Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘boobs’

Alimony: A Lottery

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 4, 2010

Posted in Marriage, money | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Too Good to be True???

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 2, 2010

This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Sometimes you have to take these bitches with a grain of salt.  Yes even my sarcastic ass knows that not ALL American women are fucked up, just 99.99999% of them are.  So there is a chance that I might meet one that is cool, just like there’s a chance I might win Power Ball, catch a unicorn or shit a golden turd.

So what happens when you meet that one that’s fan-fucking-tastic!!!  I mean she’s great, cool to hang with, likes your friends, and of course sucks the fucking color off your dick!  To quote the great philosopher Kenny Loggins, this is when you are in “The Danger Zone”.  This is when you can get easily distracted by her firm ass and excellent oral communication skills.

Don’t let your guard down gentlemen!  Take a step back and evaluate the situation as if you were giving advice to one of your drinking buds.   It will give you a much better picture of what you really have on your hands.  Recently, I’ve found myself in this same exact situation and when I did step back and mulled things over with my good friend Johnnie Walker here are some of the red flags that I found whipping in the wind.

Multiple kids, multiple fathers. (who don’t pay child support)
Previous “serious” relationship was abusive.
Complains about not finding any “good” men.
Radical spike in interest after learning of career path
Lots of male friends, very few female friends.
No goals, career or otherwise.  (waiting on Prince Charming)

    The list goes on, but you get the picture.  It’s easy to ignore the warning signs when someone is swallowing your load; especially when they do their best to hide them. Until next time fuckers.

    You’re now free to drink scotch on the rocks.

    Posted in sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    How I Got Here

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 6, 2010

    This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers.

    How did I get here?  Here meaning the whole MRA/MGTOW/PUA thing.  It probably started a few years ago when a buddy of mine and I were talking about an article he read on  The article was about women and it reminded me of the ads I used to see in the back of car, gun, and other men’s magazines about “How to Get The Women You Desire into Bed” by a guy named Ross Jeffries.  So for fun I looked it up in the internet and very quickly found a copy of it and proceeded to give it a look.

    It seemed kind of new age (it was NLP based), but in my search for Ross I stumbled upon a guy named David DeAngelo.  This guy really connected the dots for me.  Granted I had discovered in middle school that being an ass got me women and being nice got me shit.  But I had no clue why.  I had no idea why acting like I didn’t care was so effective when it went against everything I was seeing and hearing about females.  All I knew then was that it fucking worked.

    At this point I had already been back in college working on my bachelors degree,  so the whole self improvement thing seemed to flow nicely.  And thats what the PUA material seemed like to me.  After David D, I read a book that he recommended by a guy named Neil Strauss called “The Game”.  That opened up the flood gates and gave me a whole host of PUA characters to research.  Some of whom I still read their material today.

    The MRA/MGTOW piece was a little different.  I was just frustrated as fuck, angry.  Like most married guys my social circle had been reduced to next to nothing.  Mainly friends from work or school, that I usually only saw at work or school.  I was pissed that I had allowed this part of my life to become so fucked up.

    I had heard of wordpress and blogspot because I had found some PUA blogs on the sites.  So I decided that I would vent my frustrations in the form of a blog.  I figured that I had to get this shit off my chest before it fucking killed me.  So unaware of the number of guys who were doing the same thing, I started this blog.  All I knew was that I was fucking pissed and I had to do something even if it was just writing in the dark.

    Then one day I was on wordpress and typed in something along the lines of “don’t get married” and one of the search results was some guy called “The Zero Tolerance Man”.  So I clicked on it and I was blown away!

    HOLY FUCKING CHRISTY CANYON IN THE ASS!!!!!!, this guy is saying exactly what I’m thinking!!  I”m not alone!!  Then I started to explore the blogroll on his site and the first blog I visited was Marky Mark’s who also echoed most of my opinions.  I’m still working my way through those guys’ blogrolls.  But that’s when the bubble burst and although I am by no means a “ghost”, the writings of all these different guys from all walks of life have been a  treasure trove of information.  It has allowed me to unplug a bit, to take a step back and see things from a better angle.

    Thank you gentlemen.  And thank you to the people who are reading this fucking rant of a blog, I never expected that to happen.  Thanks Fuckers!

    You are now free to move about

    Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

    Why the Mistress Never Wins.

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 11, 2010

    This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers!

    Ahhh yes, the mistress.  What is a mistress?  A chick that puts out and hopefully keeps her fucking trap shut.  That’s it.  Nothing more.

    So what happens when the guy finally breaks the bonds of marriage?  Well first let’s look at who the mistress competes with while the guy is married.  The bitchy, nagging, bloated wife.  Not much competition!!  Anything looks good next to that!  It’s not like the guy can freely go out and look for other prospects, guys are often lazy when it comes to this.  If they have a chick that puts out and shuts up, that’s enough.

