Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Archive for June, 2012

Playboy Playmates are no Exception

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 26, 2012


90s playboy cover

This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!

So the net and entertainment shows are a buzz about Jenny Mccarthy posing for play boy at just a few months shy of being 40.  So fucking what?  For one Playboy is notorious for their photoshopping and airbrushing skills.  We all know that when it comes to Playboy what we see is not what we get. 

And to all the old hags who look at Jenny and think that they too can still be Playboy hot at 40…….you dumb broads need to wake the fuck up.  Let’s do a quick comparison here. 

First Jenny back around 1993 when she was hot……

jenny mccarthy when she was hot

Now let’s look at over the hill Jenny.

jenny mccarthy now

Pretty clear isn’t it?  Yes even if I look at a more “flattering” picture of her one thing is clear……women do NOT get hotter as they age.  That’s why they try to rope you into marriage as soon as fucking possible with what little bit of looks they do have in their 20s.  They know that shit is short lived!

Although they don’t like to admit that they know it.  This is obviously a last ditch ego boost for Ms Mccarthy as the dives off the cliff.  Now I’m not saying that 40yr old Jenny isn’t worth a quick bone, but that’s all it’d be worth.  And the fact is she is in the top 1% of American women as far as looks, that’s the sad fucking part.  This is our fucking best and we still look like horse jizz next to the other countries.

So guys, no matter how hot your little girlfriend is now, take a good look, hell you better take lots of pictures too because as each day passes, so does her beauty.  That’s why she’s trying to lock you in with marriage and/or fucking rugrats.  Don’t fall for this smoke and mirrors donkey-show these broads are putting on.

The best thing guys can do with women is to treat them the same way Seal Team 6 treated Osama Bin Laden.  Go in under the cover of darkness, hit the target fast and hard, then fade off into the night sky. 

Ignore all the feel good bullshit out there, women do not improve with age.  Yes I know there are some porkers who don’t get off their ass and lose the weight until their 30s but if they hadn’t been so fucking lazy and lost the weight early on (or never gained it) then they would have been hotter when they were younger.  All women are hotter at 20 than at 40, yes they can still  be fuckable, but some of us drink a lot and therefore fuckable is a moving target.

You’re now free to hop into your hot tub time machine and go back and fuck Jenny Mccarthy when she was smoking hot. 

tits and hot tubs

Posted in Captain No Marriage, sex, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , | 12 Comments »

Come Get YOUR Son!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 25, 2012


your son

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!

So how many of you have heard that line “Come get “your” son”?  I’d bet most of us either know about this first hand or have seen it play out with a close friend or family member.  Here’s how the shit often plays out.

You’re an average guy and you’re just banging some chick just to pass the time until something better (thinner) comes along.  Then she gets knocked up and being the average (nice) guy you fall for that do-the-right-thing bullshit, this is of course after you try to convince her to have an abortion.  

But as I said before, this isn’t your dream girl, this is just some broad you’re banging until you finish college, get promoted or just decide to upgrade.  So you’re not really thrilled to be there in the first place but you hang in there for a bit, maybe even for a couple years or so. 

Then the moment comes when you just can’t take it anymore, you’re tired of looking at her big fat ass, you’re tired of being told what a piece of shit you are, you just tired of everything about that fucking cunt!  Young insane woman with straitjacket looking at camera close-up portrait

So you leave…..BUT……you still try to do right by the child.  However, this where Super Cunt really shows up.  She tries to use the kid to get you to spend time/money with her.  When she finally realizes her bullshit games aren’t working then she goes into revenge mode.  That’s when she starts telling the kid stuff like daddy doesn’t love you or daddy loves his new girlfriend more than you.  She’ll make up anything and everything to make her look like a martyr and you look like the devil’s asscrack. 

During this time she will let you know every chance she has that the kid is “Her son” and that in her feeble mind she’s the master of the universe.

This works great for her until the kid reaches his teenage years.  That’s when the shit hits the fan.  That’s when the kid’s mind is so fucked up from all the lies and bullshit she’s been pumping into his head starts to come back and bite her in big fat saggy ass.  This is when he becomes “too much to handle” and now she just wants to ship him off to you so that you can deal with the monster that she created.

