Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Archive for the ‘money’ Category

Work From Anywhere!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 18, 2016


This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers!!

Don’t worry about the title of this post, I won’t be trying to sell you on the latest MLM to come down the pike.  I am going to take a minute to offer some drunk advice that can apply to any age but especially for the 20-somethings.

I don’t have to tell you that it’s easier than ever to have some kind of income producing business online.  You’ve probably already read countless articles and watch youtube videos about all the benefits of not having a 9-5 and being tied to a job at a specific location.

Well here’s one benefit all the gurus probably failed to mention.  It’s a way to make sure you never get stuck having some broad’s hand in your wallet.  This isn’t about manning up or any of that bullshit.  I’m talking about you keeping your money and not paying it to some chick you banged, even if you were dumb enough to marry the bitch.

If you have a regular job here in Merica, the nanny state will ass rape you in the public square and garnish your wages.  Your employer will gladly go along with the scheme because at that moment they know you’re fucked and even more of a slave to the company than you were before.

However, if you make your money online you don’t have to have any connections to the US.  You can smile at the judge, not say a word and pick up your shit and move.  No you don’t have to live with pirates in Somalia, there are plenty of desirable places you can park your ass and your money out of reach from money-grubbing bitches.  I’m not going to list them because…..well…….Google.

What I’m saying is even if you don’t have to use the nuclear option of leaving the country to avoid paying some broad it still gives you freedom.  Even if you just have a skill that can be used in another country.  I know this sounds totally crazy to some people but if you ever find yourself in a courtroom and the judge is telling you how much you are going to be paying in alimony to some chick, possibly for life, it won’t sound so fucking crazy then.  It doesn’t sound crazy to the guy who isn’t seeing his kids because his ex called 911 on him before he even got home from work and found the police waiting for him.  It doesn’t sound crazy when suddenly it becomes your only option to live a decent life.

You’re now free to move about the globe.

Posted in avoid marriage, money, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Remider

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 15, 2016


What up fuckers!  This is your Captain speaking!

Quick one here as we get ready for another week of kicking ass and drinking beers.

Stay focused on YOUR shit. I know that’s hard to do. You go to work and the rest of the sheepfuckers at your company are just trying to make it one more year so they can get that extra week of vacation.

You can’t confide in these fucks. Trust me, it’ll do more harm than good, especially if they see you making progress. If they see you as that crab in the bucket trying to make a leap for the rim, they’ll latch on to you and pull your ass back down to their level so fast it’ll make your nuts ache.

Just keep doing your shit under the cover of darkness and when the day comes just leave with a huge smile on your face and whisky on your breathe.  In the meantime, keep on fuckin!!!

You’re now free to ditch the 9-5.

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, money, Uncategorized | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Screw the Rich?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 6, 2016


This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

A lot of this won’t apply to readers of this blog, but chances are you know some fuckers out there who are bitching about how they’re getting fucked by the rich, blah, blah, blah.

Back during the whole Occupy Wall Street bullshit, Adam Carolla released a rant about everyone is all pissed off the rich and he wondered how we got here.

Well, here we are, everyone is still pissed at the rich.  I get that I’m probably in the last generation who grew up in a world where everyone didn’t get trophy just for fucking showing up, but come the fuck on people.

Rich people don’t do the same dumb shit everyone else does.  I’m not a Hillary fan but she didn’t get knocked up in high school by the guy working the ticket booth at the local movie theater.  Hell she picked a guy who went on to be president, some of you broads can’t even pick a guy who can keep a needle out of his arm yet you think shit isn’t fair?

Yes, rich kids have an advantage early but their advantage doesn’t automatically mean everyone else is shut out.  You could have learned code at your local community college and gone on to build the next Uber or Twitter, but you didn’t, you knocked up your high school sweetheart instead.  Is that the fault of the 1%?

The average lazy fuck American reads one book a year, the average CEO reads four to five a month (according to Google which never lies).  I can hear people now talking about how they don’t have time to read that many books, they’re busy with the kids they didn’t plan for.  They have to take their kids to play sports…….all the sports, because even though little Johnny is the runt of his class he looks so cute in his football uniform, wonder why the coach never puts him in?  Oh well, there’s always soccer even though little Johnny has asthma, we don’t give a shit because we’re the parents who live through our kids!!

