Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘fuck marriage’

Women Of Wal-Mart

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 30, 2011


wtf

This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!

So the bitches are suing Wal-Mart.  Apparently these broads are just now discovering that getting knocked up in middle school and then getting a job in retail doesn’t pay very well.  Who knew?

Maybe the women at Wally World are pulling the same shit that women in other companies are pulling?  It’s no secret that Wal-Mart has a way of filtering out those who cannot hack it in management.  They promote you to wally world hottieassistant manager, then they work the piss out of you. 

No mental health days, no going home half-way through your day to pick up your waterhead kid you had when you were 16 and smoked meth every day so now the kid is all fucked up.

Wal-Mart believes in this crazy notion that you have to prove yourself before you go anywhere.  Yes, I know that’s so 1970, but they didn’t become the largest private employer by promoting people just for the fuck of it.

You see they are in business to make money, that’s what businesses do.  They are not charity organizations there to support you and your shitty life choices.

skankasaurusThe reason why women at Wal-Mart aren’t promoted at the same rate as men is the same as in any other company.  It’s the men who are working 70 and 80 hours a week.  It’s the men who show up to work and aren’t taking mental health days.  It’s the men who don’t take months off to have a baby.  If you want the same opportunities as men well you cunts need to put forth the same effort as men and don’t expect a fucking medal.  Just show up and do your goddamn job.

But it’s much easier to blame someone else for your shitty performance rating, isn’t it?  That’s the thing about these fucking cum dumpsters here in America.  They never even entertain the fucking thought that the root of the problem is actually THEM!!  Well Skankasaurus the problem is YOU!

Plus if these broads were such great business material then why the fuck didn’t they just start their own business?  Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that’s right, that involves fucking work!  I forgot!  You dirty clams don’t like that shit!

Fuck these skanks.  I say Go WAL-MART.  Maybe next time you girls might get this thing called an education.  Nah, that’s work too.  Fuck of fucktits!

You’re now free to bang some chick who works at Target.  

Posted in money, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , , , , | 4 Comments »

My Big-Ass Mail Sack, Single Moms Still a No!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 21, 2011


This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers!!

I get all kinds of crazy shit in my inbox, mostly hate mail from some meth skank who is pissed off because her twat drags the ground when she walks.  But this time I found a cry for help from a reader.  I’ve changed the name to protect his dumb ass.

Hey Captain,

I’ve been reading your blog for a couple months now and you make me laugh every time I log on to my laptop. But I have a problem that I hope you could help me with. I’m a 31yr old guy who just finished graduate school. I have an ok job now making ok money, but I have a chance to possibly get another job with an awesome company in a larger city. I’ll get around a $20k raise and I’ll be making over $100k in about 5yrs if I stick with it. The problem is at my current job I met a really cool girl. She’s great! I know what you’re thinking but she really is fun to be around even with our clothes on. She’s not like most American bitches. Hell, she even cooks!

But, she is going through a divorce right now. Her kids dad is pretty much a loser who doesn’t want to help her out in any way with the kids. She got with him when she was young, but now she has matured and realizes her mistake. I know money isn’t everything so should I put off getting a new job for a little bit just to help her out? I’d feel like a jerk if I just went for the money and didn’t worry about her.

Let me know what you think. Thanks.

Byron

Ok, “Byron” thanks for dropping me a line.  So let’s take it from the fucking top.  You probably went to graduate school for the same reason that most of us go to graduate school…………to make MONEY!  You obviously had some kind of plan in place, don’t let a piece of ass get in the way, especially a high-mileage with a shit ton of baggage!

Newsflash:  All single moms who have losers for an ex and need to find a new sucker to pay all their bills are………wait for it………….really cool girls.  It’s called bait and switch!  She has to play nice, she’s damaged goods!!

But Byron, I don’t know what field you are in, but if your profession is like mine you can’t afford to get dragged down into the mud with a bunch of parental trailer trash drama.  What happens when the loser takes a swing at you?  Or better yet beats her up then you put on your Capt Save A Skank cape and slug him and guess who she’ll be crying over when the cops arrive?  It won’t be you Ace, it’ll be the father of her bastard children.  You will be the one in the slammer!! 

