Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘cock’

Alimony: A Lottery

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 4, 2010


Posted in Marriage, money | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Hey Old Fucker!!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 14, 2010


This is your Captain speaking……………welcome aboard fuckers!!

Does any of this female psycho-babble sound familiar?

You’re just bitter!

Someone must have really hurt you.

You just hate women!

Not all women are like that……I’m not.

You just haven’t met the right woman yet.

Of course when that doesn’t work then they try this…………..

Don’t you want to grow old with someone?  (what they forget is to add is that someone will be bugging and nagging the living hell out of you until one of you dies!!!!)

I feel sad for you.

You’ll never know true love with that attitude.

Older guys didn’t just pull their attitudes out of a fucking straw hat.  They came from years of life experiences.  We need to listen to our elders, I know that’s crazy-talk nowadays, but trust me.  These guys aren’t saying to stay away from marriage because “they can’t get laid”.  They’re saying it because its true.

The “See the matrix” analogy is probably grossly overused, but in this case it fits perfectly.  As we mature we start noticing patterns of behavior.  We notice that these patterns seem to match what some of these “old farts” have been trying to warn us about for years.  Pretty much every guy knows of another guy who has been raked over the coals by the court system.

Then through the power of hindsight, you start looking back at all your relationships and you can usually pinpoint the moment the first red flag went up.  But you stayed.

You’re now free to walk 10 miles uphill in the snow.



Posted in sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Fuck Mickey Mouse up the Ass!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 12, 2010


This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers.

I don’t know how many channels of fucking Disney I get, but I can tell you that it’s too fucking many!  Just look at your average American jizz trap.  She expects to be treated like a Disney princess, yet she possesses NONE of the qualities of a princess.  Ever see Snow fucking White mouth off at Prince Charming?  Hell no!  He would have dropped kicked the bitch out of the fucking tower!


First off, lets take the appearance of the average woman which I can describe in three words……fat, fat, fat.  As opposed to the princes who is hot, hot hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The princess is usually very humble, unaware of her beauty and kind to others.  The average woman is overbearing, she has an over-inflated sense of her looks and value and is a fucking cunt to everyone.

The princess is devoted to her prince and makes sure that he lives happily ever after.   The average women is an unreliable, multiple personality, bipolar sack of shit!

American women are attention whores in every sense of the fucking word!  They throw fits when they don’t get the attention that they feel like they deserve and their sense of entitlement stinks to high fucking heaven.

They want to be treated like a princess yet they act like a fucking meth head.  Some fucking trade off.  Foreign women only fellas, leave these Ameri-Skanks to the fucking dumpsters!!!

You’re now free to bang hookers from Peru.



Posted in Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

I’m Soooo Fabulous, now promote me!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 1, 2009


This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers.

The title of this story sums up the attitude of my female classmates.   As I am working and going to school full time to get my MBA, I often hear the cackle of my fellow female students and I am often sickened and amused at the same time.

I heard one heavyweight talk about how she has no interest in getting to work early or staying late but yet…………..she thinks that when she graduates that her employer should just automatically give her a raise.  Yeah, just out of the goodness of their fucking hearts I guess.  What in the blue fuck are these spoiled American dumpster cunts smoking?  Ever thought of trying to add value to the company you stupid mullet?  No of course not, that’d mean work and we all know women hate that.

And don’t make the mistake of suggesting that they take a higher position with more responsibility, of fuck no.  That’s like telling a Catholic priest to fuck a woman instead of a 10yr old boy.  That shit just does not go over well.  These entitled cum urinals want to keep the same job they have now, but just get paid more.

This is why despite most college grads being women, it’s still men at the top.  These overweight bitches don’t have a clue.  Don’t even get me started on how they think they’re so “smart” and how that should turn men on.  Sorry warpigs, I’d rather jack off to old Asia Carrera  flicks than to have to listen to you turkey-necked battle cunts.

But with this being my competition, its a pretty clear fucking path to the top.

You’re now free to watch classic porn about the cabin.

Posted in sex, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

When “Porn Star” actually met something.

