Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

10 Reasons a Guitar is BETTER than a Woman

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 26, 2009


This is your Captain speaking, welcome aboard Fuckers!

I’ve decided to do a list of reasons why a man is better off buying a guitar than a woman, especially a wife.

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This list is in no particular fucking order and it may end up being less or more than 10, fucking sue me.  This list is sponsored tonight by Steel Reserve, 8.1% alcohol by fucking volume!

fender girl

  1. I still get aroused when I hold one of my guitars.
  2. My guitars don’t get all pissed off if I come home with another guitar.
  3. A guitar will still look just as good 2,4,5 or 10 years later.
  4. A guitar actually sounds good when it screams or cries.
  5. A guitar has a volume knob.
  6. All my guitars still weigh the same as when I first saw them.
  7. I was able to finger all my guitars BEFORE I took my wallet out.
  8. I still look forward to seeing my guitars.
  9. The pleasure you get from a guitar actually increases if you spend more time with it.
  10. A guitar doesn’t bitch or nit-pick you to fucking death.
  11. Your guitar doesn’t give a fuck how many beers you drink.
  12. A guitar understands that a 20yr old step-daughter is really not considered “family” and therefore ok to shag.
  13. A guitar is worth MORE the older it gets.
  14. I just wanted to repeat the last one, the value of a guitar actually goes UP as it ages, much like a man, but completely opposite of a woman.

You are now free to jam about the cabin…

tiger


4 Responses to “10 Reasons a Guitar is BETTER than a Woman”

  1. Curiepoint said

    Hellz yeah!

    I would add a couple:

    I can wait as long as I want to buy a guitar, without someone saying “But we want Grandchildren!”.

    In my search for the perfect guitar, and by perfect I mean perfect for me in terms of playability, look, feel, and touch…without other guitars telling me that I am too picky.

    At the first instance of a guitar sounding shrill or irritating, I can either change the strings, pickups, whatever, or, just get rid of it.

    If I decide to give up on guitars, nobody will say “You must hate guitars” or “You must be gay”

    The care I take with my guitars is worth every penny.

    If I spend a wild night playing my brains out on a guitar, the guitar won’t suddenly say “Oops, I’m pregnant”

    If someone else plays my guitar, the guitar won’t have the opportunity to saddle me with another man’s issues.

    I can take as much time and incur as much expense as I want to actually build a guitar to my own specifications, without the other guitars telling me I’m fickle.

  2. curiepoint said

    Check this out:

    The guitar I am building now is a neck-through.

    Mahogany body and neck with a flame maple carved top.

    Two P-90 pickups in standard Les Paul configuration.

    Second output jack for the Ghost pickups in the bridge.

    24.75″ scale length.

    Purpleheart fingerboard with a compound radius.

    Schaller tuning machines

    Floyd Rose bridge

    Gray-Burst out to jet black at the edge of the top surface, with that brilliant flame smoldering just underneath the transparent finish.

    LEFT-HANDED!!!!

    This thing is going to scream like a Banshee.

    My fucking instrument. Absolutely hand-crafted all the way through, and no bitch expecting me to build a similar one for her son…for free, yet.

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