Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

marriage sucks

Still Kicking in 2019!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 6, 2019

Image result for marriage is shit


What’s up fuckers! I’ve got a shitload of content coming in 2019………well, actually all I have at the moment is a shitload of booze which is pretty much the same thing.

Posted in Marriage, marriage sucks, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Men Love Fat Women

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 31, 2017

This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

I know a lot of the large and in charge hefties who claim that men love them just the way they are. They vary in fatness, from Jabba the Hut to the cute chick with a model face but a spare tire that is usually outclassed by her outrageously huge tits.  Their main claim is that men of course love fat women because look around, them and other women like them are able to get laid.

To me that’s like saying, since prisons are over-crowded, that must mean the rooms are really nice. The Ritz Carlton isn’t over-crowded, prison therefore must be nicer than the Ritz.

Let’s step back in time gentlemen, not too far, maybe the 80s, big hair, cocaine, Mtv actually played music.  I heard an older and wiser man say that in his day, the guys who played sports in school got the pretty girls and the rest of us got the other ones but they weren’t bad since they usually had the body, just not the face.

My how times change. I can remember the end of that era. It’s not new, the guys with the most power/resources get to choose their mates, nothing new there since the dawn of time. But like the old guys said, the ones left were still pretty fucking good. I had a prom date that from the neck down could have been in High Society magazine, maybe even Swank if you included her face. She had zero chance of prom queen but she would have taken the prize for blow job queen, that bitch loved to practice!

Back then, average meant she had her shit together but she just wasn’t blessed with a playboy bunny face. Like a getting a hail damaged Lexus, it’s still a fucking Lexus.  Nowadays when a woman says she’s average that just means that she can walk around Walmart under her own power without using one of those scooters. I saw some shit where a chick who was a size 16 was calling her self average.

We’ve got that 200lb tub of a SI cover model trying to convince all the other fatties that she works out. Works out of a Burger King bag maybe.

The guys you see with fat women today are the same types of guys who had the average decent looking women 30 years ago. The problem is women have lowered the bar quicker than Michael Jackson was lowering little kids pants.

Yes, there are a TON of guys with overweight women, show me the guys who are with a fat chick and are happy about it. Show me the guy who is with a tubster and wouldn’t trade her big ass in faster than a used Ford Tempo is his income suddenly doubled. You can’t because that guy doesn’t exist.

“But if the guy didn’t like it he wouldn’t be there….”

Let me clear that shit up right now, humans are lazy, it’s our nature to take the path of least resistance. Fat chicks are the path of least resistance when it comes to pussy. Yeah, spoiler alert, fat girls are easy. Rub your cock in chicken grease and let the magic begin.

Some of you guys actually got one of the decent ones, SCORE…………oh wait….it was bait and switch, after the marriage she just packed on the comfort weight. Apparently it took her 80lbs of extra weight to be comfortable. Lucky you.

The only thing that will change this is some type of SHTF (that’s for my readers who are preppers) scenario where food isn’t readily available at women’s fat fingertips. When we are forced to go back to a more primitive way of life where the slowest one of the bunch is the one who dies, that’s when shit will change. Until then if you want to fuck an American woman you better strap on the beer goggles, hell make it the Everclear goggles, beer just isn’t cutting it anymore with these bitches.

You’re now free to do shots of Everclear

Posted in avoid marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks, women, women's studies | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Reader Mail

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 9, 2013


What’s up fuckers!  Every once in a while I sober up just long enough to read a couple emails.  Today I found this one from a vet, which I’d like to thank him and all our our service members for their duty. 

It’s a well written letter, make you think.  Now here it is…


Why I don’t support men’s rights groups: On my first deployment I was pulling guard duty with this SGT in his 40s, I was about 19 at the time. All he did was stare at the wall and dip. Sitting there staring at the wall and dipping tobacco. I could never understand at 19 why he was so shut down emotionally. So I asked him why. He replied with an answer I’d never forget: I figured out the meaning of life he said, "I’m normal and everyone else is fucked up in the head". Those were his exact words.

Now I’m 25 going on 26. After being burned by women and no longer being a nice guy to them I learned how to stand up for myself and not let myself be walked all over, or even worse avoid them all together which saves me the effort and possible embarrassment of an argument in public, but at the same time teaches them that anything they say is OK simply because they are a woman. Sometimes as I fall asleep at night I think about who I really am and I notice that I’m less trusting of women and don’t want to ever get married. Why would I when most of my adult friends got screwed over one way or another. Out of ALL the people I know, I know only ONE yes ONE man has full custody of ONE of his 3 children. And that’s only because the mom was in jail for drugs right before the divorce and judge kinda had to rule his way.

