Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Screw the Rich?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 6, 2016


This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

A lot of this won’t apply to readers of this blog, but chances are you know some fuckers out there who are bitching about how they’re getting fucked by the rich, blah, blah, blah.

Back during the whole Occupy Wall Street bullshit, Adam Carolla released a rant about everyone is all pissed off the rich and he wondered how we got here.

Well, here we are, everyone is still pissed at the rich.  I get that I’m probably in the last generation who grew up in a world where everyone didn’t get trophy just for fucking showing up, but come the fuck on people.

Rich people don’t do the same dumb shit everyone else does.  I’m not a Hillary fan but she didn’t get knocked up in high school by the guy working the ticket booth at the local movie theater.  Hell she picked a guy who went on to be president, some of you broads can’t even pick a guy who can keep a needle out of his arm yet you think shit isn’t fair?

Yes, rich kids have an advantage early but their advantage doesn’t automatically mean everyone else is shut out.  You could have learned code at your local community college and gone on to build the next Uber or Twitter, but you didn’t, you knocked up your high school sweetheart instead.  Is that the fault of the 1%?

The average lazy fuck American reads one book a year, the average CEO reads four to five a month (according to Google which never lies).  I can hear people now talking about how they don’t have time to read that many books, they’re busy with the kids they didn’t plan for.  They have to take their kids to play sports…….all the sports, because even though little Johnny is the runt of his class he looks so cute in his football uniform, wonder why the coach never puts him in?  Oh well, there’s always soccer even though little Johnny has asthma, we don’t give a shit because we’re the parents who live through our kids!!

Some of you might ask how shows like Shark Tank and The Profit are popular if we hate the rich?  It does seemed fucked up at first, doesn’t it?  That’s because America has gone from a nation of people who get shit done to a nation of armchair quarterbacks and backseat drivers.  People love to watch those shows and say, “Hey I had that idea!”.  They like to think they are just like those people on TV, they too could come up with that million dollar idea, they might even have some hair-brain idea, hell maybe even a good idea but will they ever get off their ass to do anything with that idea?  Hell no!

People like to watch those shows and act like they’re one of the sharks, they probably criticize some of the sharks when an idea they like gets shot down.  It’s a combination of the iceberg effect and the lotto mentality people have.  They see the person on tv with their idea but they don’t see all the shit that guy went through to get there, they don’t see the failed attempts, the strained relationships, and all the just plain hard fucking work!!!  They just see the person cashing in and remark about how “lucky” that person is and how they could do that too if only they weren’t so busy.

SPOILER ALERT:  The rich aren’t out to fuck the little guy, the little guy is busy fucking himself and is doing a better job than the rich ever could.

You’re now free to stop fucking yourself. 

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, money, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

“Weighing In” on SI’s Swimsuit Issue

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 27, 2016


This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Two hundred fucking pounds on the cover of SI’s swimsuit issue?  I’m sure you’ve already heard about it, all the fatties are rejoicing and some youtube chick released a video titled “Dear Fat People pt2” where she made fun of the whole situation.  Needless to say the powers that be didn’t care for a woman, one that probably works out at that, would break the PC ranks and speak the truth.  This broad brought up a great point in that SI is…was….a magazine about elite athletics and competition.  Why put someone on the cover who embodies the exact opposite?  I couldn’t agree more, but there’s a deeper point. 

The truth is fuckers, when was the last time you actually picked up the swimsuit issue from SI?  I can remember when it wasn’t a standalone issue like it is now and the last time I looked at it was definitely pre-internet, probably as a teenager.  Hop into my hot tub time machine fuckers and let’s look back!

Yes, here we are back when if you wanted to see porn you either needed a VCR or you had to brave the local adult theater and hope you didn’t run into your pastor.  This is back when your local video store (yes we used to have to leave the house to rent a fucking movie) had that special room in the back marked “Adults Only”.    That’s pretty much the last time any magazine, including SI was relevant and even then we only bought the swimsuit issue.  We could get sports news daily on ESPN.  SI is one of those mags you subscribe to because your old man used to get, kind of like Penthouse or Swank.

It’s no secret that all old media outlets like newspapers and magazines are seeing their sales decline as online media takes over. What happens when a company loses it’s customers?  Well they have to find new ones, in this case SI is obviously going after women and poor guys who bang fat chicks.

Now if SI would have done this back in 1990 it would have meant something, it would have been a real victory for the PC crowd, but not so much today.  Regular guys have abandoned ship, sorry PC crowd but you’re storming an empty castle.  It’s like the guy who bangs the hottest girl in school……..at the 20yr reunion, that shit don’t count and you just look stupid.

