Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Advice for the Ladies

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 23, 2014

Brazilian beach volleyball player

This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers!

So many of us who voice our opinion concerning men and women are often painted as dickless, woman-haters.  Not that I give two shits about what the femtwats think, but I did think it would be nice if I took a moment to give some random advice to the 3 female readers that I have.  I have to warn you that it will sound similar to my normal rantings, also it won’t be in any particular order…….as usual.

Ok girls, birth control, fucking use it.  That means you, not him using a condom that’s been rotting in his wallet since 9th grade.  Speaking of kids, have them after you have a career and stable relationship.  Also be able to tell someone why you want them and I mean an intelligent answer other than “I just want them”.  Homeless people can reproduce, it’s not a fucking miracle or an accomplishment of any sort.  Kids are the quickest path to poverty and a surefire way to stay in poverty if you are already there.

It’s ok to date a loser but don’t have his fucking baby and don’t ever expect him to change.  Stop and think about all the losers and assholes you have already dated in the past, well guess what……they were losers and assholes the moment you met them, don’t get pissed at them.  Learn to see people for what they really are.  Some people are great to party with but you wouldn’t want to commit yourself to them.

Unless you are already financially secure, the purpose of college is to get you a job, it’s not there for you to fulfill your interests, that’s what a fucking library is for.  If you want to study literature, join a fucking group and you can piss and moan about King Lear till your twat falls out.  But don’t go into debt getting a major in a worthless fucking degree.  Yes the other degrees are hard and require shit like math, that just means more studying and less drinking and smoking.  Don’t worry, later on you’ll have plenty of time and money to pursue your vices.

Plan for the future girls.  Contribute to your 401k or other retirement account.  Unless you want to be the old bitch eating cat food, stop buying a new purse every time your clit twitches and put that money into your retirement account. Don’t think you’ll find some sucker to pay your way, chances are you’re too fat for that anyways.  Take some of that time you spend reading Facebook and read some financial articles, yes they’re boring but that’s because you don’t know shit about money.  Learn dumbass.

Speaking of fat, if a person can’t control their own fucking body they chances are the other areas of their lives will be equally fucked.  Put down the goddamn Twinkie and get your ass on a treadmill and do some squats while you’re at it for that sagging ass.  Look, women love to look better than other women, this is the easiest way to do it, work out.  A toned body is something that can’t be bought, inherited, or stolen.  It has to be worked for and it speaks volumes to your character.

Oh…..going back to finance, learn what the fuck a FICO score is.  Pay your fucking bills on time. If you have to put it on a credit card then you can’t fucking afford it Princess!  Your wants are  not needs, the quicker you learn this the quicker you will actually be able to afford your wants without putting yourself in a fucking hole.

Well I could go on but most American women can’t read so why bother wasting my time.

You’re now free to piss on a homeless woman.


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8 Responses to “Advice for the Ladies”

  1. Bill Esquire said

    It would be nice to have more females in the STEM majors, but, with exceptions, I just don’t think a lot of them are “wired” for it. I’ve also read many complaints about H1B visas lately as well. Basically, SOME companies want cheap foreign labor instead of US engineers and whatnot. That doesn’t mean you should major in Bowling, but unless you have the interest and motivation for Science and/or Tech. stuff, maybe go with business or something. As for staying in shape, yea, you’re simply not going to get much attention from a desirable male if you have boatloads of lard, hah.

    • Capt. No-Marriage said

      Agreed, I know many aren’t wired for it, but many don’t even try. Some of them might as well major in Bowling considering some of the crap they do take. Like you said business. I think many people, especially women, fail to look at college for what it is, preparation for a job. You can always go back and study what you “want” later on.

      • Bill Esquire said

        Yea, I have mixed feelings on college in general as well. For most people, you learn what you need while on the job anyway. Something else that seems strange, is when you think of what most people consider the good classes(engineering, computer science, stem stuff, etc.), the overall lesson to be learned, without the specific details, is to use logic. Then in real life, a lot of graduates don’t apply the lesson in real life. For example, where’s the logic in signing a business contract with another person who, for the most part, lives their life based on emotions instead of reason(marriage)? Also, when it comes to kids and all the things that can wreck your finances and quality of life, why would they bother with that? I think a lot of good engineers are either easily influenced socially or are too good at the “test taking” part of life and not the “street smart” part of life. I’m being a bit vague but it’s like the topic of balance isn’t taught in college.

  2. Tim Smith said

    LOL Captain, if you actually expect that most people, especially women, are going to suddenly change overnight and all of a sudden because responsible adults, you will be sorely disappointed. Most people are retarded and nothing will change this.

  3. “Trust me, I may drink but I don’t drink enough to believe that.”

    Captain, I don’t believe that ANYONE could get that drunk.

    When I was younger and still remained single, some people would ask me why I wasn’t married yet. (Of course, they couldn’t believe that it was because of the sh*tty way that the girls I knew treated me, to the point that I became disillusioned with all women. Another reason was that I had a jealous, bossy older sister and saw first-hand what conniving bitches women could be.) One of my stock answers was, “Well, besides being lucky, I’ve never been THAT drunk.”

  4. tobechi74 said

    Crazy advice

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