Captain No-Marriage Blog

This is your Captain speaking…..welcome aboard fuckers!!

You guys send me come crazy ass links to stories, not to mention the crazy and even heartbreaking personal stories that yourself or a friend has gone through.  Be it a bitter divorce, insane women, child custody bullshit, there’s a lot of shit going on out there.  I think that we all would agree that the ones that hit us the hardest are the ones we witness ourselves, either personally or through a close friend.  Today I have one from a close friend who has agreed to allow me to share his story (he will of course remain anonymous so that the fuck crazy cunt can’t sue him!)

So let’s call my buddy Johnny, not to be confused with my other good friend Johnnie Walker, Johnny is separated from his wife and while going through the amazingly slow divorce process in our state we’ve been hanging out, drinking, banging broads, normal guy stuff.  Well he ended up meeting some chick that used to work with him.  The had worked together for about 6 years, but both were married at the time.  Johnny said that he always thought she was hot, but never pursued since they were both married at the time.

Pretty soon him and this gal were glued at the hip, but this was the happiest I’ve seen this fucker in almost 15 years!!!  So she looked like a nice piece of ass, she actually seemed to liked his friends…yes even me.  After dating several months she was constantly telling him that nobody had ever treated her as good as he treated her.  Fuck, red flag number one, a woman who is used to being treated like shit. 

From this point Johnny’s story sounds like one we’ve all seen or heard.  She starts heaping all sorts of admiration on to him, telling him how great he is, how lucky she is to be with him.  This is a sharp contrast from his marriage where his spirit and wallet were slowly broken down over the years.  So I’m not shitting on Johnny for getting caught up in this siren’s call.  But a siren call it was.

One thing Johnny was smart about was he got a vasectomy a few years back so that his wife couldn’t have any more “accidents”. 

Here’s where this turns into a classic story about your typical American woman.  A couple of weeks ago, we were drinking beer and watching some Sunday Night Football.  His phone starts to explode with text messages from her, frantic messages about her fucking up and being so in love with Johnny.  Next thing we know, there’s a knock at the door and guess who it is?

She’s standing at the door, makeup smeared from crying, wearing a dress cut so low that if she breathed too quickly her tits would fly out and so short that the least bit of movement revealed a bit of ass cheek.  They went outside to talk and when Johnny came back inside…alone, this is what he told me.

One of her ex-boyfriends was in town and gotten a hold of her, through FaceBook of course, they had been chatting for a while.  Yes, this is one of the guys who had cheated on her, did drugs and roughed her up in the past.  He happened to be at a local bar and invited her for drinks.  So she went and put on the skimpiest dress she owned and met him.  Oh did I forget that she had been texting and calling Johnny all day telling him how in love she was with him?  Yep, judging by her story and her texts she was telling my buddy how great he was about an hour before she was riding another guy’s cock.

But that’s not all folks!!!!  Hells no!  This shit is about to go Maury Show!!! Now she has just found out that she’s pregnant.  So not only did she dress like a slut, she wasn’t on birth control, she not only decided to have sex with a druggie, she had unprotected sex with the druggie and didn’t even attempt the pullout method. 

Being the self-righteous bitch whore that she is, she now thinks that he should forgive her and is telling him how much she needs him during this time,  because she’s scared.  I told him it was good that he found this out relatively early, that while fun to hang around, she’s a nothing but a common slut. 

This pissed him off of course until I asked him, if she’s not a slut then who is?  If a woman can tell one guy that she is sooooo in love with him, then an hour later be riding raw on top of another guy…if that woman isn’t a slut than what is?

The thing that gets me is that she is actually trying to shame him!  She even said that if he can’t stay with her then he’s a coward.  What?  Coward?  How about fucking he’s a normal human being who doesn’t like being shit on?  To her he shouldn’t bring this up because she admitted she made…..a mistake.  NO CUNT, you made a series of decisions!

He let me listen to one of the 6,000,000 voicemail messages that she’s left since dumping her where this bitch actually said…and I shall quote: “I believe everything happens for a reason, god is testing me…”

Look I’m not even fucking religious but it pisses me off when people try to bring god into their fucked up decisions!  Although she is right about one thing, this did happen for a reason.  It happened because she made the decision to not be on any form of birth control, she made the decision to communicate with other guys (if they admit to one, put a zero on it to get the real number of guys she’s talking to), then she made the decision to bang this guy without even using a condom.  Yes honey, shit does happen for a reason and in this case the reason is that you are a fucking slut.  I can’t even call her a whore, at least a whore values herself enough to have a price. 

So Johnny is pretty tore up about this, he said he’s disappointed more than anything.  He thought he really knew her, a mistake most of us have made at some point.  We give the benefit of the doubt to those who have not yet earned it.  Hang in there Johnny, I’ve got a humidor full of cigars and a fridge full of PBR.  We’ll get you through this!

You’re now free to join us for Sunday Night Football and PBR!!