Some of you might ask how shows like Shark Tank and The Profit are popular if we hate the rich?  It does seemed fucked up at first, doesn’t it?  That’s because America has gone from a nation of people who get shit done to a nation of armchair quarterbacks and backseat drivers.  People love to watch those shows and say, “Hey I had that idea!”.  They like to think they are just like those people on TV, they too could come up with that million dollar idea, they might even have some hair-brain idea, hell maybe even a good idea but will they ever get off their ass to do anything with that idea?  Hell no!

People like to watch those shows and act like they’re one of the sharks, they probably criticize some of the sharks when an idea they like gets shot down.  It’s a combination of the iceberg effect and the lotto mentality people have.  They see the person on tv with their idea but they don’t see all the shit that guy went through to get there, they don’t see the failed attempts, the strained relationships, and all the just plain hard fucking work!!!  They just see the person cashing in and remark about how “lucky” that person is and how they could do that too if only they weren’t so busy.

SPOILER ALERT:  The rich aren’t out to fuck the little guy, the little guy is busy fucking himself and is doing a better job than the rich ever could.

You’re now free to stop fucking yourself. 

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, money, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Single Moms? No Deal!!!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 30, 2014


single mom

This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Man, are there some delusional fucking bitches out there or fucking what!!!

I tell you what, when I say good-bye to the corporate world I definitely won’t miss all these bat-shit crazy women at the workplace.

There’s one skank in particular and I probably don’t even need to describe her, you could probably fucking guess.  Overweight…..hold up…she’s fucking fat, two kids from a loser on disability and she’s about to turn 30.

But wait folks, she is telling everyone who will listen (and anyone else in earshot) about how 30 is going to be the start of her new life.  Sure she wasted her 20s on some loser and even has the stretched out vag to prove it!  She’s decided at 30 to get her shit together…….well not really, but a girl can dream right?

As you might guess, the chorus of fat and fugly friends are telling her the same horseshit all women tell each other about how it’s not too late for her to find a great guy.  About how any guy would be lucky to have a woman like her.  She’s beautiful and if a guy can’t see that it’s his loss….

Are these bitches serious?  I know I see that shit all over social media too, where a butt-fucking ugly bitch posts a picture and all her fat and fucked in the head friends tell her how beautiful she is.  Personally I don’t think these bitches believe it when they tell that shit to other women, but ironically they actually believe it when it’s told to them.fat-woman-gym

So how about that awesome deal our over the hill and NFL sized gal has to offer some lucky white knight?  Wow, let’s start with the two bastard children who are both below the age of 10.  Hope you don’t plan on doing anything with your life for the next ten years Mr Lucky Guy because the only thing you’ll be doing is paying for kids who fucking hate you.  Think she’ll be getting child support? Doubt it, even if she does it’ll be the bare minimum and you won’t see any of it.  You better call your doctor for an appointment to get snipped because as Tom Leykis has been telling us for years, these skanks will get pregnant again, whether you want another womb turd in the house or not!!!  Let’s not forget the fact that loser she hates so much will be stopping by your house, or even better she’ll have to take the kids to him where she’ll be able to get some dick on the side for old time’s sake.

Let’s not forget that body of hers that is now wrecked because she gave her best years to some loser.  Oh sure she’ll tell you how she hates him, but just remember, he fucked her back when the pussy was actually tight.  She can’t even hold her piss now, good luck getting off.  I’m sure she’ll also tell you how now that she’s older and worn out, she’s now in her sexual prime even though her body and vagina aren’t even good enough to be in a salvage yard!

I could just go on and on forever about this awesome deal, but it’s safe to say that any guy who would get in line for a woman like that deserves what he gets.

Listen guys, it’s not your job to play cleanup when these broads fuck up their lives.  All you’ll end up doing is fucking up your own life.  Don’t even entertain the thought!

