Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Archive for January, 2011

Time and Time Again

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 26, 2011

This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers!

So how many of you have gotten the “don’t give up” speech when you’ve said that you will NEVER get married again?  Usually from a woman of course, which makes sense since most women suck at math.

Statistics vary but it’s pretty well accepted that around 2/3 of all second marriages fail and 3/4 of all third marriages fail.  Oh yes, you’re smarter this time, right?  You sure are Skippy, just like you thought the first time you got on this merry-go-round that you’d be in the 50% of first marriages that didn’t fail. 

Listen, leave the fucking gambling to the guys in the World SerLawyersies of Poker….(or is it Poke-Her?)

You need to ask yourself why you are even considering this, when you get your answer then you solve THAT particular problem instead of fucking yourself in the ass a second or third time in court.  If you love lawyers that much then take yo azz to law skool!!! 

If you are a broke fuck and chubby Diana is the only one that will fuck you then get your shit straight and stop being a loser.  If you were never a ladies man and you’re worried that it will be worse now that your older…..well read up on some game.  Not that game is the end-all be-all, but it’s a starting point if you don’t have a shit-fuck clue.  Go check out some guys like Assanova or the dozens of other blogs out there. 

If SHE is pushing you then you really need to ask why!  Is she in debt?  Is she tired of staying in shape to attract a man and she can’t wait to pork up to 563lbs, is she one of those women who claims that she’s “already had her fun” and now wants you to foot the bill?  A chick with no life plan, no retirement (except you), no career, no life savings?

If that’s the case then fuck her (don’t knock the bitch up) until she moves on to another sucker.  You just keep looking out for you because in the end that’s who has to live with your choices, YOU, numbnuts.

You’re now free smoke in the cabin and yell “BITCHES AIN’T SHIT!”



Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

This Is Not an Abortion Post

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 15, 2011

This is your Captain speaking…………………welcome aboard fuckers!

During my brief stint on Facebook (yes surprise surprise my account was deactivated), I engaged the femicunts on various ground-breaking issues such as why more women don’t look like my favorite porn star to abortion to sucking my cock.  The abortion one really pissed them off.  Forget where you fall on that subject for a moment and take a trip with me.

They were saying that a woman should never be forced to have a baby, they said that they should have a choice, blah, blah, blah.  So I said that was such a fantastic idea that we should extend the same rights to men!  Men should not be forced to be a father just like women shouldn’t be forced to be a mother.  Yes, brilliant!

This sent these bitches completely batshit!  They started using the same arguments that the prolifers use against them!  They said the guy made the choice when he had sex, he should keep his pants on, they questioned my manhood etc…..they went right into the shaming language.


Suddenly these women were talking about how men and women were different!  Well how goddamn convenient, you picked a fine time to not be equal Lucille!

Typical feminist line of bullshit, they only want to be equal.  So I say give the people what they want!  Give these bitches their fucking equality because as Paul Elam points out is this well thought out video, “equality is a cruel master”.

As usual, American women just want to be equal when it suits them.  I guarantee that if women knew that THEY might have to be 100% responsible for a child then suddenly these women would start recognizing deadbeats, they’d remember to take their pill and they wouldn’t get knocked up just to try and keep the guy from leaving.  They want us to take the gamble and hope that she didn’t forget her pill or that the condom doesn’t break.  Fuck that, fuck them and fuck off!

You’re now free to look at pictures of female volleyball players.

women's beach volleyball


Posted in money, Politics, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Enter the Inferno

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 10, 2011

What’s up fuckers.  I was on YouTube checking out thong videos and I took some time to check in on Chapin’s Inferno and found this gem.  He does some great work and this just one of millions of fine examples.  Enjoy fuckers.

Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Shit To Read A.K.A. My Half-Assed Blog Review

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 6, 2011

                   feminism 1

This is your Captain speaking……….welcome aboard fuckers!

Ok, I have a shit-ton of shit in my blogroll.  Some stuff if quite different than what you will read here and that’s by design.  I figure no use in linking to a bunch of carbon copies of the same ole shit.  As my pile of blogroll shit gets stacked higher and higher it could become difficult to notice new shit.

Hence, my half-assed blog review.

I found one funny ass blog a while back. Men-Factor.  Not just a funny blog but also a very truthful one, which makes sense since great humor is often based off well known truths.  I laughed so hard at that particular post I had to run outside and shit in the neighbor’s front yard.  Because it’s oh so funny and oh so true.

So take some time to check out the Scarecrow’s blog, Men-Factor and show DICK some respect!

You’re now free to go aimlessly fuck around Al Gore’s internet

I told you this review shit was half assed…………..


Posted in Marriage, money, relationship, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

World’s Greatest Fairy Tale

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 4, 2011


I spotted this on Eman’s blog.  It’s fucking gold!

Wall Hanging 2 (World's Shortest Fairy Tale)


Posted in Marriage, women | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »


Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 2, 2011

This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!


Instead of me rambling on about what I have planned for the New Year, I’d like to take the time to share what my New Year hopes and wishes are for you fuckers, because I’m that kind of guy.

  1. I hope that crazy bitch that drunk dials you but doesn’t put out loses your number.
  2. I hope that throughout the course of 2011 that you do not meet a single crazy ass bipolar bitch. (yes I know that one is a stretch)
  3. I hope someone drops off a case of whiskey at your front door and runs.
  4. I hope the price of a lap dance drops.  lap dance
  5. I hope the legalize prostitution…….ok it’s legal now, they call it marriage, but I mean the fun kind of prostitution where she actually leaves after sex.
  6. I hope Sarah Palin gives up on politics and does porn. (that’s not a political statement, I just want to see her get DP’ed)
  7. I hope that bitch you’re paying alimony to either gets remarried or falls off a cliff.
  8. I hope Maury looks at you and says “You are NOT the father!”   omfg_you_are_not_the_father
  9. I hope some drunk chick you’ve never met gives you a blow job then disappears from your life.
  10. And last but not least, I hope you get a chance to fuck a feminist up the ass and make her like it.

You are now free to have a Happy Fucking New Year!

Posted in women | Tagged: , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

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