Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘bullshit’

Work From Anywhere!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 18, 2016


This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers!!

Don’t worry about the title of this post, I won’t be trying to sell you on the latest MLM to come down the pike.  I am going to take a minute to offer some drunk advice that can apply to any age but especially for the 20-somethings.

I don’t have to tell you that it’s easier than ever to have some kind of income producing business online.  You’ve probably already read countless articles and watch youtube videos about all the benefits of not having a 9-5 and being tied to a job at a specific location.

Well here’s one benefit all the gurus probably failed to mention.  It’s a way to make sure you never get stuck having some broad’s hand in your wallet.  This isn’t about manning up or any of that bullshit.  I’m talking about you keeping your money and not paying it to some chick you banged, even if you were dumb enough to marry the bitch.

If you have a regular job here in Merica, the nanny state will ass rape you in the public square and garnish your wages.  Your employer will gladly go along with the scheme because at that moment they know you’re fucked and even more of a slave to the company than you were before.

However, if you make your money online you don’t have to have any connections to the US.  You can smile at the judge, not say a word and pick up your shit and move.  No you don’t have to live with pirates in Somalia, there are plenty of desirable places you can park your ass and your money out of reach from money-grubbing bitches.  I’m not going to list them because…..well…….Google.

What I’m saying is even if you don’t have to use the nuclear option of leaving the country to avoid paying some broad it still gives you freedom.  Even if you just have a skill that can be used in another country.  I know this sounds totally crazy to some people but if you ever find yourself in a courtroom and the judge is telling you how much you are going to be paying in alimony to some chick, possibly for life, it won’t sound so fucking crazy then.  It doesn’t sound crazy to the guy who isn’t seeing his kids because his ex called 911 on him before he even got home from work and found the police waiting for him.  It doesn’t sound crazy when suddenly it becomes your only option to live a decent life.

You’re now free to move about the globe.

Posted in avoid marriage, money, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I Want More Money Because I Have A Gaping Hole Between My Legs!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 2, 2011


This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard you fuckers!

So this is what I hear at work today…….”I deserve a raise, this place is lucky to have me, blah, blah, I’m a stupid bitch blah, blah, blah.”

A little bastupid bitchckground on this chick:

  • Likes to leave the office early claiming she’s going to “work from home”.
  • Takes frequent mental health days.
  • Claims she knows more about the company than everyone else in the office, more than the board, more than the founders of the company, more than god.
  • Has to ask a million stupid ass questions every time she’s in a meeting just to try and show everyone how “smart” she is.

Well dear, here’s the truth, YOU are lucky that the company has kept you.  YOU are fucking lucky to even have a job since if you did get fired you’d be out on your ass without any education to back you up.  YOU might try showing the fuck up to work and staying your ever-widening ass in your fucking for a full goddamn day. 

The glass ceiling does exist, BUT it’s a self-imposed glass ceiling.  Your life is a result of your decisions girls.  If you choose to have kids in order to lock into a man’s wallet then don’t expect to be vice president or director.  People in those positions have to show up to work……….every day…………sometimes our days off (actually at this level there are no days off really).

Business is not the fucking Special Olympics, sorry Sarah Palin no free pass on this one.  Girls if you want the same results as men in the work place then you need to put in the same amount of effort.  Until then shut your goddamn tuna hole!

You’re now free to shit in the park.

beach ass

Posted in money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Enter the Inferno

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 10, 2011


What’s up fuckers.  I was on YouTube checking out thong videos and I took some time to check in on Chapin’s Inferno and found this gem.  He does some great work and this just one of millions of fine examples.  Enjoy fuckers.

Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

What Happens In England……..Probably Won’t Stay In England

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 26, 2010


 

This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers!

First off, many thanks to Blackchild for bringing this story to my attention.  It’s a story from the UK’s Daily Mail about a lotto winner who’s ex-wife that he divorced back in 2000 was able to get her hands on over $3 million (US dollars) of his lotto winnings.

greedy-woman

It wasn’t enough that her child support increased from just over $300 a month to over $3000 (US dollars), no that wasn’t enough for this cunt who is spending the money on her new guy.  Hey, any bets on how long new guy sticks around after she blows the money?

Keep in mind that this guy had already intended to give his ex wife a “big gift”.  If you ever needed evidence that when it comes to Western women that being a nice guy NEVER pays, there you go.

It’s bad enough that there’s this notion that when a couple is married and the man is successful that the woman had something to do with his success even though most times she’s actually a handicap.  But how in the blue hell did we get to the point where a woman is entitled to money years after the divorce? 

So since she’s entitled to increases in his wealth, what about decreases?  It’s basic finance, if you want to share in the gains you should equally share in the losses.  Maybe men who find themselves in financial turmoil should sue their ex-wives so that they can share in the liability?

That would be equal and isn’t that what you girls want?

You’re now free to pay hookers with scratch-off tickets.

Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

What Kind Of Fuckery Is This???

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 14, 2010


This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Check this shit out, I’ll drink a beer while I wait….

First off, let me say something to this guy that he probably never heard from his wife.  Thank you.  Thank you for your service to this country.

So this guy has to pay over thirty grand in alimony for the rest of her life, plus another ten grand for child support.  I mean his ex-wife who is a fucking nurse gets half of his military retirement?  What the fuck for?  Why didn’t she have her own retirement?  What happened to all this equality bullshit.  Oh that’s right, women only want to be equal when it suits them, the rest of the time the bitches want to play the victim.