Tell me, how well does a felony go with your graduate degree?  What would your income potential be as a convicted felon?  You said right now your next gig would take you into the six figure range, so multiply that out by 20 or 30 years.  This is MILLIONS of fucking dollars we’re talking about here you fuck!  Goddamn! Wake the fuck up! 

You think some bitch who has already shit out some future car-jackers out of her twat is worth MILLIONS of dollars?  Are you fucking tit lick serious?

Stop talking to this bitch TODAY!  Do NOT take her calls, do not answer her texts.  Get the fuck away from her as fast as you can and from now on no more fishing off the company pier!  Find your pussy elsewhere and without all the baggage.

To quote Tom Leykis “DUMP THAT BITCH!!!!”

Soooooo, what say the rest of you to Byron?

You’re now free to dump that bitch.

keyra_agustina_sexy

 

Posted in money, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 11 Comments »

Happy St. Patrick’s Day Fuckers!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 17, 2011


irish ass

Hey bitch! Go get me a fuckin green beer!

And suck my dick…….or cock!!!

 

 green beer bitch

Posted in Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Can’t Find A Good Man?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 1, 2011


                            the fantastic whore

This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers!

Women, especially single mothers, love to stand on their tuna-stained soapbox and tell everyone how there just aren’t any good men left.  But do they ever ask why? Maybe this offers a clue?ghetto-white-chicks

Ahhhh yes, single motherhood in action.  Ladies, the reason there are less “real men” around is because single mothers are raising kids like that.  You are the reason, yes you ya dumb deadbeat riding skank! 

It’s the economy stupid…..no wait…..wrong post…….it’s your vagina stupid!!  (that’s the ticket!)

You see when you decide to that you don’t need a man and that you can do it all “on your own” (on your meaning with a man’s money, state assistance or both) this is what you get. 

I could go on explaining this but fuck that, my beer is getting warm and every guy reading this knows exactly what the fuck I’m talking about.  Even my two female readers understand.  So I’m out, let these bitches whine about the lack of men, they need to look in the goddamn mirror, then they need to smash their face into it, then they need to suck my cock……wait…..suck my cock then smash your face.  Yeah, that’ll work.

You’re now free to do coke off a hookers ass, just don’t do it at the end of her shift.

Kissmebesame017

Posted in Marriage, relationship, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Blast From the Fucking Past

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 23, 2011


 

Greetings fuckers.  Believe it or not, there was a time when I only had two readers.  Now that number had doubled!  So I would like to take this chance to spotlight some older shit I wrote back in the day. 

In other words, I’m too drunk……no wait….no such thing……..I’m to lazy tonight to write a new post.  So I’m going green fuckers!

Here’s a CNM classic entitled:  “Just Say No to Women on Medication”

This is your Captain speaking……..

If a woman you are dealing with is on, or has ever been on any type of antidepressant medication, you need to run. Run Forrest, run as fast as you can. This a red flag. Now this is something that they can mask in the short term, especially since most mental bitches are great in bed, it distracts you from her mental instability.

Beware if they try to rationalize it by telling you that “all women are crazy” or some similar line. There’s a reason they’re on meds, you do not want to stick around long enough to find out why. For one, it will always be your fault, hell I even had one bitch blame me for a ticket that she got. Typical spoiled American bitch, blames everyone else for her problems except her. This is one of many examples why you should avoid bitches on meds. Last thing you want is some manic depressive bitch going between personalities like a fucking light switch. Talk about being dragged down by someone! If you have to walk on egg shells or wait and see which personality shows up to dinner, then you need to run like fucking hell away from that bitch.

Remember, their mental illness is their issue, not yours, its not your job to understand or help the dumb broad. Men need to stop accepting women’s bullshit and yes that includes so called mental illness. Unless you want a life filled with drama, avoid these backstabbing bitches like the fucking plague that they are. How are you going to get ahead and move forward with your life when you are carrying her lead weight ass around? You won’t, thats because these bitches are also insanely jealous, not just of every other woman, but of ANYTHING that takes away time from her stuck up, entitled, overweight ass.

Its about standards guys, why settle for some over dramatic bitch on meds when you can have a hotter normal chick. Its not like you need to marry any of them, but the bitches on meds aren’t even worth the sex. Take charge guys, don’t keep putting up with women’s bad behavior.

You are now free to move about my nutsack.

vball

 

Posted in relationship, women | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

Trends

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 10, 2011


This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Lots of divorce stories in the news this week.  I can’t help to notice a trend in some of the celebrity divorces coming about. 

Take Charlie Sheen for example, married in 2008, now has to pay $55hospital nursery,000 a month, yes a fucking MONTH!!!….for child support.  Ashlee Simpson also filed for divorce after her 3 year marriage but not before she found time to shit out a kid also.  

Now this not just a celebrity deal, I see it all the time.  Woman goes from being perfect girlfriend to never happy bitch wife and is knocked up, by accident of course within the first year of the marriage.  Then before the kid even is barely out of diapers the couple some how “grows apart”. 

A lot of times if the guy is well off, she’ll crank out two or three kids in rapid succession, be a stay at home mom and secure both a healthy alimony and child support payment from the poor sucker who married her ever expanding ass.

don't want kidsTom Leykis used to tell his listeners to wait until you’ve been married 5 years before you have kids.  That is of course if you were just determined to be married and to raise a family, children were the only reason he’d ever be ok with marriage however he would still point out that while it was good for the child it was still not good for the man.  I completely agree.

I also agree with waiting 5 years.  Just think of all the relationships that were in the shitter by year 3 or 4!!  I know lots of guys whose wives conveniently got knocked up right before they decided they wanted a divorce.  Leaving the guy stuck paying an 18 year annuity, tax free for her!!

Gentlemen, your sperm are like blank checks or a debit card with the pin written on the back.  Actually worse because if a thief steals your debit card he can only get what’s in there today.  If a woman gets a hold of your sperm she gets her claws into what you have for the next two decades!!!!

You’re now free to blow a load in her eye.

 

nice beach ass

 

Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

I Want More Money Because I Have A Gaping Hole Between My Legs!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 2, 2011


This is your Captain speaking…….welcome aboard you fuckers!

So this is what I hear at work today…….”I deserve a raise, this place is lucky to have me, blah, blah, I’m a stupid bitch blah, blah, blah.”

A little bastupid bitchckground on this chick:

  • Likes to leave the office early claiming she’s going to “work from home”.
  • Takes frequent mental health days.
  • Claims she knows more about the company than everyone else in the office, more than the board, more than the founders of the company, more than god.
  • Has to ask a million stupid ass questions every time she’s in a meeting just to try and show everyone how “smart” she is.

Well dear, here’s the truth, YOU are lucky that the company has kept you.  YOU are fucking lucky to even have a job since if you did get fired you’d be out on your ass without any education to back you up.  YOU might try showing the fuck up to work and staying your ever-widening ass in your fucking for a full goddamn day. 

The glass ceiling does exist, BUT it’s a self-imposed glass ceiling.  Your life is a result of your decisions girls.  If you choose to have kids in order to lock into a man’s wallet then don’t expect to be vice president or director.  People in those positions have to show up to work……….every day…………sometimes our days off (actually at this level there are no days off really).

Business is not the fucking Special Olympics, sorry Sarah Palin no free pass on this one.  Girls if you want the same results as men in the work place then you need to put in the same amount of effort.  Until then shut your goddamn tuna hole!

You’re now free to shit in the park.

beach ass

Posted in money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

This Is Not an Abortion Post

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 15, 2011


This is your Captain speaking…………………welcome aboard fuckers!

