Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘money’

Work From Anywhere!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 18, 2016

This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers!!

Don’t worry about the title of this post, I won’t be trying to sell you on the latest MLM to come down the pike.  I am going to take a minute to offer some drunk advice that can apply to any age but especially for the 20-somethings.

I don’t have to tell you that it’s easier than ever to have some kind of income producing business online.  You’ve probably already read countless articles and watch youtube videos about all the benefits of not having a 9-5 and being tied to a job at a specific location.

Well here’s one benefit all the gurus probably failed to mention.  It’s a way to make sure you never get stuck having some broad’s hand in your wallet.  This isn’t about manning up or any of that bullshit.  I’m talking about you keeping your money and not paying it to some chick you banged, even if you were dumb enough to marry the bitch.

If you have a regular job here in Merica, the nanny state will ass rape you in the public square and garnish your wages.  Your employer will gladly go along with the scheme because at that moment they know you’re fucked and even more of a slave to the company than you were before.

However, if you make your money online you don’t have to have any connections to the US.  You can smile at the judge, not say a word and pick up your shit and move.  No you don’t have to live with pirates in Somalia, there are plenty of desirable places you can park your ass and your money out of reach from money-grubbing bitches.  I’m not going to list them because…..well…….Google.

What I’m saying is even if you don’t have to use the nuclear option of leaving the country to avoid paying some broad it still gives you freedom.  Even if you just have a skill that can be used in another country.  I know this sounds totally crazy to some people but if you ever find yourself in a courtroom and the judge is telling you how much you are going to be paying in alimony to some chick, possibly for life, it won’t sound so fucking crazy then.  It doesn’t sound crazy to the guy who isn’t seeing his kids because his ex called 911 on him before he even got home from work and found the police waiting for him.  It doesn’t sound crazy when suddenly it becomes your only option to live a decent life.

You’re now free to move about the globe.

Posted in avoid marriage, money, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »


Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 15, 2016

What up fuckers!  This is your Captain speaking!

Quick one here as we get ready for another week of kicking ass and drinking beers.

Stay focused on YOUR shit. I know that’s hard to do. You go to work and the rest of the sheepfuckers at your company are just trying to make it one more year so they can get that extra week of vacation.

You can’t confide in these fucks. Trust me, it’ll do more harm than good, especially if they see you making progress. If they see you as that crab in the bucket trying to make a leap for the rim, they’ll latch on to you and pull your ass back down to their level so fast it’ll make your nuts ache.

Just keep doing your shit under the cover of darkness and when the day comes just leave with a huge smile on your face and whisky on your breathe.  In the meantime, keep on fuckin!!!

You’re now free to ditch the 9-5.


Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, money, Uncategorized | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Screw the Rich?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 6, 2016

This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

A lot of this won’t apply to readers of this blog, but chances are you know some fuckers out there who are bitching about how they’re getting fucked by the rich, blah, blah, blah.

Back during the whole Occupy Wall Street bullshit, Adam Carolla released a rant about everyone is all pissed off the rich and he wondered how we got here.

Well, here we are, everyone is still pissed at the rich.  I get that I’m probably in the last generation who grew up in a world where everyone didn’t get trophy just for fucking showing up, but come the fuck on people.

Rich people don’t do the same dumb shit everyone else does.  I’m not a Hillary fan but she didn’t get knocked up in high school by the guy working the ticket booth at the local movie theater.  Hell she picked a guy who went on to be president, some of you broads can’t even pick a guy who can keep a needle out of his arm yet you think shit isn’t fair?

Yes, rich kids have an advantage early but their advantage doesn’t automatically mean everyone else is shut out.  You could have learned code at your local community college and gone on to build the next Uber or Twitter, but you didn’t, you knocked up your high school sweetheart instead.  Is that the fault of the 1%?

The average lazy fuck American reads one book a year, the average CEO reads four to five a month (according to Google which never lies).  I can hear people now talking about how they don’t have time to read that many books, they’re busy with the kids they didn’t plan for.  They have to take their kids to play sports…….all the sports, because even though little Johnny is the runt of his class he looks so cute in his football uniform, wonder why the coach never puts him in?  Oh well, there’s always soccer even though little Johnny has asthma, we don’t give a shit because we’re the parents who live through our kids!!

Some of you might ask how shows like Shark Tank and The Profit are popular if we hate the rich?  It does seemed fucked up at first, doesn’t it?  That’s because America has gone from a nation of people who get shit done to a nation of armchair quarterbacks and backseat drivers.  People love to watch those shows and say, “Hey I had that idea!”.  They like to think they are just like those people on TV, they too could come up with that million dollar idea, they might even have some hair-brain idea, hell maybe even a good idea but will they ever get off their ass to do anything with that idea?  Hell no!