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 23, 2009


This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!

Back in my day…………………ok don’t panic this isn’t going to be a rose colored glasses trip down memory lane, but it will be a comparison to demonstrate how our standards on the whole as men has gone straight down the shitter.

Back in the 80’s and 90’s if I said “Porn Star”, it actually meant something.

You would have gotten a clear picture of what a porn star looked like.  Regardless of the race if a chick was a porn star, there were certain qualities that you could count on, the main one was of course was a kick ass body.  Nice face, perfect ass, great tits (whether natural or aftermarket bolt-ons), and no muffin tops!

Now don’t get me wrong, I fucking love the internet, it provides a forum for everyone, whether through a blog such as this or through a site like YouTube or even the adult version of “tube” sites.  Now, anyone can porn star.

There has been an explosion of homemade porn stars, many with less than desirable bodies.  Now I understand the appeal of seeing a “regular” chick, one like the attractive, but not necessarily smoking chick that lives a couple doors down.  However the latest wave of BBW and over-sized ass porn is proof of how American men have lowered their standards as to what “hot” is.

Its one thing for a flick with a girl next door type, but not if the girl next door has mounds of cellulite all over her ass and thighs, that’s just being desperate, remember porn is suppose to be about fantasy.  Fat chicks are a dime a dozen, lazy bitches are everywhere!

What’s worse is that I see guys fawn all over out of shape, overweight chicks all the time.  We have collectively lowered the bar and with women being the laziest creatures on the fucking planet, they will only do the bare minimum to get by.

The other sad part is a lot of these overweight porn queens would actually be pretty hot if they could just get the fucking fork out of their mouth and find a treadmill. But then again, we see this in everyday life, a muffin top who has potential, but because she’s already getting attention from a bunch of thirsty, desperate guys, she does nothing to improve or take it to the next level.

Gentlemen……..fuckers………….we need to cut this bullshit out.  We need to raise our standards and our level of game.  Yes we all have our slump-busters that we aren’t proud of; I’m not talking about that.  I’m talking about all this fat bitch worship.  If you have ever put the words “beautiful” and “BBW” in the same sentence, then please do us all a favor and fucking kill yourself.

This one case where I have to agree with the Expats, foreign women get it, they know that the game is never over, it’s a lesson that’s been long forgotten by the jizz-traps over here in the States.

You’re now free to watch Jenna.

Posted in sex, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Women plan to do fucking nothing!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 18, 2009


This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers.

As I was making my way back from lunch today, I ran into a female co-worker from my old dept.  This chick used to be a smoking hot blond with an awesome body.  Of course she was single then……..now a married woman, she has chunked up, cut her hair and constantly complains of migraines and other medical issues.


The latest revelation from this chunkster is that she is going to law school, not really a new claim, but considering that she’s been in community college for over 3 years does leave some doubt to her claim.  She also said that she wants kids in the future.

So let’s review and pretend that she does actually go to law school one day.  She’ll graduate with tons of debt then have a kid, no career established and her “lucky” husband will be left with not only her massive student loans but the cost of raising the little crumb crunchers that she wants.  Typical American lazy bitch, doesn’t want real work, just wants to satisfy her own little fantasy that exists only in her overweight jizzed trapped mind.  I can see why the other guy she was with ran like hell when the idea of marriage came up.

That guy had it right, wear the pussy out while she’s hot, the guy now has a fat, gassy, cranky version of what she used to be and he gets to pay all the bills!  Wow, sign me up for that!

You’re now free to drink about the cabin!



Posted in Marriage, money, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Times are tough…….Let’s have a BABY!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on October 26, 2009


This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers!

Tonight’s article is sponsored by Hurricane Malt Liquor, 8.1% ABV.

Riddle me this fuckers………

How many of  you work with women who complain about how hard things are financially then the next thing you know, the other women in the office are throwing this bitch a fucking baby shower!

The same woman who was complaining about how much daycare costs, how hard it is on a limited income, talking about how expensive kids are, etc…. and suddenly they decide that having another kid is a great idea!

