Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Avoid Marriage Files: Don’t Be That Guy

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 3, 2012

dumbass begging

This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Holy fucking shit guys, I saw some sad shit today.  I was wandering through a large sporting goods store and stopped to look at some golf clubs.  Up comes this guy with this woman in tow and they stop at the driver display beside where I was checking out the Tiger Woods set.  (the TW set is cool because every time you swing the club a hooker flies out of the golf bag)

Now I had to actually do a double take to make sure that it was actually a full grown man next to me because it sounded more like a little boy trying to convince his mommy that he really needs this new toy.  It went something like this:

Him: Here’s the clubs I was talking about honey.

Her: You already have a perfectly good set of golf clubs.

Him: Yeah but these are different, I need a new driver.

Her: I don’t even know what that is but we can’t afford to spend that much money on something you already have. 

Him: I don’t have a club like th….(she cuts him off)

Her: The answer is NO!  Christmas isn’t far off, maybe we’ll have money then.  Now c’mon, let’s go we’ve been in here long enough.

treat like a childShe then literally took this guy’s hand and walked him towards the front of the store.  It was like watching a fucking car accident in super slow motion.  The shit was actually painful to watch! 

Yet another reason to avoid marriage is because you do not want to be this fucking guy.  You don’t want to be the guy who has to check with his wife or girlfriend to see “what you’re doing” whenever a buddy invites you to have a few drinks after work or to come watch the game this weekend.  The guy who has to clear every fucking purchase he makes with the fucking battle axe of a wife he’s stuck with.  The guy who gets the fucking book thrown at him whenever he takes $20 from the ATM and forgets to tell mommy.

You do not want to be those guys!!!  You want to spend 100% of your paycheck, you know the one that YOU busted your fucking ass for, yes I’m talking about YOUR goddamn paycheck!!  You want to spend it on YOU!  On the place that you chose to live, on the bills that you choose to have and not a bunch of unnecessary bullshit that is par for the course when you’re locked down with a wife or live-in girlfriend.

You should be the one flying the plane, no copilots here motherfuckers!  Think of your life like a single seat F/A-18 fighter jet.  You are in control, not some loud mouthed bitch who didn’t even earn the money but yet want to tell you how to fucking spend it!  Fuck that!

You’re now free to drop cum bombs on some skanks forehead.


13 Responses to “Avoid Marriage Files: Don’t Be That Guy”

  1. M3 said

    HA. i just wrote about this 2 days ago.

    how i’d hate being in that guys position.

    • Capt. No-Marriage said

      Holy shit I didn’t know Tigerdirect has outlet stores, thanks man! Great post man. That’s an awesome feeling the first time you walk into a store and realize that you can buy whatever the fuck you want and you won’t have to hear a single peep from anyone! About that picture, I agree, he’s probably praying that she’ll shut up!!!!!

  2. M3 said

    ps- that 1st picture you have of the guy.. like he’s praying, and the smug look on her face. you know how often i see that?

    women take a perverse pleasure in knowing they can make a grown man beg and grovel, and they’ll hate him even more for it. men on the flip take no pleasure in making a woman cry, they just don’t want to be around when the waterworks start because it’s so grating.

    but yeah, something about that first pic just set me off. sorry, had nothing to do with your post. undealt with trauma i suppose.

    • Capt. No-Marriage said

      Hey I like your blog man, you’re a fucking posting machine over there. No wonder you need a break!! I’ll drink a few extra beers for you. Hell I might see if I can find some Molson or go old school with some LaBatt Blue in honor of my Canadian readers.

      • M3 said

        You’re too kind my good sir but the comp is most appreciated! I credit the sphere, since half my posts are inspired (or was driven to by anger) by other posts/events i see. A lot of my stuff is rehash, just my own take and spin. I lend a voice to concepts already out there, nothing more. But if people enjoy it.. SCORE!

        I love your philosophy and have been lurking there since mid last year a few months after my marriage went belly up. A hell i will not repeat in this lifetime, not unless laws are severely re written.Till then, i’ll feel free to be a squirrel to her tree n bust my nut in her with glee.

        Whatever you do choose.. stay frosty n drink hearty!

  3. Fuckaire said

    “the TW set is cool because every time you swing the club a hooker flies out of the golf bag”

    No, no, no, it should be porn stars fly out of the bag. Man, get it right.

  4. […] When i saw this pic i instantly thought of my Canada Day Post because i don’t have to make my purchasing decisions using my own money through a 2nd rate nagging acc…. […]

  5. nerdypants said

    Now I had to actually do a double take to make sure that it was actually a full grown man next to me because it sounded more like a little boy trying to convince his mommy that he really needs this new toy.

    Your response assumes that she should have no say in how the money gets spent because she makes no financial contribution to the family. But even if she didn’t earn a pay-check, how much do you think it would cost him to hire a house-keeper, a prostitute, and a child-carer to do the tasks that she does? If that has no value to him, then he should divorce her and see if he can afford the golf-clubs either way.

    • Capt. No-Marriage said

      My response is that an adult male should not have to ask permission to spend his own money. And a house-keeper and hooker are way cheaper than a wife. I didn’t include nanny because it’s not guys who push for kids. Men just want to fuck, no guy sits around and dreams of having kids. All kids are is more bills.

      • nerdypants said

        You’ve got a bit of a reading-comprehension fail going on there. My point is that if a man is married, “his own money” is not his own. Even if a house-keeper and hooker are cheaper than a wife, a wife is still making an economic contribution, no matter how paltry you believe it to be. Though it seems that ultimately we’re vehemently agreeing with one another: if a man finds that the pay-off from a wife is not worth the cost (currently legally set at about half your assets), then it is best that he go down the hookers, house-keepers and golf clubs route. And I certainly hope that any man here, for whom your words resonated, will do exactly that. And get a vasectomy while they’re at it.

  6. Scott said

    American Men are just as feminist as American Women. If you want to know how to break the feminism that infects your mind, watch a couple season of The Dog Whisperer. You are Caesar, your woman is the dog. Do as he does and you’ll be fine. Caesar doesn’t beat or abuse the dogs, he just acts like the man and they follow. The man-boy looking for golf clubs isn’t “being the man.”

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