Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘avoid single mothers’

Still Kicking in 2019!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 6, 2019


Image result for marriage is shit

 

What’s up fuckers! I’ve got a shitload of content coming in 2019………well, actually all I have at the moment is a shitload of booze which is pretty much the same thing.

Posted in Marriage, marriage sucks, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Single Mothers

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 13, 2012


Single mother

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, money, sex, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

Avoid Marriage and Avoid Single Mothers!!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 24, 2011


tits nun

This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

I know many of you were worried that I was taken up in the rapture that happened this past Saturday. But fear not, I am still here, as are you.  So let’s get this shit cracking!

Good news travels fast folks and it didn’t take long for some single mothers trying to hock their tired old wares on your Captain.  Yes my friends, these women are trying to convince me to not just buy; but grossly overpay for a vehicle that is high mileage, thoroughly abused, and in serious need of some major body work!!!

classic_car_auctionNow a few of these clunkers are in decent shape considering all the wear and tear that’s been put on them by guys in the past.  You’ve been there right, the used car salesman puts a nice coat of wax on the old banger.  It looks great from the road when you drive past at 60 mph.

Then you turn around and pull into the lot to get a closer look and that’spiece of shit when you see that they parked it so the side that’s smashed in is facing away from the road.  You see the tires are flat and bald.  You notice the paint is cracked and looks like warm shit.  Not to mention that to get the thing running you need a fucking NASCAR pit crew.  Even then it mostly just sputters and smokes a lot.

Sound like anyone you know?  Like the kind of chick who looks great in jeans, then when you get them off of her you feel like you’re participating in the fucking moon landing!!! 

saggy titsAnd the tits, OMFG the tits!!!  Major source of false advertising there!!  Ladies, I know they make bras that can make you look really good with your shirt on, but eventually you’ll have to take that shirt off and we will see your rack that looks like someone vomited into a couple of gym socks from where you cranked out a bunch of kids.  Plus ladies if you are an A cup, your water bra isn’t fooling shit!!!!

So beware of these charlatans gentlemen!  Don’t fall for it, don’t do the U-turn, just keep on driving right past!  I haven’t even gotten to all the fucking baggage these broads carry around…..I’ll do that next time.  Same fuck time, same fuck channel.

You’re now free to motorboat your sister’s best friend.

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks, Single mothers | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

My Big-Ass Mail Sack, Single Moms Still a No!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 21, 2011


This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers!!

I get all kinds of crazy shit in my inbox, mostly hate mail from some meth skank who is pissed off because her twat drags the ground when she walks.  But this time I found a cry for help from a reader.  I’ve changed the name to protect his dumb ass.

Hey Captain,

I’ve been reading your blog for a couple months now and you make me laugh every time I log on to my laptop. But I have a problem that I hope you could help me with. I’m a 31yr old guy who just finished graduate school. I have an ok job now making ok money, but I have a chance to possibly get another job with an awesome company in a larger city. I’ll get around a $20k raise and I’ll be making over $100k in about 5yrs if I stick with it. The problem is at my current job I met a really cool girl. She’s great! I know what you’re thinking but she really is fun to be around even with our clothes on. She’s not like most American bitches. Hell, she even cooks!

But, she is going through a divorce right now. Her kids dad is pretty much a loser who doesn’t want to help her out in any way with the kids. She got with him when she was young, but now she has matured and realizes her mistake. I know money isn’t everything so should I put off getting a new job for a little bit just to help her out? I’d feel like a jerk if I just went for the money and didn’t worry about her.

Let me know what you think. Thanks.

Byron

Ok, “Byron” thanks for dropping me a line.  So let’s take it from the fucking top.  You probably went to graduate school for the same reason that most of us go to graduate school…………to make MONEY!  You obviously had some kind of plan in place, don’t let a piece of ass get in the way, especially a high-mileage with a shit ton of baggage!

Newsflash:  All single moms who have losers for an ex and need to find a new sucker to pay all their bills are………wait for it………….really cool girls.  It’s called bait and switch!  She has to play nice, she’s damaged goods!!

But Byron, I don’t know what field you are in, but if your profession is like mine you can’t afford to get dragged down into the mud with a bunch of parental trailer trash drama.  What happens when the loser takes a swing at you?  Or better yet beats her up then you put on your Capt Save A Skank cape and slug him and guess who she’ll be crying over when the cops arrive?  It won’t be you Ace, it’ll be the father of her bastard children.  You will be the one in the slammer!! 

Tell me, how well does a felony go with your graduate degree?  What would your income potential be as a convicted felon?  You said right now your next gig would take you into the six figure range, so multiply that out by 20 or 30 years.  This is MILLIONS of fucking dollars we’re talking about here you fuck!  Goddamn! Wake the fuck up! 

You think some bitch who has already shit out some future car-jackers out of her twat is worth MILLIONS of dollars?  Are you fucking tit lick serious?

Stop talking to this bitch TODAY!  Do NOT take her calls, do not answer her texts.  Get the fuck away from her as fast as you can and from now on no more fishing off the company pier!  Find your pussy elsewhere and without all the baggage.

To quote Tom Leykis “DUMP THAT BITCH!!!!”

Soooooo, what say the rest of you to Byron?

You’re now free to dump that bitch.

keyra_agustina_sexy

 

Posted in money, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 11 Comments »

 
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