Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘boob’

Too Good to be True???

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 2, 2010


This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Sometimes you have to take these bitches with a grain of salt.  Yes even my sarcastic ass knows that not ALL American women are fucked up, just 99.99999% of them are.  So there is a chance that I might meet one that is cool, just like there’s a chance I might win Power Ball, catch a unicorn or shit a golden turd.

So what happens when you meet that one that’s fan-fucking-tastic!!!  I mean she’s great, cool to hang with, likes your friends, and of course sucks the fucking color off your dick!  To quote the great philosopher Kenny Loggins, this is when you are in “The Danger Zone”.  This is when you can get easily distracted by her firm ass and excellent oral communication skills.

Don’t let your guard down gentlemen!  Take a step back and evaluate the situation as if you were giving advice to one of your drinking buds.   It will give you a much better picture of what you really have on your hands.  Recently, I’ve found myself in this same exact situation and when I did step back and mulled things over with my good friend Johnnie Walker here are some of the red flags that I found whipping in the wind.

Multiple kids, multiple fathers. (who don’t pay child support)
Previous “serious” relationship was abusive.
Complains about not finding any “good” men.
Radical spike in interest after learning of career path
Lots of male friends, very few female friends.
No goals, career or otherwise.  (waiting on Prince Charming)

    The list goes on, but you get the picture.  It’s easy to ignore the warning signs when someone is swallowing your load; especially when they do their best to hide them. Until next time fuckers.

    You’re now free to drink scotch on the rocks.

    Posted in sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    So What are You Missing Out On?

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 22, 2009


    This is your Captain speaking and once again……………….Welcome Aboard Fuckers!!!

    This one goes out to all the guys who are married, living with, or have a steady girlfriend.  I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “Don’t let life pass you by”, but that’s exactly what we’re doing gentlemen.  Getting married is letting life pass you by at the speed of light.  Let’s start with the obvious stuff that passes by….

    Can you even count the number of cute waitresses that have passed you by?

    hot waitress

    And let’s not forget the cute cashier…..

    flo

    But of course we all realize the mistake we’ve made in choosing just one woman and all the opportunities that pass us by everyday.  But there’s others, like what if you feel like stopping by a few gun shops, or just drive to the beach without having to pack half the garage with you, or stop by a friends house for a few beers, or just being able to spend your days the way that YOU want to spend them.  Now that is where life is passing us by.

    Being married is like living with your parents when you were 13, you know that if you stay out too late, you’re in trouble, and don’t forget to check in.

    nag, nag, nag

    Nag, nag, fucking nag, that’s what we listen too while our lives are passing us by.  It’s time for this to stop gentlemen.  I know it’s not always as easy as throwing your shit in your car, we can thank our legal system for that.  But make a plan, put away a few bucks here and there, being active and actually doing something to plot out your escape will be liberating just by itself.

    Life is out there waiting for us, haven’t we let enough of it pass by?

    You are now free to drink about my ballsack.

    Posted in Marriage, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

    Why bother moving out of your parent’s place?

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 15, 2009


    This is your Captain speaking,

    My question is not to suggest that people never move out. It is in reference to the fact that when a man gets married, he ends up right back in the same situation he was in when he was 16.

    The place really isn’t his, he damn sure can’t set up the house like he wants, the bitch decorates. He has to ask permission for his friends to come over to watch the fight and God forbid that he wants to go over to that friend’s house that she doesn’t like. Yep, like 16 all over again, feeling trapped and looking forward to moving the fuck out.

    Who do women act like a man’s mother? Who the fuck is telling them that this a good idea? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, one mother is enough!! Women, especially American women are just a bunch of mentally unbalanced, controlling bitches and men need to learn that women really are good for one thing, sex. Fuck em’ and chuck em’.

    Men need to lose this scarcity mindset and realize than there’s a constant stream of new pieces of ass turning 18 every fucking day!!!

    super-hot-thong

    Don’t give in to these war pigs that you have to drink 4 quarts of malt liquor just to be able to look at her mismatched, discolored, sagging tits.

    warpig-thumb

    fat-girl-thong

    Let’s step it up and let’s step out and make one final move out into our own place again! And once you have your freedom gentlemen, NEVER give it up again. If a chick wants to move in then it’s time for you to move on.   Kick her ever-expanding ass to the fucking curb!

    You’re now free to grab your shit and go!

    Posted in Marriage, pua, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

    Who lies more? Men or Women?

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 19, 2009


    This is your Captain speaking, welcome aboard fuckers……….

