Capt. No-Marriage
The Political Pirate“Weighing In” on SI’s Swimsuit Issue
Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 27, 2016
This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!!!
Two hundred fucking pounds on the cover of SI’s swimsuit issue? I’m sure you’ve already heard about it, all the fatties are rejoicing and some youtube chick released a video titled “Dear Fat People pt2” where she made fun of the whole situation. Needless to say the powers that be didn’t care for a woman, one that probably works out at that, would break the PC ranks and speak the truth. This broad brought up a great point in that SI is…was….a magazine about elite athletics and competition. Why put someone on the cover who embodies the exact opposite? I couldn’t agree more, but there’s a deeper point.
The truth is fuckers, when was the last time you actually picked up the swimsuit issue from SI? I can remember when it wasn’t a standalone issue like it is now and the last time I looked at it was definitely pre-internet, probably as a teenager. Hop into my hot tub time machine fuckers and let’s look back!
Yes, here we are back when if you wanted to see porn you either needed a VCR or you had to brave the local adult theater and hope you didn’t run into your pastor. This is back when your local video store (yes we used to have to leave the house to rent a fucking movie) had that special room in the back marked “Adults Only”. That’s pretty much the last time any magazine, including SI was relevant and even then we only bought the swimsuit issue. We could get sports news daily on ESPN. SI is one of those mags you subscribe to because your old man used to get, kind of like Penthouse or Swank.
It’s no secret that all old media outlets like newspapers and magazines are seeing their sales decline as online media takes over. What happens when a company loses it’s customers? Well they have to find new ones, in this case SI is obviously going after women and poor guys who bang fat chicks.
Now if SI would have done this back in 1990 it would have meant something, it would have been a real victory for the PC crowd, but not so much today. Regular guys have abandoned ship, sorry PC crowd but you’re storming an empty castle. It’s like the guy who bangs the hottest girl in school……..at the 20yr reunion, that shit don’t count and you just look stupid.
You’re now free to look at hot bitches on Google Images, like a normal person.
Captain No-Marriage Blog 
Andy said
Dear Captain,
That bit about video stores was so nostalgic. Thanks for that trip down memory lane. As for SI, fuck ’em, they’ve gone so downhill. They peaked years ago, ironically around the same time Great America had its heyday. I have better things to do with my free time, like chat on Skype with real, beautiful, thin foreign women. Of course, when I’m not doing that, I’m in their country, dating them, and, well, you know…
Capt. No-Marriage said
I’m just glad Playboy stopped doing photo spreads before they were forced to do a feature on the women of Walmart. Which there’s another magazine that’s fallen into obscurity.