So back to contemplating about my Inner self. It’s incredibly difficult to turn on TV and see in EVERY sitcom of how the man is always portrayed as a dumb useless irresponsible person who only thinks about football and beer. And of course the women on TV are always right, smart and entitled to absolutely everything they want. That kinda stuff is boring to watch so I flip the channel every time I see something like that. But who would I talk to about it? My circle of friends is gone because I recently moved to a different city. I can’t just walk into a bar, come up to a stranger and start talking about real shit like this. I have to carry on a rather boring superficial conversation about food or cars.

So I went online and found your site. Witch kinda reinforced the concepts that are already in my head: women use men and men let that happen because most of them are pussies themselves. That is until they get burned enough and become heartless bachelors, or even worse: submit to society, get married and forever get used as a slave by their wife who would divorce and take everything she can get her hands on if the man doesn’t act right. And if a man has a dispute with a woman the man is guilty until proven innocent. Proving yourself innocent is a very expensive process in court these days. This whole system is messed up and for some reason people are scared to talk about it publically. Only words exchanged are online in anonymous forums. I tried talking about this shit in public places with people I know. Most of them are frankly not intelligent enough to understand my points or they just don’t care about it because they are too stupid to realize just how much they would really get fucked in a divorce court or even in a dispute that winds up in front of a judge. And those who understand are too scared to come out of the closet.

There’s a whole list of things that are wrong with society today. And no, the problem isn’t liberals, republicans, gun collectors or anti-abortion groups. The real problem is that we live in a world where the society worships Kim Kardashian and a lot of women want to act like her. The problem is that men empower wrongdoing done by women by not standing up for themselves. And those men that do stand up for themselves don’t get labeled by the media as the "good guy". To be honest, men do a lot of shit wrong too but that kind of behavior doesn’t last because of courts and social exile that any woman can impose on any guy that tells her something she doesn’t want to hear.

So why don’t we males organize ourselves into political power? Well two reasons in my opinion: first of all there’s too much political correctness these days and the first politician to mention "men’s rights" is going to be committing a "public political suicide". Second and most important reason is that men want to fuck most the women while women want only 10% of the top preforming males. So the top 10% of men get 100% of the hot chicks. Notice no women are ever homeless by the way unless they’re old or fat. I’ve seen plenty 20 year old guys in down town Chicago asking for change, not a single 20 year old chick ever asked me for a nickel. So as a man I have a choice to compete with the rest and be a successful bachelor or settle for less and become a slave to my future wife. Either way I won’t be in an organized movement for "men’s rights". I will either get it my way and make money and travel the world enjoying life in every country or I will get enslaved by marriage and the court system. So either way I won’t be an activist.

On my last night out in Austin, I tried coming up to multiple hot random chicks and talking about serious shit like this. I didn’t get any good results at all. So what does that teach me? Play a game or be played but there is no changing it. Worst of all I’m beginning to think that the hotter a woman is the more entitled she feels. A gross stereotype maybe but prove me wrong. So as I go out pondering the streets looking for a one night stand I’m beginning to realize that I also know the meaning of life: I’m normal and everyone else is fucked up in the head.”


See, I told you that shit was good.  So many great points in one email!!!

I’m of the mind that if this gentleman enjoys his life the way HE wants to enjoy it, that sends a far greater message than any political action group could ever do.  So my good man, I am raising my glass to you where ever you might be, I hope that you are making your own way and enjoying your life to the fullest.  Cheers.


Posted in Captain No Marriage, Marriage, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Comments and Shit

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 7, 2012

fitness Laura Coleman

This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers, it’s been a while!

A while back I did a post about shit that you never hear married guys say and I got some awesome comments from you guys.  I even got a comment from one of my 3 female readers.  A comment that merits some additional attention, it’s from reader Mina.

