Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Archive for the ‘women’ Category

Men Love Fat Women

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 31, 2017


This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

I know a lot of the large and in charge hefties who claim that men love them just the way they are. They vary in fatness, from Jabba the Hut to the cute chick with a model face but a spare tire that is usually outclassed by her outrageously huge tits.  Their main claim is that men of course love fat women because look around, them and other women like them are able to get laid.

To me that’s like saying, since prisons are over-crowded, that must mean the rooms are really nice. The Ritz Carlton isn’t over-crowded, prison therefore must be nicer than the Ritz.

Let’s step back in time gentlemen, not too far, maybe the 80s, big hair, cocaine, Mtv actually played music.  I heard an older and wiser man say that in his day, the guys who played sports in school got the pretty girls and the rest of us got the other ones but they weren’t bad since they usually had the body, just not the face.

My how times change. I can remember the end of that era. It’s not new, the guys with the most power/resources get to choose their mates, nothing new there since the dawn of time. But like the old guys said, the ones left were still pretty fucking good. I had a prom date that from the neck down could have been in High Society magazine, maybe even Swank if you included her face. She had zero chance of prom queen but she would have taken the prize for blow job queen, that bitch loved to practice!

Back then, average meant she had her shit together but she just wasn’t blessed with a playboy bunny face. Like a getting a hail damaged Lexus, it’s still a fucking Lexus.  Nowadays when a woman says she’s average that just means that she can walk around Walmart under her own power without using one of those scooters. I saw some shit where a chick who was a size 16 was calling her self average.

We’ve got that 200lb tub of a SI cover model trying to convince all the other fatties that she works out. Works out of a Burger King bag maybe.

The guys you see with fat women today are the same types of guys who had the average decent looking women 30 years ago. The problem is women have lowered the bar quicker than Michael Jackson was lowering little kids pants.

Yes, there are a TON of guys with overweight women, show me the guys who are with a fat chick and are happy about it. Show me the guy who is with a tubster and wouldn’t trade her big ass in faster than a used Ford Tempo is his income suddenly doubled. You can’t because that guy doesn’t exist.

“But if the guy didn’t like it he wouldn’t be there….”

Let me clear that shit up right now, humans are lazy, it’s our nature to take the path of least resistance. Fat chicks are the path of least resistance when it comes to pussy. Yeah, spoiler alert, fat girls are easy. Rub your cock in chicken grease and let the magic begin.

Some of you guys actually got one of the decent ones, SCORE…………oh wait….it was bait and switch, after the marriage she just packed on the comfort weight. Apparently it took her 80lbs of extra weight to be comfortable. Lucky you.

The only thing that will change this is some type of SHTF (that’s for my readers who are preppers) scenario where food isn’t readily available at women’s fat fingertips. When we are forced to go back to a more primitive way of life where the slowest one of the bunch is the one who dies, that’s when shit will change. Until then if you want to fuck an American woman you better strap on the beer goggles, hell make it the Everclear goggles, beer just isn’t cutting it anymore with these bitches.

You’re now free to do shots of Everclear

Posted in avoid marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks, women, women's studies | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Advice for the Ladies

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 23, 2014


Brazilian beach volleyball player

This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers!

So many of us who voice our opinion concerning men and women are often painted as dickless, woman-haters.  Not that I give two shits about what the femtwats think, but I did think it would be nice if I took a moment to give some random advice to the 3 female readers that I have.  I have to warn you that it will sound similar to my normal rantings, also it won’t be in any particular order…….as usual.

Ok girls, birth control, fucking use it.  That means you, not him using a condom that’s been rotting in his wallet since 9th grade.  Speaking of kids, have them after you have a career and stable relationship.  Also be able to tell someone why you want them and I mean an intelligent answer other than “I just want them”.  Homeless people can reproduce, it’s not a fucking miracle or an accomplishment of any sort.  Kids are the quickest path to poverty and a surefire way to stay in poverty if you are already there.

