Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Archive for the ‘avoid marriage’ Category

Men Love Fat Women

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 31, 2017


This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

I know a lot of the large and in charge hefties who claim that men love them just the way they are. They vary in fatness, from Jabba the Hut to the cute chick with a model face but a spare tire that is usually outclassed by her outrageously huge tits.  Their main claim is that men of course love fat women because look around, them and other women like them are able to get laid.

To me that’s like saying, since prisons are over-crowded, that must mean the rooms are really nice. The Ritz Carlton isn’t over-crowded, prison therefore must be nicer than the Ritz.

Let’s step back in time gentlemen, not too far, maybe the 80s, big hair, cocaine, Mtv actually played music.  I heard an older and wiser man say that in his day, the guys who played sports in school got the pretty girls and the rest of us got the other ones but they weren’t bad since they usually had the body, just not the face.

My how times change. I can remember the end of that era. It’s not new, the guys with the most power/resources get to choose their mates, nothing new there since the dawn of time. But like the old guys said, the ones left were still pretty fucking good. I had a prom date that from the neck down could have been in High Society magazine, maybe even Swank if you included her face. She had zero chance of prom queen but she would have taken the prize for blow job queen, that bitch loved to practice!

Back then, average meant she had her shit together but she just wasn’t blessed with a playboy bunny face. Like a getting a hail damaged Lexus, it’s still a fucking Lexus.  Nowadays when a woman says she’s average that just means that she can walk around Walmart under her own power without using one of those scooters. I saw some shit where a chick who was a size 16 was calling her self average.

We’ve got that 200lb tub of a SI cover model trying to convince all the other fatties that she works out. Works out of a Burger King bag maybe.

The guys you see with fat women today are the same types of guys who had the average decent looking women 30 years ago. The problem is women have lowered the bar quicker than Michael Jackson was lowering little kids pants.

Yes, there are a TON of guys with overweight women, show me the guys who are with a fat chick and are happy about it. Show me the guy who is with a tubster and wouldn’t trade her big ass in faster than a used Ford Tempo is his income suddenly doubled. You can’t because that guy doesn’t exist.

“But if the guy didn’t like it he wouldn’t be there….”

Let me clear that shit up right now, humans are lazy, it’s our nature to take the path of least resistance. Fat chicks are the path of least resistance when it comes to pussy. Yeah, spoiler alert, fat girls are easy. Rub your cock in chicken grease and let the magic begin.

Some of you guys actually got one of the decent ones, SCORE…………oh wait….it was bait and switch, after the marriage she just packed on the comfort weight. Apparently it took her 80lbs of extra weight to be comfortable. Lucky you.

The only thing that will change this is some type of SHTF (that’s for my readers who are preppers) scenario where food isn’t readily available at women’s fat fingertips. When we are forced to go back to a more primitive way of life where the slowest one of the bunch is the one who dies, that’s when shit will change. Until then if you want to fuck an American woman you better strap on the beer goggles, hell make it the Everclear goggles, beer just isn’t cutting it anymore with these bitches.

You’re now free to do shots of Everclear

Posted in avoid marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks, women, women's studies | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

#Truth

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 11, 2017


truth

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In Case You Forgot…

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 2, 2017


marriage-trap

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Work From Anywhere!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 18, 2016


This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers!!

Don’t worry about the title of this post, I won’t be trying to sell you on the latest MLM to come down the pike.  I am going to take a minute to offer some drunk advice that can apply to any age but especially for the 20-somethings.

I don’t have to tell you that it’s easier than ever to have some kind of income producing business online.  You’ve probably already read countless articles and watch youtube videos about all the benefits of not having a 9-5 and being tied to a job at a specific location.

Well here’s one benefit all the gurus probably failed to mention.  It’s a way to make sure you never get stuck having some broad’s hand in your wallet.  This isn’t about manning up or any of that bullshit.  I’m talking about you keeping your money and not paying it to some chick you banged, even if you were dumb enough to marry the bitch.

If you have a regular job here in Merica, the nanny state will ass rape you in the public square and garnish your wages.  Your employer will gladly go along with the scheme because at that moment they know you’re fucked and even more of a slave to the company than you were before.

However, if you make your money online you don’t have to have any connections to the US.  You can smile at the judge, not say a word and pick up your shit and move.  No you don’t have to live with pirates in Somalia, there are plenty of desirable places you can park your ass and your money out of reach from money-grubbing bitches.  I’m not going to list them because…..well…….Google.

What I’m saying is even if you don’t have to use the nuclear option of leaving the country to avoid paying some broad it still gives you freedom.  Even if you just have a skill that can be used in another country.  I know this sounds totally crazy to some people but if you ever find yourself in a courtroom and the judge is telling you how much you are going to be paying in alimony to some chick, possibly for life, it won’t sound so fucking crazy then.  It doesn’t sound crazy to the guy who isn’t seeing his kids because his ex called 911 on him before he even got home from work and found the police waiting for him.  It doesn’t sound crazy when suddenly it becomes your only option to live a decent life.

You’re now free to move about the globe.

Posted in avoid marriage, money, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Warning Label

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 4, 2016


What’s up fuckers!  Found this oldie but goodie.  Enjoy

msds-for-women

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , | 2 Comments »

Merica

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 7, 2016


rosie.jpg

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Chick Leaves Marriage….but ONLY after Shitting out a Kid

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 27, 2016


This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Not that this will surprise anyone who reads this blog, but over at the Suckington Post they have a story from a single mom……big surprise…….talking about how having her son gave her the strength to leave her husband.