“There are a few of us out here who really do care about our husbands and want to have sex with them all the time, even going so far as to work out so we look better in tiny mini skirts and no underwear to tempt him into it during pool games in the basement. We are out here, really. but… based on a lot of reading I’ve done lately there certainly are not a lot or even enough of us. my working theory so far is how the world is conspiring to make people into sheep from elementary school as clearly that’s where the girls are taking a left turn. I am sure I managed to avoid it only because of my strong, intelligent (alpha) father and my love of star trek and horses. I don’t have any answers and probably just as many if not more questions that you do. the state of the state of women and specifically male/female relations is very, very bad. one thing you may be able to look forward to is how things will change/improve with the economic contraction and possible collapse. Women will certainly start to see the value of MEN again and there will be a lot less time and energy for whining and complaining about how unfulfilling and unhaaaappy their lives are. It’s a shame that we wasted this era of plenty and leisure during our historic energy surplus the way we have. we don’t have this much free time to look forward to in our futures”

Mina I spend the majority of time here talking about what men are most likely to encounter.  I think it’s safe to say that most guys are aware that women like you exist much in the same way we know that PowerBall winners exist.  We know it happens, but the odds are it won’t happen to us.

Part of what has gone wrong with women is pure human nature and is the fault of the court system.  When you give one group power over another, they will never fail to use it to their advantage.  As long as women have the full backing of the state, they will never change.

To be honest Mina’s comment was well written, thought out and speaks for itself, I just thought I’d share it with the broader audience.  Time for another beer fuckers, I’ll catch you guys later!

You’re now free fuck about the cabin.


Posted in avoid marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , | 6 Comments »

Shit Married Guys NEVER Say!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 6, 2012

American bitch

What’s up fuckers, here’s a short list of shit that you will NEVER hear any married man say……EVER!!!!

  • She turned into a total freak after the wedding; I can’t keep her off me!
  • She was chunky when we dated but now after having a couple kids she has a fucking washboard stomach and her ass if fucking amazing!
  • I get awesome blow jobs all the fucking time!
  • I love having sex with the same woman day after day.
  • Now that we have kids our sex life has never been better.
  • Since becoming a mom she loves to wear sexy clothes and never goes out looking like a slob any more.
  • The sex gets better year after year!
  • I wasn’t pressured at all by her to get married.
  • I’d get married again in a heartbeat!
  • I’m glad we had kids before we were financially stable.
  • She really brings a lot to the table, not just sex.
  • My wife is the best lay I’ve EVER had!

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , | 7 Comments »

Bitch, You’re NOT My Dad!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 21, 2012

deadbeat mom

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!

So this past weekend was Father’s Day and I’m sure you fuckers have noticed the same trend over the years that I have.  Father’s Day has somehow become Single Cunt Can’t Find a Man Father’s Day.

The shit was REALLY bad on fucking Facebook.  The fucking anger some of these broads have is so deep that they can’t even entertain the thought that the reason their kids don’t have a dad is looking at them in the mirror. 

If a guy would have gone on Facebook on Mother’s Day and said happy mother’s day to all the women who don’t dump their kids off on someone else while they go to the club or to all the women not strung out on drugs………he would have been burned alive!

But even that is not what pisses me off the most.  What pisses me off the most is that about half of these Father’s Day comments are coming from fucking guys.  These goddamn pussies who never developed balls because their mom probably ran their dad off!  You know who I’m talking about, these are the same guys that when some warpig of a female posts some picture of her sweaty ass on her page, these motherfuckers give her 10 million likes and a bunch of comments about how good she looks.pussy motherfucker

These fucks never pass up an opportunity to kiss a woman’s ass, no matter how big and ugly that ass is.  They’re chasing pussy by trying to appease it, at some point you’d think they’d look at their lack of results and come up with a new plan.  Of course they don’t, they just keep putting bitches on pedestals and wishing them Happy Single Cunt Can’t Find a Man Father’s Day.

You’re now free to smack your bitch up.

F1 Babe

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, Fathers, Marriage, marriage sucks, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Avoid Marriage! Great Advice for Gays Too!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 8, 2012

women alimony

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!

So you’re gay, the state you live in has legalized gay marriage or civil unions and you want to make a point dammit!  You and your partner are getting married!!!!  Well you might want to read this article first. 

Divorce will cost you even more!  Did you read that shit?  People getting kicked out of the house they’ve lived in when their partner dies, benefits getting cut off……wait this sounds a lot like a normal divorce…….

gay marriage signThat is a normal heart wrenching family court experience I just described, although more fucked up if your gay because of the fucked up factor between the state and federal government.  But nonetheless it proves one point.

Marriage is a bad fucking idea no matter if you are straight, gay or Justin Bieber.  I would actually say even more so if you are gay since there are so many more legal landmines you have to maneuver through.  If you’re straight, the feds and state government have already agreed on how they plan to fuck you together.  They’re still working on it for you guys.

