Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

It’s Not My Fault, God Wants Me to Keep Shitting out Kids!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 28, 2010


This is your Captain speaking…………………welcome aboard fuckers.

We shall start with a fucking joke……………………

There once was a prediction of an imminent flood in Ohio. A warning was announced on the local radio and TV. The sheriff drove around to make sure everyone had evacuated the area. He came to one man’s house, found the owner still there, and told him to get into his jeep to avoid the coming flood. The man replied, “Don’t worry, the Lord will save me!”

Well, the floods came and the man had to go up to the second floor of his house. A rescue boat went by. “Get onboard, the flood is going to get even worse!” the rescue worker cried out.
But the man said, “Don’t worry, the Lord will save me!”

The flood did get worse! The man had to go up on his roof to avoid the rising water! A helicopter flew over his house. “Grab the rescue line,” they hollered to the man. “Don’t worry,” the man hollered back, “the Lord will save me!” The waters rose further, the man was washed away … and he drowned!
Thankfully, the man wound up in heaven. But, when the man saw God, he strutted right up to God and said, “Why didn’t you save me? I waited for you!”

God replied, “I sent you a jeep, a boat, and a helicopter! What more did you want me to do?! All you had to do was get onboard!!”

Now on more than one occasion I have heard women say that if they get pregnant that it’s because its God’s will.  If you ask these women what kind of birth control they are using they will say “a condom”, as in the guy is wearing the condom and they are using NOTHING.  That’s convenient, that way you can blame fate for your shitty life you stupid horse cunt.  Not to mention bringing another person into the world that you can’t fucking afford…………and the rest of us have to support little fathead because you can’t.  Nice, really fucking fuck nice.  By the way, is this the same God that promises 70 virgins to suicide bombers?  Just wondering.

Hold up bitch, 11 types of birth control and you use nothing?  Maybe the fact that your God has given you 11 types of birth control is a fucking hint you stupid meth-head.  And why is it the fat chicks who bitch about the pill making them fat?  First off, the pill is only 1 out of a dozen fucking types of BC available and second, your ass is already ten feet wide.

Of course to compound things, it’s usually the poor barely making it by types that have this type of attitude.  It’s easier to blame old guy sitting in the fucking clouds than to take responsibility for their own stupid decisions. “I was in college until I “got” pregnant.” It’s like Tom Leykis says, if a woman is not on some type of birth control, she wants a baby.  I agree, isn’t amazing how some chicks can bang away all through college and never get knocked up?  Yet somehow the waitress with the 10yr pin on her shirt gets morning sickness when she looks at a cock sideways.

It’s as if some people say “I’m a loser, now what can I do to compound the fucking situation?  I know…..I’ll bring another person into this world and teach them how to be a loser too!!  Besides, there’s lots of government programs out there to help me, I won’t even have to pay for it all!!  I’m a fucking genius!”

If you want to see the birth rate drop, give men the same number of options for BC that a woman has.  Give men the option to opt out just like a woman does after conception.  After all ladies, isn’t it equality you want?  Take some goddamn responsibility, your life is a direct result of the decisions you make girls.

You’re now free to tell the bitch you want paper instead of fucking plastic.



2 Responses to “It’s Not My Fault, God Wants Me to Keep Shitting out Kids!!!”

  1. Curiepoint said

    Hmmm….apparently God wants single men like me to pay for the little brat-lings.

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