You’re now free to look at hot bitches on Google Images, like a normal person.

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

My Kids Come First…After My Poor Decisions

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 19, 2015


My-Kids-Come-First

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!

Anyone else sick and fucking tired of all these wenches talking about how their kids come first?

Also have you noticed that many of these broads talking about this usually are single mothers who picked a loser to reproduce with, now they bitch about him being a loser?

The most important decision a woman can make is who the father of her children will be and most women completely and utterly fuck that decision up.  Don’t tell the everyone the kids are your world then five minutes later talk about how their father can’t come around because he has warrants out for his arrest.

If you truly gave two fucks about your womb turds you would have cared before you shit them out.  You would have made sure they had at least a fighting chance or at the very least you would have made sure the father had steady employment and wasn’t racking up frequent flyer points at the local jail.

But you didn’t do that, did you Supermom?  No you didn’t give a fuck who knocked you up.  So now we don’t give a fuck about you or any of your bullshit about how you put your children first.   Running around with 3 fucking kids with 3 different last names, you don’t give a damn about your kids.  You’re a waste of oxygen and definitely a waste of taxpayer money.

You’re now free to kick these bitches to the curb.

 

Posted in Single mothers, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

You’re Just Doing It Wrong!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 23, 2015


This is your Captain speaking, welcome aboard fuckers! 

Ever get into a discussion about marriage and women with that one guy who thinks there isn’t a problem?  To him it’s simple, all the OTHER guys getting fucked are simply doing it wrong.

Yep, we’re all fuckups who don’t know what we’re doing.  But this guy, he’s going to do it “right”.  He says shit like this:

  1. He’s going to keep his wife happy

  2. He’s not going to give her a reason to cheat

  3. He’ll treat her the way she wants to be treated

  4. Blah, blah, fucking blah

Some of these guys suffer from a delusion similar to what some have described as the Disney Princess Syndrome in women.  I guess for guys we can call it the Colonial Times Syndrome, because you’d have to hop into a hot tub time machine and go back to the colonial days to find a woman who fit into the traditional sense of marriage.

They simply want something that doesn’t exist while at the same time refusing to see the world in front of them.  I’ve even asked these guys if they’ve ever met a woman close to what they’re looking for.  Of course the answer is no, but they don’t let facts get in their way, they’re partying like it’s 1799!!!

The problem is later on when these same guys call a show like Tom Leykis or email a site like this one to talk about how their little princess turned out to be a self-absorbed, mentally ill, cheating, money-loving bitch.  Wow, who knew?

I’m not saying you shouldn’t want a family or a chick that’s faithful. What I’m saying is before you make something a goal, make sure it still exists. I’d love to go saber-tooth tiger hunting with my dentist.  That’s what I want dammit!!!  But what I want doesn’t fucking matter because what I want died out a long time a go, just like the girl you’re looking for.

You’re now free to go hunting with your dentist.

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Year off for shitting out kids??

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 10, 2015


What’s up fuckers!  This is your Captain speaking!!!  Welcome the fuck aboard!

First off, a quick shout out to fucking Norway, why?  Because I’m drunk, that’s why.

So NetFlix and Microsoft have recently announced that they’re helping the mothers of the world out by offering a shitload of paid leave for when they get knocked up.  This is the song all the little ladies love to sing, the song about how you really can have it all.  Right ladies?

Wrong! Take a year off paid huh?  Here’s how you broads are fucking yourself right in your wage gap.

What do you think will happen when it comes time for a raise?  Yes I know the company can’t hold that against you and they shouldn’t.  However you also don’t get any credit for shit that happened while you were gone.  Here’s how many companies administer raises.

Managers get a set amount for raises/promotions which are based on MERIT.  Guess what, your lifestyle choice of shitting out a kid has just as much merit as my new redneck hot tub equipped with rope lighting.  Merit means shit you’ve gotten done at work.  Chances are if you haven’t been at work, you haven’t done shit.  I’m going to give the raises to the people who were doing your job while you were gone.  Not because I hate mothers but because that is fair.  I reward performance, not absence.

Also when it comes time for promotion the people we think of first are the ones who are actually there.  So don’t get pissed off when you come back and I’ve promoted the 300lb lesbian as your new boss. You’re out of site out of mind bitch.  Just like I would be if I took a year off to go buttfuck Trappist monks while they made beer.  And yes, I’m comparing buttfucking monks to shitting out a kid.  At least in my case I’d have to climb a mountain or some shit.

