Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Archive for July, 2012

You’re Just Afraid of Commitment!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 18, 2012

shouting woman won't shut up

This is your Captain speaking, welcome aboard fuckers!!!

How many of us have heard that fucking line before?  All of us probably.  What makes it even more laughable is when the bitch making the accusation is actually the one who has no clue what a real commitment is!

I bet most of us have heard this from some piece of ass whose resume could fit on a post-it note.  No career, no education, nothing going for her except maybe her looks and she has the fucking nerve to tell you that you don’t know what commitment is.

janeI even had one of the slopholes I’m banging try this tired old line when she wanted to be exclusive and I said hell fuck no.  This broad is still waiting tables at age 29, no education, no retirement, no accomplishments to speak of but yet she wants to tell me that I am afraid of commitment.  Jane you ignorant slut!

Newsflash cunts, it takes commitment to build a business, it takes commitment to get attend graduate school full time while working full time, it takes commitment to get up every goddamn morning and go to the fucking gym, it takes commitment to start out at the lowest level of a company and work your way up.  Hell that’s why you don’t see a ton of women at the heights of power in the corporate world, because it takes REAL commitment, REAL work!  Something most women want to avoid at all costs.  They’d rather just spread their legs and pop out a few snatch monkeys then live off the child support and government assistance.

How many of you guys out there bust your ass day in and day out, then some hole you’re fucking tries to run some bullshit mind games on you by telling you what you’re afraid of?  The only thing we’re afraid of is getting fucked over by some broad and the family court system. 

Ladies we’re not afraid of commitment, we just don’t like shitty business deals and that’s all you’re offering!  If you can’t even commit to finishing community fuck college then who the hell are you to tell someone else they are afraid of commitment?

Fellas, the next time some bitch says that phrase to you, just laugh in her fucking face and kick her the fuck off your roster.  Enough of putting up with their bullshit!

You’re now free to laugh in some cunt’s face

fake titters and flag

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, relationship | Tagged: , , , | 6 Comments »

Avoid Marriage Files: Don’t Be That Guy

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 3, 2012

dumbass begging

This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Holy fucking shit guys, I saw some sad shit today.  I was wandering through a large sporting goods store and stopped to look at some golf clubs.  Up comes this guy with this woman in tow and they stop at the driver display beside where I was checking out the Tiger Woods set.  (the TW set is cool because every time you swing the club a hooker flies out of the golf bag)

Now I had to actually do a double take to make sure that it was actually a full grown man next to me because it sounded more like a little boy trying to convince his mommy that he really needs this new toy.  It went something like this:

Him: Here’s the clubs I was talking about honey.

Her: You already have a perfectly good set of golf clubs.

Him: Yeah but these are different, I need a new driver.

Her: I don’t even know what that is but we can’t afford to spend that much money on something you already have. 

Him: I don’t have a club like th….(she cuts him off)

Her: The answer is NO!  Christmas isn’t far off, maybe we’ll have money then.  Now c’mon, let’s go we’ve been in here long enough.

treat like a childShe then literally took this guy’s hand and walked him towards the front of the store.  It was like watching a fucking car accident in super slow motion.  The shit was actually painful to watch! 

Yet another reason to avoid marriage is because you do not want to be this fucking guy.  You don’t want to be the guy who has to check with his wife or girlfriend to see “what you’re doing” whenever a buddy invites you to have a few drinks after work or to come watch the game this weekend.  The guy who has to clear every fucking purchase he makes with the fucking battle axe of a wife he’s stuck with.  The guy who gets the fucking book thrown at him whenever he takes $20 from the ATM and forgets to tell mommy.

You do not want to be those guys!!!  You want to spend 100% of your paycheck, you know the one that YOU busted your fucking ass for, yes I’m talking about YOUR goddamn paycheck!!  You want to spend it on YOU!  On the place that you chose to live, on the bills that you choose to have and not a bunch of unnecessary bullshit that is par for the course when you’re locked down with a wife or live-in girlfriend.

You should be the one flying the plane, no copilots here motherfuckers!  Think of your life like a single seat F/A-18 fighter jet.  You are in control, not some loud mouthed bitch who didn’t even earn the money but yet want to tell you how to fucking spend it!  Fuck that!

You’re now free to drop cum bombs on some skanks forehead.


Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , | 13 Comments »

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