Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category


Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 15, 2016

What up fuckers!  This is your Captain speaking!

Quick one here as we get ready for another week of kicking ass and drinking beers.

Stay focused on YOUR shit. I know that’s hard to do. You go to work and the rest of the sheepfuckers at your company are just trying to make it one more year so they can get that extra week of vacation.

You can’t confide in these fucks. Trust me, it’ll do more harm than good, especially if they see you making progress. If they see you as that crab in the bucket trying to make a leap for the rim, they’ll latch on to you and pull your ass back down to their level so fast it’ll make your nuts ache.

Just keep doing your shit under the cover of darkness and when the day comes just leave with a huge smile on your face and whisky on your breathe.  In the meantime, keep on fuckin!!!

You’re now free to ditch the 9-5.


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Fuck Marriage

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 10, 2016

fuck marriage

Posted in avoid marriage, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Screw the Rich?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 6, 2016

This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

A lot of this won’t apply to readers of this blog, but chances are you know some fuckers out there who are bitching about how they’re getting fucked by the rich, blah, blah, blah.

Back during the whole Occupy Wall Street bullshit, Adam Carolla released a rant about everyone is all pissed off the rich and he wondered how we got here.

Well, here we are, everyone is still pissed at the rich.  I get that I’m probably in the last generation who grew up in a world where everyone didn’t get trophy just for fucking showing up, but come the fuck on people.

Rich people don’t do the same dumb shit everyone else does.  I’m not a Hillary fan but she didn’t get knocked up in high school by the guy working the ticket booth at the local movie theater.  Hell she picked a guy who went on to be president, some of you broads can’t even pick a guy who can keep a needle out of his arm yet you think shit isn’t fair?

Yes, rich kids have an advantage early but their advantage doesn’t automatically mean everyone else is shut out.  You could have learned code at your local community college and gone on to build the next Uber or Twitter, but you didn’t, you knocked up your high school sweetheart instead.  Is that the fault of the 1%?

The average lazy fuck American reads one book a year, the average CEO reads four to five a month (according to Google which never lies).  I can hear people now talking about how they don’t have time to read that many books, they’re busy with the kids they didn’t plan for.  They have to take their kids to play sports…….all the sports, because even though little Johnny is the runt of his class he looks so cute in his football uniform, wonder why the coach never puts him in?  Oh well, there’s always soccer even though little Johnny has asthma, we don’t give a shit because we’re the parents who live through our kids!!

Some of you might ask how shows like Shark Tank and The Profit are popular if we hate the rich?  It does seemed fucked up at first, doesn’t it?  That’s because America has gone from a nation of people who get shit done to a nation of armchair quarterbacks and backseat drivers.  People love to watch those shows and say, “Hey I had that idea!”.  They like to think they are just like those people on TV, they too could come up with that million dollar idea, they might even have some hair-brain idea, hell maybe even a good idea but will they ever get off their ass to do anything with that idea?  Hell no!

People like to watch those shows and act like they’re one of the sharks, they probably criticize some of the sharks when an idea they like gets shot down.  It’s a combination of the iceberg effect and the lotto mentality people have.  They see the person on tv with their idea but they don’t see all the shit that guy went through to get there, they don’t see the failed attempts, the strained relationships, and all the just plain hard fucking work!!!  They just see the person cashing in and remark about how “lucky” that person is and how they could do that too if only they weren’t so busy.

SPOILER ALERT:  The rich aren’t out to fuck the little guy, the little guy is busy fucking himself and is doing a better job than the rich ever could.

You’re now free to stop fucking yourself. 


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“Weighing In” on SI’s Swimsuit Issue

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 27, 2016

This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Two hundred fucking pounds on the cover of SI’s swimsuit issue?  I’m sure you’ve already heard about it, all the fatties are rejoicing and some youtube chick released a video titled “Dear Fat People pt2” where she made fun of the whole situation.  Needless to say the powers that be didn’t care for a woman, one that probably works out at that, would break the PC ranks and speak the truth.  This broad brought up a great point in that SI is…was….a magazine about elite athletics and competition.  Why put someone on the cover who embodies the exact opposite?  I couldn’t agree more, but there’s a deeper point. 

