Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Year off for shitting out kids??

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 10, 2015


What’s up fuckers!  This is your Captain speaking!!!  Welcome the fuck aboard!

First off, a quick shout out to fucking Norway, why?  Because I’m drunk, that’s why.

So NetFlix and Microsoft have recently announced that they’re helping the mothers of the world out by offering a shitload of paid leave for when they get knocked up.  This is the song all the little ladies love to sing, the song about how you really can have it all.  Right ladies?

Wrong! Take a year off paid huh?  Here’s how you broads are fucking yourself right in your wage gap.

What do you think will happen when it comes time for a raise?  Yes I know the company can’t hold that against you and they shouldn’t.  However you also don’t get any credit for shit that happened while you were gone.  Here’s how many companies administer raises.

Managers get a set amount for raises/promotions which are based on MERIT.  Guess what, your lifestyle choice of shitting out a kid has just as much merit as my new redneck hot tub equipped with rope lighting.  Merit means shit you’ve gotten done at work.  Chances are if you haven’t been at work, you haven’t done shit.  I’m going to give the raises to the people who were doing your job while you were gone.  Not because I hate mothers but because that is fair.  I reward performance, not absence.

Also when it comes time for promotion the people we think of first are the ones who are actually there.  So don’t get pissed off when you come back and I’ve promoted the 300lb lesbian as your new boss. You’re out of site out of mind bitch.  Just like I would be if I took a year off to go buttfuck Trappist monks while they made beer.  And yes, I’m comparing buttfucking monks to shitting out a kid.  At least in my case I’d have to climb a mountain or some shit.

Anywhore, my point is women need to give up this fantasy of having it all and this “balance” bullshit.  If you’re balanced, then you’re not doing shit.

You’re now free go buttfuck some monks and steal their beer.

5 Responses to “Year off for shitting out kids??”

  1. Andy said

    That was quite the dissertation, Captain! Also, they shouldn’t get pissed off when they get fired for frequent absenteeism due to having to call in or leave work to continually take care of a sick child or because they couldn’t find a babysitter. They also need to shut the fuck up when they keep taking increasingly lengthy medical leaves because pumping out their latest kid made them fat, stupid and feel sick and maternity leave supposedly wasn’t long enough.

    • What’s Andy! You think the ones who would really be raising hell are the other women who don’t have kids but since they’re in the minority I guess the femtards don’t care about them. If you’re a woman who isn’t shitting out kids then you’re as bad as a man.

  2. That’s just being mean!
    Men (and businesses) are unlimited fountains of money. If they choose to deny you any of their money, they are just being horrible for the sake of being horrible.

    • Capt. No-Marriage said

      Dammit Paul you’re right. Why are we even making the poor little ladies come into work at all? We should just mail them a check every two weeks!!!!

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