Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘alcohol’

GODDAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 30, 2010


Nothing like drunk emailing some skanks you bang on the side.  Goddamn you Alcohol!!!  You win this round, but I’ll be back tomorrow!!!!!


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The Great Escape

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 31, 2010


This is your Captain speaking……………….welcome aboard fuckers.

Back on May 4th 2009, I entered my first damn post where I said I would chronicle my journey out of marriage.  Since then I have been stashing away cash, $5 here, $20 there into what I call a F U Fund.  This is because my wife and I had already separated once and got back together due to finances.  Since then, we have eliminated all joint debt and even some of our individual debt.  I needed my stash of cash because although I do have friends that would put me up if I was out in the cold, I do not have any family that I could shack up with for a few months while I got my affairs in order.  So I had to plan.


I planned for the worse.  I planned that the day I told my wife I wanted a divorce that I’d have to leave that day.  That day came and went this week, prior I had been looking at apartments.  I knew exactly where I would go.

However the worse did not happen.  Although I would compare my situation to the situation in the Gulf of Mexico and the BP oil spill.  The situation may seem under control now, but it could go to fuck at any minute.

Some things did go as I planned, I was the bad guy of course and she claimed to be the perfect wife.  She claimed I was just using her and that she was the only one contributing to the marriage, blah, blah, blah.

While I play an asshole on the internet, I do have one or two good qualities even though being civil can get you screwed over.  Currently we have agreed that this will not be a hasty, unguided split.  However, please remember the BP situation.  It could blow at any moment.  Right now the time frame for my departure is Nov-Dec.  I am still preparing for the worst.

You are now free to move about the cabin.

Posted in Marriage, money | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

One Stop Shopping…….Great for Wal-Mart, Sucks for Dating.

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 2, 2010


This is your Captain speaking……………welcome aboard fuckers!!!!

I see a lot of people trying to do the same kind of one stop shopping that they do at Wal-Mart in their social lives.  They try to find one person who “has it all”.

This is a complete waste of time, not to mention impossible, unless you want to greatly lower your standards.  It’s a fool’s mission to try to find a woman that is hot, likes sex, loves sports, isn’t bipolar, cooks, is fun to hang out with, and is knowledgeable about politics and money.

Chicks are for banging.  Humping and dumping.  Have you ever tried to have a conversation about politics with a women?  Unless she’s over 40 chances are she doesn’t even have a clue what time the nightly news comes on.  Like I said, women are human urinals, they are to be used and left.  If you want to talk politics, talk to your male friends.  They’ll actually know what the fuck is going on.

Do not try to find all of these qualities in one person, especially one of our worthless entitlement whores we have here in the US.  Don’t get yourselves wrapped up in some chick who only has one quality………sex.

Bang a variety of women and have a huge social circle of friends that you can hang out with when you are in the mood for some intelligent conversation.  Don’t waste your time looking for something that doesn’t exist.

You’re now free to bang a hot dumb chick.

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Hey Old Fucker!!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 14, 2010


This is your Captain speaking……………welcome aboard fuckers!!

Does any of this female psycho-babble sound familiar?

You’re just bitter!

Someone must have really hurt you.

You just hate women!

Not all women are like that……I’m not.

You just haven’t met the right woman yet.

Of course when that doesn’t work then they try this…………..

Don’t you want to grow old with someone?  (what they forget is to add is that someone will be bugging and nagging the living hell out of you until one of you dies!!!!)

I feel sad for you.

You’ll never know true love with that attitude.

Older guys didn’t just pull their attitudes out of a fucking straw hat.  They came from years of life experiences.  We need to listen to our elders, I know that’s crazy-talk nowadays, but trust me.  These guys aren’t saying to stay away from marriage because “they can’t get laid”.  They’re saying it because its true.

The “See the matrix” analogy is probably grossly overused, but in this case it fits perfectly.  As we mature we start noticing patterns of behavior.  We notice that these patterns seem to match what some of these “old farts” have been trying to warn us about for years.  Pretty much every guy knows of another guy who has been raked over the coals by the court system.

Then through the power of hindsight, you start looking back at all your relationships and you can usually pinpoint the moment the first red flag went up.  But you stayed.

You’re now free to walk 10 miles uphill in the snow.



Posted in sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

When “Porn Star” actually met something.

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 23, 2009


This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!

Back in my day…………………ok don’t panic this isn’t going to be a rose colored glasses trip down memory lane, but it will be a comparison to demonstrate how our standards on the whole as men has gone straight down the shitter.

Back in the 80’s and 90’s if I said “Porn Star”, it actually meant something.

You would have gotten a clear picture of what a porn star looked like.  Regardless of the race if a chick was a porn star, there were certain qualities that you could count on, the main one was of course was a kick ass body.  Nice face, perfect ass, great tits (whether natural or aftermarket bolt-ons), and no muffin tops!

Now don’t get me wrong, I fucking love the internet, it provides a forum for everyone, whether through a blog such as this or through a site like YouTube or even the adult version of “tube” sites.  Now, anyone can porn star.

