Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘Captain No Marriage’

My Kids Come First…After My Poor Decisions

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 19, 2015


My-Kids-Come-First

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!

Anyone else sick and fucking tired of all these wenches talking about how their kids come first?

Also have you noticed that many of these broads talking about this usually are single mothers who picked a loser to reproduce with, now they bitch about him being a loser?

The most important decision a woman can make is who the father of her children will be and most women completely and utterly fuck that decision up.  Don’t tell the everyone the kids are your world then five minutes later talk about how their father can’t come around because he has warrants out for his arrest.

If you truly gave two fucks about your womb turds you would have cared before you shit them out.  You would have made sure they had at least a fighting chance or at the very least you would have made sure the father had steady employment and wasn’t racking up frequent flyer points at the local jail.

But you didn’t do that, did you Supermom?  No you didn’t give a fuck who knocked you up.  So now we don’t give a fuck about you or any of your bullshit about how you put your children first.   Running around with 3 fucking kids with 3 different last names, you don’t give a damn about your kids.  You’re a waste of oxygen and definitely a waste of taxpayer money.

You’re now free to kick these bitches to the curb.

 

Posted in Single mothers, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

You Piece of Shit with Your Work Addiction!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 29, 2015


don't get married

This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Well the Huff-Vagina-Post website has taken yet another massive shit.  Check it out here.  An article about how staying in a bad marriage is a bad idea, which sounds pretty right? I mean who wants to stay in a shitty marriage?

But hang on a second fuckers, what does the author not like about her marriage that is making her so miserable after 17years?  What pain is she having to endure, what sacrifices, what misery?  Is her husband abusive?  Does he beat the dog shit out of her when ever his Kraft mac-n-cheese is cold when he gets home?  Does he call her names in front of the Pope?  Is he fucking her one hot friend behind her back?

Nope, he works his ass off to support her and the two kids she wanted.  Yep that’s it.  No seriously, that’s it!!!  That’s her complaint. In fact, here’s the quote:

“My soul was dying, slowly, subtly in my dysfunctional marriage. He had betrayed me with his work addiction and his emotional absence from our lives.”

Are

You

Shitting

Me!!!!!!!

Her soul was dying???  He betrayed her….by working???  Are you guys listening, this poor bastard was working his dick off for this entitled princess and she turned around and used that against him as grounds for not just divorce, but to blast him for the whole world to see how he made her miserable.  The title of the article describes her marriage as a “true tragedy”. 

Funny how this hit her just after her second child turned a year old.  Crazy how that tends to work, now that she has him on the hook for a nice annuity, NOW suddenly she’s unhappy.  Now her heart cries out in agony and strife. 

This what awaits you in a marriage these days.  Don’t look at what your parents or grandparents did, they literally got married in a different century.  THIS is the steaming pile of shit that you have to deal with today as a man.  You can bust your ass to give your little princess everything she ever asked for and more and she’s still not happy.

While I’m not surprised in any form or fashion by this article, it still pisses me the fuck off and it should piss you the fuck off too!  The only thing this guy could have done is to not get married (and a vasectomy is always a good idea).  This dude was fucked right out of the gate, he never had a chance and he probably never even knew it.  He thought he was doing what he was “supposed” to do. 

Guys, don’t do it, just don’t fucking do it.  If you don’t believe me then just head on over to the Tom Leykis show and listen for a spell.  Every other Tuesday he has attorney Adam Sacks on to discuss family law.  If you only listen to that hour of the show it will save your goddamn life!

That’s all for now, I got a bottle of scotch to finish polishing off.  Later fuckers.

You’re now free to opt out of marriage.

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , | 7 Comments »

Game Over Cunt

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 22, 2015


beer and bitches

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!!

It’s been a fucking while, I’m drinking some Hurricane Malt Liquor so get ready for some fucked up grammar, misspellings, and all kinds of other editing fuck ups!

So a buddy of mine and I are sitting out back on my deck drinking some random IPAs and smoking cigars.  He starts to tell me about this worn out fucking cunt who has the hots for him.

She’s married, weighs in around 250 on a good day, two kids from some guy who couldn’t even keep a job at Home Fuck Depot, and just turned 30.  Her and my buddy went to high school together. She was the ugly chick who had the slamming body but like many women she thought she was hotter than she really was.

So now after 12 years of being with a loser and bulking up, she tells my friend that she’s going to leave the loser and she’s looking forward to “hanging out” with him. 

Luckily she doesn’t work with us, so no HR issues here.  She messaged him on FaceFuckBook.  Basically this chick has the attitude that all her fuck ups should be ignored by my friend.  That he should turn back the hands of time to when they were in school and her vag hadn’t been stretched out by child birth stretch marksand years of abuse.

