Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

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Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 4, 2016


What’s up fuckers!  Found this oldie but goodie.  Enjoy

msds-for-women

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »

What Exactly Do You Want?!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 24, 2016


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This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Have you ever wanted something like a car, different house or apartment and you weren’t really sure you could swing it until you sat down and did the math?  Maybe you even realized you didn’t need the new vehicle or the numbers really made you think about what you really want?  Maybe you really looked at how the location your new apartment would affect your daily life and not just the two days you have off on the weekend?

Well fuckers, when it comes to marriage, girlfriends, and women in general, we need to do the math and look at what we really want or need.

It’s already been discussed here and many other places about how expensive it is to have a wife or girlfriend.  So let’s dive into the other area of what it is we really want.

Sex, that’s pretty much the alpha and the omega of why any guy talks to a woman.  But as Tom Leykis has pointed out sex is a biological need, an urge just like taking a shit or a piss.  He warns us not to fall in love with the urinal, no matter how bad we have to piss.  Excellent advice.

Most guys pay too high a price for pussy, either with their money or their time or both.  Truth is, we just want to bust a nut then go about our day.  That’s what you really want. So why not just do that?  Yes, I know you can’t do that and keep the same easy piece of ass there day in and day out.  First off, talk to any married guy, just because he has ass there at his house 24/7 doesn’t mean he gets it, hell chances are he doesn’t even want it.  Having sex with the same woman over and over is like watching the same movie over and over except that each time you watch it, it gets worse.

Also, while it’s true you will need a bullpen of greater than one to be able to bang a chick and then haul ass, the actual number isn’t as high as you think.  You won’t have to live in the Playboy Mansion to pull it off.  Women love assholes, so when you bang a chick then get up and put your clothes on because (insert bullshit excuse), she MIGHT be pissed for a week or two.  While she’s pissed off, you’ll be banging another broad, and so on.

What’s more likely to happen is your lack on neediness will make her come on even stronger and you’ll just have to go dark here and there when a chick starts getting too needy.  Don’t worry, she’ll be more than ready when you send her the booty call text.

What I’m saying is think about the kind of life you want.  Maybe you are the guy who likes female company for shit other than fucking.  Fine, still keep it to that event and don’t let her worm her way into your daily life.  Chances are whatever deal you’re going too, it will have chicks there, so even for you “female company” guys, taking a chick you know someplace is still a bad idea, it’s the old bringing sand to the beach.  You want to be available for new opportunities.

You’re now free to move about your life.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

Welcome to the Real World…Pussy

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 18, 2016


protesters

This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Holy fucking shit!!!  I was fully expecting to be under the reign of Queen Hillary come next year.  Don’t get me wrong, the nanny state will still no doubt get bigger, it’s just what governments do.  We’re fucked in that respect.

But damn, look how the SJWs, feminists and pretty much everyone the left has just lost their fucking minds.  I mean the poor little things, they’ve never had to deal with loss before.  What happened to the participation trophy?

Now I see stories about white people wearing safety pins to designate themselves as safe people to talk to or some bullshit.  Why?  Well……….you might want to sit down for this…….there are bad people out there.  Yeah, who the fuck knew.  Apparently they were all sitting on their hands until the election, they were sitting at home canning vegetables for the long winter ahead.  Until Trump won, then suddenly they all came out of the woodwork and are now threatening anyone who isn’t a straight white male.

This is seriously some of the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. Am I saying there aren’t racists and shit out there, of course not. I’m saying they’ve been there all along but Generation Snowflake thought all their FaceBook likes and boycotts were actually doing something.  I mean fuck, why actually do something when you can change your profile picture?

Welcome to our world snowflake, where the system is fucked and so are you. How much of a fucking pussy to you have to be to actually be depending on a certain candidate to get elected.  Ok, if you work in DC, different story.  But you know what the fuck I’m saying, all these fucks on social media talking about how fucking scared they are now.  How dark times are coming.  Bunch of fucking twats!

I didn’t vote for Trump, ever since the Libertarians said they want to legalize hookers and blow, I was in!  Now, have I cried or rioted the past several elections when my guy NEVER wins………no, I voted, I drank……sometimes not in that order………and I went about my fucking life because I am the one who determines my fate, not some old fucks in Washington.

Grow up snowflakes, this is the real fucking world where there are winners and losers and you fucks are losing.

You’re now free shove a safety pin up someone’s ass.

