Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘beer’

Create Some Space

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on October 30, 2014


couple-arguing

This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers!

I was halfway through a lengthy blog post for married guys about shit to do when you want to waste time when you don’t want to go home when it dawned on me that I needed another beer.  It also dawned on me that I needed to back up a bit with my thinking.  Because just like in sports, shit needs to be set up before it’s executed. So just like the offensive line sets up a good run, here’s how you set up your life.

I’m talking to all sorts of guys here, whether you just have a fuck buddy or a wife, you need to set things up so that whenever you need some space, you can have it.  Often times in relationships we give away too much, our wives know our daily routine down to the fucking minute.  This tends to happen slowly over time usually because if some bitch just flat out asked you where you are every second of the day you’d Ray Rice her ass!

Are you that guy who has to call the little lady on your lunch and/or breaks every fucking day or maybe the guy who has more personal calls than business calls?  Does she expect a prompt response when she emails you at work?  Is your cell phone nothing but a hand-held ankle bracelet?  Be honest here, I’m not busting your balls over it, you might have answered yes to every question, but there is still hope for even you.

First off, this is your fucking job, not her message or answering service to track you down during the day.  So here’s what you do TODAY…….your company is cracking down on personal calls, both at your desk and on your cell phone.  Cell phone ringers are to be turned off, yes OFF, your story is the familiar “some asshole ruined it for the rest of us” deal.  The idea here is to not be at her fingertips all the fucking time.  Don’t let her derail you with that bullshit about if an “emergency” comes up, that’s just total bullshit on her part.  Yes emergencies happen, but not every fucking day and you not answering her text is NOT an emergency.

So now she’ll want your attention on all your breaks and lunches.  You have to slow her down here too.  If you are salaried, you’re going to be “too busy”
on some new project you’re working on……..a long term project with lots of big words to describe it, that way she’ll never ask about it in detail.  As far as lunches, you’ll be having more working lunches, lunches with colleagues, team lunches, anything that will give you an excuse to silence your phone. 

The idea is to create space for you. You also need to start varying the times you go to and come home from work.  Even if you get off the same time every day, start coming up with reasons you’ll be working late……but not at your desk where she can call you.  The team is wrapping shit up in a conference room, one without a phone.  You guys like to work in this room because it lets you focus or whatever line of shit you want to give her.  But make sure you set this up before you start actually “working” late.  Start telling her you won’t be at your desk, you’re working on a project and you all agreed that cell phones were distractions so you are all leaving yours at your desks.  If she has a real emergency, she can call the secretary or whatever main line your company has.

This will do a couple things, it’ll give you some piece and quiet at your desk and it will buy you some time later on when you don’t feel like going home right away.  But you have to start slowly setting this shit up early guys, don’t try to do all this at once, ease into it.  The cracking down on personal call one is easy and it’ll buy you some quick relief.

These are just a few ideas, I’m sure you can think of more.  Just in general, both at work and home, start thinking of things to get away.  For example a monthly thing with the guys, this can be anything from spending a whole day fishing, car show, or watching a game at a sports bar.  Just something to get you out of the house.  This one is obviously one you want to actually do, but even if there’s one day your friends can’t make it, you should still take that time for yourself.

That’s the other thing, I’m not just saying to think of fake shit to buy yourself some time, but also come up with actual shit you like to do.  Be the guy who finds a cool place for an after work happy hour once or twice a month. Go golfing, fishing or some other activity that she hates on the weekends.  Go to the gym, that’s one that you can use just to get out of the house also.  A bonus tip for the gym is to join a gym she would hate, don’t join a female friendly gym like Planet Fuck Fitness or some bullshit like that.  Join a real one where they blast heavy metal and hard rap. 