The problem is this woman’s attitude is actually very common.  Women with multiple kids, often from multiple guys, want the rest of us to give her a do-over.  She wants us to pretend that when we look at her little womb turds that we don’t see the face of a guy who got to fuck her back when she was actually fuckable.  She wants us to pretend that she’s matured and that’s why she’s ready to settle down, not the truth which is she’s being carried off the field like Brett Farve. 

Luckily my friend and I both laugh at her dumb ass, but this chick honestly thinks that when she leaves the loser that she’ll be able to run out and get the man of her dreams. She thinks she’ll be hooking up with that doctor or lawyer she’s always wanted.

Fucking cunts today have this attitude that they can do what they want when they have the power (in their early 20s) and that when their looks fade then suddenly the rules should change and we should overlook all their fuckery.  We should be “real” men and take in them and their bastard fuck children.

Let me be clear ladies……GO FUCK YOURSELVES!

You’re now free to piss in a single mother’s face.

volleyball ass

Posted in women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Revenge of the Manbeast!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 7, 2014


bigfoot

This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers!!!

So while nobody bats a thousand, the site Business Insider usually does a decent job with tech and business news, but the other day I saw this story come across my newsfeed.  It’s a story about how some broad was teased for being ugly back when she was 12 and now 10 years later one of the guys who used to bully her asked her out and she finally was able to get her “revenge”.  What made it even worse was the comment above was the link said that this “took guts”. 

First off, how this ended up on a business website is fucking beyond me and it was written by a guy, go figure.  To quickly address the content of the article, she set up a date with the guy then stood him up by giving the waiter a note to deliver to the guy.  All the note did was let the guy know he dodged the fucking crazy train!  On top of that, the article included the guy’s response, which unlike her letter, was mature and thought out.

I don’t get why this is even a fucking story. Shit like this happens to pretty much every guy who makes something of himself.  Story goes like this…..Young guy can’t get attractive women his own age to even acknowledge he’s alive then fast forward 15 or 20 years and the tables are turned.  Women his age are falling over themselves to get his attention.  Tom Leykis has been talking about this shit for years and we’ve all lived it. Where’s our story?

The good news for us is we don’t need no stinking story, we’re living the good live while bitches our age are living la vida government assistance with their multiple cunt turds from multiple losers.  That’s what I call revenge, laughing all the way to the bank.

You’re now free to live the good life.

cheerleader NOT from america

 

 

Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

And They Wonder Why……

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 27, 2014


 

bullshit-glass-ceiling

 

This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard fuckers!!!

It’s back to school time again folks, or as welfare moms call it…..Vacation.

It’s also back to all the little ladies at the office wanting the company they work for to bend and twist around so that their job doesn’t interfere with them having it all and being a mother to their womb turds and future government dependents.

I mean what bullshit it would be if the poor fragile women had to work a regular schedule like men do!!!  That would be awful if women were expected to actually contribute to the bottom line! How sexist!!!

So the little misses come in late and leave early and then come appraisal time they expect the same raise or even more as everyone else who actually fucking showed up for work.

Newsflash girls, you can’t have it all.  Just like men you have to decide if you want to play house or have a career, you can’t do both.   If you choose to shit out kids then don’t bitch when you are passed up at work by people who are better at their job in part because they have actually put some time in on the damn fuck job.

The glass ceiling is a goddamn lie, it’s not some fabled ceiling that holds women back, it’s the fucking holes they dig themselves into.  Getting worthless degrees in college and running up a shitfuckton of debt.  Having kids with convicts and other losers who can’t even support themselves.  Having kids with guys who just want to fuck and have zero interest in parenting.  Trying to trap a guy by “forgetting” your birth control.  All this is shit you guys control.  There isn’t some group of guys wringing their hands worrying about some broad wanting to get into the boardroom. 

Do you wage gap morons even have a fucking clue how hard it is to find people qualified to sit in the boardroom!!!  Of course you don’t, it’s much easier to sit and bitch about other’s success than it is to roll up your sleeves and make your own success happen.  Show me a person who hates rich business people and I’ll show you a lazy fuck.

You think it’s luck that makes you wealthy? No dumbtits, it’s work, it’s doing shit 99% of people won’t fucking damn do.  You bitch about a glass ceiling yet you don’t even work hard enough to merit getting out of the fucking basement!

Women are the reason there aren’t more women at the top.  Women are their own worst enemies.

You’re now free to piss on the ceiling.

 

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Posted in marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

#YESALLWOMEN

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 30, 2014


casey

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!

So let me get this straight, some spoiled millennial brat goes off the deep end and because he was a member of a group that hates PUAs and other men’s groups…..somehow PUAs and men’s groups are to blame?

Feminism is just an outlet for fat white women to bitch about how they’re discriminated against.

The real problem here as with many of these crazy fuck shooters/stabbers is parenting.  This guy was another product of a single mother, she pawned him off on the dad once he got older and the damage was done.

Also, let’s be honest, you can’t make a law to stop crazy and this fucker, in my drunk opinion, was fucking crazy with a capital K!!!

