Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Archive for December, 2011

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!! Yet Another Reason for Men to Avoid Marriage!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 27, 2011

What’s up Fuckers!

Yeah, I know.  Common story, famous guy is getting taken to the cleaners by a woman.  This time, I’m not even mad at her, I’m pissed at guys like Kobe, Hulk Hogan, Tiger Woods, Paul McCartney and the list goes the fuck on!

What in the blue hell are you guys getting married for?  For fucksake you’re rich!! You can have pussy delivered to your doorstep in any shade, size or color you want!  Why are you walking blindly into a marriage contract?

But marriage isn’t enough, you have to knock these bitches up and give them a few 18yr annuities, good move slick!  You Red-Light-Districtdumbass!

So some people might say “I’m not rich, she can’t take nothing from me”, you might barely have a pot to piss in and a window to throw it out of, but you can rest assure that if you get divorced that your wife will take your fucking pot and board up the goddamn window!!

The less you have the more important it is for YOU to keep it and don’t give it away to some bitch.  If you insist on giving money to a bitch make sure she’s a professional and the price is discussed upfront.

Let’s get our shit together gentlemen!  How many more examples do we need to prove that there is not one single benefit to a man to get married yet there is a shit-ton of risk!!!!!


Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, money | Tagged: , , | 9 Comments »

Fatty In A Bottle

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 21, 2011

Fatty in a bottle

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, women | Tagged: , , | 5 Comments »

Bullshit Reason #5,678,234 She Isn’t on ANY Form of Birth Control

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 6, 2011


This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Tom Leykis said it often and he was 1000000% correct in that if a woman is not on birth control then she wants a baby.  And to remind the young guys this means just because YOU are wearing a condom doesn’t mean she won’t try to pull it off during sex or several other tricks we’ve all heard about.  If she’s not on something, run.  Just fucking run unless you like paying for pussy on an 18+ year payment plan sponsored by the government.

Of course women have tons of lame excuses as to why they aren’t on birth control.  I’ve just recfat-women-in-denialently heard one, it’s not completely new, but when you factor in who said it, that’s what gives it the twist.

I heard a woman say that she has never and would never be on any sort of birth control because she didn’t like what it did to a woman’s body (as if childbirth is kind to a woman’s body).  She said she was concerned with her health, but here’s the rub……….she was also a good 50 or 60 pounds overweight.

Oh yeah, really goddamn concerned with your health aren’t you sweetheart?  I’ve seen this broad chow down on greasy hamburgers during lunch, she talks about drinking margaritas all the time and the bitch couldn’t find a gym if you stuffed a GPS up her twat but she isn’t on birth control because she is concerned about her health!!!!

This not only proves Miss Piggy is just like any other baby crazy bitch.  It also illustrates just how out of touch with reality and just how much American women are in love with the smell of their own bullshit! 

You know what fellas, we need to be healthy too and the best way to stay healthy physically and financially is to stay the fuck away from American women.

You’re now free to move about Eastern Europe.

eastern-europe hoes

Hey fuckers if you like this drunken fodder then feel free to follow the blog or subscribe via email.  Also, get your ass over to ZTM’s site at and show him some love.  Happy Drinking!

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »

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