This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!
So it seems a lot of women’s groups are up in arms over birth control and the conservatives are up in arms about fucking birth control. Everybody is talking about birth control. Of course nobody is talking about how men have pretty much zero choice when it comes to birth control. Wear a rubber or get sterilized, but you don’t hear us bitching.
And as far as the women bitching, most of the women bitching are either dried up and over the hill or they’re so damn ugly that nature has provided them with built in birth control aka their face. I mean seriously, how many attractive women under 40 even know who the vice president is? Ever try to explain politics or money to a chick? Waste of fucking time!
Anywhore……here’s my oversimplified and alcohol-fueled take on the situation. So Obummer wants to give birth control to poor bitches and of course use tax dollars to do so, right? Well ok lets run with this one. (I’m ignoring the religious mandate thing because I don’t give a fuck what the Pope says….and because I’m drunk.)
If the poor bitches have the kids then we have to pay the little cunt stains WIC, food stamps and fucking school lunches. Then their whore mom needs a bigger section 8 apartment along with other assistance to pay her utilities and of course a gov’t cell phone (yes they have those). Then when the little shitheads get in trouble because they don’t have a father figure around we have to pay for more juvenile detention centers.
That’s not fuck all folks!! When the fucking womb turds get older, drop out of school and start fucking up and breaking laws then we have to pay for more police police protection. Once the police start collecting these fuckers we have to pay for more judges and public defenders. Then we have to pay for more prisons to house these fucking fuck fuckers!!
To hell with politics on this one! Call me fuck crazy, but birth control sounds a hell of a lot cheaper!!
You’re now free to take the following action: If you’re walking through a parking lot and you see a baby seat in a car. Smash the window out Fight Club style, take the baby seat and leave a condom where the baby seat was.
*Special thanks to comedian Doug Stanhope