Listen gay people, take the butt plug out of your ear for a minute and listen to me.  Just because you’re gay does not mean all the shit we talk about here doesn’t apply to you!  If you want to make some kind of political or social statement then fucking vote.  DO NOT get married because in the end, the very people you are trying to make a point to will still get the last laugh. 

This shit could fuck up your life forever!!  Don’t believe me?  Look at some of the comments on this blog by guys who have had their lives destroyed by the family court system.  To the system you aren’t gay or straight, you’re just another person to fuck with.  Just say no to marriage.  Trust me, this is one “right” you don’t want anything to do with!!

You’re now free to watch Jewish lesbian midget porn.

lesbian midgets

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks, money | Tagged: , , | 5 Comments »

Marriage From Hell

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 30, 2012



Special thanks to Alan for sending this our way!

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Zuckerburg Should Have Avoided Marriage and Unfriended Chan

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 22, 2012


This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!

So I’m sure you’ve all heard by now that newly crowned billionaire Mark Zuckerberg married his girlfriend Priscilla Chan.  Some say it was to look more professional to Wall Street, some are talking about how it was such a smart move to wait till after the IPO (invalid argument since he married in the worse state in the country for a man to get married in, California) but since most of the people reading this already know this was a dumbfuck decision on his part, let’s go a little deeper.

suckerberg_chanI’ve seen several arguments about whether or not he had a prenup.  As I mentioned, the guy got married in Cally, I’m sure it’d be really easy for Mrs. Zuckerburg (if she does actually take his name) to simply tell a judge that she has been there from day one and that Facebook is just as much hers as it is his.  Bing bang boom, prenup thrown out.

Yes a prenup might help protect his grossly overvalued Facebook stock but just ask Warren Sapp or any other professional athlete about what really drains your fucking wallet and they’ll be happy to tell you a tale about womb turds.  It will be interesting to see how long before Mrs Chan-Zuckerballs cranks out a little 18yr annuity.  The one thing that a prenup can’t do fuck all about.

No I’m not going to rip him a new one for making the biggest mistake of his life, let’s be honest.  Just like we can’t expect ghetto thugs to understand how money works (NFL, NBA, etc) we can’t expect some socially awkward geek to realize that he doesn’t have to still play the role of tool and socially awkward geek that women don’t like.

We all know someone like him, really smart geek finally meets a below average looking chick who gives up the pussy and he falls in love with her for fear that if he doesn’t lock this one down then it will be back to the hallows of loneliness that he felt before.  Just like you can take the thug out of the ghetto but not the ghetto out of the thug, you can give the geek all the tools he needs to live the life of an alpha male, but you can’t make him realize and use those tools.

You’re now free to punch someone who was dumb enough to actually buy Facebook stock.

me so horny

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks | Tagged: , , , , | 12 Comments »

Avoid Marriage Files: Women Whose Life Goal is to Get Knocked Up

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 13, 2012

obese pregnant

This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!

How many of you guys have heard this one, a woman who is loud and proud that the only goal she has in life is to be a mother.  Now there might be some people out there, especially other cum dumpsters, who think there is nothing wrong with that.  But let’s look beyond the feel good bullshit, shall we?

Usually women like this are working some dead-end job, no education and the only thing they have going for them is the fact they have a slop hole.  Yet they want to bring another human being into the world without any regard as to what kind of conditions the kid would grow up in.  They don’t give two fucks who the father will be and in many cases when they do get knocked up they don’t fucking know who the father actually is.fat pregnant bitch

Many of these bitches are either expecting a man to come in and pay for everything or they’ll just leach off a bunch of government programs.  Either way they are looking for someone else to foot the bill while these cunts play house and raise the next generation of gang members.

What turns my stomach is that even in a corporate setting when some bitch makes a comment like that people act like this is a legitimate life goal.  It’s not, it’s a fucking biological function that happens every day.  A goal is something that takes planning and effort, spreading your legs doesn’t count as either.  Although as fat as most American women are I suppose you could argue that the act of spreading those massive fucking thighs would count as effort. 

These are some of the dream killers that Tom Leykis talks about.  These are women who want you to bust your ass so that you can pay for their dream of sitting on their ass watching daytime television for the rest of their lives.  These women have no idea of what a real goal is because they’ve never fucking had one.  Fuck these broads!

You’re now free blow a load in her eye.

sandra alionco

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks, money, women | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

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