WomanWithKids

Of course a few months after shitting out another fetal turd, they go right back to how hard things are financially and how their job doesn’t pay them enough!   Yeah, instead of making the connection between their own actions and their life situation, they blame someone else, in this case their employer!

Typical American woman bullshit, they like to do what they want and blame someone else for their problems.  They can’t make the connection between the fact that because they have zero education and keep shitting out kids…………they can’t figure out why they don’t have any money and they can’t figure out why successful men don’t want a fucking thing to do with these used up retarded cunts.  They have 2 or 3 crumb crunchers by 3 different felons and they can’t figure out why their life is fucked up.  You stupid fucking 3-day old left in the sun bait buckets!

Just another reason to avoid these worthless entitlement whores!  They aren’t worth the price of a free rubber from the fucking free clinic!

You’re now free to drink malt liquor about the cabin fuckers!


Posted in Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Beware the Rebound Piece of Ass!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on October 20, 2009


This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers!

Tonight’s entry is sponsored by Busch…..in the Real-Tree camo can.  That means no one can see me drink.  I’m stealth drinking motherfuckers!

Listen, although I love reading different MRA blogs and websites, I do not consider myself in that league of elite thinkers.  I’m just a regular guy who fucked up and got married.  My opinions mostly come from personal experiences and observations.  Now on to the bullshit!

At some point, either during or after a marriage/ltr, you’re gonna need a piece of ass.  What you won’t be aware of is just how rusty you will be.  I don’t really mean your skills about seducing some bitch, I’m talking about your skills governing the selection of that bitch.

It happens in all areas, MMA fighters talk about “cage rust” when they haven’t fought in a while and we all know that playing “the game” is a lot like combat.  What we forget is the little things.  Not the big red flags, but the smaller, less obvious signs that a certain bitch just isn’t worth it.  One of the things that can hinder your skills is when you are going through a shit-hole of a relationship yourself.  Hating having to come home every night will no doubt throw off even the most seasoned players game.

Mental illness is one of the trickiest things to sus out early on because so many women have gotten good at hiding it in the beginning.  Of course the signs become clear in hindsight and you want to kick yourself for not seeing it.  Here’s how I fucked up…….

A “friend” of mine (not a co-worker!!) recently went through a divorce.  She spent all her time talking to anyone who would listen about how bad her ex was.  Looking back, here’s the mental illness clue that I missed.  She said “He left me for an unattractive fat bitch”.

Now this “friend” isn’t smoking hot by any stretch of the imagination.  She’s a three quart girl at least.  By that I mean you need to drink at least three quarts of some old school Colt 45 before you’d consider fucking this bitch.  So if after 10+ years, this guy bolts to a fat chick, what the fuck is up with that?

Well, my dumbass found out.  She was great at first, she was one of those cool chicks that were fun to hang with, drank beer and sucked dick like a fucking machine!

I quickly found out how crazy she was when I sobered up and decided that my rebound phase was over.  In the standard line, she accused me of taking advantage of her.  Keep in mind that normally she likes to talk about how fucking “smart” she is, but suddenly Ms Genius got “taken advantage of”.  She isn’t that kind of girl, she’s never done that before, blah, blah, blah, you’ve heard it all before, all the fucking excuses.

I am amazed that her ex hung in there as long as he did.  This chick is a major drama queen, if something isn’t happening, then she manufactures something out of thin air.  In typical American fashion, this bitch has an over-inflated sense of entitlement.  To call her a muffin top would be an insult to muffin tops, yet she thinks she’s hot as she continues to pile on the pounds.

This bitch is one of the most manic depressive bipolar fucked up lame-brain bitches I’ve ever seen.

Talk about jumping into the cold water!  My spider senses are back now, I’m sniffing out mental illness every fucking where after this bullshit!  Luckily I was smart enough to not let this bitch know where I live!!!!  Holy worn out pieces of ass Batman!!!!!

So fellas, learn from my fuck up.  Take time to warm up and get yourself right.  Stay away from the three quart girls!!   Especially on the nights that you’ve drank three quarts!!