During my brief stint on Facebook (yes surprise surprise my account was deactivated), I engaged the femicunts on various ground-breaking issues such as why more women don’t look like my favorite porn star to abortion to sucking my cock.  The abortion one really pissed them off.  Forget where you fall on that subject for a moment and take a trip with me.

They were saying that a woman should never be forced to have a baby, they said that they should have a choice, blah, blah, blah.  So I said that was such a fantastic idea that we should extend the same rights to men!  Men should not be forced to be a father just like women shouldn’t be forced to be a mother.  Yes, brilliant!

This sent these bitches completely batshit!  They started using the same arguments that the prolifers use against them!  They said the guy made the choice when he had sex, he should keep his pants on, they questioned my manhood etc…..they went right into the shaming language.

             angry-feminist-i-hate-you-with-my-vagina

Suddenly these women were talking about how men and women were different!  Well how goddamn convenient, you picked a fine time to not be equal Lucille!

Typical feminist line of bullshit, they only want to be equal.  So I say give the people what they want!  Give these bitches their fucking equality because as Paul Elam points out is this well thought out video, “equality is a cruel master”.

As usual, American women just want to be equal when it suits them.  I guarantee that if women knew that THEY might have to be 100% responsible for a child then suddenly these women would start recognizing deadbeats, they’d remember to take their pill and they wouldn’t get knocked up just to try and keep the guy from leaving.  They want us to take the gamble and hope that she didn’t forget her pill or that the condom doesn’t break.  Fuck that, fuck them and fuck off!

You’re now free to look at pictures of female volleyball players.

women's beach volleyball

 

Posted in money, Politics, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Shit To Read A.K.A. My Half-Assed Blog Review

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 6, 2011


                   feminism 1

This is your Captain speaking……….welcome aboard fuckers!

Ok, I have a shit-ton of shit in my blogroll.  Some stuff if quite different than what you will read here and that’s by design.  I figure no use in linking to a bunch of carbon copies of the same ole shit.  As my pile of blogroll shit gets stacked higher and higher it could become difficult to notice new shit.

Hence, my half-assed blog review.

I found one funny ass blog a while back. Men-Factor.  Not just a funny blog but also a very truthful one, which makes sense since great humor is often based off well known truths.  I laughed so hard at that particular post I had to run outside and shit in the neighbor’s front yard.  Because it’s oh so funny and oh so true.

So take some time to check out the Scarecrow’s blog, Men-Factor and show DICK some respect!

You’re now free to go aimlessly fuck around Al Gore’s internet

I told you this review shit was half assed…………..


 

Posted in Marriage, money, relationship, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Women’s Double Standards

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 20, 2010


This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers!

So I was fucking off over on yahoo answers and I came across a question from some chick who got pissed off at her husband and attacked him leaving him with bruises and cuts on his face.  Her defense was that he was bothering her all day.

While this cunt’s question was fucking retarded, the responses were equally fucked up.  There women blaming HIM!  Yeah, you heard me right.  These fucking cum traps were blaming the guy for her bad behavior!

Of course if this was a man who hit his wife, he would have been dragged into the public square and hung without a trial.

     Shut_up_bitch

But that’s not the only fuckery I found.  No I  found a woman who admits that after getting married and having a kid that she no longer has any interest in sex.  Hmmmm, she gets what she wants, her claws into his wallet, and suddenly she has no interest in sex.  Yeah that’s perfectly fucking logical you stupid cum basket!!

Once again, the responses were about how the guy needed to do more to get her in the mood.  It was all about what he was or wasn’t doing.  Not one of these cunts said “ Hey bitch, give up the pussy like you did before you had the poor bastard trapped”.  No for some reason that phrase escaped the average American entitlement whore on yahoo answers.

whore

I say bah-fucking-stick a corn cob in your cunt-humbug to these bitches.  Fuck you!  I’ll just bang Brazilian bitches till the sun goes down on me and my quarts of beer!

You’re now free to bang a Brazilian bitch in the ass, they like it like that.

Posted in Marriage, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , | 13 Comments »

 
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