It’s ok to date a loser but don’t have his fucking baby and don’t ever expect him to change.  Stop and think about all the losers and assholes you have already dated in the past, well guess what……they were losers and assholes the moment you met them, don’t get pissed at them.  Learn to see people for what they really are.  Some people are great to party with but you wouldn’t want to commit yourself to them.

Unless you are already financially secure, the purpose of college is to get you a job, it’s not there for you to fulfill your interests, that’s what a fucking library is for.  If you want to study literature, join a fucking group and you can piss and moan about King Lear till your twat falls out.  But don’t go into debt getting a major in a worthless fucking degree.  Yes the other degrees are hard and require shit like math, that just means more studying and less drinking and smoking.  Don’t worry, later on you’ll have plenty of time and money to pursue your vices.

Plan for the future girls.  Contribute to your 401k or other retirement account.  Unless you want to be the old bitch eating cat food, stop buying a new purse every time your clit twitches and put that money into your retirement account. Don’t think you’ll find some sucker to pay your way, chances are you’re too fat for that anyways.  Take some of that time you spend reading Facebook and read some financial articles, yes they’re boring but that’s because you don’t know shit about money.  Learn dumbass.

Speaking of fat, if a person can’t control their own fucking body they chances are the other areas of their lives will be equally fucked.  Put down the goddamn Twinkie and get your ass on a treadmill and do some squats while you’re at it for that sagging ass.  Look, women love to look better than other women, this is the easiest way to do it, work out.  A toned body is something that can’t be bought, inherited, or stolen.  It has to be worked for and it speaks volumes to your character.

Oh…..going back to finance, learn what the fuck a FICO score is.  Pay your fucking bills on time. If you have to put it on a credit card then you can’t fucking afford it Princess!  Your wants are  not needs, the quicker you learn this the quicker you will actually be able to afford your wants without putting yourself in a fucking hole.

Well I could go on but most American women can’t read so why bother wasting my time.

You’re now free to piss on a homeless woman.

homeless

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Posted in Captain No Marriage, money, women, women's studies | Tagged: , | 8 Comments »

Feminists

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 3, 2013


image

Posted in Captain No Marriage, women, women's studies | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

It’s About Time!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 6, 2013


skanks

This is your Captain speaking…..how the hell you been fuckers!!!  Welcome aboard!!!

I spend a lot of time talking about how shitty our court system has become and how shitty our judges are in this CUNTry.  So I was pleasantly surprised to find a judge not putting up with some broad’s shit.  I mean how typical is her attitude among Western women?  She is the poster child for entitlement princess.

I bet this was the first time she didn’t get her way just by flipping her hair or batting her eyes.  She’s probably in the hospital in ICU because her body probably went into severe shock as her glass slipper fell to the jailhouse floor and shattered into a million pieces.

This shit put a huge smile on my face and I hope it does yours as well.

You’re now free to tell a bitch NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Posted in women, women's studies | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Playboy Playmates are no Exception

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 26, 2012


90s playboy cover

This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!

So the net and entertainment shows are a buzz about Jenny Mccarthy posing for play boy at just a few months shy of being 40.  So fucking what?  For one Playboy is notorious for their photoshopping and airbrushing skills.  We all know that when it comes to Playboy what we see is not what we get. 

And to all the old hags who look at Jenny and think that they too can still be Playboy hot at 40…….you dumb broads need to wake the fuck up.  Let’s do a quick comparison here. 

First Jenny back around 1993 when she was hot……

jenny mccarthy when she was hot

Now let’s look at over the hill Jenny.

jenny mccarthy now

Pretty clear isn’t it?  Yes even if I look at a more “flattering” picture of her one thing is clear……women do NOT get hotter as they age.  That’s why they try to rope you into marriage as soon as fucking possible with what little bit of looks they do have in their 20s.  They know that shit is short lived!

Although they don’t like to admit that they know it.  This is obviously a last ditch ego boost for Ms Mccarthy as the dives off the cliff.  Now I’m not saying that 40yr old Jenny isn’t worth a quick bone, but that’s all it’d be worth.  And the fact is she is in the top 1% of American women as far as looks, that’s the sad fucking part.  This is our fucking best and we still look like horse jizz next to the other countries.

