Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘career women’

Fishing Off the Company Pier?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 22, 2013


fishing

This is your Captain speaking…..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Title says it all……do you date coworkers?

Most of us probably have at some point.  I did when I made a lot less money, now I’d never risk it. 

Some of my peers think I’m crazy because of "all the hot women at work", but unless you work at strip club or a Hooters, chances are there aren’t as many hot prospects around as you might think.  Think I’m crazy, check this out…

Couple thousand people in my building, about 75% female, so about 75 women out of every 100 people.  Well here in good ole Merica about 70% of adults are overweight or obese, so that leaves us with 23 women out of the 75 that aren’t fat.  Of those 23, chances are half of them will be way past their prime, so you’d be lucky to have a dozen of the 23 that would be under 40.  Of the remaining 12 half of them will be fucking ugly, might be a butter face or two in there if you’re lucky.  So now we’re down to 6, of those six at least 4 or 5 of them will be either married or in a relationship.  So for every 100 people I see, one possibly two might be available to fuck, maybe not even one or two if you weed out for mental health issues.   Yes my math is probably fucked up but you get my point fuckers.

Another thing that leads to this misperception of our workplace teeming with pussy is the fact we tend to stay in our own areas.  So we might have 3 or 4 hot women in our department, we see them all the time and it leads our minds to think we’re surrounded by beauty when all we’re really doing is blocking out the fatties and ugly broads and focusing on the couple half-way decent looking broads.

What I’m saying is it’s not worth your job to go hunting in an environment that isn’t even target rich, it’s actually target poor when you compare it to other venues.  Even if you do score the hottest piece of ass at your job, what happens when you break up with the bitch or if she sees you talking to another chick about business but she assumes you’re fucking her because she’s bat-shit crazy and marches down to the HR department to file a sexual harassment claim?  Pussy isn’t worth your career, hell it’s not even worth losing a piss poor fucking job over.

Trust me guys, don’t date bitches at work, don’t be fucking lazy and go for the low hanging fruit.  It’s low hanging for a reason.

You’re now free shit in the recycle bin.

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Posted in money, Politics | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

I Want More Money Because I Have A Gaping Hole Between My Legs!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 2, 2011


This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard you fuckers!

So this is what I hear at work today…….”I deserve a raise, this place is lucky to have me, blah, blah, I’m a stupid bitch blah, blah, blah.”

A little bastupid bitchckground on this chick:

  • Likes to leave the office early claiming she’s going to “work from home”.
  • Takes frequent mental health days.
  • Claims she knows more about the company than everyone else in the office, more than the board, more than the founders of the company, more than god.
  • Has to ask a million stupid ass questions every time she’s in a meeting just to try and show everyone how “smart” she is.

Well dear, here’s the truth, YOU are lucky that the company has kept you.  YOU are fucking lucky to even have a job since if you did get fired you’d be out on your ass without any education to back you up.  YOU might try showing the fuck up to work and staying your ever-widening ass in your fucking for a full goddamn day. 

The glass ceiling does exist, BUT it’s a self-imposed glass ceiling.  Your life is a result of your decisions girls.  If you choose to have kids in order to lock into a man’s wallet then don’t expect to be vice president or director.  People in those positions have to show up to work……….every day…………sometimes our days off (actually at this level there are no days off really).

Business is not the fucking Special Olympics, sorry Sarah Palin no free pass on this one.  Girls if you want the same results as men in the work place then you need to put in the same amount of effort.  Until then shut your goddamn tuna hole!

You’re now free to shit in the park.

beach ass

Posted in money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Tale of Two Evaluations

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 13, 2009


This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers.

I’ve had something that’s been bugging the shit out of me for a couple days.  Sometimes on my job I am privy to information that just plain pisses me off!

Take two employees in the same section, one male, one female and they have the same job function.  The male missed 10 days during the year due to an accident that was not his fault.  The female was out for more than three months for a pregnancy.  This particular female was also out for the same amount of time last year for the same reason.

The male employee documented work product is well above the prescribed standards, yet because he was out for more than the “allotted” amount of sick time, his supervisor was forced to give him a review of simply “meets expectations”.  The gentleman understands that there are rules and does not have a problem with his lowered evaluation, as he put it “those are the breaks”.

What he does have a problem with is that the female employee was NOT held accountable for her time away even though her situation was a result of her own actions.  Keep in mind that this gentleman and others in her area had to take on extra work as a result of her being gone for those three months. However because of the Family Leave Act, the supervisor was not allowed to take her lack of attendance into consideration.  If he did, he would open himself and the company up to legal action.  Her documented work product barely meets the standards and she also got an evaluation of “meets expectations”.

God Bless America!  Because we’re fucked and we need some kind of divine intervention to clean up this clusterfuck.

So lets review, a woman can do just enough to get by, take a quarter of the year off and still get just as good of an evaluation as the person who had to pick up her slack when she was out of the office……….nice………really fucking nice.

Typical American entitlement whore, she craps out kids at her discretion (or lack of), and the rest of us have to pitch in!  Yes, to sweeten the pot this bitch also gets government assistance, isn’t that fucking nice.  Maybe if she rode the time clock like she rode a dick, she wouldn’t need government assistance.

But hell, what does she care, she’s not paying for it.  She doesn’t even have to show up for work!  Now she can schedule doctor appointments during the day for her little drape apes to give her yet another reason to skate out on the job.  UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!

Thanks for listening fuckers.

You are now free to punch a baby.

Posted in money, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

 
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