But of course social media blew up with the hashtag #Yesallwomen, because the poor girls here in the West have it so bad.

Listen up ladies, this is what you get when you try to raise a boy without his father or in this case bring the father in when it’s far too late.

This is what happens when we give everyone who participates in sports a ribbon or don’t keep score so that we don’t have losers.  Well guess the fuck what, score or not, these fuckers are losers. 

Every kid needs to learn how to lose, hell every kid needs to be bullied, not to the point of suicide but just in the same manner that the rest of us had to deal with.  It made us stronger and better human beings.  Strong is a word that cannot be used to describe this current generation of walking cumholes these single mothers are raising.

Amercia…….we’re fucked!!!!

You’re now free drive your black BMW where ever the fuck you like.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , | 1 Comment »

You Can’t Spice Up A Turd

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 14, 2014


real woman's ass

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Last time I got hammered I wrote down some advice for my three female readers.  Well here I am again with one more golden nugget for the girls.  I’m filling in the blanks for the broads out there, so listen up!

If you live long enough you’re bound to hear broad talking about her failing relationship and how she “worked” to make things better.  One often touted method of “working” on things doesn’t actually involve any work at all.  I’m talking about lingerie.  Women talk about how they dress sexy for their husband without any regard how they’ve let themselves go.

What you ladies need to understand is while men like a woman in lingerie, it needs to be said….since most of you are obviously slow…..we like HOT women in lingerie.  Check out the picture above, most me have some version of what we consider hot and that’s what we picture. 

So what happens when you squeeze your ass into something you just picked up off the clearance rack at Adam and Eve???  Well a couple things, first off it’s a stark reminder of how far you’ve let yourself go from the time we first met you.  So if you’re confused as to why your husband used to love you in something skimpy and now he vomits at the mere site of you, that’s why.  You just reminded him of how you ran the old bait-n-switch on him.  average woman

Here’s the other scenario that happens, you were never hot to begin with yet you are under some notion that your guy thinks you’re beautiful when the truth is your guy dropped out of high school and is a loser with few choices.  So you wear you’re little lace outfit but instead of looking like one of the hot chicks on Instagram you look like someone tried to strangle a giant squid with a garden hose.  Good job there Sally, you just basically rubbed your man’s nose in shit, as if he didn’t already know you’re ugly (hence the fact he has to be either high or drunk or both to fuck ya) now you just reminded him of that fact in bold, loud, living color.

So for those of you who want to actually work on your relationship, why not try doing the shit you did to trick him in to marrying you in the first place, like looking hot and blow jobs.

You’re now free to piss on a giant squid.

Posted in Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, relationship, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Don’t Jump on the Grenade!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 25, 2014


grenade

This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers!

What’s up fuckers!  I just wanted to rant about something I’ve been seeing a lot of lately.  We all know that as men, we can’t turn a fucking corner without being told to do something and if we don’t do it we’re not “real” men. 

One thing in particular really pisses me off because it’s one of the best ways to completely ass fuck your life.  Taking on another man’s child or in a lot of cases children!!!!

Guys stop jumping on the fucking grenade. Stop being the goddamn martyr!!! We need to lose this idea of sacrificing for no reason is somehow noble.  It’s not noble, it’s fucking retarded, in fact it’s full retard!!!!!

Newsflash Poindexter, you weren’t her first choice, or even her 100th choice, you’re just all she’s left with now that her body and vag has been wrecked by having kids.  Kids that even their own father don’t want shit to do with, so why the fuck should you?

Do you realize how many guys “step up” only to get stepped on by the very children they helped raise once they become adults and decide they want to have a relationship with their “real” father?  Thanks for paying the bills sucker!

I worked with a guy who met a chick who looked ok, she was one of these chicks who was cool and looked decent but she was literally one cupcake away from the plus-size area of the store.  Which spoiler alert……she’s way past plus sized now.  He got with this chick when she was still fucking around with her ex and “happened” to get pregnant.  Obviously in hopes of trapping the ex but he said fuck you and left her pregnant bloated ass. 

Well my buddy, Mr Knight in White Pussy Satin, decided to “step up” and be a so called real man.  What has he gotten in return?  Well she has gained ton of weight and looks like warmed over shit, something she didn’t do when she was with the bad boy who left her while she was knocked up.  He gets to pay ALL, yes all, the bills for this bastard womb turd because she won’t go after the ex for child support.  Basically my friend bought a used up Jag off a buy-here pay-here lot and the thing is rapidly falling apart and will NEVER look or run as good as it used to.

Fellas, stop being the nice guy.  Be the dick.  Trust me, it works a hell of a lot better.  Your wallet and your dick will thank you.

You’re now free to jizz on the Super Bowl Halftime Show.

cheerleadersthong

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments »

Keep Calm

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 30, 2013


don't get married

Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks | Tagged: , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Just saying…

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 10, 2013


curvy and fat

Posted in sex, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

 
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