Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Archive for May, 2011

Oppressed Woman You Are Full of Shit!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 31, 2011


This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers!

You’ve talked to this chick before, the “oppressed” woman with her sob stories about how unfair life is.  Everything and everyone is against her.  It’s a wonder she’s made it this far, or so she says.  It’s everyone’s fault but her own, society, her parents, her skin color, even god.

I was listening to one such bitch the other day ramble on about how stupid thughard it is for her.  However in her ramblings she left out some very important backstory.  Like the part where she was involved with and got knocked up by felons.  Yes, that’s plural, felons. 

Now you can probably guess the next part of her story, she has to raise the bastard kids on her own.  Well “on her own” meaning healthy support from the gov’t.  So now everyone from men to her employer is against her, at least that’s her fucking story.

fat bitchWell dear it should be obvious why any man with even a modest amount of success would avoid your dumb ass.  What guy would want to take over the full bill for two other men’s mistakes?!!  You let drug dealers bust load after load in your pussy then you want the guy with the stable career to come in and clean up the mess?  Stupid fucking cunt.

Oh and your employer, well maybe if you could go a whole week without having to leave early or take a mental health day then they might actually see you as an asset to the company.  Mental note to you dumb broads out there, coming in late and leaving early are not ways to forward your career.  Unless you’re trying to forward your ever expanding ass out the fucking door.

So while racism and sexism do exist, it is rarely the driving cause of a person’s woes.  It wasn’t this woman’s skin color, fate, or her god that fucked her life up, it was her string of bad decisions that SHE made that fucked her life up and continue to fuck her life up.  Bitch, the problem is YOU!

You’re now free to smack your bitch up.

Rights Managed

Posted in Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »


Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 30, 2011


What’s up fuckers!

I just wanted to take a moment as this Memorial Day winds down to thank those who made the ultimate sacrifice so that drunks like myself can drink beer and talk shit as a free man.

I also want to give a shout out to all active and reserve military members and also a thanks to their families.  Last but definitely not least, a salute to my fellow veterans as well.

Our military is the reason we are free to move about this country.


Posted in Captain No Marriage | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Avoid Marriage and Avoid Single Mothers!!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 24, 2011

tits nun

This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

I know many of you were worried that I was taken up in the rapture that happened this past Saturday. But fear not, I am still here, as are you.  So let’s get this shit cracking!

Good news travels fast folks and it didn’t take long for some single mothers trying to hock their tired old wares on your Captain.  Yes my friends, these women are trying to convince me to not just buy; but grossly overpay for a vehicle that is high mileage, thoroughly abused, and in serious need of some major body work!!!

classic_car_auctionNow a few of these clunkers are in decent shape considering all the wear and tear that’s been put on them by guys in the past.  You’ve been there right, the used car salesman puts a nice coat of wax on the old banger.  It looks great from the road when you drive past at 60 mph.

Then you turn around and pull into the lot to get a closer look and that’spiece of shit when you see that they parked it so the side that’s smashed in is facing away from the road.  You see the tires are flat and bald.  You notice the paint is cracked and looks like warm shit.  Not to mention that to get the thing running you need a fucking NASCAR pit crew.  Even then it mostly just sputters and smokes a lot.

Sound like anyone you know?  Like the kind of chick who looks great in jeans, then when you get them off of her you feel like you’re participating in the fucking moon landing!!! 

saggy titsAnd the tits, OMFG the tits!!!  Major source of false advertising there!!  Ladies, I know they make bras that can make you look really good with your shirt on, but eventually you’ll have to take that shirt off and we will see your rack that looks like someone vomited into a couple of gym socks from where you cranked out a bunch of kids.  Plus ladies if you are an A cup, your water bra isn’t fooling shit!!!!

So beware of these charlatans gentlemen!  Don’t fall for it, don’t do the U-turn, just keep on driving right past!  I haven’t even gotten to all the fucking baggage these broads carry around…..I’ll do that next time.  Same fuck time, same fuck channel.

You’re now free to motorboat your sister’s best friend.

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks, Single mothers | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Avoid Marriage Files: Women’s Bullshit

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 9, 2011


This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers!

Yet again I hear a perfect of women’s bullshit while on the job.  This falls into the category of “not all women are like that”, a topic we’ve covered before but since this bitch sees fit to bring it up at work all the time I’ll bring it up here.

This is the chick who got knocked up by a loser and had to drop out of college, then married the loser and decided to have a second kid with the loser.  My prediction is of course that she’ll be pregnant with a third kid from this loser by year end.  Oh, and she’s on gov’t assistance so you and I are paying for her little rugrats.  Just thought I’d throw that little fact in.trailer trash bitches

This chick and one of her “proud” single mother friends were talking about how if they left the loser they were with that they wouldn’t take anything.  “He could have it all!” as the one sloppy bitch put it.

Yes, have it all!!!  But all of what?  All of their Wal-Mart book cases that fall apart the moment you fart on them?  All of their over-priced, low quality rent-to-own furniture?  All the riches of some guy who doesn’t even make $20k a year at the age of 30?  Wow!!!  That’s so fucking nice of her!!!!

Women like this love to try to snag a decent guy now that they’ve been knocked up multiple times by a loser.  But gentlemen, do NOT fall for this bullshit!  The only reason these cunts wouldn’t take anything from their loser lovers is because there isn’t shit to fucking fuck take!!!!!!

That’s like me saying I wouldn’t fuck Oprah to help the war effort.  So fucking what?  I wouldn’t of fucked her anyways!!!!!!!

Motherfuck fucking goddamn ass raping fuck these dumb cunts drive me crazy!!  But on a happy note, we all know that most women don’t discover what a 401K is until they’re around age 56.  So these dumb human Xerox machines will be eating catfood when they get old.  Joke’s on you tramp!

You’re now free to move about the trailer park!


Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , , , , | 10 Comments »


Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 8, 2011


This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers.fuko

My friends, your Captain has a very special announcement.  It’s been a minute since I’ve posted and I’m sure most of you thought I was out fucking various foreign women and telling them that the path to citizenship involved swallowing my load.

Well, you’re only half right.  Your Captain has been setting up his his new lakefront bachelor pad.  Yes fuckers, your Captain has climbed aboard the Freedom Train. 

While for obvious reasons I will not discuss any alleged legal proceedings, you can rest assured that you will be getting my usual drunken rage commentary on single life.

Yes fuckers, I am now free to bang about the cabin.


Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks, relationship | Tagged: , , , | 7 Comments »

%d bloggers like this: