Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘booty’

Two Fucking People!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 20, 2010

This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers!

TWO!  That’s it, as I think about all the married guys that I know, I only know two fucking people who are happy and one of them is married to a non-American woman…..go figure.  Enough said there.

The other one had to go through hell to get to where he’s at now.  His first wife was well………your typical AW.  She ran him through the fucking ringer.  Got pregnant to try to keep him, mood swings, violent, paranoid, you name it.  She put this guy through hell.  But eventually he found the one hand grenade in the box that didn’t blow up when you pulled the pin.  His second wife must not know what year it is because she treats him like its 19 Fucking 50!!!!  Cooks, cleans, takes care of the house, the whole nine yards.  She even likes his crazy ass friends…….even me!!!

Unfortunately the odds of ending up like these two friends of mine are VERY fucking slim.  You are most likely to get the crazy bitch like my one friend got for his first wife.  I’m just glad he got the hell out of there.  I’ve never seen him more miserable when he was with her and more happy than he is now.  He won the fucking lotto.

But just because two guys won the lotto does NOT mean the rest of us should play.  Because like any casino, the odds are stacked in favor of the house.  And in America it’s a house of man-hating mentally ill bitches.   I congratulate my buddies on their winnings, but this game is too rich for my blood.  I fucking fold!!!

You are now free to drink about the casino.

Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments »

Accustomed to a Certain Lifestyle

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 16, 2010

This is your Captain speaking……………….welcome aboard fuckers.

First off, yes I know some men get alimony.  It happens.  In Chile a girl survived a 13-story fall, it happens.  Mostly alimony is the man paying for past use of a vagina.  But why?  Because she “grew accustomed to a certain lifestyle”.


So if I switch jobs, can I tell my employer that he has to give me a month of vacation every year simply because my old employer did?  What if I was accustomed to it?  Sounds fucking retarded, right?  Because it is, but somehow our legal system has it ass-backwards once again.

So what about what the guy was accustomed to?  What if he was accustomed to the attractive woman that he dated and she chops off her hair and porks up the minute her lips touch the wedding cake?  What if he was accustomed to getting his dick sucked on a regular basis………..never mind……that’s over once her lips touch the wedding cake too!!!

Bottom line is that neither person is entitled to JACK FUCKING SHIT.  If a relationship goes south, you move on.  There shouldn’t be financial penalties.  If a woman is in a marriage and she chooses to crap out kids instead of a career that could support her, that was HER decision.  If she got a degree in women’s studies instead of going to medical school, then that was HER decision.   So when the relationship is over, it should be fucking over!!

Just another reason why there is no benefit to a man to get married.

You are now free to kick the bitch down the stairs.

Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

One Stop Shopping…….Great for Wal-Mart, Sucks for Dating.

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 2, 2010

This is your Captain speaking……………welcome aboard fuckers!!!!

I see a lot of people trying to do the same kind of one stop shopping that they do at Wal-Mart in their social lives.  They try to find one person who “has it all”.

This is a complete waste of time, not to mention impossible, unless you want to greatly lower your standards.  It’s a fool’s mission to try to find a woman that is hot, likes sex, loves sports, isn’t bipolar, cooks, is fun to hang out with, and is knowledgeable about politics and money.

Chicks are for banging.  Humping and dumping.  Have you ever tried to have a conversation about politics with a women?  Unless she’s over 40 chances are she doesn’t even have a clue what time the nightly news comes on.  Like I said, women are human urinals, they are to be used and left.  If you want to talk politics, talk to your male friends.  They’ll actually know what the fuck is going on.

Do not try to find all of these qualities in one person, especially one of our worthless entitlement whores we have here in the US.  Don’t get yourselves wrapped up in some chick who only has one quality………sex.

Bang a variety of women and have a huge social circle of friends that you can hang out with when you are in the mood for some intelligent conversation.  Don’t waste your time looking for something that doesn’t exist.

You’re now free to bang a hot dumb chick.

Posted in Marriage, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Generation Wussy

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 2, 2010

This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers.

What a difference 10 or 15 years can make.  They used to call the 80s kids the “Me Generation”, but the current crop of 20 somethings make anyone who came up in the 80s look like a saint!!  This isn’t just your normal bitching about the crazy young kids, these people are fucked up.

The first thing that amazes the pig shit out of me is how someone can be in their mid-20s and have NEVER lived alone!  I’m not just talking about women, men too.  They trade in one mommy or daddy for another.  They jump into relationships because they need a roommate and are actually afraid of living alone.  I mean fuck, if you can’t stand to live alone with yourself, how the hell can you expect someone else to?

I remember sitting around with my friends talking about all the cool stuff we could do once we had our own place.  It was a stated goal to move out ASAP!!!