 

Posted in Captain No Marriage, Politics, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Merica

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 7, 2016


rosie.jpg

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, Uncategorized, women's studies | Leave a Comment »

Chick Leaves Marriage….but ONLY after Shitting out a Kid

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 27, 2016


This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Not that this will surprise anyone who reads this blog, but over at the Suckington Post they have a story from a single mom……big surprise…….talking about how having her son gave her the strength to leave her husband.

Yes after years of marriage it wasn’t until she shat out a womb turd that she “realized” that her husband was verbally and emotionally abusive.  No folks not until she had locked down that 18+ year annuity did she realize she needed to leave her marriage.  Funny how that shit works.

She mentioned that she grew up with two parents but for some reason she decided on her own that her son didn’t need that.  No like most Western women she has decided that she’ll raise him to be perfect little gentleman, nothing like the guy she spent so much time spreading her legs for.

But that’s not all folks…………if you wander down to the comment section you’ll see several women say that they could have written the same dumbfuck story.  Isn’t that special?

Also throughout the story she makes sure to reference the kid as HER son, as if she had some sort of virgin birth.  She also mentioned how she didn’t have much money and would have to work……..brace yourselves……FULL TIME……..gasp!!!  A woman working full time, what kind of sorcery is this?  That poor little princess!!

It’s stories like this that I wish I could sit down with the guy and get his side of the story.  Like how he probably worked his ass off to support her and how the “abuse” was actually her constantly bitching about him working to take care of her and how marriage wasn’t the fairy-tale she thought it should be.

This is just one of thousands of examples of what marriage has become today.  Marriage is a shit sandwich for guys and that’s probably an insult to shit sandwiches!

If you guys aren’t tuning into the Tom Leykis show to catch the family law hour every other Tuesday, you need to start.  Or if you’re a lazy fuck like me, just subscribe and listen to it whenever, that segment alone is worth the money!  They talk about crazy shit like this all the time!

I just don’t know what else to say, that article is pure fuckery and so are the majority of women.  Just use em and lose em.  That’s all you can do and as they say in the UFC…”Protect yourself at all times”

You’re now free drink about the cabin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Remider

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 15, 2016


What up fuckers!  This is your Captain speaking!

Quick one here as we get ready for another week of kicking ass and drinking beers.

Stay focused on YOUR shit. I know that’s hard to do. You go to work and the rest of the sheepfuckers at your company are just trying to make it one more year so they can get that extra week of vacation.

You can’t confide in these fucks. Trust me, it’ll do more harm than good, especially if they see you making progress. If they see you as that crab in the bucket trying to make a leap for the rim, they’ll latch on to you and pull your ass back down to their level so fast it’ll make your nuts ache.

Just keep doing your shit under the cover of darkness and when the day comes just leave with a huge smile on your face and whisky on your breathe.  In the meantime, keep on fuckin!!!

You’re now free to ditch the 9-5.

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, money, Uncategorized | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Fuck Marriage

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 10, 2016


fuck marriage

Posted in avoid marriage, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Screw the Rich?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 6, 2016


This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

A lot of this won’t apply to readers of this blog, but chances are you know some fuckers out there who are bitching about how they’re getting fucked by the rich, blah, blah, blah.

Back during the whole Occupy Wall Street bullshit, Adam Carolla released a rant about everyone is all pissed off the rich and he wondered how we got here.

Well, here we are, everyone is still pissed at the rich.  I get that I’m probably in the last generation who grew up in a world where everyone didn’t get trophy just for fucking showing up, but come the fuck on people.

Rich people don’t do the same dumb shit everyone else does.  I’m not a Hillary fan but she didn’t get knocked up in high school by the guy working the ticket booth at the local movie theater.  Hell she picked a guy who went on to be president, some of you broads can’t even pick a guy who can keep a needle out of his arm yet you think shit isn’t fair?

Yes, rich kids have an advantage early but their advantage doesn’t automatically mean everyone else is shut out.  You could have learned code at your local community college and gone on to build the next Uber or Twitter, but you didn’t, you knocked up your high school sweetheart instead.  Is that the fault of the 1%?

The average lazy fuck American reads one book a year, the average CEO reads four to five a month (according to Google which never lies).  I can hear people now talking about how they don’t have time to read that many books, they’re busy with the kids they didn’t plan for.  They have to take their kids to play sports…….all the sports, because even though little Johnny is the runt of his class he looks so cute in his football uniform, wonder why the coach never puts him in?  Oh well, there’s always soccer even though little Johnny has asthma, we don’t give a shit because we’re the parents who live through our kids!!