Conventions, go to one, out of town, without her.  This will do a few things, it’ll actually help your career for one by giving you a chance to network and learn more about your industry or trade.  Hell you might even be able to convince your company to partially foot the bill or make it so it’s considered work days so that you don’t have to use your vacation days.  This is also an easy to get a little traveling in, granted only a few days but imagine how nice it’ll be to come back to that nice quiet hotel room.  Even better if it’s in a different time zone so that you can blame jet-lag for cutting her off on the phone so that you can go to bed.  So many pluses to this one!  Book smart and use the same airline and hotel so that you get the benefit of points and shit, sounds corny, but once you’ve stayed in some kick ass suites for free, you start to warm up to the idea.

So there’s some ideas for you guys.  I know there’s a lot of talk about just getting the fuck out of the marriage, but sometimes you can’t just up and leave, sometimes that shit takes a while to plan out and get yourself straight before you make your exit.  This will help make that time more bearable. 

If you guys have other tips and ideas, I’d love to hear it.  Until then, keep drinking.

You’re now free to pass the Scotch.Highland-Park

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Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Reader Mail

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 9, 2013


Mail

What’s up fuckers!  Every once in a while I sober up just long enough to read a couple emails.  Today I found this one from a vet, which I’d like to thank him and all our our service members for their duty. 

It’s a well written letter, make you think.  Now here it is…

 

Why I don’t support men’s rights groups: On my first deployment I was pulling guard duty with this SGT in his 40s, I was about 19 at the time. All he did was stare at the wall and dip. Sitting there staring at the wall and dipping tobacco. I could never understand at 19 why he was so shut down emotionally. So I asked him why. He replied with an answer I’d never forget: I figured out the meaning of life he said, "I’m normal and everyone else is fucked up in the head". Those were his exact words.

Now I’m 25 going on 26. After being burned by women and no longer being a nice guy to them I learned how to stand up for myself and not let myself be walked all over, or even worse avoid them all together which saves me the effort and possible embarrassment of an argument in public, but at the same time teaches them that anything they say is OK simply because they are a woman. Sometimes as I fall asleep at night I think about who I really am and I notice that I’m less trusting of women and don’t want to ever get married. Why would I when most of my adult friends got screwed over one way or another. Out of ALL the people I know, I know only ONE yes ONE man has full custody of ONE of his 3 children. And that’s only because the mom was in jail for drugs right before the divorce and judge kinda had to rule his way.

So back to contemplating about my Inner self. It’s incredibly difficult to turn on TV and see in EVERY sitcom of how the man is always portrayed as a dumb useless irresponsible person who only thinks about football and beer. And of course the women on TV are always right, smart and entitled to absolutely everything they want. That kinda stuff is boring to watch so I flip the channel every time I see something like that. But who would I talk to about it? My circle of friends is gone because I recently moved to a different city. I can’t just walk into a bar, come up to a stranger and start talking about real shit like this. I have to carry on a rather boring superficial conversation about food or cars.

So I went online and found your site. Witch kinda reinforced the concepts that are already in my head: women use men and men let that happen because most of them are pussies themselves. That is until they get burned enough and become heartless bachelors, or even worse: submit to society, get married and forever get used as a slave by their wife who would divorce and take everything she can get her hands on if the man doesn’t act right. And if a man has a dispute with a woman the man is guilty until proven innocent. Proving yourself innocent is a very expensive process in court these days. This whole system is messed up and for some reason people are scared to talk about it publically. Only words exchanged are online in anonymous forums. I tried talking about this shit in public places with people I know. Most of them are frankly not intelligent enough to understand my points or they just don’t care about it because they are too stupid to realize just how much they would really get fucked in a divorce court or even in a dispute that winds up in front of a judge. And those who understand are too scared to come out of the closet.

There’s a whole list of things that are wrong with society today. And no, the problem isn’t liberals, republicans, gun collectors or anti-abortion groups. The real problem is that we live in a world where the society worships Kim Kardashian and a lot of women want to act like her. The problem is that men empower wrongdoing done by women by not standing up for themselves. And those men that do stand up for themselves don’t get labeled by the media as the "good guy". To be honest, men do a lot of shit wrong too but that kind of behavior doesn’t last because of courts and social exile that any woman can impose on any guy that tells her something she doesn’t want to hear.

