Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Archive for July, 2009

10 Reasons a Guitar is BETTER than a Woman

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 26, 2009

This is your Captain speaking, welcome aboard Fuckers!

I’ve decided to do a list of reasons why a man is better off buying a guitar than a woman, especially a wife.


This list is in no particular fucking order and it may end up being less or more than 10, fucking sue me.  This list is sponsored tonight by Steel Reserve, 8.1% alcohol by fucking volume!

fender girl

  1. I still get aroused when I hold one of my guitars.
  2. My guitars don’t get all pissed off if I come home with another guitar.
  3. A guitar will still look just as good 2,4,5 or 10 years later.
  4. A guitar actually sounds good when it screams or cries.
  5. A guitar has a volume knob.
  6. All my guitars still weigh the same as when I first saw them.
  7. I was able to finger all my guitars BEFORE I took my wallet out.
  8. I still look forward to seeing my guitars.
  9. The pleasure you get from a guitar actually increases if you spend more time with it.
  10. A guitar doesn’t bitch or nit-pick you to fucking death.
  11. Your guitar doesn’t give a fuck how many beers you drink.
  12. A guitar understands that a 20yr old step-daughter is really not considered “family” and therefore ok to shag.
  13. A guitar is worth MORE the older it gets.
  14. I just wanted to repeat the last one, the value of a guitar actually goes UP as it ages, much like a man, but completely opposite of a woman.

You are now free to jam about the cabin…


Posted in Marriage, money, sex, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Is She a Regular, or just in-between suckers?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 21, 2009

This is your Captain speaking, welcome aboard fuckers…….

As a long standing member of Gold’s gym, I have seen countless people start and eventually stop their workout habits.  I have become pretty accurate over the years of predicting how long someone will hang in there.

One interesting occurrence is how you will see certain women join the gym, you can tell that they have been neglecting trying to keep themselves up for a while.  But to their credit, they will work their fat asses off to the point where they are looking pretty bang-able.

Then they suddenly disappear.  They just stop going.  Their workout partner isn’t sure what happen, they’re just a no-show.  So one day, usually several months even a year or so later you see this overweight female who looks kinda familiar………….”but it can’t be the chick I’m thinking of” , you say to yourself.  But sure enough, it’s her.


She worked out long enough to reel in the next sucker, then her lazy ass quit working out.  Typical bait and switch, dog-n-pony show that American women are famous for.  You think you are getting a woman who takes pride in her appearance, then WHAM, the lazy cunt reveals her true lazy colors.

Of course, the reason is that she’s “comfortable” and you should like her for more than her body, even though it was the body that got your attention in the first place.

This is just like women who lose weight for their wedding day and then pork back up once the guy is locked into the marriage contract.  Then they wonder why the guy cheats.  Of course he’ll cheat, he feels duped and he was duped!!  He thought he was getting one thing but wound up with something completely different and fatter.

So if you see a chick in the gym or meet a women on the street or where ever, how can you tell is she really works out or is she is just between suckers and is only faking it until someone takes the bait?

One good way is to look at her shoulders and arms.  For women, these areas take a while to get nice tone, plus it requires attention to diet too.  Now I’m not saying she has to have arms like Arnold, but toned.  The fact that it takes a while to attain this toned look means that she is not one of those people who work out when things are “right”.  If she has a toned upper body then she’s been working out through thick and thin and not just when its convenient or when the planets are aligned.


Don’t be fooled by a nice body with no tone, unless you are in it for the short term, then it doesn’t matter, you can just tap the ass while she looks hot and kick her man-cow looking ass to the curb when she starts packing on the pounds.

You should never depend on one woman for your sexual needs, that’s one of many reasons why marriage is such a bad deal for men.

Strike while the ass is hot fellas, hump em’ and dump em’!

You’re now free to move about the gym….

Posted in Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Who lies more? Men or Women?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 19, 2009

This is your Captain speaking, welcome aboard fuckers……….

Ok, so some of you might recognize the title of this post as a pickup line or opener used to chat up women.  But I’m actually asking the question.  When it comes to dating and relationships it’s obvious that women are the lie.  It was Albert Einstein who said “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not…”

Women put up the classic dog and pony show when you first meet them.  Then once they have you locked down either by marriage or by squeezing out a baby, that’s when they change.  Well not change, more like go back to their real slobby selves.

How often have you heard women talk about losing weight for their wedding?  And that’s exactly what they do, they lose the weight for that ONE day, then they pork up like the pigs they really are.  Plus, why aren’t they losing weight for the so-called love of their life?  Don’t they love the guy enough to lose the fat for more than one day.  Of course most American women are just way to fucking lazy to do that, it’s much easier for the fat pig to point to her wedding picture and say “see what I USED to look like”.


For the guy the wedding picture is a reminder of how he fell for the classic bait and switch routine.  Hopefully some of these guys will use those pictures as reminders of who really does lie more!  That poor smuck actually thought he was getting the girl in the wedding pictures!!  Instead he got a fatter and more hostile version of the woman that he first met.  That’s why guys cheat, not to get something new, but to get something like they thought they had in the first place!


There is no benefit for a man to get married, unless he’s a complete loser.

You’re now free to drink about the cabin…..