You’re now free to visit Thailand.

asian-big-tits-minka

 

Posted in money, Single mothers, women's studies | Tagged: , , , | 6 Comments »

Advice for the Ladies

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 23, 2014


Brazilian beach volleyball player

This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers!

So many of us who voice our opinion concerning men and women are often painted as dickless, woman-haters.  Not that I give two shits about what the femtwats think, but I did think it would be nice if I took a moment to give some random advice to the 3 female readers that I have.  I have to warn you that it will sound similar to my normal rantings, also it won’t be in any particular order…….as usual.

Ok girls, birth control, fucking use it.  That means you, not him using a condom that’s been rotting in his wallet since 9th grade.  Speaking of kids, have them after you have a career and stable relationship.  Also be able to tell someone why you want them and I mean an intelligent answer other than “I just want them”.  Homeless people can reproduce, it’s not a fucking miracle or an accomplishment of any sort.  Kids are the quickest path to poverty and a surefire way to stay in poverty if you are already there.

It’s ok to date a loser but don’t have his fucking baby and don’t ever expect him to change.  Stop and think about all the losers and assholes you have already dated in the past, well guess what……they were losers and assholes the moment you met them, don’t get pissed at them.  Learn to see people for what they really are.  Some people are great to party with but you wouldn’t want to commit yourself to them.

Unless you are already financially secure, the purpose of college is to get you a job, it’s not there for you to fulfill your interests, that’s what a fucking library is for.  If you want to study literature, join a fucking group and you can piss and moan about King Lear till your twat falls out.  But don’t go into debt getting a major in a worthless fucking degree.  Yes the other degrees are hard and require shit like math, that just means more studying and less drinking and smoking.  Don’t worry, later on you’ll have plenty of time and money to pursue your vices.

Plan for the future girls.  Contribute to your 401k or other retirement account.  Unless you want to be the old bitch eating cat food, stop buying a new purse every time your clit twitches and put that money into your retirement account. Don’t think you’ll find some sucker to pay your way, chances are you’re too fat for that anyways.  Take some of that time you spend reading Facebook and read some financial articles, yes they’re boring but that’s because you don’t know shit about money.  Learn dumbass.

Speaking of fat, if a person can’t control their own fucking body they chances are the other areas of their lives will be equally fucked.  Put down the goddamn Twinkie and get your ass on a treadmill and do some squats while you’re at it for that sagging ass.  Look, women love to look better than other women, this is the easiest way to do it, work out.  A toned body is something that can’t be bought, inherited, or stolen.  It has to be worked for and it speaks volumes to your character.

Oh…..going back to finance, learn what the fuck a FICO score is.  Pay your fucking bills on time. If you have to put it on a credit card then you can’t fucking afford it Princess!  Your wants are  not needs, the quicker you learn this the quicker you will actually be able to afford your wants without putting yourself in a fucking hole.

Well I could go on but most American women can’t read so why bother wasting my time.

You’re now free to piss on a homeless woman.

homeless

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Posted in Captain No Marriage, money, women, women's studies | Tagged: , | 8 Comments »

Fishing Off the Company Pier?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 22, 2013


fishing

This is your Captain speaking…..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Title says it all……do you date coworkers?

Most of us probably have at some point.  I did when I made a lot less money, now I’d never risk it. 

Some of my peers think I’m crazy because of "all the hot women at work", but unless you work at strip club or a Hooters, chances are there aren’t as many hot prospects around as you might think.  Think I’m crazy, check this out…

Couple thousand people in my building, about 75% female, so about 75 women out of every 100 people.  Well here in good ole Merica about 70% of adults are overweight or obese, so that leaves us with 23 women out of the 75 that aren’t fat.  Of those 23, chances are half of them will be way past their prime, so you’d be lucky to have a dozen of the 23 that would be under 40.  Of the remaining 12 half of them will be fucking ugly, might be a butter face or two in there if you’re lucky.  So now we’re down to 6, of those six at least 4 or 5 of them will be either married or in a relationship.  So for every 100 people I see, one possibly two might be available to fuck, maybe not even one or two if you weed out for mental health issues.   Yes my math is probably fucked up but you get my point fuckers.