But, the idea of getting a studio apartment is like some kind of insult, they want to move into a house like mom and dad, forgetting the fact that mom and dad have been working all these years to get that house!  Not to mention the fact that they also need a new car, some even continuously trade in cars and are terminally upside down for life.

I know couples with no kids and bitch about money…..why?  Well as I mentioned before, the need for a new car, plus not a one-bedroom apartment, oh no that would practical, it has to be a two-bedroom costing several hundred dollars a month more.  Don’t dare, after listening to the constant whining, suggest they downsize.  Sacrifice is NOT in their vocabulary.   Forget the fact that the extra money could be used for…….oh I don’t know, a degree or some kind of skill that could possibly advance your career?  That way you can have a caviar budget to match your entitled caviar tastes.

But no, they have a beat up Ford Pinto budget and caviar tastes and are pissed off about it.

Now on one hand, I’m really happy about all of this.  Think about it, these people are the “competition” for a job.  Unfortunately if we keep cranking out entitled brats the jobs will continue to flow overseas.  Luckily I speak another language.

Until next time fuckers.

You’re now free to pass Boardwalk and collect $200.

Posted in money, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Boycott Valentine’s Day

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 27, 2010

This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers.

Mark Rudov is alive and well.  For the fourth year in a row he’s calling for a boycott of Valentine’s Day.

I can’t fucking agree more.  Of course the average woman looks at money the same way she looks at sausage………the bitch doesn’t care how it’s made, she just wants to consume it.  Forget about the economic downturn, women don’t care about trivial shit like that.  She doesn’t care if you’re one paycheck away from being homeless, you have to “prove” your love.

Women are so diluted and vain that even though they know that the only reason guys pretend give shit on valentines fucking day is because they don’t want to hear her bitch…………they still act like its a genuine act of “love” and not the mental water-boarding that it really is.   Stupid fucking cunts.

Want to stump a woman?  Try these four words…….TIME VALUE OF MONEY.  Take that money you’d blow on that cunt and pay off some debt or better yet put it in  your “Fuck You” fund.

Then look at the bitch and say “Fuck You”.  Fucking fuck-tard fucked up cum fucking urinal cunts.

You’re now free to buy yourself a quart of beer on Valentine’s Day and shove the empty bottle up her snatch.

Posted in money, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Cheaper to Keep Her? Fuck NO! It’s Cheaper to Chuck Her Out the Fucking Door!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 20, 2010

This is your Captain speaking………………welcome aboard fuckers.

There’s a lot of myths flying around when it comes to relationships.  One of them is the old “it’s cheaper to keep her” myth and while there are cases where this is true (thanks to our fucked up court system).  I think that if most guys get the fuck out of Dodge before the 10 year mark, then its “cheaper to chuck her”.

I’ve heard shit like “two can live cheaply as one”, that’s a crock of swine flu ridden pig shit!!  The truth is once the bitch moves in, you’re FUCKED.  I’m not just taking the obvious shit like utilities and food, but all the extra shit that you wouldn’t normally buy.  This could be as simple as her always demanding the brand names where before you always bought the store brand.  Or how about all the special stupid fucking special lotions, feminine rags and other shit that she just has to fucking have.

Let’s not forget stupid household shit, like how she just has to have new furniture, and new bedding and linens to match the furniture. Furniture which you would have NEVER bought on your own even if you need new furniture.  Women just love to redecorate, it makes their slopholes wet to buy shit that is completely fucking worthless as soon as the cashier rings it up.

Let’s not forget about pets!  Pets can be a double-edged sword because getting a pet could be her way of “testing” you to see what kind of parent you would be.  Not to mention you have to train the fucking pets and feed them, more money coming out of your pocket.

I mentioned, kids, if she “forgets” to take the pill or the condom breaks, then she really has her claws deep into  your finances!  Plus she’ll have to cut back her hours, or even quit work when the little crumbcruncher arrives.  She’ll want all the newest shit for the little rugrat and guess who pays?  YOU!

Don’t fall for it!  If you don’t believe me, just listen to some of the old Tom Leykis podcasts of his show and listen to caller after caller talk about he got royally FUCKED by trusting some chick, by being the nice guy, by doing what was “right”.  Fuck what’s right, do what is right for you and DUMP THAT BITCH!!!

You’re now free to get your balls back.

Posted in Marriage, money, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Fuck Mickey Mouse up the Ass!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 12, 2010

This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers.

I don’t know how many channels of fucking Disney I get, but I can tell you that it’s too fucking many!  Just look at your average American jizz trap.  She expects to be treated like a Disney princess, yet she possesses NONE of the qualities of a princess.  Ever see Snow fucking White mouth off at Prince Charming?  Hell no!  He would have dropped kicked the bitch out of the fucking tower!

