Special thanks to Alan for sending this our way!
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 30, 2012
Special thanks to Alan for sending this our way!
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 22, 2012
This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!
So I’m sure you’ve all heard by now that newly crowned billionaire Mark Zuckerberg married his girlfriend Priscilla Chan. Some say it was to look more professional to Wall Street, some are talking about how it was such a smart move to wait till after the IPO (invalid argument since he married in the worse state in the country for a man to get married in, California) but since most of the people reading this already know this was a dumbfuck decision on his part, let’s go a little deeper.
I’ve seen several arguments about whether or not he had a prenup. As I mentioned, the guy got married in Cally, I’m sure it’d be really easy for Mrs. Zuckerburg (if she does actually take his name) to simply tell a judge that she has been there from day one and that Facebook is just as much hers as it is his. Bing bang boom, prenup thrown out.
Yes a prenup might help protect his grossly overvalued Facebook stock but just ask Warren Sapp or any other professional athlete about what really drains your fucking wallet and they’ll be happy to tell you a tale about womb turds. It will be interesting to see how long before Mrs Chan-Zuckerballs cranks out a little 18yr annuity. The one thing that a prenup can’t do fuck all about.
No I’m not going to rip him a new one for making the biggest mistake of his life, let’s be honest. Just like we can’t expect ghetto thugs to understand how money works (NFL, NBA, etc) we can’t expect some socially awkward geek to realize that he doesn’t have to still play the role of tool and socially awkward geek that women don’t like.
We all know someone like him, really smart geek finally meets a below average looking chick who gives up the pussy and he falls in love with her for fear that if he doesn’t lock this one down then it will be back to the hallows of loneliness that he felt before. Just like you can take the thug out of the ghetto but not the ghetto out of the thug, you can give the geek all the tools he needs to live the life of an alpha male, but you can’t make him realize and use those tools.
You’re now free to punch someone who was dumb enough to actually buy Facebook stock.
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 6, 2012
This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!!
I don’t know about you fucking fuck fuckers but I’m getting tired of seeing stories like this where you have a professional athlete who makes millions of dollars only to be bankrupt the moment they step off the field. Whether it’s the TO story like above or the recent stories of how 78% of NFL players are broke within 2 years of retiring, it’s fucking insane and I’m here to say that the main drain on these guys’ finances is NOT their fucked up spending habits, although that doesn’t help. It’s getting fucked up with women.
Take TO for example, over $44,000 a goddamn month for child support? Are you fucking shitting me? So each bitch gets $11k a month just because she spread her fucking legs? Fuck you cunt, it doesn’t take that much to raise a fucking kid. Get a fucking job of your own!!
Now these guys don’t just need financial education so that they understand how shit like interest works and to keep them from “investing” in every bullshit scheme that comes down the pike. They need someone to come in and explain how the family court system works and show these fuckers just how much money they could end up paying some bitch.
They need to see guys who are out of the league but still have to pay their ex-wives tens or hundreds of thousands of fuck dollars each year even though they no longer make jack shit!!!
They need someone to remind them that THEY are the ones in charge of their lives and not to let some cum pond talk and whine and cry them into marriage or children. These shit-stained hoes aren’t bring anything to the fucking table, these guys need to learn to tell these bitches to shut their fucking hole unless it has their dick in it.
Articles like this piss me off because they like to focus on the cars, houses and the bad investments these guys make. Usually with shit like that the guy just pays cash for it. It’s the ONGOING liabilities that fuck these guys. Liabilities like fucking alimony and child support but the politically correct assfucks that write these articles are too fucking scared to call a spade a spade.
Yes these guys tend to blow money on stupid shit. Yes they listen to the wrong people, but if most of them weren’t paying outrageous motherfucking child support and/or alimony to some jizz jockey then they’d actually have some of their fucking money left. I’d wager they’d have most of it left!
You’re now free to invest in another case of beer.