a go, just like the girl you’re looking for.

You’re now free to go hunting with your dentist.

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Year off for shitting out kids??

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 10, 2015

What’s up fuckers!  This is your Captain speaking!!!  Welcome the fuck aboard!

First off, a quick shout out to fucking Norway, why?  Because I’m drunk, that’s why.

So NetFlix and Microsoft have recently announced that they’re helping the mothers of the world out by offering a shitload of paid leave for when they get knocked up.  This is the song all the little ladies love to sing, the song about how you really can have it all.  Right ladies?

Wrong! Take a year off paid huh?  Here’s how you broads are fucking yourself right in your wage gap.

What do you think will happen when it comes time for a raise?  Yes I know the company can’t hold that against you and they shouldn’t.  However you also don’t get any credit for shit that happened while you were gone.  Here’s how many companies administer raises.

Managers get a set amount for raises/promotions which are based on MERIT.  Guess what, your lifestyle choice of shitting out a kid has just as much merit as my new redneck hot tub equipped with rope lighting.  Merit means shit you’ve gotten done at work.  Chances are if you haven’t been at work, you haven’t done shit.  I’m going to give the raises to the people who were doing your job while you were gone.  Not because I hate mothers but because that is fair.  I reward performance, not absence.

Also when it comes time for promotion the people we think of first are the ones who are actually there.  So don’t get pissed off when you come back and I’ve promoted the 300lb lesbian as your new boss. You’re out of site out of mind bitch.  Just like I would be if I took a year off to go buttfuck Trappist monks while they made beer.  And yes, I’m comparing buttfucking monks to shitting out a kid.  At least in my case I’d have to climb a mountain or some shit.

Anywhore, my point is women need to give up this fantasy of having it all and this “balance” bullshit.  If you’re balanced, then you’re not doing shit.

You’re now free go buttfuck some monks and steal their beer.

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , | 5 Comments »

You Know What Grinds My Fucking Gears???!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 8, 2015

This is your Captain speaking….welcome aboard fuckers!

I’m pissed, not it’s not about the latest police gone wild story on the news or about the latest nutjob running for president. It’s about how I’m sick and fucking tired of being told what I should find attractive in the opposite sex.

First we had that chick who was down with the down calling herself a fashion model and proclaimed to be changing the face of beauty.

down with downs

Next it was all the publicity about Hillary Clinton’s stunt double, Caitlyn Jenner, and how she’s soooooooo beautiful and soooooooo brave.


And if that wasn’t fuck all enough, now we have some broad weighing in at 260+lbs calling herself a super model and proclaiming that “black men love me”. 

moby dick

That is not fucking “beauty”, I’ve NEVER been drunk enough to consider any of the above three beautiful and that says a lot because I’ve spent a lot of time fucked up, so I’ve done my research there!!!!

I could careless what they do, knock yourself out ladies, but don’t expect me and other regular guys like me to consider you fap material.  Don’t expect to find your name on a top 10 list of broads every guy wants to bang.

And spoiler alert for the fattie, it’s not black men that love you, it’s poor fucks who literally don’t have any other choice.

I’ll decide and other men like me will decide what is fap worthy, not FaceFuckBook feeds or femtards or Oprah’s book club. 

I need a drink, I’ll talk to you fuckers later.

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