First off, lets take the appearance of the average woman which I can describe in three words……fat, fat, fat.  As opposed to the princes who is hot, hot hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The princess is usually very humble, unaware of her beauty and kind to others.  The average woman is overbearing, she has an over-inflated sense of her looks and value and is a fucking cunt to everyone.

The princess is devoted to her prince and makes sure that he lives happily ever after.   The average women is an unreliable, multiple personality, bipolar sack of shit!

American women are attention whores in every sense of the fucking word!  They throw fits when they don’t get the attention that they feel like they deserve and their sense of entitlement stinks to high fucking heaven.

They want to be treated like a princess yet they act like a fucking meth head.  Some fucking trade off.  Foreign women only fellas, leave these Ameri-Skanks to the fucking dumpsters!!!

You’re now free to bang hookers from Peru.

Posted in Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Thugtician’s view on the Tiger Woods situation.

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 15, 2009

This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers.

Once again, MRA Thugtician (Thugt1cian on YouTube) brings his unique view to the masses, this time regarding the ongoing Tiger Woods story.  I’ll be weighing in soon, but for now here’s his view from across the pond.

You’re now free to move about YouTube.

Posted in Marriage, money, sex, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Tale of Two Evaluations

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 13, 2009

This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers.

I’ve had something that’s been bugging the shit out of me for a couple days.  Sometimes on my job I am privy to information that just plain pisses me off!

Take two employees in the same section, one male, one female and they have the same job function.  The male missed 10 days during the year due to an accident that was not his fault.  The female was out for more than three months for a pregnancy.  This particular female was also out for the same amount of time last year for the same reason.

The male employee documented work product is well above the prescribed standards, yet because he was out for more than the “allotted” amount of sick time, his supervisor was forced to give him a review of simply “meets expectations”.  The gentleman understands that there are rules and does not have a problem with his lowered evaluation, as he put it “those are the breaks”.

What he does have a problem with is that the female employee was NOT held accountable for her time away even though her situation was a result of her own actions.  Keep in mind that this gentleman and others in her area had to take on extra work as a result of her being gone for those three months. However because of the Family Leave Act, the supervisor was not allowed to take her lack of attendance into consideration.  If he did, he would open himself and the company up to legal action.  Her documented work product barely meets the standards and she also got an evaluation of “meets expectations”.

God Bless America!  Because we’re fucked and we need some kind of divine intervention to clean up this clusterfuck.

So lets review, a woman can do just enough to get by, take a quarter of the year off and still get just as good of an evaluation as the person who had to pick up her slack when she was out of the office……….nice………really fucking nice.

Typical American entitlement whore, she craps out kids at her discretion (or lack of), and the rest of us have to pitch in!  Yes, to sweeten the pot this bitch also gets government assistance, isn’t that fucking nice.  Maybe if she rode the time clock like she rode a dick, she wouldn’t need government assistance.

But hell, what does she care, she’s not paying for it.  She doesn’t even have to show up for work!  Now she can schedule doctor appointments during the day for her little drape apes to give her yet another reason to skate out on the job.  UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!

Thanks for listening fuckers.

You are now free to punch a baby.

Posted in money, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Female Sexual Prime Myth?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 1, 2009

This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers!

OK, I’m sick and tired of listening to these overweight middle aged broads talk about how they are in their “sexual prime” and that men their age can’t keep up.  For now, let’s ignore the fact that the simple sight of the average American woman naked is not a pretty sight and would be an instant boner killer.

Everyone knows that women are at their hottest the second that they turn 18 and it goes downhill from there.  However when they are young, they are getting plenty of attention from guys.  Its ATTENTION that women crave and when they’re young they can get lots of it without much trouble.  It’s been said by countless others and its worth repeating:


typical  30-something American woman

Fast forward 10 years and 55 pounds later and Ms. Fat and Sassy is finding that she’s about as desirable as a used turd at a yard sale.  Guys her age can afford chicks much younger and hotter.  The attention train has derailed for her.  So to combat this and to fill the never-ending Western Female ego, this idea that they are in their sexual prime was started.

Because sex is the only thing that they have left.  Now that their looks have vanished its their last and only card left to play.  Some guys will bang anything, mainly broke guys.  But for a woman, attention is attention and they don’t care where or how they get it.

The sexual peak thing is just another example of how women want their cake and eat it too.  They can’t accept the fact that as they age, they have less of what men want and as men age, we have more of what women want.

So they make up some shit to make themselves feel better because the last thing that any woman wants to hear is the truth!

You are now free to piss on a fat girl’s french fries.

Posted in Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

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