Anywhore, my point is women need to give up this fantasy of having it all and this “balance” bullshit.  If you’re balanced, then you’re not doing shit.

You’re now free go buttfuck some monks and steal their beer.

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , | 5 Comments »

You Know What Grinds My Fucking Gears???!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 8, 2015


This is your Captain speaking….welcome aboard fuckers!

I’m pissed, not it’s not about the latest police gone wild story on the news or about the latest nutjob running for president. It’s about how I’m sick and fucking tired of being told what I should find attractive in the opposite sex.

First we had that chick who was down with the down calling herself a fashion model and proclaimed to be changing the face of beauty.

down with downs

Next it was all the publicity about Hillary Clinton’s stunt double, Caitlyn Jenner, and how she’s soooooooo beautiful and soooooooo brave.

caitlyn_jenner

And if that wasn’t fuck all enough, now we have some broad weighing in at 260+lbs calling herself a super model and proclaiming that “black men love me”. 

moby dick

That is not fucking “beauty”, I’ve NEVER been drunk enough to consider any of the above three beautiful and that says a lot because I’ve spent a lot of time fucked up, so I’ve done my research there!!!!

I could careless what they do, knock yourself out ladies, but don’t expect me and other regular guys like me to consider you fap material.  Don’t expect to find your name on a top 10 list of broads every guy wants to bang.

And spoiler alert for the fattie, it’s not black men that love you, it’s poor fucks who literally don’t have any other choice.

I’ll decide and other men like me will decide what is fap worthy, not FaceFuckBook feeds or femtards or Oprah’s book club. 

I need a drink, I’ll talk to you fuckers later.

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Posted in Captain No Marriage, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

You Piece of Shit with Your Work Addiction!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 29, 2015


don't get married

This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Well the Huff-Vagina-Post website has taken yet another massive shit.  Check it out here.  An article about how staying in a bad marriage is a bad idea, which sounds pretty right? I mean who wants to stay in a shitty marriage?

But hang on a second fuckers, what does the author not like about her marriage that is making her so miserable after 17years?  What pain is she having to endure, what sacrifices, what misery?  Is her husband abusive?  Does he beat the dog shit out of her when ever his Kraft mac-n-cheese is cold when he gets home?  Does he call her names in front of the Pope?  Is he fucking her one hot friend behind her back?

Nope, he works his ass off to support her and the two kids she wanted.  Yep that’s it.  No seriously, that’s it!!!  That’s her complaint. In fact, here’s the quote:

“My soul was dying, slowly, subtly in my dysfunctional marriage. He had betrayed me with his work addiction and his emotional absence from our lives.”

Are

You

Shitting

Me!!!!!!!

Her soul was dying???  He betrayed her….by working???  Are you guys listening, this poor bastard was working his dick off for this entitled princess and she turned around and used that against him as grounds for not just divorce, but to blast him for the whole world to see how he made her miserable.  The title of the article describes her marriage as a “true tragedy”. 

Funny how this hit her just after her second child turned a year old.  Crazy how that tends to work, now that she has him on the hook for a nice annuity, NOW suddenly she’s unhappy.  Now her heart cries out in agony and strife. 

This what awaits you in a marriage these days.  Don’t look at what your parents or grandparents did, they literally got married in a different century.  THIS is the steaming pile of shit that you have to deal with today as a man.  You can bust your ass to give your little princess everything she ever asked for and more and she’s still not happy.

While I’m not surprised in any form or fashion by this article, it still pisses me the fuck off and it should piss you the fuck off too!  The only thing this guy could have done is to not get married (and a vasectomy is always a good idea).  This dude was fucked right out of the gate, he never had a chance and he probably never even knew it.  He thought he was doing what he was “supposed” to do. 

Guys, don’t do it, just don’t fucking do it.  If you don’t believe me then just head on over to the Tom Leykis show and listen for a spell.  Every other Tuesday he has attorney Adam Sacks on to discuss family law.  If you only listen to that hour of the show it will save your goddamn life!

That’s all for now, I got a bottle of scotch to finish polishing off.  Later fuckers.

You’re now free to opt out of marriage.

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , | 7 Comments »

Greatest Accomplishment Is Being a Mom? Lazy Bitch!!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 13, 2015


casey

This is your Captain speaking…..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

So I’m reading this fuck article about how less women are opting in for motherhood.  The article itself was boring as fuck but the comment section was solid gold!  There were women talking about how their children were their greatest accomplishment of their worthless lives.

Wow, talk about some lazy fucks.  Greatest thing they ever did could be duplicated by two homeless retards. Nice. You really worked for that one sister!

You see shit like this in personal ads too.  Hell sometimes the bitches put pictures of their kids in  their profile pictures!!  They’ll say shit like, “my kids are the best thing I ever did”.  When I read that all I see is “loser”.  I see someone who didn’t so jack shit with their lives and now they’re hoping their little womb turds do something with theirs so that she can claim some of the glory.

Of course nobody ever calls women on their bullshit when it comes to this, we’re just supposed to nod our heads and agree on her stunning accomplishments.  Wow, you must have spread your legs really wide for that fat headed kid, good job honey!!

Ladies, an accomplishment is something you do on your own and actually takes work.  Try to remember that the next time you’re patting yourselves on the back just for getting knocked up by whoever.

You’re now free actually accomplish something!

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Posted in marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

Game Over Cunt

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 22, 2015


beer and bitches

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!!

It’s been a fucking while, I’m drinking some Hurricane Malt Liquor so get ready for some fucked up grammar, misspellings, and all kinds of other editing fuck ups!

So a buddy of mine and I are sitting out back on my deck drinking some random IPAs and smoking cigars.  He starts to tell me about this worn out fucking cunt who has the hots for him.

She’s married, weighs in around 250 on a good day, two kids from some guy who couldn’t even keep a job at Home Fuck Depot, and just turned 30.  Her and my buddy went to high school together. She was the ugly chick who had the slamming body but like many women she thought she was hotter than she really was.

So now after 12 years of being with a loser and bulking up, she tells my friend that she’s going to leave the loser and she’s looking forward to “hanging out” with him. 

Luckily she doesn’t work with us, so no HR issues here.  She messaged him on FaceFuckBook.  Basically this chick has the attitude that all her fuck ups should be ignored by my friend.  That he should turn back the hands of time to when they were in school and her vag hadn’t been stretched out by child birth stretch marksand years of abuse.

The problem is this woman’s attitude is actually very common.  Women with multiple kids, often from multiple guys, want the rest of us to give her a do-over.  She wants us to pretend that when we look at her little womb turds that we don’t see the face of a guy who got to fuck her back when she was actually fuckable.  She wants us to pretend that she’s matured and that’s why she’s ready to settle down, not the truth which is she’s being carried off the field like Brett Farve. 

Luckily my friend and I both laugh at her dumb ass, but this chick honestly thinks that when she leaves the loser that she’ll be able to run out and get the man of her dreams. She thinks she’ll be hooking up with that doctor or lawyer she’s always wanted.

Fucking cunts today have this attitude that they can do what they want when they have the power (in their early 20s) and that when their looks fade then suddenly the rules should change and we should overlook all their fuckery.  We should be “real” men and take in them and their bastard fuck children.

Let me be clear ladies……GO FUCK YOURSELVES!

You’re now free to piss in a single mother’s face.

volleyball ass

Posted in women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Revenge of the Manbeast!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 7, 2014


bigfoot

This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers!!!

So while nobody bats a thousand, the site Business Insider usually does a decent job with tech and business news, but the other day I saw this story come across my newsfeed.  It’s a story about how some broad was teased for being ugly back when she was 12 and now 10 years later one of the guys who used to bully her asked her out and she finally was able to get her “revenge”.  What made it even worse was the comment above was the link said that this “took guts”. 

First off, how this ended up on a business website is fucking beyond me and it was written by a guy, go figure.  To quickly address the content of the article, she set up a date with the guy then stood him up by giving the waiter a note to deliver to the guy.  All the note did was let the guy know he dodged the fucking crazy train!  On top of that, the article included the guy’s response, which unlike her letter, was mature and thought out.

I don’t get why this is even a fucking story. Shit like this happens to pretty much every guy who makes something of himself.  Story goes like this…..Young guy can’t get attractive women his own age to even acknowledge he’s alive then fast forward 15 or 20 years and the tables are turned.  Women his age are falling over themselves to get his attention.  Tom Leykis has been talking about this shit for years and we’ve all lived it. Where’s our story?

The good news for us is we don’t need no stinking story, we’re living the good live while bitches our age are living la vida government assistance with their multiple cunt turds from multiple losers.  That’s what I call revenge, laughing all the way to the bank.

You’re now free to live the good life.

cheerleader NOT from america

 

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

 
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