Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Newsflash: Marriage Sucks ……Still!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 19, 2011


       marriage hell

This is your Captain speaking……………welcome aboard fuckers!

While talking to a buddy of mine today in my office, we heard the shrill sound of a old hag’s voice as it carried across the office “All men are stupid!”

Actually this particular warpig loves to frequently complain about how stupid her husband is and about how lost he’d be without her.  This of course gets the other dried up hens echoing the same brainless chatter.

Of course if the sexes in this scenario were reversed, all the men would have been fired for such “offensive” comments.  Yet just like on television, it’s supposedly funny to make fun of guys.

The real joke is on these typical loud mouth American bitches, too bad they’re drinking too much of their own kool-aid to figure it the fuck out.  They don’t have a husband, they have a hostage.  A hostage who if he did decide to leave would be stripped of not just his current assets, but his future American bitchassets including his retirement!

Now I’m sure you younger guys out there can’t ever imagine your little cupcake turning into one of these disrespectful, shrill, old hags.  The truth is that she’ll actually turn into a disrespectful, shrill young hag, then as time progresses she’ll become the crabby old bitch that her mother probably is today.

Trust me, if marriage kicked ass you’d be hearing about it from your married friends.  We’re not sitting on some fucking golden ticket here, let me tell ya!!!  Have you ever had one of your buds talk about how ever since marrying his wife she goes to the gym more, loves blow jobs, can’t get enough sex, cooks dinner every night, doesn’t try to change him………you get the point. 

That shit NEVER happens, especially the so called “perfect couple”, if you get the guy off to himself and a few beers in him he’ll open up about how little sex he really gets, about how he’s one minute away from financial ruin because of all her spending, basically he’ll tell you just how perfect they are NOT!

Cherish your freedom gentlemen and do not give it away lightly, it will cost you a shit ton to get it back!!!!

You’re now free to drop a load in the bitch’s eye without prior warning.

Valez

8 Responses to “Newsflash: Marriage Sucks ……Still!”

  1. Andy said

    Yep. Marriage still sucks alright. I still don’t see or know any happily married couples. Believe me, if marriage rocked then I would have never tossed the garter I caught at my friend’s wedding nearly 2 years ago in the dumpster last year. I just so happened to be doing some cleaning at about the same time I was reading some articles on here when low and behold. I’m a bit superstitious and based on all of the horror stories I’ve heard and read over the years, I decided I didn’t want that curse in my place of residence. I don’t care what anybody says, it’s not a souvenir worth keeping.

    So what I’ve heard since taking out the garbage is drivel like “Well, what if you meet someone and fall in love. Then what? You won’t get married?” “Oh so what if you go to [insert foreign country of choice] and meet some nice, beautiful woman, etc. blah blah blah and you won’t be able to marry her?” That’s the whole point, fuckweeds! Once again, there’s no benefit to getting married nowadays.

    Dropping loads of Real California “milk” in your eye!

    • Capt. No-Marriage said

      You nailed it Andy! I’d bet that the only ones telling you to just wait for the “right one” are all women. They’re just trying to keep the Ponzi Scheme known as marriage going! Women just hate to see a single guy happy, it burns them up.

      Keep giving those LA bitches a “milk” mustache!!!!

  2. John Deaux said

    To a large extent I can see how a younger, naive, never been married guy can get suckered into this travesty…shit, it can happen to the best of us! What I can’t understand is how an older, divorced (at least once) guy falls for this scam again knowing damn well what horrors await him.

    Just goes to show you that those who don’t learn from history are bound to repeat it…..

    • Capt. No-Marriage said

      I agree John, especially the guys raised by single mothers. No telling what kind of crap is being fed into their head! I also can’t see how a guy that’s experienced marriage at least once and no doubt has friends who’s gone through a divorce would want to ever tie the knot again!! Hell, I don’t see how they can afford it financially!!!!

  3. Paul Franks said

    I waited til i was 43 to get married and the lo and behold every single cliche I hated became true. No sex. Zip. She is always right. She has tons of problems with MY attitude but can’t see her own BS. Can’t talk with family about problems cause they all have to get along so everyone pretends to have a happy marriage. One cliche that i DO like is that affairs are awesome and some prostitutes really do give better blow jobs than a wife.
    Marriage sucks. Divorce will KILL me so that is put off until i have the knife at my wrist…Ah the single life. Not romanticizing it… but god I slept well. Man I had great sex. Sex at ALL.
    puke on marriage. I should have trusted my 43 years of experience and RAN LIKE HELL
    Fck women.

    • Capt. No-Marriage said

      Thanks for stopping by Paul. Brother you say that divorce will kill you but is sounds like marriage is killing you!! You hear those cliches and you think they’re just sayings, then like you said, they hit you right in the fucking face!!! Single life is nice and I’m not talking about the partying or sex part although that is nice, but the silence.

      Paul how much would you give to be able to come home to just pure silence? It’s nice. It’s REALLY fucking nice. I’m never wrong anymore, I’m always right, my jokes are always funny, my place is set up the way that I like, no frilly bullshit. My favorite sports teams, music, whatever the hell I want.

      Now I don’t know how long you’ve been married and everyone’s financial situation is different. But as Tom Leykis used to say, you’re paying now, she’s costing you money now and you’re not getting anything for it. At least if you were gone you’d be paying for your freedom.

      Best of luck man, keep us informed!

  4. Dr Rahul said

    There is no way in hell I’m marrying an American woman.

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