    Ok, so some of you might recognize the title of this post as a pickup line or opener used to chat up women.  But I’m actually asking the question.  When it comes to dating and relationships it’s obvious that women are the lie.  It was Albert Einstein who said “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not…”

    Women put up the classic dog and pony show when you first meet them.  Then once they have you locked down either by marriage or by squeezing out a baby, that’s when they change.  Well not change, more like go back to their real slobby selves.

    How often have you heard women talk about losing weight for their wedding?  And that’s exactly what they do, they lose the weight for that ONE day, then they pork up like the pigs they really are.  Plus, why aren’t they losing weight for the so-called love of their life?  Don’t they love the guy enough to lose the fat for more than one day.  Of course most American women are just way to fucking lazy to do that, it’s much easier for the fat pig to point to her wedding picture and say “see what I USED to look like”.

    hotrussianbrides

    For the guy the wedding picture is a reminder of how he fell for the classic bait and switch routine.  Hopefully some of these guys will use those pictures as reminders of who really does lie more!  That poor smuck actually thought he was getting the girl in the wedding pictures!!  Instead he got a fatter and more hostile version of the woman that he first met.  That’s why guys cheat, not to get something new, but to get something like they thought they had in the first place!

    fat_lady

    There is no benefit for a man to get married, unless he’s a complete loser.

    You’re now free to drink about the cabin…..

    Posted in Marriage, pua, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

    Are you Married to a SNIPER???

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 15, 2009


    This is your Captain speaking……..

    What’s up fuckers!  How many of you guys watch fights, either boxing or mma?  Ever notice how the guys throw tons of jabs and cut kicks.  Those punches and kicks never knock anyone out, but the damage from them adds up over the course of the fight.  You can’t really say it was one particular jab or kick that really made the guy hurt.

    So anyone here married to a fucking sniper?

    natasha-red-alert-3

    Women fight in the same manner.  Often when they say “Well what have I done…”, you can’t pinpoint one incident, but you KNOW you’ve had the hell beaten out of you.

    Like today, I’m home pretty much the same time every day and I unwind a minute before I go to the gym, the same gym I’ve been going to for YEARS.  Well the gas company was going to replace our regulator outside and needed someone to be here.  Well wifey decides to play the hero (the bitch just wanted to leave work early) because she said that “I’m not reliable”.

    That’s what makes marriage so fucking evil.  Little shit like that the builds up, the constant fucking slick ass remarks when you’re out in public, all that shit adds up.  You can’t remember individual stuff, but just like the fight, it takes its toll.

    Let’s dump these passive agressive bitches and use women what they were put here for……SEX.  No, not fucking babies, just sex.  Let some other sucker knock the bitch up, we just want the pussy.

    You are now free to move about my ballsack.

    Posted in Marriage, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    Don’t want to get married? Then you must be a woman-hater!!!

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 8, 2009


    Hello Fuckers, This is your Captain Speaking……..

    You know, it’s amazing.  You hear a lot about how we should learn from our mistakes.  Well, marriage has been the single most costly mistake I have ever made and I fucking refuse to do it again.  You would think that people would say that’s a wise choice.  After all, why repeat the biggest blunder of your life?

    Well that’s not how some women see it.  Although not all women, once again the split among the women is predictable.  My younger hotter friends agree with my outlook and say that I should enjoy my life, the old bags over 30 who are carrying around 50 extra pounds, whiny shrill voices, they all tell me how sad it is.

    Sad?  Sad that I’m smart enough to not repeat a mistake, which by the way, 2nd and 3rd marriages have even HIGHER divorce rates than first marriages!!  The truth is that these older bags are way past their sell by date and I am just entering my prime.  It seems like every day I have younger and hotter girls talking to me.  The old bags probably stomped their little feet when they were younger when they didn’t get their way and men fell for it…………until the looks slipped, the pounds added up, then the guys shifted their attention to younger, hotter and less bitchy women.

    These bitter old cunts tell me that just because I don’t want to sign another contract to give away half my assets, that I must “hate women”.  Well they must hate men.   After all, why else would they try so hard to sell something that many of them have already failed at.  Yeah, some of these bitches telling me not to give up on marriage are divorced themselves!  Fucking hippocrites!

    Fuck those overweight cunts.  I plan to get divorced and NEVER give up my happiness again.  NEVER have to worry about which personality I’ll come home to.  NEVER feel like I am 16 and still live at home.

    Fellas, I say let these fat, bitter old war pigs live at home with their fucking 7 cats.  I will have standards.  NO AVERAGE WOMEN!!!!  And damn sure never limit myself to just one or two women.  It will be time to live and enjoy life, like a man should.

    Fuck marriage and fuck used up old battle cunts.

    You are now free to bang porn stars about the cabin….