There has been an explosion of homemade porn stars, many with less than desirable bodies.  Now I understand the appeal of seeing a “regular” chick, one like the attractive, but not necessarily smoking chick that lives a couple doors down.  However the latest wave of BBW and over-sized ass porn is proof of how American men have lowered their standards as to what “hot” is.

Its one thing for a flick with a girl next door type, but not if the girl next door has mounds of cellulite all over her ass and thighs, that’s just being desperate, remember porn is suppose to be about fantasy.  Fat chicks are a dime a dozen, lazy bitches are everywhere!

What’s worse is that I see guys fawn all over out of shape, overweight chicks all the time.  We have collectively lowered the bar and with women being the laziest creatures on the fucking planet, they will only do the bare minimum to get by.

The other sad part is a lot of these overweight porn queens would actually be pretty hot if they could just get the fucking fork out of their mouth and find a treadmill. But then again, we see this in everyday life, a muffin top who has potential, but because she’s already getting attention from a bunch of thirsty, desperate guys, she does nothing to improve or take it to the next level.

Gentlemen……..fuckers………….we need to cut this bullshit out.  We need to raise our standards and our level of game.  Yes we all have our slump-busters that we aren’t proud of; I’m not talking about that.  I’m talking about all this fat bitch worship.  If you have ever put the words “beautiful” and “BBW” in the same sentence, then please do us all a favor and fucking kill yourself.

This one case where I have to agree with the Expats, foreign women get it, they know that the game is never over, it’s a lesson that’s been long forgotten by the jizz-traps over here in the States.

You’re now free to watch Jenna.

Posted in sex, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Women plan to do fucking nothing!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 18, 2009


This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers.

As I was making my way back from lunch today, I ran into a female co-worker from my old dept.  This chick used to be a smoking hot blond with an awesome body.  Of course she was single then……..now a married woman, she has chunked up, cut her hair and constantly complains of migraines and other medical issues.


The latest revelation from this chunkster is that she is going to law school, not really a new claim, but considering that she’s been in community college for over 3 years does leave some doubt to her claim.  She also said that she wants kids in the future.

So let’s review and pretend that she does actually go to law school one day.  She’ll graduate with tons of debt then have a kid, no career established and her “lucky” husband will be left with not only her massive student loans but the cost of raising the little crumb crunchers that she wants.  Typical American lazy bitch, doesn’t want real work, just wants to satisfy her own little fantasy that exists only in her overweight jizzed trapped mind.  I can see why the other guy she was with ran like hell when the idea of marriage came up.

That guy had it right, wear the pussy out while she’s hot, the guy now has a fat, gassy, cranky version of what she used to be and he gets to pay all the bills!  Wow, sign me up for that!

You’re now free to drink about the cabin!



Posted in Marriage, money, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Female Sexual Prime Myth?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 1, 2009


This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers!

OK, I’m sick and tired of listening to these overweight middle aged broads talk about how they are in their “sexual prime” and that men their age can’t keep up.  For now, let’s ignore the fact that the simple sight of the average American woman naked is not a pretty sight and would be an instant boner killer.

Everyone knows that women are at their hottest the second that they turn 18 and it goes downhill from there.  However when they are young, they are getting plenty of attention from guys.  Its ATTENTION that women crave and when they’re young they can get lots of it without much trouble.  It’s been said by countless others and its worth repeating:

WOMEN ARE ATTENTION WHORES!


typical  30-something American woman

Fast forward 10 years and 55 pounds later and Ms. Fat and Sassy is finding that she’s about as desirable as a used turd at a yard sale.  Guys her age can afford chicks much younger and hotter.  The attention train has derailed for her.  So to combat this and to fill the never-ending Western Female ego, this idea that they are in their sexual prime was started.

Because sex is the only thing that they have left.  Now that their looks have vanished its their last and only card left to play.  Some guys will bang anything, mainly broke guys.  But for a woman, attention is attention and they don’t care where or how they get it.

The sexual peak thing is just another example of how women want their cake and eat it too.  They can’t accept the fact that as they age, they have less of what men want and as men age, we have more of what women want.

So they make up some shit to make themselves feel better because the last thing that any woman wants to hear is the truth!

You are now free to piss on a fat girl’s french fries.


Posted in Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Times are tough…….Let’s have a BABY!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on October 26, 2009


This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers!

Tonight’s article is sponsored by Hurricane Malt Liquor, 8.1% ABV.

Riddle me this fuckers………

How many of  you work with women who complain about how hard things are financially then the next thing you know, the other women in the office are throwing this bitch a fucking baby shower!

The same woman who was complaining about how much daycare costs, how hard it is on a limited income, talking about how expensive kids are, etc…. and suddenly they decide that having another kid is a great idea!

WomanWithKids

Of course a few months after shitting out another fetal turd, they go right back to how hard things are financially and how their job doesn’t pay them enough!   Yeah, instead of making the connection between their own actions and their life situation, they blame someone else, in this case their employer!