Posted in Marriage, pua, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Are you Married to a SNIPER???

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 15, 2009

This is your Captain speaking……..

What’s up fuckers!  How many of you guys watch fights, either boxing or mma?  Ever notice how the guys throw tons of jabs and cut kicks.  Those punches and kicks never knock anyone out, but the damage from them adds up over the course of the fight.  You can’t really say it was one particular jab or kick that really made the guy hurt.

So anyone here married to a fucking sniper?


Women fight in the same manner.  Often when they say “Well what have I done…”, you can’t pinpoint one incident, but you KNOW you’ve had the hell beaten out of you.

Like today, I’m home pretty much the same time every day and I unwind a minute before I go to the gym, the same gym I’ve been going to for YEARS.  Well the gas company was going to replace our regulator outside and needed someone to be here.  Well wifey decides to play the hero (the bitch just wanted to leave work early) because she said that “I’m not reliable”.

That’s what makes marriage so fucking evil.  Little shit like that the builds up, the constant fucking slick ass remarks when you’re out in public, all that shit adds up.  You can’t remember individual stuff, but just like the fight, it takes its toll.

Let’s dump these passive agressive bitches and use women what they were put here for……SEX.  No, not fucking babies, just sex.  Let some other sucker knock the bitch up, we just want the pussy.

You are now free to move about my ballsack.

Posted in Marriage, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Don’t want to get married? Then you must be a woman-hater!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 8, 2009

Hello Fuckers, This is your Captain Speaking……..

You know, it’s amazing.  You hear a lot about how we should learn from our mistakes.  Well, marriage has been the single most costly mistake I have ever made and I fucking refuse to do it again.  You would think that people would say that’s a wise choice.  After all, why repeat the biggest blunder of your life?

Well that’s not how some women see it.  Although not all women, once again the split among the women is predictable.  My younger hotter friends agree with my outlook and say that I should enjoy my life, the old bags over 30 who are carrying around 50 extra pounds, whiny shrill voices, they all tell me how sad it is.

Sad?  Sad that I’m smart enough to not repeat a mistake, which by the way, 2nd and 3rd marriages have even HIGHER divorce rates than first marriages!!  The truth is that these older bags are way past their sell by date and I am just entering my prime.  It seems like every day I have younger and hotter girls talking to me.  The old bags probably stomped their little feet when they were younger when they didn’t get their way and men fell for it…………until the looks slipped, the pounds added up, then the guys shifted their attention to younger, hotter and less bitchy women.

These bitter old cunts tell me that just because I don’t want to sign another contract to give away half my assets, that I must “hate women”.  Well they must hate men.   After all, why else would they try so hard to sell something that many of them have already failed at.  Yeah, some of these bitches telling me not to give up on marriage are divorced themselves!  Fucking hippocrites!

Fuck those overweight cunts.  I plan to get divorced and NEVER give up my happiness again.  NEVER have to worry about which personality I’ll come home to.  NEVER feel like I am 16 and still live at home.

Fellas, I say let these fat, bitter old war pigs live at home with their fucking 7 cats.  I will have standards.  NO AVERAGE WOMEN!!!!  And damn sure never limit myself to just one or two women.  It will be time to live and enjoy life, like a man should.

Fuck marriage and fuck used up old battle cunts.

You are now free to bang porn stars about the cabin….

Posted in Marriage, sex, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Thugtician Classic

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 5, 2009

Happy 4th Fuckers, this is your Captain speaking……

This man is right on point.  Women hate guys like this, he doesn’t yell, he speaks well, and worst of all he uses logic.

Look him up on youtube, search for “Thugt1cian”, his other account got deleted by the feminist bitches.  Damn cunts hate the truth.

Thugtician Classic: Delusional Women

One last thing, God bless our troops.

You’re now free due to the sacrifice of a veteran………..


Posted in Marriage, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Sexual Myths and other feminist crap

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 2, 2009

This is your Captain Speaking……..

Ever been around some women and heard the old bullshit line about how women are at their “sexual peak” in their mid to late thirties?  That they are in the “prime” of their worthless lives.  What a crock of shit.  Of course its usually below average, overweight women who are making this comment.

Let’s talk about who peaks when.  Men and women peak opposite of each other.  Women peak around 18-20 and quickly go downhill after that.  The 19yr old guy is pretty much worthless in the dating world, but fast-forward 20 years and the tables turn.  Now the 39 yr old guy has his career going and is getting approached by that 18-22 age group that didn’t even know he was alive when he was that age.

Of course the woman, even if she works out, which is rare, is barely a shell of what she used to look like.  The only guys her age who want her are guys with very few if any options as far as dating women.  I don’t care how hot a chick is at 22, she won’t be near as hot at 32 and especially after they squeeze out a few rugrats.

So to make up for the fact that the only thing most women ever had going for them (youth) is now long gone, they make up this sexual prime myth.  Nice try cunts, that’s like trying to call a Ford Pinto a Jaguar.

average american woman

So guys, don’t fall for these overweight, overbearing, loudmouthed bitches, just skip these warpigs and fuck their 19yr old daughters.  But you better hurry, women these days aren’t wasting any time when it comes to packing on the fucking pounds.

You are now free to gangbang the sky cunts.

Posted in sex, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

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