    Posted in Marriage, sex, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

    Thugtician Classic

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 5, 2009


    Happy 4th Fuckers, this is your Captain speaking……

    This man is right on point.  Women hate guys like this, he doesn’t yell, he speaks well, and worst of all he uses logic.

    Look him up on youtube, search for “Thugt1cian”, his other account got deleted by the feminist bitches.  Damn cunts hate the truth.

    Thugtician Classic: Delusional Women

    One last thing, God bless our troops.

    You’re now free due to the sacrifice of a veteran………..

    3h4upsc6ik

    Posted in Marriage, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

    Sexual Myths and other feminist crap

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 2, 2009


    This is your Captain Speaking……..

    Ever been around some women and heard the old bullshit line about how women are at their “sexual peak” in their mid to late thirties?  That they are in the “prime” of their worthless lives.  What a crock of shit.  Of course its usually below average, overweight women who are making this comment.

    Let’s talk about who peaks when.  Men and women peak opposite of each other.  Women peak around 18-20 and quickly go downhill after that.  The 19yr old guy is pretty much worthless in the dating world, but fast-forward 20 years and the tables turn.  Now the 39 yr old guy has his career going and is getting approached by that 18-22 age group that didn’t even know he was alive when he was that age.

    Of course the woman, even if she works out, which is rare, is barely a shell of what she used to look like.  The only guys her age who want her are guys with very few if any options as far as dating women.  I don’t care how hot a chick is at 22, she won’t be near as hot at 32 and especially after they squeeze out a few rugrats.

    So to make up for the fact that the only thing most women ever had going for them (youth) is now long gone, they make up this sexual prime myth.  Nice try cunts, that’s like trying to call a Ford Pinto a Jaguar.

    average american woman

    So guys, don’t fall for these overweight, overbearing, loudmouthed bitches, just skip these warpigs and fuck their 19yr old daughters.  But you better hurry, women these days aren’t wasting any time when it comes to packing on the fucking pounds.

    You are now free to gangbang the sky cunts.

    Posted in sex, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    Average American Woman, Single Mother

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 24, 2009


    This is your Captain speaking……..

    I wish this was a gross exaggeration, but I see this every fucking time I go to the store.  Fucking sad.

    Some men are a part of the problem, videos like this one with all these damn manginas and pussy beggars falling over this out of shape, sloppy ass female.  What is worse is that these women are walking around like they are Tyra Banks or some shit.  All because of a bunch of broke thirsty ass dudes who don’t have any game or self respect.  After all, why else would you talk to a fat or unattractive woman?

    It’s sad, some of these women would actually be fuckable if they lost some damn weight.  But from their perspective, why should they?  They are already getting what they want…..ATTENTION.

    I say let’s cut these attention whores off from their drug.

    Step up your game gentlemen, fuck the women that YOU want to fuck, you deserve it.

    You’re now free to fuck about the cabin.

    Posted in Marriage, pua, sex, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    Women fuck themselves up or women and Hitler part 2

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 23, 2009


    This is your Captain speaking…..

    Yeah, so what, I’m repeating myself.  So fucking what, bitches do it all the time.

    I’m just fucking tired of so called grown adult women blaming all their bad decisions on men.  They can’t fucking decide if they are the victim or if they want to be the “strong woman”.  Of course strong woman probably gets some kind of gov’t assitance, alimony, or child support.  In essence, support from a man.  That doesn’t sound very fucking strong or independent to me ladies, you lying cunts.

    What are American women smoking these days?  Ever notice how NOTHING is these bitches fault, unless it happens to turn out positive of course.  How many times have you heard some cunt say this old line..?  “I was in college then I got pregnant…..”.  A dozen forms of birth control plus abortion and the morning after pill and she magically got knocked up and that why she works at Subway……….right.  Tell me another one bitch.

    fat-women-bbw-singles

    Everything is always the man’s fault.  If a woman cancels a date and the man isn’t mad, upset or causes a scene (like a woman would), then it’s not that he’s actually being mature, oh no that would imply that she’s in the wrong.  No, it’s that he “doesn’t care”.  Fuck you cunt and your piss ass mind games!

    Fat-Women--4944

    Its fucking amazing that in one sentence these bitches are in everyone’s face talking about how damn smart they are, then in the next how some guy took advantage of them during a vulnerable time.  Make up your fucking mind.  Are you independent or a fucking sock puppet?  The typical woman can’t seem to control what comes out of her womb or how much food gets crammed into her fat mouth.  And we’re just supposed to accept it?  Hell no, let these lazy fat cunts rot away with their 9 cats.

    Women are like cars, it’s always better to lease than to buy and you can count on the fact that next year there will be newer and hotter models available.

    You’re now free to move about my ballsack.

    Posted in Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

     
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