Another thing that leads to this misperception of our workplace teeming with pussy is the fact we tend to stay in our own areas.  So we might have 3 or 4 hot women in our department, we see them all the time and it leads our minds to think we’re surrounded by beauty when all we’re really doing is blocking out the fatties and ugly broads and focusing on the couple half-way decent looking broads.

What I’m saying is it’s not worth your job to go hunting in an environment that isn’t even target rich, it’s actually target poor when you compare it to other venues.  Even if you do score the hottest piece of ass at your job, what happens when you break up with the bitch or if she sees you talking to another chick about business but she assumes you’re fucking her because she’s bat-shit crazy and marches down to the HR department to file a sexual harassment claim?  Pussy isn’t worth your career, hell it’s not even worth losing a piss poor fucking job over.

Trust me guys, don’t date bitches at work, don’t be fucking lazy and go for the low hanging fruit.  It’s low hanging for a reason.

You’re now free shit in the recycle bin.

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Avoid Marriage Files: No Deal!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 4, 2012


no deal

This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!

Shout out to “Col” who sent me the following feel good article from across the pond.

Mr. Brown sounds like the typical nice guy, trying to do the right thing for his family only to find out that his wife has been fucking around on him.  So he dumps her ass even though it means sleeping on the floor at  his parents place.  Then……he goes on the show Deal or No Deal and wins 50,000 Euros!!! (roughly $62k in American dollars)

Now obviously this guy has seen some of his chaps get royally fucked by the Queen and her Court, so he knew unless he spend the money, she’d get her grubby little hands on it.  So that’s what he did.

But this guy didn’t go crazy, he was actually quite responsible and she should be thankful because if it was a woman I can guarantee you that if you give a woman fifty grand in cash she come back a week later with seventy grand in credit card debt. 

Speaking of debt, that’s what this guy did, as in he paid off 15k in joint debt that they had acquired during the marriage.  So this guy helped this broad (and himself) by wiping out their debt.  That alone should have been enough to shut this bitch up, but of course the second she got wind of his winnings she was in court trying to get her cut.  Too bad it was all gone!!  HA! Stupid cunt, tricks are for dumb broads like yourself!

He also took a trip, bought shit for their kids, got himself a used car and an electrician’s course so he could get a new job after being laid off.

Again, this woman is lucky to have an ex as responsible as this guy but yet look how ungrateful this money-grubbing whore was!  She didn’t give a shit about the debt that he paid off that she probably ran up herself buying a bunch of worthless ass shit.  Like most women, she can’t see past her own fupa.

So let’s all raise our glass and drink a pint for Mr. Brown, hell I’m drinking two!  It’s nice to see a story where the guy wins. 

You’re now free to laugh in some bitch’s face!

deal girls

Posted in marriage sucks, money, women's studies | Tagged: , , , | 9 Comments »

Avoid Marriage! Great Advice for Gays Too!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 8, 2012


women alimony

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!

So you’re gay, the state you live in has legalized gay marriage or civil unions and you want to make a point dammit!  You and your partner are getting married!!!!  Well you might want to read this article first. 

Divorce will cost you even more!  Did you read that shit?  People getting kicked out of the house they’ve lived in when their partner dies, benefits getting cut off……wait this sounds a lot like a normal divorce…….

gay marriage signThat is a normal heart wrenching family court experience I just described, although more fucked up if your gay because of the fucked up factor between the state and federal government.  But nonetheless it proves one point.

Marriage is a bad fucking idea no matter if you are straight, gay or Justin Bieber.  I would actually say even more so if you are gay since there are so many more legal landmines you have to maneuver through.  If you’re straight, the feds and state government have already agreed on how they plan to fuck you together.  They’re still working on it for you guys.

Listen gay people, take the butt plug out of your ear for a minute and listen to me.  Just because you’re gay does not mean all the shit we talk about here doesn’t apply to you!  If you want to make some kind of political or social statement then fucking vote.  DO NOT get married because in the end, the very people you are trying to make a point to will still get the last laugh. 

