Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Archive for the ‘boobs’ Category

This One’s For Da Ladies….

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 28, 2011

ASSume da position

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard you fucking fuck fuckers!!!

So over the weekend I ate at one of the most entertaining lunch venues around, a place where a guy can always look and laugh at the final resting place of most Ameriskanks, I’m talking about Rubychillifridaygardenlobsterhorn.  There you will always find some shrill and her friend at the bar, way past their prime complaining about men.  So I’ve decided to help them out and explain some shit to them.

Their issue?  Men only want one thing from them.  Sex.sagging old tits

Our subjects were in their late 30s or early 40s, you could tell that they used to be hot, but time and high mileage had clearly taken it’s toll.  And these aren’t the older women you see in the gym that actually have a decent body, oh no these two birds were just trying to get by with stuffing their sagging tits into a pushup bra.  PBR wouldn’t even do the trick with these broads, you’d need something stronger like Colt 45 or Steel Reserve. 

Ladies, the reason guys only want sex from you is because that is all you have to offer.  This goes for women of any age.  Women who have their shit together emotionally, physically and financially don’t have this complaint. 

This reminded me of a high school classmate that I ran into a while back, she made the comment that all that hits on her are either really old guys or really young guys.  Well sweetie, successful guys don’t have to settle for a single mom with 3 kids from 2 different guys.  Mystery solved, call me fucking Shercock Holmes.

Now do most guys want sex, fucking duh!!!!!  However a lot of guys would love to find that one really great chick like the one I mentioned above, the mythical woman who actually has her shit together.  Although you’d probably have more luck finding a golden unicorn and fucking it in the ass, anywhore…until we find either her or the unicorn we’re just going to keep using you for the only purpose you could possibly serve…..a hole.

You’re now free to fuck a unicorn in the ass.

unicorn hoe

Posted in avoid marriage, boobs, marriage sucks, sex, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

Alimony Goes Belly Up

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 17, 2011

                      boobs belly dancing

This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers!

Yet another great link dropped into my lap from Blackchild.  It’s a one page article from the New York Post that you can see here.a_belly_dancing ho 

Now we all know idiots who call into work, then post pictures of them out at the beach or on a lake and later wonder how they got busted ( and why they got fired).  This broad fits right in with that group of idiots. 

Being your typical NYC ball-busting bitch, she was looking to get LIFETIME ALIMONY from her soon to be ex husband because she was a greedy bitch who doesn’t want to work disabled. 

Disabled except for the fact she was able to spend several hours a day belly-dancing.  Then our Mensa member decided to blog about her spending several hours a day belly dancing.  Then her hubby entered her blogs as evidence and now her hula hoop swinging ass will now have to get a job. (yes I know hula hoops are not a part of belly dancing……..unless you’re in a strip club)

However, read what happened to her, she still got two years of alimony ($400 a month) not much but still since she can obviously work, why give her ANY?  Plus she still gets 40% of the proceeds from the sale of the house that probably was paid for 100% by the husband.

belly dancingSo basically you have another of a case where a woman is busted trying to commit FRAUD and nobody gives a shit.  Poor oppressed woman, must be tough not having to live by the same laws that the rest of us have too. 

Let’s see, the CDC say’s average life expectancy is about 78, which for her old ass would have meant 35 years of payments at $850 per month for a nominal total of $357,000!!!  So in other words this bitch tried to mug her husband for well over a quarter of a million dollars and she gets nothing for it!  Nice, really fucking nice.

So guys this is what you get with an American woman, a fraudster.  Yes, marriage is all about love, just sign on the dotted line.

You’re now free to drink Pabst Blue Ribbon and watch some Shakira videos with the sound turned off and Ozzy playing in the background.

Posted in avoid marriage, boobs, Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, Single mothers | Leave a Comment »

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