    However once the guy is single, now the mistress is competing against every young hot piece of ass on the market.  At this point she has developed a sense of entitlement with the guy, but what she doesn’t realize is that now she has taken the role of the nagging bitch wife.  So the guy dumps her too.

    Nothing wrong with a mistress, but ladies you need to know your fucking role.  A mistress is nothing but a handicapped booty call.  Once the bonds of marriage have been lifted, he’s going after the women he really wants to bone, and guess what…………it’s not YOU!

    You’re now free to bang young hot chicks.

    Posted in Marriage, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

    One Stop Shopping…….Great for Wal-Mart, Sucks for Dating.

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 2, 2010

    This is your Captain speaking……………welcome aboard fuckers!!!!

    I see a lot of people trying to do the same kind of one stop shopping that they do at Wal-Mart in their social lives.  They try to find one person who “has it all”.

    This is a complete waste of time, not to mention impossible, unless you want to greatly lower your standards.  It’s a fool’s mission to try to find a woman that is hot, likes sex, loves sports, isn’t bipolar, cooks, is fun to hang out with, and is knowledgeable about politics and money.

    Chicks are for banging.  Humping and dumping.  Have you ever tried to have a conversation about politics with a women?  Unless she’s over 40 chances are she doesn’t even have a clue what time the nightly news comes on.  Like I said, women are human urinals, they are to be used and left.  If you want to talk politics, talk to your male friends.  They’ll actually know what the fuck is going on.

    Do not try to find all of these qualities in one person, especially one of our worthless entitlement whores we have here in the US.  Don’t get yourselves wrapped up in some chick who only has one quality………sex.

    Bang a variety of women and have a huge social circle of friends that you can hang out with when you are in the mood for some intelligent conversation.  Don’t waste your time looking for something that doesn’t exist.

    You’re now free to bang a hot dumb chick.

    Posted in Marriage, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    Why So Pissed at Tiger?

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 25, 2010

    This is your Captain Speaking……………..welcome aboard fuckers.

    Yes, I know.  Tiger Woods is the story that never dies, but why has it stirred so much emotion?  It’s pretty simple, it shows what men and women really want.

    Tiger just wants to fuck and if most guys had his means that’s what they would do.  His actions reminds women what their men would do if they got that promotion, finished graduate school, or got a better job.  It reminds them that their guy would dump their worthless nagging asses in a heartbeat!

    The actions of Tiger’s wife show guys what women are really after…………money.  Plain and simple, when the initial lust of the relationship wears off, its all about money.  All the talk about independent women is just a bunch of bullshit.  They’re only independent if they’re getting money from a man.

    Tiger’s real mistake was getting married and having kids.  All that did was secure the transfer of assets from him to his aging trophy wife.

    There is absolutely no benefit to a man to get married.

    You are now free to bang the sky cunts about the cabin.

    Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

    Hey Old Fucker!!!!

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 14, 2010

    This is your Captain speaking……………welcome aboard fuckers!!

    Does any of this female psycho-babble sound familiar?

    You’re just bitter!

    Someone must have really hurt you.

    You just hate women!

    Not all women are like that……I’m not.

    You just haven’t met the right woman yet.

    Of course when that doesn’t work then they try this…………..

    Don’t you want to grow old with someone?  (what they forget is to add is that someone will be bugging and nagging the living hell out of you until one of you dies!!!!)

    I feel sad for you.

    You’ll never know true love with that attitude.

    Older guys didn’t just pull their attitudes out of a fucking straw hat.  They came from years of life experiences.  We need to listen to our elders, I know that’s crazy-talk nowadays, but trust me.  These guys aren’t saying to stay away from marriage because “they can’t get laid”.  They’re saying it because its true.

    The “See the matrix” analogy is probably grossly overused, but in this case it fits perfectly.  As we mature we start noticing patterns of behavior.  We notice that these patterns seem to match what some of these “old farts” have been trying to warn us about for years.  Pretty much every guy knows of another guy who has been raked over the coals by the court system.

    Then through the power of hindsight, you start looking back at all your relationships and you can usually pinpoint the moment the first red flag went up.  But you stayed.

    You’re now free to walk 10 miles uphill in the snow.

    Posted in sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

    Generation Wussy

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 2, 2010

    This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers.

    What a difference 10 or 15 years can make.  They used to call the 80s kids the “Me Generation”, but the current crop of 20 somethings make anyone who came up in the 80s look like a saint!!  This isn’t just your normal bitching about the crazy young kids, these people are fucked up.