Now this guy is much nicer than me, no surprise there.  I do NOT agree that she is entitled to his military retirement.  In fact, in today’s society if a woman chooses to depend on a man and ends up with nothing then she should get nothing, because here in the grown-up world we have to live with the consequences of our decisions girls.  Crazy concept, I know.  There should NEVER be alimony!! 

At the very least if you don’t have a job, then no alimony check and no child support check.  If you can’t hold down a goddamn job then you don’t deserve to take money from someone who can, you lazy cunt!  Go fuck yourself.

At least if I get a professional hooker she tells me upfront how much money she’s going to take, which is 1000 times more honest than 99.999999999% of American Women.

You’re now free to hire a professional. 

 

 

Posted in Marriage, money, relationship, women | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Have You Heard???

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 9, 2010


This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Gentlemen what have you heard from your friends lately?  My friends and I have been talking about the start of the NFL season, the 80s style shoot em up movie “The Expendables”, and other important stuff like beer and other fine spirits.

anheuser busch beer

Notice how when something kicks ass, everybody talks about it?  Whether it’s new brew your buddy just discovered, the latest cool gadget, or that finely put together porn movie, it doesn’t matter; if it’s cool you’re going to hear about it!!

So what do you hear about marriage?????

                                                        ban-marriage

That’s right, you hear that it fucking sucks ass!!  Have at any point in your life has one of your friends called you up or come to your house screaming about how awesome marriage is?  Know any guys jumping up and down like Tom Cruise on Oprah’s couch yelling about how much marriage rocks?  Do your married buddies talk about how the sex just gets better every time or how she can’t stop swallowing his load or that his wife is in the best shape of her life after they said “I do”.

No, you don’t do you?  In fact you hear the opposite.  They complain about the lack of sex, or that they have to buy it in the form of shopping or dinners.  You hear stories about how she completely let herself go as soon as she had him locked in.  They describe their wife as battle-ax, the warden, ball-n-chain, buzzkill, and as one of my friends called his wife…..the virgin Mary.

                                                                                                                         marriage-sex

Does marriage sound like a good idea fellas?  Are you one of those guys who thinks that they are different?  That your girl is different, that you and you alone picked the right one?  If that’s the case then you need to play lotto, for one your odds are a lot better.

Marriage is shit guys, trust me.  If it kicked ass then those of us who fucked up and made that mistake would be telling you how shit-balls awesome it was.  But we’re not!!!!  Because it’s a bad decision for men, period.

You’re now free to grab a beer and hit the emergency exit.

     

 

Posted in Marriage, relationship, sex | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Alimony: A Lottery

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 4, 2010


Posted in Marriage, money | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

FGOP

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 21, 2010


This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers.

Here’s a little diddy from pualingo.com about the Fat Girl Overhead Photo.  Don’t fall for this scam gentlemen!!

“A deceptive camera angle showing a decent (or sometimes hot) picture of a girl who is actually much less attractive than she presents herself to be online.

Coined by internet dating guru David M, the FGOP is a technique used by UGs and warpigs to make themselves look more attractive in online pictures and profiles. While it is understandable to choose the best pictures when presenting oneself online, the FGOP goes beyond just picking good pictures to outright deception: using sneaky camera angles, strategic cropping, and perspective techniques to grossly distort the attractiveness of the girl in the photo.

Example of an FGOP”

don't be fooled!

Reality sucks!

You’re now free to demand the bitch shows herself on webcam.

Posted in sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Why So Pissed at Tiger?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 25, 2010


This is your Captain Speaking……………..welcome aboard fuckers.

Yes, I know.  Tiger Woods is the story that never dies, but why has it stirred so much emotion?  It’s pretty simple, it shows what men and women really want.


Tiger just wants to fuck and if most guys had his means that’s what they would do.  His actions reminds women what their men would do if they got that promotion, finished graduate school, or got a better job.  It reminds them that their guy would dump their worthless nagging asses in a heartbeat!


The actions of Tiger’s wife show guys what women are really after…………money.  Plain and simple, when the initial lust of the relationship wears off, its all about money.  All the talk about independent women is just a bunch of bullshit.  They’re only independent if they’re getting money from a man.

Tiger’s real mistake was getting married and having kids.  All that did was secure the transfer of assets from him to his aging trophy wife.

There is absolutely no benefit to a man to get married.

You are now free to bang the sky cunts about the cabin.


Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Times are tough…….Let’s have a BABY!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on October 26, 2009


This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers!

Tonight’s article is sponsored by Hurricane Malt Liquor, 8.1% ABV.

Riddle me this fuckers………

How many of  you work with women who complain about how hard things are financially then the next thing you know, the other women in the office are throwing this bitch a fucking baby shower!

The same woman who was complaining about how much daycare costs, how hard it is on a limited income, talking about how expensive kids are, etc…. and suddenly they decide that having another kid is a great idea!

WomanWithKids

Of course a few months after shitting out another fetal turd, they go right back to how hard things are financially and how their job doesn’t pay them enough!   Yeah, instead of making the connection between their own actions and their life situation, they blame someone else, in this case their employer!

Typical American woman bullshit, they like to do what they want and blame someone else for their problems.  They can’t make the connection between the fact that because they have zero education and keep shitting out kids…………they can’t figure out why they don’t have any money and they can’t figure out why successful men don’t want a fucking thing to do with these used up retarded cunts.  They have 2 or 3 crumb crunchers by 3 different felons and they can’t figure out why their life is fucked up.  You stupid fucking 3-day old left in the sun bait buckets!

Just another reason to avoid these worthless entitlement whores!  They aren’t worth the price of a free rubber from the fucking free clinic!

You’re now free to drink malt liquor about the cabin fuckers!


Posted in Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

 
%d bloggers like this: