This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers!

So many of us who voice our opinion concerning men and women are often painted as dickless, woman-haters.  Not that I give two shits about what the femtwats think, but I did think it would be nice if I took a moment to give some random advice to the 3 female readers that I have.  I have to warn you that it will sound similar to my normal rantings, also it won’t be in any particular order…….as usual.

Ok girls, birth control, fucking use it.  That means you, not him using a condom that’s been rotting in his wallet since 9th grade.  Speaking of kids, have them after you have a career and stable relationship.  Also be able to tell someone why you want them and I mean an intelligent answer other than “I just want them”.  Homeless people can reproduce, it’s not a fucking miracle or an accomplishment of any sort.  Kids are the quickest path to poverty and a surefire way to stay in poverty if you are already there.

It’s ok to date a loser but don’t have his fucking baby and don’t ever expect him to change.  Stop and think about all the losers and assholes you have already dated in the past, well guess what……they were losers and assholes the moment you met them, don’t get pissed at them.  Learn to see people for what they really are.  Some people are great to party with but you wouldn’t want to commit yourself to them.

Unless you are already financially secure, the purpose of college is to get you a job, it’s not there for you to fulfill your interests, that’s what a fucking library is for.  If you want to study literature, join a fucking group and you can piss and moan about King Lear till your twat falls out.  But don’t go into debt getting a major in a worthless fucking degree.  Yes the other degrees are hard and require shit like math, that just means more studying and less drinking and smoking.  Don’t worry, later on you’ll have plenty of time and money to pursue your vices.

Plan for the future girls.  Contribute to your 401k or other retirement account.  Unless you want to be the old bitch eating cat food, stop buying a new purse every time your clit twitches and put that money into your retirement account. Don’t think you’ll find some sucker to pay your way, chances are you’re too fat for that anyways.  Take some of that time you spend reading Facebook and read some financial articles, yes they’re boring but that’s because you don’t know shit about money.  Learn dumbass.

Speaking of fat, if a person can’t control their own fucking body they chances are the other areas of their lives will be equally fucked.  Put down the goddamn Twinkie and get your ass on a treadmill and do some squats while you’re at it for that sagging ass.  Look, women love to look better than other women, this is the easiest way to do it, work out.  A toned body is something that can’t be bought, inherited, or stolen.  It has to be worked for and it speaks volumes to your character.

Oh…..going back to finance, learn what the fuck a FICO score is.  Pay your fucking bills on time. If you have to put it on a credit card then you can’t fucking afford it Princess!  Your wants are  not needs, the quicker you learn this the quicker you will actually be able to afford your wants without putting yourself in a fucking hole.

Well I could go on but most American women can’t read so why bother wasting my time.

You’re now free to piss on a homeless woman.

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