So why don’t we males organize ourselves into political power? Well two reasons in my opinion: first of all there’s too much political correctness these days and the first politician to mention "men’s rights" is going to be committing a "public political suicide". Second and most important reason is that men want to fuck most the women while women want only 10% of the top preforming males. So the top 10% of men get 100% of the hot chicks. Notice no women are ever homeless by the way unless they’re old or fat. I’ve seen plenty 20 year old guys in down town Chicago asking for change, not a single 20 year old chick ever asked me for a nickel. So as a man I have a choice to compete with the rest and be a successful bachelor or settle for less and become a slave to my future wife. Either way I won’t be in an organized movement for "men’s rights". I will either get it my way and make money and travel the world enjoying life in every country or I will get enslaved by marriage and the court system. So either way I won’t be an activist.

On my last night out in Austin, I tried coming up to multiple hot random chicks and talking about serious shit like this. I didn’t get any good results at all. So what does that teach me? Play a game or be played but there is no changing it. Worst of all I’m beginning to think that the hotter a woman is the more entitled she feels. A gross stereotype maybe but prove me wrong. So as I go out pondering the streets looking for a one night stand I’m beginning to realize that I also know the meaning of life: I’m normal and everyone else is fucked up in the head.”

 

See, I told you that shit was good.  So many great points in one email!!!

I’m of the mind that if this gentleman enjoys his life the way HE wants to enjoy it, that sends a far greater message than any political action group could ever do.  So my good man, I am raising my glass to you where ever you might be, I hope that you are making your own way and enjoying your life to the fullest.  Cheers.

 

Posted in Captain No Marriage, Marriage, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

What Are You Really Getting?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 17, 2010


This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers!!

When you work someplace that the majority of employees are women, you get to see and hear some things that you’d probably rather not know.  Like the woman in her mid 20s who sleeps in a separate bedroom and when her “soulmate”  wants some ass he has to pay for it with dinner and gifts.  Or how about the endless medical issues that some women have ranging from migraines to anxiety episodes??  I mean if she’s pulling this shit with her boss, imagine trying to get some pussy from her?

Of course these women hid these behaviors BEFORE their guy signed the dotted line.  These women I’m talking about look great when you first see them.  You think, man that’s not too bad right there.  She’s HOT!  But soon you see she’s more loosely held together like a shade-tree mechanic’s old Chevy!

Their husbands thought they were getting this…………………………….


But what they REALLY got stuck with is this…………………….

Talk about fucking Cash for Clunkers!  Holy Bait and Switch Batman!!!

I have recently seen an increase in some of these so-called “classics” trying to get my attention.  I’ve even test drove a couple.  However in the back of my head, I wonder HOW MUCH ARE THE MAINTENANCE COSTS!!!!

You are now free to listen to Tom Leykis.

Posted in money, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Even Famous Pussy Has a Biological Clock That Rings Louder than Big Ben!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 12, 2010


This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers!!

Have you seen this article?  I’ll wait a minute while you read…..so Jessica Biel, who appears in the latest A Team movie is “desperate” for a baby from Justin Timberlake.  Hmmmm……I wonder why, oh wait I see why, she 28!!!! That’s like 45 in Hollywood years!  My advice to JT, GET THE FUCK OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!!


She’s been banging around having a good time and now she wants that guaranteed 18 year annuity known as a baby.  I know what you’re saying, she has her own money, right?  At the moment, yes.  But haven’t you noticed how in Hollywood that the same group of leading men are getting older, but that they make sure that the female actresses that play opposite of them stay the same age.  You don’t see Brad Pitt playing opposite Sharon Stone, hell no, they get the newest, hottest piece of ass they can find.

At 28 Biel is no longer the hottest or youngest.  So she needs to lock in some mega child support that you can only get from a famous actor/musician/athlete.

But gentlemen this happens at all levels, not just Hollywood, it’s happening on your street, maybe it’s happened to you.  You’re dating some broad and things are going well until………………………….she hits you with the “I’m not getting any younger” speech.  Suddenly just having a good relationship is no longer enough for her.  Of course these are the same chicks on Match.com and Plenty of Fish who have headlines like “I’ve had my fun” or “Not into playing games”.

