Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘crap’

Alimony: A Lottery

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 4, 2010

Posted in Marriage, money | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

I’m Soooo Fabulous, now promote me!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 1, 2009

This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers.

The title of this story sums up the attitude of my female classmates.   As I am working and going to school full time to get my MBA, I often hear the cackle of my fellow female students and I am often sickened and amused at the same time.

I heard one heavyweight talk about how she has no interest in getting to work early or staying late but yet…………..she thinks that when she graduates that her employer should just automatically give her a raise.  Yeah, just out of the goodness of their fucking hearts I guess.  What in the blue fuck are these spoiled American dumpster cunts smoking?  Ever thought of trying to add value to the company you stupid mullet?  No of course not, that’d mean work and we all know women hate that.

And don’t make the mistake of suggesting that they take a higher position with more responsibility, of fuck no.  That’s like telling a Catholic priest to fuck a woman instead of a 10yr old boy.  That shit just does not go over well.  These entitled cum urinals want to keep the same job they have now, but just get paid more.

This is why despite most college grads being women, it’s still men at the top.  These overweight bitches don’t have a clue.  Don’t even get me started on how they think they’re so “smart” and how that should turn men on.  Sorry warpigs, I’d rather jack off to old Asia Carrera  flicks than to have to listen to you turkey-necked battle cunts.

But with this being my competition, its a pretty clear fucking path to the top.

You’re now free to watch classic porn about the cabin.

Posted in sex, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Women plan to do fucking nothing!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 18, 2009

This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers.

As I was making my way back from lunch today, I ran into a female co-worker from my old dept.  This chick used to be a smoking hot blond with an awesome body.  Of course she was single then…… a married woman, she has chunked up, cut her hair and constantly complains of migraines and other medical issues.

The latest revelation from this chunkster is that she is going to law school, not really a new claim, but considering that she’s been in community college for over 3 years does leave some doubt to her claim.  She also said that she wants kids in the future.

So let’s review and pretend that she does actually go to law school one day.  She’ll graduate with tons of debt then have a kid, no career established and her “lucky” husband will be left with not only her massive student loans but the cost of raising the little crumb crunchers that she wants.  Typical American lazy bitch, doesn’t want real work, just wants to satisfy her own little fantasy that exists only in her overweight jizzed trapped mind.  I can see why the other guy she was with ran like hell when the idea of marriage came up.

That guy had it right, wear the pussy out while she’s hot, the guy now has a fat, gassy, cranky version of what she used to be and he gets to pay all the bills!  Wow, sign me up for that!

You’re now free to drink about the cabin!

Posted in Marriage, money, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Times are tough…….Let’s have a BABY!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on October 26, 2009

This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers!

Tonight’s article is sponsored by Hurricane Malt Liquor, 8.1% ABV.

Riddle me this fuckers………

How many of  you work with women who complain about how hard things are financially then the next thing you know, the other women in the office are throwing this bitch a fucking baby shower!

The same woman who was complaining about how much daycare costs, how hard it is on a limited income, talking about how expensive kids are, etc…. and suddenly they decide that having another kid is a great idea!


Of course a few months after shitting out another fetal turd, they go right back to how hard things are financially and how their job doesn’t pay them enough!   Yeah, instead of making the connection between their own actions and their life situation, they blame someone else, in this case their employer!

Typical American woman bullshit, they like to do what they want and blame someone else for their problems.  They can’t make the connection between the fact that because they have zero education and keep shitting out kids…………they can’t figure out why they don’t have any money and they can’t figure out why successful men don’t want a fucking thing to do with these used up retarded cunts.  They have 2 or 3 crumb crunchers by 3 different felons and they can’t figure out why their life is fucked up.  You stupid fucking 3-day old left in the sun bait buckets!

Just another reason to avoid these worthless entitlement whores!  They aren’t worth the price of a free rubber from the fucking free clinic!

You’re now free to drink malt liquor about the cabin fuckers!

Posted in Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Class Reunion? Fuck No!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on October 17, 2009

This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers.

The subject of class reunions came up with a friend of mine.  He was looking forward to his, much like a used car dealer looks forward to going to the auto auction to buy up a bunch of clunkers.  I can understand his game, these formerly hot chicks are the ones who were too stuck up to date guys their own age when they were in high school.  Now these chicks are old hags with stretch marks, fat rolls and kids from different men.