The truth is fuckers, when was the last time you actually picked up the swimsuit issue from SI?  I can remember when it wasn’t a standalone issue like it is now and the last time I looked at it was definitely pre-internet, probably as a teenager.  Hop into my hot tub time machine fuckers and let’s look back!

Yes, here we are back when if you wanted to see porn you either needed a VCR or you had to brave the local adult theater and hope you didn’t run into your pastor.  This is back when your local video store (yes we used to have to leave the house to rent a fucking movie) had that special room in the back marked “Adults Only”.    That’s pretty much the last time any magazine, including SI was relevant and even then we only bought the swimsuit issue.  We could get sports news daily on ESPN.  SI is one of those mags you subscribe to because your old man used to get, kind of like Penthouse or Swank.

It’s no secret that all old media outlets like newspapers and magazines are seeing their sales decline as online media takes over. What happens when a company loses it’s customers?  Well they have to find new ones, in this case SI is obviously going after women and poor guys who bang fat chicks.

Now if SI would have done this back in 1990 it would have meant something, it would have been a real victory for the PC crowd, but not so much today.  Regular guys have abandoned ship, sorry PC crowd but you’re storming an empty castle.  It’s like the guy who bangs the hottest girl in school…… the 20yr reunion, that shit don’t count and you just look stupid.

You’re now free to look at hot bitches on Google Images, like a normal person.


Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

My Kids Come First…After My Poor Decisions

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 19, 2015


This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!

Anyone else sick and fucking tired of all these wenches talking about how their kids come first?

Also have you noticed that many of these broads talking about this usually are single mothers who picked a loser to reproduce with, now they bitch about him being a loser?

The most important decision a woman can make is who the father of her children will be and most women completely and utterly fuck that decision up.  Don’t tell the everyone the kids are your world then five minutes later talk about how their father can’t come around because he has warrants out for his arrest.

If you truly gave two fucks about your womb turds you would have cared before you shit them out.  You would have made sure they had at least a fighting chance or at the very least you would have made sure the father had steady employment and wasn’t racking up frequent flyer points at the local jail.

But you didn’t do that, did you Supermom?  No you didn’t give a fuck who knocked you up.  So now we don’t give a fuck about you or any of your bullshit about how you put your children first.   Running around with 3 fucking kids with 3 different last names, you don’t give a damn about your kids.  You’re a waste of oxygen and definitely a waste of taxpayer money.

You’re now free to kick these bitches to the curb.


Posted in Single mothers, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Thanks Fuckers

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 26, 2014


no marriage

To my American readers, Happy Fucking Thanksgiving and to those living abroad, Happy Fucking Thursday!!!

As always I appreciate all you fuckers for getting drunk and stopping by to see what shit I wrote while getting drunk.

I also want to send a long overdue shoutout to a couple of friends who for obvious reasons shall remain unnamed.  You see fuckers, when I first started this mess of a blog it was a collaboration between a couple of pals and I.  We never dreamed people would actually read these rantings.

In the beginning we all had access to the blog and email accounts and we all got drunk and responded to reader email.  Eventually we all got busy with other projects but especially my two partners in crime for this site. I eventually took over running the site with my associates blessings and urgings (I initially was going to just shut it down since it wasn’t the three of us)

As you can see their urging worked and I continued the site on my own.  But even as my two friends got more and more involved with their own projects, they still forwarded any emails they received to me (and still do to this day). 

So I just wanted to say thanks to “those guys” for pushing me to keep this thing going back when it almost got shut down before it finally found it’s sea legs.  The next few cases of PBR is for them!!!

So if you ever need to rant, piss n moan, opine or whatever else.  Feel free to email me at  However be forewarned, I’m somewhat of a lazy fuck when it comes to content sometime so don’t be surprised if you say something good to see it as a post. 

See ya later fuckers, I’ve got shit to drink!


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Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 30, 2014


This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!

So let me get this straight, some spoiled millennial brat goes off the deep end and because he was a member of a group that hates PUAs and other men’s groups…..somehow PUAs and men’s groups are to blame?

Feminism is just an outlet for fat white women to bitch about how they’re discriminated against.

The real problem here as with many of these crazy fuck shooters/stabbers is parenting.  This guy was another product of a single mother, she pawned him off on the dad once he got older and the damage was done.

