Captain No-Marriage Blog

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard you fucking fuck fuckers!!!

So over the weekend I ate at one of the most entertaining lunch venues around, a place where a guy can always look and laugh at the final resting place of most Ameriskanks, I’m talking about Rubychillifridaygardenlobsterhorn.  There you will always find some shrill and her friend at the bar, way past their prime complaining about men.  So I’ve decided to help them out and explain some shit to them.

Their issue?  Men only want one thing from them.  Sex.

Our subjects were in their late 30s or early 40s, you could tell that they used to be hot, but time and high mileage had clearly taken it’s toll.  And these aren’t the older women you see in the gym that actually have a decent body, oh no these two birds were just trying to get by with stuffing their sagging tits into a pushup bra.  PBR wouldn’t even do the trick with these broads, you’d need something stronger like Colt 45 or Steel Reserve. 

Ladies, the reason guys only want sex from you is because that is all you have to offer.  This goes for women of any age.  Women who have their shit together emotionally, physically and financially don’t have this complaint. 

This reminded me of a high school classmate that I ran into a while back, she made the comment that all that hits on her are either really old guys or really young guys.  Well sweetie, successful guys don’t have to settle for a single mom with 3 kids from 2 different guys.  Mystery solved, call me fucking Shercock Holmes.

Now do most guys want sex, fucking duh!!!!!  However a lot of guys would love to find that one really great chick like the one I mentioned above, the mythical woman who actually has her shit together.  Although you’d probably have more luck finding a golden unicorn and fucking it in the ass, anywhore…until we find either her or the unicorn we’re just going to keep using you for the only purpose you could possibly serve…..a hole.

You’re now free to fuck a unicorn in the ass.