I guess it would be a bit of revenge to bang these former hotties, but that’s a game I’ll have to sit out on.  Not because I’m too good, but to be honest I now have enough money to be able to afford these women’s 18yr old daughters.  I remember hearing Tom Leykis talk about this years ago and once again the man was right!!!

The last thing I want is a woman my own age!  If that’s what I liked, I’d stay married!


Old hags like these are for broke guys!

As men get older we have more of what women want, as women get older they have LESS of what men want.

You’re now free to bang younger, hotter bitches.

Posted in money, sex, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

So What are You Missing Out On?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 22, 2009

This is your Captain speaking and once again……………….Welcome Aboard Fuckers!!!

This one goes out to all the guys who are married, living with, or have a steady girlfriend.  I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “Don’t let life pass you by”, but that’s exactly what we’re doing gentlemen.  Getting married is letting life pass you by at the speed of light.  Let’s start with the obvious stuff that passes by….

Can you even count the number of cute waitresses that have passed you by?

hot waitress

And let’s not forget the cute cashier…..


But of course we all realize the mistake we’ve made in choosing just one woman and all the opportunities that pass us by everyday.  But there’s others, like what if you feel like stopping by a few gun shops, or just drive to the beach without having to pack half the garage with you, or stop by a friends house for a few beers, or just being able to spend your days the way that YOU want to spend them.  Now that is where life is passing us by.

Being married is like living with your parents when you were 13, you know that if you stay out too late, you’re in trouble, and don’t forget to check in.

nag, nag, nag

Nag, nag, fucking nag, that’s what we listen too while our lives are passing us by.  It’s time for this to stop gentlemen.  I know it’s not always as easy as throwing your shit in your car, we can thank our legal system for that.  But make a plan, put away a few bucks here and there, being active and actually doing something to plot out your escape will be liberating just by itself.

Life is out there waiting for us, haven’t we let enough of it pass by?

You are now free to drink about my ballsack.

Posted in Marriage, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Why bother moving out of your parent’s place?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 15, 2009

This is your Captain speaking,

My question is not to suggest that people never move out. It is in reference to the fact that when a man gets married, he ends up right back in the same situation he was in when he was 16.

The place really isn’t his, he damn sure can’t set up the house like he wants, the bitch decorates. He has to ask permission for his friends to come over to watch the fight and God forbid that he wants to go over to that friend’s house that she doesn’t like. Yep, like 16 all over again, feeling trapped and looking forward to moving the fuck out.

Who do women act like a man’s mother? Who the fuck is telling them that this a good idea? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, one mother is enough!! Women, especially American women are just a bunch of mentally unbalanced, controlling bitches and men need to learn that women really are good for one thing, sex. Fuck em’ and chuck em’.

Men need to lose this scarcity mindset and realize than there’s a constant stream of new pieces of ass turning 18 every fucking day!!!


Don’t give in to these war pigs that you have to drink 4 quarts of malt liquor just to be able to look at her mismatched, discolored, sagging tits.



Let’s step it up and let’s step out and make one final move out into our own place again! And once you have your freedom gentlemen, NEVER give it up again. If a chick wants to move in then it’s time for you to move on.   Kick her ever-expanding ass to the fucking curb!

You’re now free to grab your shit and go!

Posted in Marriage, pua, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Is She a Regular, or just in-between suckers?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 21, 2009

This is your Captain speaking, welcome aboard fuckers…….

As a long standing member of Gold’s gym, I have seen countless people start and eventually stop their workout habits.  I have become pretty accurate over the years of predicting how long someone will hang in there.

One interesting occurrence is how you will see certain women join the gym, you can tell that they have been neglecting trying to keep themselves up for a while.  But to their credit, they will work their fat asses off to the point where they are looking pretty bang-able.

Then they suddenly disappear.  They just stop going.  Their workout partner isn’t sure what happen, they’re just a no-show.  So one day, usually several months even a year or so later you see this overweight female who looks kinda familiar………….”but it can’t be the chick I’m thinking of” , you say to yourself.  But sure enough, it’s her.