Also, let’s be honest, you can’t make a law to stop crazy and this fucker, in my drunk opinion, was fucking crazy with a capital K!!!

But of course social media blew up with the hashtag #Yesallwomen, because the poor girls here in the West have it so bad.

Listen up ladies, this is what you get when you try to raise a boy without his father or in this case bring the father in when it’s far too late.

This is what happens when we give everyone who participates in sports a ribbon or don’t keep score so that we don’t have losers.  Well guess the fuck what, score or not, these fuckers are losers. 

Every kid needs to learn how to lose, hell every kid needs to be bullied, not to the point of suicide but just in the same manner that the rest of us had to deal with.  It made us stronger and better human beings.  Strong is a word that cannot be used to describe this current generation of walking cumholes these single mothers are raising.

Amercia…….we’re fucked!!!!

You’re now free drive your black BMW where ever the fuck you like.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Too Hot to Handle

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 16, 2013

attention whore

This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Have you seen this bullshit here?

Too attractive?  Am I looking at the right pic in this article?  Granted I’ve never been to New York (because I don’t go to shitholes), but really too fucking attractive? You’ve got to be shitting me!!!  Yes she looks better than most American women but that’s not exactly a difficult feat.  It’s about as meaningful as being the prettiest waitress at Denny’s.

I can’t believe women are getting worked up over this.  Let’s pretend for a second that this shit actually happens………….how many American women would even fall into the category of “too attractive”????  I’ll wait while you tally that huge number up……NOT!

If this were an article about how American women were too fat, too greasy, too stupid, too uneducated, too wide to fit through the fucking door….then you’d have a valid point that would actually affect the average American woman.  Being attractive is not an issue most American women have to deal with, ever. 

You’re now free to kick a bitch as she falls out of the ugly tree…

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

How True!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 5, 2013

trojan to the rescue

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

The Avoid Marriage Files

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 16, 2012

fucking mail

This is your Captain speaking…..welcome aboard fuckers!

So first off I want to thank all you fuckers who take the time to drink a few cold ones and comment on the blog or take the time to email me all sorts of article links and even your own personal stories.  Your efforts are highly appreciated.

I have a comment that appeared on an older post today that I wanted to be sure that everybody had a chance to see.  It’s from a gentleman who goes by Brian but it could have been written by the guy in the cubicle next to you, your dad, your best friend, it could have been written by any guy who has at one time or another fell for the marriage dupe. 

His comment speaks not to only the true nature of marriage, but also to the true nature of most women.  Enjoy fuckers.

“I was married and will never make that mistake again, not even with a solid prenup (prenups can be overturned in court given the right circumstances – whether real or contrived).

After a couple of years, my wife decided she didn’t love me anymore but decided to stay because it was easier on her financially. She continued to make me think things were good between us (pretending to care, telling me she loved me when she didn’t, wonderful cards, sharing retirement dreams, etc.) in order to make life easier on herself monetarily. For her it was just a game and I was admittedly an easy, naive target.

We were together for twelve years and the last six (for me) were filled with confusion. I somehow knew I was being manipulated but couldn’t parse the difference between her words vs. her actions (denial). In the end, she admitted that she hadn’t cared for me for most of the relationship, that she wanted to hook up with someone else, and wanted half of the assets.

There is nothing as painful as being betrayed by someone you care for deeply. She destroyed my view of marriage and completely changed me from a loyal, devoted, loving, ‘marriage oriented’ guy into someone that will never again consider marriage. Once you stick your hand in the blender and get injured, if you’re of reasonable intelligence, making the same mistake again is unlikely.

I date now but will never again look at marriage the way I used to. If I want sex, I go out and get it. That part is simple and relatively easy to attain. For love, loyalty and companionship, I have a great dog.

Unfortunately, for many (both men and women), marriage is simply an avenue to financial gain and status.”

I think that pretty much sums it the fuck up!  Tell me you don’t want to buy that guy a beer after reading that shit!  Holy Fuck!! But at least he learned and isn’t trying it over and over. Thanks for your comment Brian and best of luck brother!

You’re now free to Chris Brown a bitch.

chris brown

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »

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