Yes after years of marriage it wasn’t until she shat out a womb turd that she “realized” that her husband was verbally and emotionally abusive.  No folks not until she had locked down that 18+ year annuity did she realize she needed to leave her marriage.  Funny how that shit works.

She mentioned that she grew up with two parents but for some reason she decided on her own that her son didn’t need that.  No like most Western women she has decided that she’ll raise him to be perfect little gentleman, nothing like the guy she spent so much time spreading her legs for.

But that’s not all folks…………if you wander down to the comment section you’ll see several women say that they could have written the same dumbfuck story.  Isn’t that special?

Also throughout the story she makes sure to reference the kid as HER son, as if she had some sort of virgin birth.  She also mentioned how she didn’t have much money and would have to work……..brace yourselves……FULL TIME……..gasp!!!  A woman working full time, what kind of sorcery is this?  That poor little princess!!

It’s stories like this that I wish I could sit down with the guy and get his side of the story.  Like how he probably worked his ass off to support her and how the “abuse” was actually her constantly bitching about him working to take care of her and how marriage wasn’t the fairy-tale she thought it should be.

This is just one of thousands of examples of what marriage has become today.  Marriage is a shit sandwich for guys and that’s probably an insult to shit sandwiches!

If you guys aren’t tuning into the Tom Leykis show to catch the family law hour every other Tuesday, you need to start.  Or if you’re a lazy fuck like me, just subscribe and listen to it whenever, that segment alone is worth the money!  They talk about crazy shit like this all the time!

I just don’t know what else to say, that article is pure fuckery and so are the majority of women.  Just use em and lose em.  That’s all you can do and as they say in the UFC…”Protect yourself at all times”

You’re now free drink about the cabin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Remider

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 15, 2016


What up fuckers!  This is your Captain speaking!

Quick one here as we get ready for another week of kicking ass and drinking beers.

Stay focused on YOUR shit. I know that’s hard to do. You go to work and the rest of the sheepfuckers at your company are just trying to make it one more year so they can get that extra week of vacation.

You can’t confide in these fucks. Trust me, it’ll do more harm than good, especially if they see you making progress. If they see you as that crab in the bucket trying to make a leap for the rim, they’ll latch on to you and pull your ass back down to their level so fast it’ll make your nuts ache.

Just keep doing your shit under the cover of darkness and when the day comes just leave with a huge smile on your face and whisky on your breathe.  In the meantime, keep on fuckin!!!

You’re now free to ditch the 9-5.

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, money, Uncategorized | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Fuck Marriage

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 10, 2016


fuck marriage

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Screw the Rich?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 6, 2016


This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

A lot of this won’t apply to readers of this blog, but chances are you know some fuckers out there who are bitching about how they’re getting fucked by the rich, blah, blah, blah.

Back during the whole Occupy Wall Street bullshit, Adam Carolla released a rant about everyone is all pissed off the rich and he wondered how we got here.

Well, here we are, everyone is still pissed at the rich.  I get that I’m probably in the last generation who grew up in a world where everyone didn’t get trophy just for fucking showing up, but come the fuck on people.

Rich people don’t do the same dumb shit everyone else does.  I’m not a Hillary fan but she didn’t get knocked up in high school by the guy working the ticket booth at the local movie theater.  Hell she picked a guy who went on to be president, some of you broads can’t even pick a guy who can keep a needle out of his arm yet you think shit isn’t fair?

Yes, rich kids have an advantage early but their advantage doesn’t automatically mean everyone else is shut out.  You could have learned code at your local community college and gone on to build the next Uber or Twitter, but you didn’t, you knocked up your high school sweetheart instead.  Is that the fault of the 1%?

The average lazy fuck American reads one book a year, the average CEO reads four to five a month (according to Google which never lies).  I can hear people now talking about how they don’t have time to read that many books, they’re busy with the kids they didn’t plan for.  They have to take their kids to play sports…….all the sports, because even though little Johnny is the runt of his class he looks so cute in his football uniform, wonder why the coach never puts him in?  Oh well, there’s always soccer even though little Johnny has asthma, we don’t give a shit because we’re the parents who live through our kids!!

Some of you might ask how shows like Shark Tank and The Profit are popular if we hate the rich?  It does seemed fucked up at first, doesn’t it?  That’s because America has gone from a nation of people who get shit done to a nation of armchair quarterbacks and backseat drivers.  People love to watch those shows and say, “Hey I had that idea!”.  They like to think they are just like those people on TV, they too could come up with that million dollar idea, they might even have some hair-brain idea, hell maybe even a good idea but will they ever get off their ass to do anything with that idea?  Hell no!

People like to watch those shows and act like they’re one of the sharks, they probably criticize some of the sharks when an idea they like gets shot down.  It’s a combination of the iceberg effect and the lotto mentality people have.  They see the person on tv with their idea but they don’t see all the shit that guy went through to get there, they don’t see the failed attempts, the strained relationships, and all the just plain hard fucking work!!!  They just see the person cashing in and remark about how “lucky” that person is and how they could do that too if only they weren’t so busy.

SPOILER ALERT:  The rich aren’t out to fuck the little guy, the little guy is busy fucking himself and is doing a better job than the rich ever could.

You’re now free to stop fucking yourself. 

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, money, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

 
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