It’s here that I have to give a shoutout to a buddy of mine going through this right now.  We’ll just use his nickname, Dick Trickle (yes he’s a NASCAR fan).  Our buddy Dick told his ex-piece-of-ass a firm HELL NO!  He said he isn’t a fucking janitor and he’s not about to come in and try to clean up her mess.  He told me that when the kid gets older and moves out he’ll make an attempt to contact.  If the kid chooses to listen then good, if he’s too messed up from his mother’s bullshit then oh fuck well, she got exactly what she wanted.  He said he got so fucking tired of her telling him to “man up” every time he refused one of her insane demands that now it was time for her to “woman up”

Now some people may not agree with how Dick is handling this, (I for fucksake agree with it) but considering that he is not the one created this mess it’s hard to blame him.  Especially when he tried to have regular contact early on.  Maybe if she would have followed the advice of my good friend Scarecrow and “Showed Dick some respect” she wouldn’t be in this predicament.

So let this be a lesson not just to the guys about knocking chicks up but also to the women out there who think that it’s ok to pump your kids’ heads full of bullshit about their father.  Even if the guy is the worst POS in the world, maybe you should look at yourself and figure out why you decided to have a child with someone like that.  Why don’t you explain to your kids why mommy loves to conceive with losers?  Truth hurts sweetheart.

You’re now free to drink alone….with nobody else.

Walker Black Label

Posted in Fathers, relationship, sex, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , | 7 Comments »

Bitch, You’re NOT My Dad!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 21, 2012


deadbeat mom

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!

So this past weekend was Father’s Day and I’m sure you fuckers have noticed the same trend over the years that I have.  Father’s Day has somehow become Single Cunt Can’t Find a Man Father’s Day.

The shit was REALLY bad on fucking Facebook.  The fucking anger some of these broads have is so deep that they can’t even entertain the thought that the reason their kids don’t have a dad is looking at them in the mirror. 

If a guy would have gone on Facebook on Mother’s Day and said happy mother’s day to all the women who don’t dump their kids off on someone else while they go to the club or to all the women not strung out on drugs………he would have been burned alive!

But even that is not what pisses me off the most.  What pisses me off the most is that about half of these Father’s Day comments are coming from fucking guys.  These goddamn pussies who never developed balls because their mom probably ran their dad off!  You know who I’m talking about, these are the same guys that when some warpig of a female posts some picture of her sweaty ass on her page, these motherfuckers give her 10 million likes and a bunch of comments about how good she looks.pussy motherfucker

These fucks never pass up an opportunity to kiss a woman’s ass, no matter how big and ugly that ass is.  They’re chasing pussy by trying to appease it, at some point you’d think they’d look at their lack of results and come up with a new plan.  Of course they don’t, they just keep putting bitches on pedestals and wishing them Happy Single Cunt Can’t Find a Man Father’s Day.

You’re now free to smack your bitch up.

F1 Babe

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, Fathers, Marriage, marriage sucks, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Avoid Marriage! Great Advice for Gays Too!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 8, 2012


women alimony

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!

So you’re gay, the state you live in has legalized gay marriage or civil unions and you want to make a point dammit!  You and your partner are getting married!!!!  Well you might want to read this article first. 

Divorce will cost you even more!  Did you read that shit?  People getting kicked out of the house they’ve lived in when their partner dies, benefits getting cut off……wait this sounds a lot like a normal divorce…….

gay marriage signThat is a normal heart wrenching family court experience I just described, although more fucked up if your gay because of the fucked up factor between the state and federal government.  But nonetheless it proves one point.

Marriage is a bad fucking idea no matter if you are straight, gay or Justin Bieber.  I would actually say even more so if you are gay since there are so many more legal landmines you have to maneuver through.  If you’re straight, the feds and state government have already agreed on how they plan to fuck you together.  They’re still working on it for you guys.

Listen gay people, take the butt plug out of your ear for a minute and listen to me.  Just because you’re gay does not mean all the shit we talk about here doesn’t apply to you!  If you want to make some kind of political or social statement then fucking vote.  DO NOT get married because in the end, the very people you are trying to make a point to will still get the last laugh. 

This shit could fuck up your life forever!!  Don’t believe me?  Look at some of the comments on this blog by guys who have had their lives destroyed by the family court system.  To the system you aren’t gay or straight, you’re just another person to fuck with.  Just say no to marriage.  Trust me, this is one “right” you don’t want anything to do with!!

You’re now free to watch Jewish lesbian midget porn.

lesbian midgets

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks, money | Tagged: , , | 5 Comments »

 
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