    The first thing that amazes the pig shit out of me is how someone can be in their mid-20s and have NEVER lived alone!  I’m not just talking about women, men too.  They trade in one mommy or daddy for another.  They jump into relationships because they need a roommate and are actually afraid of living alone.  I mean fuck, if you can’t stand to live alone with yourself, how the hell can you expect someone else to?

    I remember sitting around with my friends talking about all the cool stuff we could do once we had our own place.  It was a stated goal to move out ASAP!!!

    But, the idea of getting a studio apartment is like some kind of insult, they want to move into a house like mom and dad, forgetting the fact that mom and dad have been working all these years to get that house!  Not to mention the fact that they also need a new car, some even continuously trade in cars and are terminally upside down for life.

    I know couples with no kids and bitch about money…..why?  Well as I mentioned before, the need for a new car, plus not a one-bedroom apartment, oh no that would practical, it has to be a two-bedroom costing several hundred dollars a month more.  Don’t dare, after listening to the constant whining, suggest they downsize.  Sacrifice is NOT in their vocabulary.   Forget the fact that the extra money could be used for…….oh I don’t know, a degree or some kind of skill that could possibly advance your career?  That way you can have a caviar budget to match your entitled caviar tastes.

    But no, they have a beat up Ford Pinto budget and caviar tastes and are pissed off about it.

    Now on one hand, I’m really happy about all of this.  Think about it, these people are the “competition” for a job.  Unfortunately if we keep cranking out entitled brats the jobs will continue to flow overseas.  Luckily I speak another language.

    Until next time fuckers.

    You’re now free to pass Boardwalk and collect $200.

    Posted in money, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    Lost that “new car” smell!

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 9, 2010

    This is your Captain speaking……………welcome aboard fuckers!

    Have you ever seen one of these Ameri-Skanks when they are “back on the market” as far as dating?  The ones who married young and are now in their 30s or 40s and find themselves single now that their former husbands have come to their senses.  These delusional cunts act like they’re still 20!!!

    Here’s how it usually goes…………………..the chick latches on to a guy young, she then gains weight and chops off her hair, the guy either cheats or leaves, and then these bags find themselves back on the market.

    The result is a slew of older, way past their sell-by date bitches with an over-inflated sense of ego.  These cum dumpsters still act like they’re 21.  They still throw fits.  They try to control the guy with sex.  They can’t understand why guys their age don’t want a fucking thing to do with them.  (they rationalize it by saying that the guys cant handle a “real” woman).

    These fucking used bait buckets need to realize that they are the bottom of the fucking barrel.  Getting involved with one of these whores is like buying a 88 Ford Escort.  They’ve got high mileage, suffer from frequent breakdowns, weird noises, and usually run and look like fucking microwaved shit.

    Fellas chuck these battle cunts to the fucking curb and just hump-n-dump their 18yr old daughters!

    You’re now free to move about the bar.

    Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    Single and 60! It’s a Good Thing.

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 6, 2010

    This is your Captain speaking……………welcome aboard fuckers.

    I was reading the comment section of a post from Marky Mark’s blog for his post “Hitting the Wall, by Rex Patriarch”.  One of the comments stated basically that they wouldn’t want to be 60 and single.

    I have to agree with Mark’s reply in that being 60 and single beats the hell out of being 60 and coming home to some nagging old bitch.  I mean if she bugged the shit out of you when she was in her 30’s, just imagine how much you’ll hate her when the bitch is in her 60’s!!!!

    What I don’t get is this fear if living alone.  Granted if you have zero social skills, having someone live with you is one way of having some type of human company, but a very shitty way at best.  However living alone and being lonely are two completely different things.

    Of course there’s the people who say that marriage keeps you from “dying alone”, but unless you both are killed at the same time, one of you will be dying alone.  Marriage guarantees nothing!

    That last thing I want at 60 is to have worked all my life towards a comfortable retirement just to be nagged and bitched at until one of us dies!

    I mean why are guys nowadays such pussies that are afraid to live alone?  My friends and I used to dream about the day when we all had our own place without anyone to tell us what to do!  Now, the young guys stay at home with mommy until they get married to some bitch who then takes over as their new mommy and starts telling them what to do.

    Even if they do manage to move out, they treat relationships like a fucking monkey swings through a tree.  Ever watched animal planet, a monkey never lets go of one branch until he has a firm grip on the next one.  That’s how these people who are so afraid of being alone treat relationships, they don’t let go of one until they have a firm grip on another because they are afraid of being on their own.

    Once I have secured my freedom, I will NEVER give it up again! When I’m 60 I’ll be living my retirement the way I want it, I’ll be surrounded by the people that I actually want in my life and I’ll be living with the person who I love the most and who always does things the way that I like them…….ME!

    You’re now free to move about your retirement with the appropriate number of hookers.

    Posted in Marriage, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

    %d bloggers like this: