Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘cunts’

Game Over Cunt

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 22, 2015

beer and bitches

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!!

It’s been a fucking while, I’m drinking some Hurricane Malt Liquor so get ready for some fucked up grammar, misspellings, and all kinds of other editing fuck ups!

So a buddy of mine and I are sitting out back on my deck drinking some random IPAs and smoking cigars.  He starts to tell me about this worn out fucking cunt who has the hots for him.

She’s married, weighs in around 250 on a good day, two kids from some guy who couldn’t even keep a job at Home Fuck Depot, and just turned 30.  Her and my buddy went to high school together. She was the ugly chick who had the slamming body but like many women she thought she was hotter than she really was.

So now after 12 years of being with a loser and bulking up, she tells my friend that she’s going to leave the loser and she’s looking forward to “hanging out” with him. 

Luckily she doesn’t work with us, so no HR issues here.  She messaged him on FaceFuckBook.  Basically this chick has the attitude that all her fuck ups should be ignored by my friend.  That he should turn back the hands of time to when they were in school and her vag hadn’t been stretched out by child birth stretch marksand years of abuse.

The problem is this woman’s attitude is actually very common.  Women with multiple kids, often from multiple guys, want the rest of us to give her a do-over.  She wants us to pretend that when we look at her little womb turds that we don’t see the face of a guy who got to fuck her back when she was actually fuckable.  She wants us to pretend that she’s matured and that’s why she’s ready to settle down, not the truth which is she’s being carried off the field like Brett Farve. 

Luckily my friend and I both laugh at her dumb ass, but this chick honestly thinks that when she leaves the loser that she’ll be able to run out and get the man of her dreams. She thinks she’ll be hooking up with that doctor or lawyer she’s always wanted.

Fucking cunts today have this attitude that they can do what they want when they have the power (in their early 20s) and that when their looks fade then suddenly the rules should change and we should overlook all their fuckery.  We should be “real” men and take in them and their bastard fuck children.

Let me be clear ladies……GO FUCK YOURSELVES!

You’re now free to piss in a single mother’s face.

volleyball ass

Posted in women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Don’t Jump on the Grenade!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 25, 2014


This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers!

What’s up fuckers!  I just wanted to rant about something I’ve been seeing a lot of lately.  We all know that as men, we can’t turn a fucking corner without being told to do something and if we don’t do it we’re not “real” men. 

One thing in particular really pisses me off because it’s one of the best ways to completely ass fuck your life.  Taking on another man’s child or in a lot of cases children!!!!

Guys stop jumping on the fucking grenade. Stop being the goddamn martyr!!! We need to lose this idea of sacrificing for no reason is somehow noble.  It’s not noble, it’s fucking retarded, in fact it’s full retard!!!!!

Newsflash Poindexter, you weren’t her first choice, or even her 100th choice, you’re just all she’s left with now that her body and vag has been wrecked by having kids.  Kids that even their own father don’t want shit to do with, so why the fuck should you?

Do you realize how many guys “step up” only to get stepped on by the very children they helped raise once they become adults and decide they want to have a relationship with their “real” father?  Thanks for paying the bills sucker!

I worked with a guy who met a chick who looked ok, she was one of these chicks who was cool and looked decent but she was literally one cupcake away from the plus-size area of the store.  Which spoiler alert……she’s way past plus sized now.  He got with this chick when she was still fucking around with her ex and “happened” to get pregnant.  Obviously in hopes of trapping the ex but he said fuck you and left her pregnant bloated ass. 

Well my buddy, Mr Knight in White Pussy Satin, decided to “step up” and be a so called real man.  What has he gotten in return?  Well she has gained ton of weight and looks like warmed over shit, something she didn’t do when she was with the bad boy who left her while she was knocked up.  He gets to pay ALL, yes all, the bills for this bastard womb turd because she won’t go after the ex for child support.  Basically my friend bought a used up Jag off a buy-here pay-here lot and the thing is rapidly falling apart and will NEVER look or run as good as it used to.

Fellas, stop being the nice guy.  Be the dick.  Trust me, it works a hell of a lot better.  Your wallet and your dick will thank you.

You’re now free to jizz on the Super Bowl Halftime Show.


Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments »

Just saying…

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 10, 2013

curvy and fat

Posted in sex, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Delusional Fucking Bitches

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 12, 2012

muffintop tattoo

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!

Man what the fucking fuck is wrong with women these days?  They are simply fucking delusional!  On so damn many levels!!

This shit has been going on for years.  I can remember way back when I had some bitch who thought she would be slick and try to sleep around on me and I busted her.  I of course dumped her ass and the first words out of this cunt’s mouth was “You’ll never find another woman like me”.  Really?  Well damn I sure was hoping I could rustle me up another cheating skank.  Sucks to be me!

These are the same kind of women who when you’re with them you’ll notice that all your arguments seem to focus on what you are supposedly doing to her.  Never about any of the bat shit crazy stuff she pulls, nope it’s all about YOU!  The world revolves around her vagina.

If you’re with a woman who likes to tell you what a “good” woman she is, fucking run!!!  If she truly is a good woman then you’ll fucking know without her telling you.

Does she tell you how lucky you are?  Again, this is like the good woman thing, best to fucking run now while you’ve still got your balls!

These women like to talk about all they have to offer but truth is that they bring nothing to the fucking table.  Well……….that’s not entirely true.  A lot of women bring a steaming pile of shit to the table and want you to believe it’s fucking steak!  They bring their emotional baggage, their fat fucking asses, their mental illnesses and of course they love to bring kids from other men into the mix.

Fuck you cunts.  American women are a pump n dump at best, most of the time they’re not even worth that.

You’re now free to smack a bitch at the table.


Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Bipolar? Not My Fucking Problem!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 3, 2011

Young insane woman with straitjacket looking at camera close-up portrait

This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!

Newsflash: Your mental condition, whatever it may be, is not my problem.  I am not giving you some kind of get out of jail card just because your mom fucked an abusive asshole and you to see some of bipolar-in-womenthe resulting action.

Guys, if she is having episodes of batshit crazy then that is nature’s way of telling you it’s time to get the fuck out!

Her mental problems are NOT yours.  You are not a bad person for not wanting to deal with a mentally ill person.  For one, they will drag you down in to their crazy fuck life. 

By the way, this includes women who act like a total cunt one week a month and then blame it on being hormonal.  That’s a sure red flag!!!pms warrior

Now guys, we’ve all been there back when we first started dating and didn’t have a lot of experience. We met some chick, looked good and shagged well!  But that’s not all!!!!!!!!!!

She’s unstable, but she constantly blames YOU!  Everything is your fault!  You don’t do this right, you don’t do that right, hell you can’t seem to do anything right!!!  What the hell happen to that hot cool chick you met just a few short months ago?  And when you’re young and inexperienced you might actually begin to wonder what’s wrong with you!  You might even begin to think you’re going fucking crazy!!!!!

But you’re not crazy, you’re just with a CRAZY bitch!!!

The last thing I want when I go on a date is to have to guess which fucking personality is going to show up.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if a woman mentions happy pills or if you spot head meds in her bathroom……………..RUN!!!  Run silent, run deep, just fucking RUN!!!

You’re now free to run a train on a day-shift stripper.


Posted in avoid marriage, Captain No Marriage, Marriage, marriage sucks, relationship, women | Tagged: , , , , | 3 Comments »

Just Say NO To Ultimatums

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 27, 2010

This is your Captain speaking……………..welcome aboard fuckers!!

So I found a great Q&A section over at the Midlife Bachelor’s site, this particular question is from a 42 yr old guy who’s dating a 29 yr old woman.  And guess what, she wants to get married!!!

screaming bitch

Isn’t that awesome, she’s been banging around for a good decade or so and now she wants to get serious and have this guy foot the bill.  She knew her sell-by date was less than a year away and at this point she’s just casting a play, looking for someone to play the part of sperm donor and checkbook.  I loved this letter because it’s FULL of red flags. 

Tell me is this is typical Ameriskank behavior……

“If something is really important to her, I can tell because she will get really emotional quickly if I don’t react the way she thinks I should.”

Or how about this……

‘she got really upset and started crying uncontrollably. Then she got mad at me and said I had better not be wasting her time.’

To all you young guys out there who’ve been dating a nice hot piece of ass, if ANYTHING in that article reminds you of your little princess, then it’s time to get the fuck out!! 

I mean, have you ever talked to a guy who got an ultimatum and was happy about it later?  Hell the fuck no! 

And now a message for the ladies.  Girls if you were truly as awesome as you think you are, then you wouldn’t need to give a guy an ultimatum.  Ultimatums are just more proof that marriage has nothing to do with love and everything to do with getting the guy to sign on the dotted line.

You are now free to do coke off a call girl.

Posted in Marriage, money, relationship, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Why So Pissed at Tiger?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 25, 2010

This is your Captain Speaking……………..welcome aboard fuckers.

Yes, I know.  Tiger Woods is the story that never dies, but why has it stirred so much emotion?  It’s pretty simple, it shows what men and women really want.

Tiger just wants to fuck and if most guys had his means that’s what they would do.  His actions reminds women what their men would do if they got that promotion, finished graduate school, or got a better job.  It reminds them that their guy would dump their worthless nagging asses in a heartbeat!

The actions of Tiger’s wife show guys what women are really after…………money.  Plain and simple, when the initial lust of the relationship wears off, its all about money.  All the talk about independent women is just a bunch of bullshit.  They’re only independent if they’re getting money from a man.

Tiger’s real mistake was getting married and having kids.  All that did was secure the transfer of assets from him to his aging trophy wife.

There is absolutely no benefit to a man to get married.

You are now free to bang the sky cunts about the cabin.

Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

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