Forty ounces to Freedom Fuckers!

You are now free to drink about the cabin!

Posted in Marriage, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Class Reunion? Fuck No!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on October 17, 2009


This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers.

The subject of class reunions came up with a friend of mine.  He was looking forward to his, much like a used car dealer looks forward to going to the auto auction to buy up a bunch of clunkers.  I can understand his game, these formerly hot chicks are the ones who were too stuck up to date guys their own age when they were in high school.  Now these chicks are old hags with stretch marks, fat rolls and kids from different men.

I guess it would be a bit of revenge to bang these former hotties, but that’s a game I’ll have to sit out on.  Not because I’m too good, but to be honest I now have enough money to be able to afford these women’s 18yr old daughters.  I remember hearing Tom Leykis talk about this years ago and once again the man was right!!!

The last thing I want is a woman my own age!  If that’s what I liked, I’d stay married!

3middleagewomenflips

Old hags like these are for broke guys!

As men get older we have more of what women want, as women get older they have LESS of what men want.

You’re now free to bang younger, hotter bitches.

Posted in money, sex, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Brown Sugar Bullshit!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on October 11, 2009


This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers.

Tonight I came across a bowl full of crap in the form of a blog from “Brown Sugar”, its a blog that gives so-called advice to black women and in this rant she tries to explain why women with advanced degrees can’t find any men in their income bracket.   Total shit sandwich.

So often I hear from black women who have advanced or professional degrees that dating is hard out here for an educated black girl.

It seems there are many men who don’t find a super accomplished woman appealing. Or to be blunt about it, they’re just scared of a woman who may be smarter, more accomplished and (gasp) make more money they do.

So often however, when this topic comes up the men and their female apologists are quick to holler at the top of their lungs: THAT”S NOT THE CASE!!!!!!!  No they say, it’s the women who are the problem. These over educated sistas beleive their degrees should qualify them for wife status. They are leading with their degrees instead of being nice and flirty and smiling – ’cause of course we know that a woman needs to smile to get a man to say hello to her.

Actually women ARE the fucking problem.  Most of them are HUGE, plus-sized problems.

The truth is there are PLENTY of men who are intimidated by an intelligent, accomplished, successful woman. Many men want to feel like the King in their relationship an that can be difficult when their Quenn is better educated and making more dough than the King. There’s a reason why you see many successful, well off men with less accomplished women. The hot shot man cheating with his secretary, the nanny or his Argentinian mistress on his equally yoked wife is such a common occurrence we’re not even surprised by it anymore.

“Less accomplished” or hot?  I believe the word this cunt was looking for was hot.  That’s what successful men want and that’s the kind of women success brings, why would we settle for something less?

So yes, I think may black women are finding themselves at a disadvantage in the dating world when the step out in all of their educated, successful career glory. However I would ask if the guy who has a problem with ambitious, accomplished women is the guy you really want? I mean think about it: this guy feels so threatened by a woman who has her own that he would avoid them at all costs., why are you upset that he’s not talking to you? Is this the type of guy you really want?

Ambitious? About what?  Using up all their sick time by the end of January?

Just as there are plenty of men who find the idea of dating a woman as accomplished than they are repugnant there are plenty who see that as a requirement in any woman they date. The intelligent ambitious gal is the one they want. They want a woman who can match their own fire and see that as an asset not a liability. These are they type of me you want to date, this is where you want to focus your energy. And if you feel you’re always meeting the guys who have problems with your level of education and success, you need to find other places to hang out.

Ok enough of this overweight cunt, the bottom line is that women with advanced degrees are usually just plain fucking ugly.  Let’s be honest, I didn’t see a lot of hot chicks in my MBA classes, usually average or way, way below fucking average.  Ugly women have more time to study because they aren’t being bothered by guys to go out on dates.  They have the extra time to hit the books!

If they think that we want to have sex with their overbearing, overweight asses, then to borrow a line from Judas Priest “You’ve got another thing comming”

You are now free to move about the fucking cabin!

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