Some of you might ask how shows like Shark Tank and The Profit are popular if we hate the rich?  It does seemed fucked up at first, doesn’t it?  That’s because America has gone from a nation of people who get shit done to a nation of armchair quarterbacks and backseat drivers.  People love to watch those shows and say, “Hey I had that idea!”.  They like to think they are just like those people on TV, they too could come up with that million dollar idea, they might even have some hair-brain idea, hell maybe even a good idea but will they ever get off their ass to do anything with that idea?  Hell no!

People like to watch those shows and act like they’re one of the sharks, they probably criticize some of the sharks when an idea they like gets shot down.  It’s a combination of the iceberg effect and the lotto mentality people have.  They see the person on tv with their idea but they don’t see all the shit that guy went through to get there, they don’t see the failed attempts, the strained relationships, and all the just plain hard fucking work!!!  They just see the person cashing in and remark about how “lucky” that person is and how they could do that too if only they weren’t so busy.

SPOILER ALERT:  The rich aren’t out to fuck the little guy, the little guy is busy fucking himself and is doing a better job than the rich ever could.

You’re now free to stop fucking yourself. 

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, money, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

“Weighing In” on SI’s Swimsuit Issue

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 27, 2016


This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Two hundred fucking pounds on the cover of SI’s swimsuit issue?  I’m sure you’ve already heard about it, all the fatties are rejoicing and some youtube chick released a video titled “Dear Fat People pt2” where she made fun of the whole situation.  Needless to say the powers that be didn’t care for a woman, one that probably works out at that, would break the PC ranks and speak the truth.  This broad brought up a great point in that SI is…was….a magazine about elite athletics and competition.  Why put someone on the cover who embodies the exact opposite?  I couldn’t agree more, but there’s a deeper point. 

The truth is fuckers, when was the last time you actually picked up the swimsuit issue from SI?  I can remember when it wasn’t a standalone issue like it is now and the last time I looked at it was definitely pre-internet, probably as a teenager.  Hop into my hot tub time machine fuckers and let’s look back!

Yes, here we are back when if you wanted to see porn you either needed a VCR or you had to brave the local adult theater and hope you didn’t run into your pastor.  This is back when your local video store (yes we used to have to leave the house to rent a fucking movie) had that special room in the back marked “Adults Only”.    That’s pretty much the last time any magazine, including SI was relevant and even then we only bought the swimsuit issue.  We could get sports news daily on ESPN.  SI is one of those mags you subscribe to because your old man used to get, kind of like Penthouse or Swank.

It’s no secret that all old media outlets like newspapers and magazines are seeing their sales decline as online media takes over. What happens when a company loses it’s customers?  Well they have to find new ones, in this case SI is obviously going after women and poor guys who bang fat chicks.

Now if SI would have done this back in 1990 it would have meant something, it would have been a real victory for the PC crowd, but not so much today.  Regular guys have abandoned ship, sorry PC crowd but you’re storming an empty castle.  It’s like the guy who bangs the hottest girl in school……..at the 20yr reunion, that shit don’t count and you just look stupid.

You’re now free to look at hot bitches on Google Images, like a normal person.

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

My Kids Come First…After My Poor Decisions

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 19, 2015


My-Kids-Come-First

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!

Anyone else sick and fucking tired of all these wenches talking about how their kids come first?

Also have you noticed that many of these broads talking about this usually are single mothers who picked a loser to reproduce with, now they bitch about him being a loser?

The most important decision a woman can make is who the father of her children will be and most women completely and utterly fuck that decision up.  Don’t tell the everyone the kids are your world then five minutes later talk about how their father can’t come around because he has warrants out for his arrest.

If you truly gave two fucks about your womb turds you would have cared before you shit them out.  You would have made sure they had at least a fighting chance or at the very least you would have made sure the father had steady employment and wasn’t racking up frequent flyer points at the local jail.

But you didn’t do that, did you Supermom?  No you didn’t give a fuck who knocked you up.  So now we don’t give a fuck about you or any of your bullshit about how you put your children first.   Running around with 3 fucking kids with 3 different last names, you don’t give a damn about your kids.  You’re a waste of oxygen and definitely a waste of taxpayer money.

You’re now free to kick these bitches to the curb.

 

Posted in Single mothers, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

 
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