This shit could fuck up your life forever!!  Don’t believe me?  Look at some of the comments on this blog by guys who have had their lives destroyed by the family court system.  To the system you aren’t gay or straight, you’re just another person to fuck with.  Just say no to marriage.  Trust me, this is one “right” you don’t want anything to do with!!

You’re now free to watch Jewish lesbian midget porn.

lesbian midgets

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks, money | Tagged: , , | 5 Comments »

Financial Hail Mary

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 6, 2012


Football

This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!!

I don’t know about you fucking fuck fuckers but I’m getting tired of seeing stories like this where you have a professional athlete who makes millions of dollars only to be bankrupt the moment they step off the field.   Whether it’s the TO story like above or the recent stories of how 78% of NFL players are broke within 2 years of retiring, it’s fucking insane and I’m here to say that the main drain on these guys’ finances is NOT their fucked up spending habits, although that doesn’t help.  It’s getting fucked up with women.

Take TO for example, over $44,000 a goddamn month for child support?  Are you fucking shitting me?  So each bitch gets $11k a month just because she money grubbing bitchspread her fucking legs? Fuck you cunt, it doesn’t take that much to raise a fucking kid.  Get a fucking job of your own!!

Now these guys don’t just need financial education so that they understand how shit like interest works and to keep them from “investing” in every bullshit scheme that comes down the pike.  They need someone to come in and explain how the family court system works and show these fuckers just how much money they could end up paying some bitch.

They need to see guys who are out of the league but still have to pay their ex-wives tens or hundreds of thousands of fuck dollars each year even though they no longer make jack shit!!!

They need someone to remind them that THEY are the ones in charge of their lives and not to let some cum pond talk and whine and cry them into marriage or children.  These shit-stained hoes aren’t bring anything to the fucking table, these guys need to learn to tell these bitches to shut their fucking hole unless it has their dick in it.

Articles like this piss me off because they like to focus on the cars, houses and the bad investments these guys make.  Usually with shit like that the guy just pays cash for it.  It’s the ONGOING liabilities that fuck these guys.  Liabilities like fucking alimony and child support but the politically correct assfucks that write these articles are too fucking scared to call a spade a spade. 

Yes these guys tend to blow money on stupid shit.  Yes they listen to the wrong people, but if most of them weren’t paying outrageous motherfucking child support and/or alimony to some jizz jockey then they’d actually have some of their fucking money left.  I’d wager they’d have most of it left!

You’re now free to invest in another case of beer.

guinness-brilliant

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, money, Single mothers | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

Avoid Marriage Files: Women Whose Life Goal is to Get Knocked Up

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 13, 2012


obese pregnant

This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!

How many of you guys have heard this one, a woman who is loud and proud that the only goal she has in life is to be a mother.  Now there might be some people out there, especially other cum dumpsters, who think there is nothing wrong with that.  But let’s look beyond the feel good bullshit, shall we?

Usually women like this are working some dead-end job, no education and the only thing they have going for them is the fact they have a slop hole.  Yet they want to bring another human being into the world without any regard as to what kind of conditions the kid would grow up in.  They don’t give two fucks who the father will be and in many cases when they do get knocked up they don’t fucking know who the father actually is.fat pregnant bitch

Many of these bitches are either expecting a man to come in and pay for everything or they’ll just leach off a bunch of government programs.  Either way they are looking for someone else to foot the bill while these cunts play house and raise the next generation of gang members.

What turns my stomach is that even in a corporate setting when some bitch makes a comment like that people act like this is a legitimate life goal.  It’s not, it’s a fucking biological function that happens every day.  A goal is something that takes planning and effort, spreading your legs doesn’t count as either.  Although as fat as most American women are I suppose you could argue that the act of spreading those massive fucking thighs would count as effort. 

These are some of the dream killers that Tom Leykis talks about.  These are women who want you to bust your ass so that you can pay for their dream of sitting on their ass watching daytime television for the rest of their lives.  These women have no idea of what a real goal is because they’ve never fucking had one.  Fuck these broads!

You’re now free blow a load in her eye.

sandra alionco

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks, money, women | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

 
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