Typical American woman bullshit, they like to do what they want and blame someone else for their problems.  They can’t make the connection between the fact that because they have zero education and keep shitting out kids…………they can’t figure out why they don’t have any money and they can’t figure out why successful men don’t want a fucking thing to do with these used up retarded cunts.  They have 2 or 3 crumb crunchers by 3 different felons and they can’t figure out why their life is fucked up.  You stupid fucking 3-day old left in the sun bait buckets!

Just another reason to avoid these worthless entitlement whores!  They aren’t worth the price of a free rubber from the fucking free clinic!

You’re now free to drink malt liquor about the cabin fuckers!


Posted in Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Beware the Rebound Piece of Ass!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on October 20, 2009


This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers!

Tonight’s entry is sponsored by Busch…..in the Real-Tree camo can.  That means no one can see me drink.  I’m stealth drinking motherfuckers!

Listen, although I love reading different MRA blogs and websites, I do not consider myself in that league of elite thinkers.  I’m just a regular guy who fucked up and got married.  My opinions mostly come from personal experiences and observations.  Now on to the bullshit!

At some point, either during or after a marriage/ltr, you’re gonna need a piece of ass.  What you won’t be aware of is just how rusty you will be.  I don’t really mean your skills about seducing some bitch, I’m talking about your skills governing the selection of that bitch.

It happens in all areas, MMA fighters talk about “cage rust” when they haven’t fought in a while and we all know that playing “the game” is a lot like combat.  What we forget is the little things.  Not the big red flags, but the smaller, less obvious signs that a certain bitch just isn’t worth it.  One of the things that can hinder your skills is when you are going through a shit-hole of a relationship yourself.  Hating having to come home every night will no doubt throw off even the most seasoned players game.

Mental illness is one of the trickiest things to sus out early on because so many women have gotten good at hiding it in the beginning.  Of course the signs become clear in hindsight and you want to kick yourself for not seeing it.  Here’s how I fucked up…….

A “friend” of mine (not a co-worker!!) recently went through a divorce.  She spent all her time talking to anyone who would listen about how bad her ex was.  Looking back, here’s the mental illness clue that I missed.  She said “He left me for an unattractive fat bitch”.

Now this “friend” isn’t smoking hot by any stretch of the imagination.  She’s a three quart girl at least.  By that I mean you need to drink at least three quarts of some old school Colt 45 before you’d consider fucking this bitch.  So if after 10+ years, this guy bolts to a fat chick, what the fuck is up with that?

Well, my dumbass found out.  She was great at first, she was one of those cool chicks that were fun to hang with, drank beer and sucked dick like a fucking machine!

I quickly found out how crazy she was when I sobered up and decided that my rebound phase was over.  In the standard line, she accused me of taking advantage of her.  Keep in mind that normally she likes to talk about how fucking “smart” she is, but suddenly Ms Genius got “taken advantage of”.  She isn’t that kind of girl, she’s never done that before, blah, blah, blah, you’ve heard it all before, all the fucking excuses.

I am amazed that her ex hung in there as long as he did.  This chick is a major drama queen, if something isn’t happening, then she manufactures something out of thin air.  In typical American fashion, this bitch has an over-inflated sense of entitlement.  To call her a muffin top would be an insult to muffin tops, yet she thinks she’s hot as she continues to pile on the pounds.

This bitch is one of the most manic depressive bipolar fucked up lame-brain bitches I’ve ever seen.

Talk about jumping into the cold water!  My spider senses are back now, I’m sniffing out mental illness every fucking where after this bullshit!  Luckily I was smart enough to not let this bitch know where I live!!!!  Holy worn out pieces of ass Batman!!!!!

So fellas, learn from my fuck up.  Take time to warm up and get yourself right.  Stay away from the three quart girls!!   Especially on the nights that you’ve drank three quarts!!

Forty ounces to Freedom Fuckers!

You are now free to drink about the cabin!

Posted in Marriage, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Class Reunion? Fuck No!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on October 17, 2009


This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers.

The subject of class reunions came up with a friend of mine.  He was looking forward to his, much like a used car dealer looks forward to going to the auto auction to buy up a bunch of clunkers.  I can understand his game, these formerly hot chicks are the ones who were too stuck up to date guys their own age when they were in high school.  Now these chicks are old hags with stretch marks, fat rolls and kids from different men.

I guess it would be a bit of revenge to bang these former hotties, but that’s a game I’ll have to sit out on.  Not because I’m too good, but to be honest I now have enough money to be able to afford these women’s 18yr old daughters.  I remember hearing Tom Leykis talk about this years ago and once again the man was right!!!

The last thing I want is a woman my own age!  If that’s what I liked, I’d stay married!

3middleagewomenflips

Old hags like these are for broke guys!

As men get older we have more of what women want, as women get older they have LESS of what men want.

You’re now free to bang younger, hotter bitches.

Posted in money, sex, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

 
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