So guys, no matter how hot your little girlfriend is now, take a good look, hell you better take lots of pictures too because as each day passes, so does her beauty.  That’s why she’s trying to lock you in with marriage and/or fucking rugrats.  Don’t fall for this smoke and mirrors donkey-show these broads are putting on.

The best thing guys can do with women is to treat them the same way Seal Team 6 treated Osama Bin Laden.  Go in under the cover of darkness, hit the target fast and hard, then fade off into the night sky. 

Ignore all the feel good bullshit out there, women do not improve with age.  Yes I know there are some porkers who don’t get off their ass and lose the weight until their 30s but if they hadn’t been so fucking lazy and lost the weight early on (or never gained it) then they would have been hotter when they were younger.  All women are hotter at 20 than at 40, yes they can still  be fuckable, but some of us drink a lot and therefore fuckable is a moving target.

You’re now free to hop into your hot tub time machine and go back and fuck Jenny Mccarthy when she was smoking hot. 

tits and hot tubs

Posted in Captain No Marriage, sex, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , | 12 Comments »

Come Get YOUR Son!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 25, 2012


your son

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!

So how many of you have heard that line “Come get “your” son”?  I’d bet most of us either know about this first hand or have seen it play out with a close friend or family member.  Here’s how the shit often plays out.

You’re an average guy and you’re just banging some chick just to pass the time until something better (thinner) comes along.  Then she gets knocked up and being the average (nice) guy you fall for that do-the-right-thing bullshit, this is of course after you try to convince her to have an abortion.  

But as I said before, this isn’t your dream girl, this is just some broad you’re banging until you finish college, get promoted or just decide to upgrade.  So you’re not really thrilled to be there in the first place but you hang in there for a bit, maybe even for a couple years or so. 

Then the moment comes when you just can’t take it anymore, you’re tired of looking at her big fat ass, you’re tired of being told what a piece of shit you are, you just tired of everything about that fucking cunt!  Young insane woman with straitjacket looking at camera close-up portrait

So you leave…..BUT……you still try to do right by the child.  However, this where Super Cunt really shows up.  She tries to use the kid to get you to spend time/money with her.  When she finally realizes her bullshit games aren’t working then she goes into revenge mode.  That’s when she starts telling the kid stuff like daddy doesn’t love you or daddy loves his new girlfriend more than you.  She’ll make up anything and everything to make her look like a martyr and you look like the devil’s asscrack. 

During this time she will let you know every chance she has that the kid is “Her son” and that in her feeble mind she’s the master of the universe.

This works great for her until the kid reaches his teenage years.  That’s when the shit hits the fan.  That’s when the kid’s mind is so fucked up from all the lies and bullshit she’s been pumping into his head starts to come back and bite her in big fat saggy ass.  This is when he becomes “too much to handle” and now she just wants to ship him off to you so that you can deal with the monster that she created.

It’s here that I have to give a shoutout to a buddy of mine going through this right now.  We’ll just use his nickname, Dick Trickle (yes he’s a NASCAR fan).  Our buddy Dick told his ex-piece-of-ass a firm HELL NO!  He said he isn’t a fucking janitor and he’s not about to come in and try to clean up her mess.  He told me that when the kid gets older and moves out he’ll make an attempt to contact.  If the kid chooses to listen then good, if he’s too messed up from his mother’s bullshit then oh fuck well, she got exactly what she wanted.  He said he got so fucking tired of her telling him to “man up” every time he refused one of her insane demands that now it was time for her to “woman up”

Now some people may not agree with how Dick is handling this, (I for fucksake agree with it) but considering that he is not the one created this mess it’s hard to blame him.  Especially when he tried to have regular contact early on.  Maybe if she would have followed the advice of my good friend Scarecrow and “Showed Dick some respect” she wouldn’t be in this predicament.

