Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Archive for March, 2010

It’s Not My Fault, God Wants Me to Keep Shitting out Kids!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 28, 2010

This is your Captain speaking…………………welcome aboard fuckers.

We shall start with a fucking joke……………………

There once was a prediction of an imminent flood in Ohio. A warning was announced on the local radio and TV. The sheriff drove around to make sure everyone had evacuated the area. He came to one man’s house, found the owner still there, and told him to get into his jeep to avoid the coming flood. The man replied, “Don’t worry, the Lord will save me!”

Well, the floods came and the man had to go up to the second floor of his house. A rescue boat went by. “Get onboard, the flood is going to get even worse!” the rescue worker cried out.
But the man said, “Don’t worry, the Lord will save me!”

The flood did get worse! The man had to go up on his roof to avoid the rising water! A helicopter flew over his house. “Grab the rescue line,” they hollered to the man. “Don’t worry,” the man hollered back, “the Lord will save me!” The waters rose further, the man was washed away … and he drowned!
Thankfully, the man wound up in heaven. But, when the man saw God, he strutted right up to God and said, “Why didn’t you save me? I waited for you!”

God replied, “I sent you a jeep, a boat, and a helicopter! What more did you want me to do?! All you had to do was get onboard!!”

Now on more than one occasion I have heard women say that if they get pregnant that it’s because its God’s will.  If you ask these women what kind of birth control they are using they will say “a condom”, as in the guy is wearing the condom and they are using NOTHING.  That’s convenient, that way you can blame fate for your shitty life you stupid horse cunt.  Not to mention bringing another person into the world that you can’t fucking afford…………and the rest of us have to support little fathead because you can’t.  Nice, really fucking fuck nice.  By the way, is this the same God that promises 70 virgins to suicide bombers?  Just wondering.

Hold up bitch, 11 types of birth control and you use nothing?  Maybe the fact that your God has given you 11 types of birth control is a fucking hint you stupid meth-head.  And why is it the fat chicks who bitch about the pill making them fat?  First off, the pill is only 1 out of a dozen fucking types of BC available and second, your ass is already ten feet wide.

Of course to compound things, it’s usually the poor barely making it by types that have this type of attitude.  It’s easier to blame old guy sitting in the fucking clouds than to take responsibility for their own stupid decisions. “I was in college until I “got” pregnant.” It’s like Tom Leykis says, if a woman is not on some type of birth control, she wants a baby.  I agree, isn’t amazing how some chicks can bang away all through college and never get knocked up?  Yet somehow the waitress with the 10yr pin on her shirt gets morning sickness when she looks at a cock sideways.

It’s as if some people say “I’m a loser, now what can I do to compound the fucking situation?  I know…..I’ll bring another person into this world and teach them how to be a loser too!!  Besides, there’s lots of government programs out there to help me, I won’t even have to pay for it all!!  I’m a fucking genius!”

If you want to see the birth rate drop, give men the same number of options for BC that a woman has.  Give men the option to opt out just like a woman does after conception.  After all ladies, isn’t it equality you want?  Take some goddamn responsibility, your life is a direct result of the decisions you make girls.

You’re now free to tell the bitch you want paper instead of fucking plastic.

Posted in money, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »


Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 21, 2010

This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers.

Here’s a little diddy from about the Fat Girl Overhead Photo.  Don’t fall for this scam gentlemen!!

“A deceptive camera angle showing a decent (or sometimes hot) picture of a girl who is actually much less attractive than she presents herself to be online.

Coined by internet dating guru David M, the FGOP is a technique used by UGs and warpigs to make themselves look more attractive in online pictures and profiles. While it is understandable to choose the best pictures when presenting oneself online, the FGOP goes beyond just picking good pictures to outright deception: using sneaky camera angles, strategic cropping, and perspective techniques to grossly distort the attractiveness of the girl in the photo.

Example of an FGOP”

don't be fooled!

Reality sucks!

You’re now free to demand the bitch shows herself on webcam.

Posted in sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Accustomed to a Certain Lifestyle

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 16, 2010

This is your Captain speaking……………….welcome aboard fuckers.

First off, yes I know some men get alimony.  It happens.  In Chile a girl survived a 13-story fall, it happens.  Mostly alimony is the man paying for past use of a vagina.  But why?  Because she “grew accustomed to a certain lifestyle”.


So if I switch jobs, can I tell my employer that he has to give me a month of vacation every year simply because my old employer did?  What if I was accustomed to it?  Sounds fucking retarded, right?  Because it is, but somehow our legal system has it ass-backwards once again.

So what about what the guy was accustomed to?  What if he was accustomed to the attractive woman that he dated and she chops off her hair and porks up the minute her lips touch the wedding cake?  What if he was accustomed to getting his dick sucked on a regular basis………..never mind……that’s over once her lips touch the wedding cake too!!!

Bottom line is that neither person is entitled to JACK FUCKING SHIT.  If a relationship goes south, you move on.  There shouldn’t be financial penalties.  If a woman is in a marriage and she chooses to crap out kids instead of a career that could support her, that was HER decision.  If she got a degree in women’s studies instead of going to medical school, then that was HER decision.   So when the relationship is over, it should be fucking over!!

Just another reason why there is no benefit to a man to get married.

You are now free to kick the bitch down the stairs.

Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Why the Mistress Never Wins.

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 11, 2010

This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers!

Ahhh yes, the mistress.  What is a mistress?  A chick that puts out and hopefully keeps her fucking trap shut.  That’s it.  Nothing more.

So what happens when the guy finally breaks the bonds of marriage?  Well first let’s look at who the mistress competes with while the guy is married.  The bitchy, nagging, bloated wife.  Not much competition!!  Anything looks good next to that!  It’s not like the guy can freely go out and look for other prospects, guys are often lazy when it comes to this.  If they have a chick that puts out and shuts up, that’s enough.

However once the guy is single, now the mistress is competing against every young hot piece of ass on the market.  At this point she has developed a sense of entitlement with the guy, but what she doesn’t realize is that now she has taken the role of the nagging bitch wife.  So the guy dumps her too.

Nothing wrong with a mistress, but ladies you need to know your fucking role.  A mistress is nothing but a handicapped booty call.  Once the bonds of marriage have been lifted, he’s going after the women he really wants to bone, and guess what…………it’s not YOU!

You’re now free to bang young hot chicks.

Posted in Marriage, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

One Stop Shopping…….Great for Wal-Mart, Sucks for Dating.

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 2, 2010

This is your Captain speaking……………welcome aboard fuckers!!!!

I see a lot of people trying to do the same kind of one stop shopping that they do at Wal-Mart in their social lives.  They try to find one person who “has it all”.

This is a complete waste of time, not to mention impossible, unless you want to greatly lower your standards.  It’s a fool’s mission to try to find a woman that is hot, likes sex, loves sports, isn’t bipolar, cooks, is fun to hang out with, and is knowledgeable about politics and money.

Chicks are for banging.  Humping and dumping.  Have you ever tried to have a conversation about politics with a women?  Unless she’s over 40 chances are she doesn’t even have a clue what time the nightly news comes on.  Like I said, women are human urinals, they are to be used and left.  If you want to talk politics, talk to your male friends.  They’ll actually know what the fuck is going on.

Do not try to find all of these qualities in one person, especially one of our worthless entitlement whores we have here in the US.  Don’t get yourselves wrapped up in some chick who only has one quality………sex.

Bang a variety of women and have a huge social circle of friends that you can hang out with when you are in the mood for some intelligent conversation.  Don’t waste your time looking for something that doesn’t exist.

You’re now free to bang a hot dumb chick.

Posted in Marriage, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

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