What this means is that she’s banged every Tom, Dick, and Harry Balls in the city and now that she has 150,000 miles on the odometer she wants to settle down and have YOU pay for her.  Sometimes one or four of the bad boys that she used to bang has left her with a little present in the form of a child.  Of course bad boy doesn’t pay any child support so she needs someone to “step up” or whatever other line of bullshit they try to pass off as honorable.  The bottom line is that as  a guy you want NO part of this mess.

As soon as a chick even hints of a baby you need to stop having sex with her immediately!!!!  Don’t make a 18yr gamble that the condom won’t slip or break.  Don’t hope that she won’t accidentally forget to take her pill or that she won’t poke a hole in your condoms.  Just like Justin Timberlake could replace Biel with an equally hot or hotter piece of ass, that’s what you need to do the moment she says she wants a child.  I don’t give a fuck if your Justin Timberlake or Joe 6 Pack, you need to run!  Run hard, run silent, run deep, just fucking run!!!

You’re now free to shove peanuts up some sky cunt’s ass.


Posted in money, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Listen to Your Elders

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 16, 2010


What’s up fuckers!

Here’s a quick hit for ya.  It’s a bit of an older clip from YouTube, but one worth repeating.  Now before you view the clip, let me quote Tom Leykis by saying that “not all women are like this.  There are exceptions to the rule, but the exceptions prove the rule.”

So without further fucking delay, here’s The Kid from Brooklyn on staying single.

Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Why the Mistress Never Wins.

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 11, 2010


This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers!

Ahhh yes, the mistress.  What is a mistress?  A chick that puts out and hopefully keeps her fucking trap shut.  That’s it.  Nothing more.

So what happens when the guy finally breaks the bonds of marriage?  Well first let’s look at who the mistress competes with while the guy is married.  The bitchy, nagging, bloated wife.  Not much competition!!  Anything looks good next to that!  It’s not like the guy can freely go out and look for other prospects, guys are often lazy when it comes to this.  If they have a chick that puts out and shuts up, that’s enough.

However once the guy is single, now the mistress is competing against every young hot piece of ass on the market.  At this point she has developed a sense of entitlement with the guy, but what she doesn’t realize is that now she has taken the role of the nagging bitch wife.  So the guy dumps her too.

Nothing wrong with a mistress, but ladies you need to know your fucking role.  A mistress is nothing but a handicapped booty call.  Once the bonds of marriage have been lifted, he’s going after the women he really wants to bone, and guess what…………it’s not YOU!

You’re now free to bang young hot chicks.



Posted in Marriage, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Why So Pissed at Tiger?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 25, 2010


This is your Captain Speaking……………..welcome aboard fuckers.

Yes, I know.  Tiger Woods is the story that never dies, but why has it stirred so much emotion?  It’s pretty simple, it shows what men and women really want.


Tiger just wants to fuck and if most guys had his means that’s what they would do.  His actions reminds women what their men would do if they got that promotion, finished graduate school, or got a better job.  It reminds them that their guy would dump their worthless nagging asses in a heartbeat!


The actions of Tiger’s wife show guys what women are really after…………money.  Plain and simple, when the initial lust of the relationship wears off, its all about money.  All the talk about independent women is just a bunch of bullshit.  They’re only independent if they’re getting money from a man.

Tiger’s real mistake was getting married and having kids.  All that did was secure the transfer of assets from him to his aging trophy wife.

There is absolutely no benefit to a man to get married.

You are now free to bang the sky cunts about the cabin.


Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Hey Old Fucker!!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 14, 2010


This is your Captain speaking……………welcome aboard fuckers!!

Does any of this female psycho-babble sound familiar?

You’re just bitter!

Someone must have really hurt you.

You just hate women!

Not all women are like that……I’m not.

You just haven’t met the right woman yet.

Of course when that doesn’t work then they try this…………..

Don’t you want to grow old with someone?  (what they forget is to add is that someone will be bugging and nagging the living hell out of you until one of you dies!!!!)