She worked out long enough to reel in the next sucker, then her lazy ass quit working out.  Typical bait and switch, dog-n-pony show that American women are famous for.  You think you are getting a woman who takes pride in her appearance, then WHAM, the lazy cunt reveals her true lazy colors.

Of course, the reason is that she’s “comfortable” and you should like her for more than her body, even though it was the body that got your attention in the first place.

This is just like women who lose weight for their wedding day and then pork back up once the guy is locked into the marriage contract.  Then they wonder why the guy cheats.  Of course he’ll cheat, he feels duped and he was duped!!  He thought he was getting one thing but wound up with something completely different and fatter.

So if you see a chick in the gym or meet a women on the street or where ever, how can you tell is she really works out or is she is just between suckers and is only faking it until someone takes the bait?

One good way is to look at her shoulders and arms.  For women, these areas take a while to get nice tone, plus it requires attention to diet too.  Now I’m not saying she has to have arms like Arnold, but toned.  The fact that it takes a while to attain this toned look means that she is not one of those people who work out when things are “right”.  If she has a toned upper body then she’s been working out through thick and thin and not just when its convenient or when the planets are aligned.


Don’t be fooled by a nice body with no tone, unless you are in it for the short term, then it doesn’t matter, you can just tap the ass while she looks hot and kick her man-cow looking ass to the curb when she starts packing on the pounds.

You should never depend on one woman for your sexual needs, that’s one of many reasons why marriage is such a bad deal for men.

Strike while the ass is hot fellas, hump em’ and dump em’!

You’re now free to move about the gym….

Posted in Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Who lies more? Men or Women?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 19, 2009

This is your Captain speaking, welcome aboard fuckers……….

Ok, so some of you might recognize the title of this post as a pickup line or opener used to chat up women.  But I’m actually asking the question.  When it comes to dating and relationships it’s obvious that women are the lie.  It was Albert Einstein who said “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not…”

Women put up the classic dog and pony show when you first meet them.  Then once they have you locked down either by marriage or by squeezing out a baby, that’s when they change.  Well not change, more like go back to their real slobby selves.

How often have you heard women talk about losing weight for their wedding?  And that’s exactly what they do, they lose the weight for that ONE day, then they pork up like the pigs they really are.  Plus, why aren’t they losing weight for the so-called love of their life?  Don’t they love the guy enough to lose the fat for more than one day.  Of course most American women are just way to fucking lazy to do that, it’s much easier for the fat pig to point to her wedding picture and say “see what I USED to look like”.


For the guy the wedding picture is a reminder of how he fell for the classic bait and switch routine.  Hopefully some of these guys will use those pictures as reminders of who really does lie more!  That poor smuck actually thought he was getting the girl in the wedding pictures!!  Instead he got a fatter and more hostile version of the woman that he first met.  That’s why guys cheat, not to get something new, but to get something like they thought they had in the first place!


There is no benefit for a man to get married, unless he’s a complete loser.

You’re now free to drink about the cabin…..

Posted in Marriage, pua, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Are you Married to a SNIPER???

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 15, 2009

This is your Captain speaking……..

What’s up fuckers!  How many of you guys watch fights, either boxing or mma?  Ever notice how the guys throw tons of jabs and cut kicks.  Those punches and kicks never knock anyone out, but the damage from them adds up over the course of the fight.  You can’t really say it was one particular jab or kick that really made the guy hurt.

So anyone here married to a fucking sniper?


Women fight in the same manner.  Often when they say “Well what have I done…”, you can’t pinpoint one incident, but you KNOW you’ve had the hell beaten out of you.

Like today, I’m home pretty much the same time every day and I unwind a minute before I go to the gym, the same gym I’ve been going to for YEARS.  Well the gas company was going to replace our regulator outside and needed someone to be here.  Well wifey decides to play the hero (the bitch just wanted to leave work early) because she said that “I’m not reliable”.

That’s what makes marriage so fucking evil.  Little shit like that the builds up, the constant fucking slick ass remarks when you’re out in public, all that shit adds up.  You can’t remember individual stuff, but just like the fight, it takes its toll.

Let’s dump these passive agressive bitches and use women what they were put here for……SEX.  No, not fucking babies, just sex.  Let some other sucker knock the bitch up, we just want the pussy.

You are now free to move about my ballsack.

Posted in Marriage, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

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