So let this be a lesson not just to the guys about knocking chicks up but also to the women out there who think that it’s ok to pump your kids’ heads full of bullshit about their father.  Even if the guy is the worst POS in the world, maybe you should look at yourself and figure out why you decided to have a child with someone like that.  Why don’t you explain to your kids why mommy loves to conceive with losers?  Truth hurts sweetheart.

You’re now free to drink alone….with nobody else.

Walker Black Label

Posted in Fathers, relationship, sex, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , | 7 Comments »

Bitch, You’re NOT My Dad!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 21, 2012


deadbeat mom

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!

So this past weekend was Father’s Day and I’m sure you fuckers have noticed the same trend over the years that I have.  Father’s Day has somehow become Single Cunt Can’t Find a Man Father’s Day.

The shit was REALLY bad on fucking Facebook.  The fucking anger some of these broads have is so deep that they can’t even entertain the thought that the reason their kids don’t have a dad is looking at them in the mirror. 

If a guy would have gone on Facebook on Mother’s Day and said happy mother’s day to all the women who don’t dump their kids off on someone else while they go to the club or to all the women not strung out on drugs………he would have been burned alive!

But even that is not what pisses me off the most.  What pisses me off the most is that about half of these Father’s Day comments are coming from fucking guys.  These goddamn pussies who never developed balls because their mom probably ran their dad off!  You know who I’m talking about, these are the same guys that when some warpig of a female posts some picture of her sweaty ass on her page, these motherfuckers give her 10 million likes and a bunch of comments about how good she looks.pussy motherfucker

These fucks never pass up an opportunity to kiss a woman’s ass, no matter how big and ugly that ass is.  They’re chasing pussy by trying to appease it, at some point you’d think they’d look at their lack of results and come up with a new plan.  Of course they don’t, they just keep putting bitches on pedestals and wishing them Happy Single Cunt Can’t Find a Man Father’s Day.

You’re now free to smack your bitch up.

F1 Babe

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, Fathers, Marriage, marriage sucks, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

One Rib

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 22, 2012


This joke has been around for a while, but it’s still worth a read.  Enjoy.

 

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?"

Adam said, "Lord, I don’t have anyone to talk to."

God said, "Then I will give you a companion, and she will be called a ‘woman’. This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give ‘love’ and compassion whenever needed. She will never question your behavior or the company you keep. She will support you and understand that you have important decisions to make throughout your life and don’t have time for nonsense…"

Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?"

God said, "An arm and a leg…"

Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"

average american woman

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, women | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

Avoid Marriage Files: Women Whose Life Goal is to Get Knocked Up

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 13, 2012


obese pregnant

This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!

How many of you guys have heard this one, a woman who is loud and proud that the only goal she has in life is to be a mother.  Now there might be some people out there, especially other cum dumpsters, who think there is nothing wrong with that.  But let’s look beyond the feel good bullshit, shall we?

Usually women like this are working some dead-end job, no education and the only thing they have going for them is the fact they have a slop hole.  Yet they want to bring another human being into the world without any regard as to what kind of conditions the kid would grow up in.  They don’t give two fucks who the father will be and in many cases when they do get knocked up they don’t fucking know who the father actually is.fat pregnant bitch

Many of these bitches are either expecting a man to come in and pay for everything or they’ll just leach off a bunch of government programs.  Either way they are looking for someone else to foot the bill while these cunts play house and raise the next generation of gang members.

What turns my stomach is that even in a corporate setting when some bitch makes a comment like that people act like this is a legitimate life goal.  It’s not, it’s a fucking biological function that happens every day.  A goal is something that takes planning and effort, spreading your legs doesn’t count as either.  Although as fat as most American women are I suppose you could argue that the act of spreading those massive fucking thighs would count as effort. 

These are some of the dream killers that Tom Leykis talks about.  These are women who want you to bust your ass so that you can pay for their dream of sitting on their ass watching daytime television for the rest of their lives.  These women have no idea of what a real goal is because they’ve never fucking had one.  Fuck these broads!

You’re now free blow a load in her eye.

sandra alionco

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks, money, women | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

6 Times

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 27, 2012


Woman-Bitching

Posted in Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, women | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

 
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