I feel sad for you.

You’ll never know true love with that attitude.

Older guys didn’t just pull their attitudes out of a fucking straw hat.  They came from years of life experiences.  We need to listen to our elders, I know that’s crazy-talk nowadays, but trust me.  These guys aren’t saying to stay away from marriage because “they can’t get laid”.  They’re saying it because its true.

The “See the matrix” analogy is probably grossly overused, but in this case it fits perfectly.  As we mature we start noticing patterns of behavior.  We notice that these patterns seem to match what some of these “old farts” have been trying to warn us about for years.  Pretty much every guy knows of another guy who has been raked over the coals by the court system.

Then through the power of hindsight, you start looking back at all your relationships and you can usually pinpoint the moment the first red flag went up.  But you stayed.

You’re now free to walk 10 miles uphill in the snow.



Posted in sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Generation Wussy

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 2, 2010


This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers.

What a difference 10 or 15 years can make.  They used to call the 80s kids the “Me Generation”, but the current crop of 20 somethings make anyone who came up in the 80s look like a saint!!  This isn’t just your normal bitching about the crazy young kids, these people are fucked up.

The first thing that amazes the pig shit out of me is how someone can be in their mid-20s and have NEVER lived alone!  I’m not just talking about women, men too.  They trade in one mommy or daddy for another.  They jump into relationships because they need a roommate and are actually afraid of living alone.  I mean fuck, if you can’t stand to live alone with yourself, how the hell can you expect someone else to?

I remember sitting around with my friends talking about all the cool stuff we could do once we had our own place.  It was a stated goal to move out ASAP!!!

But, the idea of getting a studio apartment is like some kind of insult, they want to move into a house like mom and dad, forgetting the fact that mom and dad have been working all these years to get that house!  Not to mention the fact that they also need a new car, some even continuously trade in cars and are terminally upside down for life.

I know couples with no kids and bitch about money…..why?  Well as I mentioned before, the need for a new car, plus not a one-bedroom apartment, oh no that would practical, it has to be a two-bedroom costing several hundred dollars a month more.  Don’t dare, after listening to the constant whining, suggest they downsize.  Sacrifice is NOT in their vocabulary.   Forget the fact that the extra money could be used for…….oh I don’t know, a degree or some kind of skill that could possibly advance your career?  That way you can have a caviar budget to match your entitled caviar tastes.

But no, they have a beat up Ford Pinto budget and caviar tastes and are pissed off about it.

Now on one hand, I’m really happy about all of this.  Think about it, these people are the “competition” for a job.  Unfortunately if we keep cranking out entitled brats the jobs will continue to flow overseas.  Luckily I speak another language.

Until next time fuckers.

You’re now free to pass Boardwalk and collect $200.


Posted in money, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Women Don’t Do Logic

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 15, 2010


This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers!

Here’s just a small sample of the logic, if you can call it logic, that I’ve gotten from American women.


Me:  I don’t want to limit myself to being with just one person.

Her:  You’re afraid of commitment!


Me:  I don’t want kids or I’m getting a vasectomy.

Her:  You’re just selfish and don’t want to live up to your responsibilities.


Me:  I want to save/invest my money.

Her: I want a new (fill in the blank)

Clothes, furniture, pets, car, anything that’s loses all its value as soon as you take it out of the store.


Me:  I want a woman who respects a man.  Like back in my grandparents day.

Her: You just can’t handle a “real” woman.


And let’s not forget that jewel of female logic during an argument when her point is so solid that the only thing she can think of is the phrase “whatever”.  Which is her way of saying “I know you’re right, but I won’t acknowledge it”, her brain cannot process logic.


Damn, why even bother talking to these mental midgets?  As I have learned from my time reading various MRA materials, a lot of these bullshit tactics just amounts to “shaming language”, a feminist tactic, but it’s all they’ve got because logic is definitely not on their side or within their abilities.

You’re now free to let a woman buy YOU drinks and hump-n-dump her.

Posted in Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

 
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