Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Zuckerburg Should Have Avoided Marriage and Unfriended Chan

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 22, 2012


This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!

So I’m sure you’ve all heard by now that newly crowned billionaire Mark Zuckerberg married his girlfriend Priscilla Chan.  Some say it was to look more professional to Wall Street, some are talking about how it was such a smart move to wait till after the IPO (invalid argument since he married in the worse state in the country for a man to get married in, California) but since most of the people reading this already know this was a dumbfuck decision on his part, let’s go a little deeper.

suckerberg_chanI’ve seen several arguments about whether or not he had a prenup.  As I mentioned, the guy got married in Cally, I’m sure it’d be really easy for Mrs. Zuckerburg (if she does actually take his name) to simply tell a judge that she has been there from day one and that Facebook is just as much hers as it is his.  Bing bang boom, prenup thrown out.

Yes a prenup might help protect his grossly overvalued Facebook stock but just ask Warren Sapp or any other professional athlete about what really drains your fucking wallet and they’ll be happy to tell you a tale about womb turds.  It will be interesting to see how long before Mrs Chan-Zuckerballs cranks out a little 18yr annuity.  The one thing that a prenup can’t do fuck all about.

No I’m not going to rip him a new one for making the biggest mistake of his life, let’s be honest.  Just like we can’t expect ghetto thugs to understand how money works (NFL, NBA, etc) we can’t expect some socially awkward geek to realize that he doesn’t have to still play the role of tool and socially awkward geek that women don’t like.

We all know someone like him, really smart geek finally meets a below average looking chick who gives up the pussy and he falls in love with her for fear that if he doesn’t lock this one down then it will be back to the hallows of loneliness that he felt before.  Just like you can take the thug out of the ghetto but not the ghetto out of the thug, you can give the geek all the tools he needs to live the life of an alpha male, but you can’t make him realize and use those tools.

You’re now free to punch someone who was dumb enough to actually buy Facebook stock.

me so horny

12 Responses to “Zuckerburg Should Have Avoided Marriage and Unfriended Chan”

  1. greenlander said

    That chick hit every single branch on the ugly tree. I don’t get his decision at all.

    • Capt. No-Marriage said

      You ain’t kidding! But even if she was hot, he’s a fucking billionaire, he could easily replace her.

  2. Kyle said

    Yep, I about fell out of my chair when I first read it, I was thinking, “What are you, NUTS!?!

    • Capt. No-Marriage said

      Maybe he thinks he’s invincible or some shit? If so he’ll get a wake up call if he lands in family court.

  3. Rotten said

    I am not familiar with California law, why is it so bad for zuckerberg there? Also, if they technically lose wealth due to the shiity performance of the Facebook stuck, then there is no marital income, no?

    • Capt. No-Marriage said

      I’d love from someone from Cally to chime in here, but for example if you remember Kobe Bryant’s wife held on until the 10 year mark to file for divorce because at that point Kobe was locked into paying her alimony until the the bitch dies. That is true about the stock price but nothing protects you against paying child support is she shits out a few kids.

  4. americanwomenarepiecesofshit said

    We need to start boycotting these American bitches….stop talking to them, stop dating them, stop everything. Since they only fuck and talk to guys with money, power, and fame, let’s make their lives fucking miserable.

  5. nolongeryoung said

    For a smart guy he sure has piss poor taste in women. She’s got to sneak up on the
    glass to get a drink of water. Imagine how frightening she’s gonna be in a decade or two.
    Jeez…..with that kind of money if your going to do something stupid like risk half of it in
    the divorce court lottery the least one can do is hook up with some smoking hot porn star
    quality poon that can suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

    • Yeah that’s the other thing. When a guy has a ton of money you expect him to be banging something out of this world (like Donald Trump). But when you see a guy who is a billionaire with some chick that even the guy working down at the 7-11 has to get drunk just to fuck her, that’s just fucking insane!

      • nolongeryoung said

        But then again maybe she can suck a golf ball through a garden hose…..
        some truly ugly heifers can be great in the sack if they are motivated.
        Looks are important but a cold dead pretty fish ain’t much fun either.

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