Capt. No-Marriage
The Political PirateA Single Mother’s Question
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 2, 2011
This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers!
So as the song goes, “I woke up this morning and I grabbed myself a beer…” I also woke up to a comment/question from a single mom (Tina) about one of the many posts I’ve done about why guys should avoid single mothers. Here’s Tina’s comment:
Is there any single mom worth a man’s companionship?
What about a mom who treats her ex with respect, doesn’t allow bad mouthing of him, has custody of the kids, pays for the kids expenses, gave her ex most of the assets, and understands that the world does not revolve around her precious perfect angels…
It is understandable that dating a single parent is challenging in the best of situations – But all single mom’s are shit?
I grew up hearing men our worthless and my parents were married until I was 25. Now that I have two boys of my own I have become painfully aware of how my “men are useless” upbringing has been damaging to me and those around me.
I totally get where you are coming from in these post and I agree that single mom’s are raising entire generations of messed up kids. It just sucks to think a potentially great guy would not give me a slight chance simply because I’m a single mom.
First off Tina I actually did a post about a “good” single mom, you can find it 
here. But I shall cover some of those points again now.
Tina, lets say for the sake of argument that you are a great woman, but as you said yourself…..dating a single mother is a challenge even in the best of situations. Plus you didn’t mention what kind of guy your ex was. Is he a loser that’s in and out of jail who loves to cause trouble, does he call multiple times a week just to “talk to the kids”, does he pay child support or would that be something your new guy would eventually have to cover if he got with you?
You have to look at the odds of many situations in life. For example, I can remember at summer camp the camp counselors would tell all the kids to treat all snakes as if they were poisonous. They didn’t say they ALL were poisonous, but that it was a much better idea to treat them as such and avoid them than to look at one and decide on your own that it isn’t dangerous and you end up getting bit by a rattlesnake.
ALL single moms aren’t bad people but you pretty much have to get bitten in order to find out for sure. The odds are that getting with a single mom is a bad idea.
And Tina, since you want a “great guy”, I’m sure that kind of guy has lots of other options and you have to be aware of your competition. A great guy can date great women without any kids.
A woman that doesn’t he doesn’t have to wait until the kids go to sleep or she finds a babysitter so that they can have sex. A woman that can go to the beach on a moment’s notice. A woman who doesn’t have a guy she used to bang as a permanent part of her life forever. A woman who doesn’t have little replicas of that guy she used to bang running around the house to remind him that someone else got you back when you were younger and hotter.
Also kids love to play parents and other adults against each other. Many a guy who has gotten with a single mother has heard a phrase like “You’re not my real dad!!”. Ahhhh, the joys of step-parenthood.
But I’m an open-minded kind of drunk, so Tina if you or any other single mother would like to explain why a successful guy would choose a single mother over a woman without kids……….. I’m sure my readers would love to hear that one! Good luck because that’s a pretty hard sell. I think if you give a guy the choice between two great women and the only difference is one of them has kids…………..I’m betting most guys are going with the childless chick.
Ok fuckers, that’s it for now. I doubt we’ll get any actual responses outside of the usual personal attacks, which just proves our point.
You’re now free to lick PBR off a nice Brazilian ass.
Captain No-Marriage Blog 
Sami said
I can’t actually find anything to disagree with here. I honestly can’t. I’m a single mum, 28, so still got many dating years in me, but honestly, I’d never recommend me to any single guy, simply because I do have a child.
Ok, let me see if I can give a reasoned response here.
Everyone comes with baggage. Some people’s weighs more than others. I freely admit I have made mistakes. I’m by no means perfect and neither has my life been. Situations happen, you follow certain paths and my paths landed me where I am today. Sure, I’ve sat back and done some serious soul searching, taken a good long look at myself and really done what I had to to put my past where it belongs, in the past. I’d like to think I’m one of the decent single mums out there, I prefer to let others be the judge of that, I just do what I can. I know I respect men and I know if I’m in a relationship I will always meet the guy half way and give him as much attention as he wants. I’m an affectionate person as it is, so hugs and kisses basically goes without saying with me. So yeah, overall, not bad dating material, except for one thing. I now have a rambunctious 3 year old. Which means that as good as I can be, as much respect and attention and love I can give a man, there are things I realistically can’t do. And in all honesty why would any guy want to go straight into a family environment. Hell, there’s plenty of women who wouldn’t date a single father, so why should the rules be any different for single mothers? I will say not all children will immediately reject any man who comes into a woman’s life though, but I guess it also depends on how old the child in question is. For my son, it would be a lot easier to accept someone unconditionally now, than if he were older. Children add a different level of complexity to a relationship, children by another man adds yet another level. In this day and age, relationships are hard enough as they are between people, even without adding all those extra layers to them. That includes any baggage accumulated by different relationships or relationships with family members, etc etc etc.
So all in all, I have to say that I agree with you completely. The only exception to the rule I would make is if you happened to know a single mother and fell head over heels for her without having dated her. If you knew her, had been friends with her and fell for her completely, then I’d say, maybe it’s worth giving it a shot. You never know, it could be the greatest relationship you’ve both ever had (this is general you, not you personally) But generally, just going on basis of dating a single mum, especially without actually having that foundation of friendship, then no, we’re not good choices, we’re not good options and there’s better choices and options available out there, it might not be good news for us single mums, but it is fact and there’s nothing to be done about that other than accept it.
Oh, one more thing to add to your list of reasons why not to date a single mum. Double heartbreak. Say you and single mum break up, you’ve bonded with young un, young un adores you, it’s double the heartache, double the pain. Walking away from a woman is in many cases easy, walking away from a child, especially one you’ve “taken on” as a father figure and love as your own, regardless of biology, that’s where the real heartache lies. Not to mention if the young un adores you then your young un is gonna be equally devestated when you’re no longer there.
Wow, sorry, I got kinda long winded there didn’t I. I’m gonna wrap up my comment if I haven’t already made you fall asleep, lol. Anyway, in a nutshell, post was an interesting read and I agree ^_^
Have a good one
Sami
Capt. No-Marriage said
Hey Sami,
Thanks for stopping by! Don’t worry about being long winded, I tend to ramble a bit myself. All in all, excellent comment, you brought up a good point about getting attached to the kid(s). As you said, kids change things in a relationship and it’s tough enough to deal with one person many times, throwing a kid (especially one that’s not yours) into the mix can put quite a strain on things.
Are there “good” single moms out here? Yes of course, there will always be exceptions to the rule. Just like all lottery tickets are not losers, but the vast majority of them are. The advice I give is based on the odds of actually meeting that exception, which here in the US the odds are very, very low! What I haven’t gotten from you and some of the other female comments/emails to this subject is that you realize what you are asking of a guy. You don’t have this sense of entitlement that sooooooo many single mothers have. There are some that inject the kid into the relationship from day 1 and then wonder why the guy is put off and doesn’t bother to call them back.
To paraphrase a female commenter on this blog, “Dating a person with kids is a challenge even in the best of situations..” The women out there who realize this will probably be fine when it comes to dating.
Well Sami, thank you for your reasoned response. I’d say I’d see you at the pub, but since you have a child to take care of, I guess you’ll just have to sit at the kitchen table and raise a pint.
Cheers
CNM
Sami said
Raising a pint to you ^_^
And thank you. I appreciate that. 🙂
Sami
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