People like to watch those shows and act like they’re one of the sharks, they probably criticize some of the sharks when an idea they like gets shot down.  It’s a combination of the iceberg effect and the lotto mentality people have.  They see the person on tv with their idea but they don’t see all the shit that guy went through to get there, they don’t see the failed attempts, the strained relationships, and all the just plain hard fucking work!!!  They just see the person cashing in and remark about how “lucky” that person is and how they could do that too if only they weren’t so busy.

SPOILER ALERT:  The rich aren’t out to fuck the little guy, the little guy is busy fucking himself and is doing a better job than the rich ever could.

You’re now free to stop fucking yourself. 


Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, money, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

A Loser’s Favorite Time of Year

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 1, 2014

money grubbing bitch

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Well fuck, it’s that time of year again isn’t it?  It’s that magical time when our wonderful government hands out millions of dollars in free money to those who neither earned it or deserve it.  Yep, it’s tax time bitches!!!

The single mothers sure love this time of year don’t they?  Then to top it off, I was listening to Tom Leykis the other day and he was talking about how the Terminator’s ex-wife did some piece about poor women.  After a brief Google search I found several “news” sites that were pimping this shit and passing it off as journalism.  One piece even had a picture of some 23yr old broad who was a single mother of two and worked as a waitress.  Poor Ms Waitress was struggling to pay her bills, isn’t that sad?  Of course the article said that the government (us) should bail bitches like this out.  Because it was clearly fate that made her poor and not her shitty decisions.

Well what the fuck, we do bail their dumbasses out, every fucking year!!!  You’ve overheard these bitches brag about the thousands of dollars they get back, far more than most of them paid in if they paid any in at all.  You’ll see these bitches living it up at, shopping at Target instead of Walmart, eating at fine dining establishments such as Red Lobster and Golden Corral.  If you work with any of these slackers you’ll notice absences sharply increase this time of year.

Then by May you’ll hear these same women talking about how broke they are or their piece of shit car broke down and they can’t afford to get it fixed.  We need to stop throwing money at stupid people.  They are poor because they want to be, they are poor because they never planned or worked to be anything else! These are the same fucks who will go to that tax service whose name rhymes with……cock…….and pay extra money to get a refund anticipation loan.  I mean what the hell, it’s not their money, they don’t give a shit if they have to pay out the ass interest charges, these bitches don’t even know what interest is!!!

We need to end this bullshit about kids being expensive, so are yachts but you don’t see the government helping me buy one of them!  I have to actually budget and work for shit I want, people who just want to shit out kids should have to do the same thing.

And don’t give me this kids are our future shit or that it’s the kids of today that will be my nurse or doctor when I’m old.  First off, the kids of today can’t even move out of the fucking house and live on their own.  You think these lazy fucks are going to stay in college long enough to become a fucking doctor?jail

A kid has better odds of wearing an orange jumpsuit at the local jail than he or she does of being president of a major company, a congressman or any of that other happy horseshit people like to spout off about when they’re talking about kids being our fucking future.  These future saviors can’t even carry on a conversation with another human face to face because they’ve spent their lives in their rooms jacking off to Justin Boober and One Erection.  So don’t tell me how your stupid fucking kids are the future of this country, at best your kids will have the same shitty as you do that is of course if you can ever get them out of the fucking house! 

You’re now free to spit on a poor person.

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Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Reader Mail

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 9, 2013


What’s up fuckers!  Every once in a while I sober up just long enough to read a couple emails.  Today I found this one from a vet, which I’d like to thank him and all our our service members for their duty. 

It’s a well written letter, make you think.  Now here it is…


Why I don’t support men’s rights groups: On my first deployment I was pulling guard duty with this SGT in his 40s, I was about 19 at the time. All he did was stare at the wall and dip. Sitting there staring at the wall and dipping tobacco. I could never understand at 19 why he was so shut down emotionally. So I asked him why. He replied with an answer I’d never forget: I figured out the meaning of life he said, "I’m normal and everyone else is fucked up in the head". Those were his exact words.

Now I’m 25 going on 26. After being burned by women and no longer being a nice guy to them I learned how to stand up for myself and not let myself be walked all over, or even worse avoid them all together which saves me the effort and possible embarrassment of an argument in public, but at the same time teaches them that anything they say is OK simply because they are a woman. Sometimes as I fall asleep at night I think about who I really am and I notice that I’m less trusting of women and don’t want to ever get married. Why would I when most of my adult friends got screwed over one way or another. Out of ALL the people I know, I know only ONE yes ONE man has full custody of ONE of his 3 children. And that’s only because the mom was in jail for drugs right before the divorce and judge kinda had to rule his way.

So back to contemplating about my Inner self. It’s incredibly difficult to turn on TV and see in EVERY sitcom of how the man is always portrayed as a dumb useless irresponsible person who only thinks about football and beer. And of course the women on TV are always right, smart and entitled to absolutely everything they want. That kinda stuff is boring to watch so I flip the channel every time I see something like that. But who would I talk to about it? My circle of friends is gone because I recently moved to a different city. I can’t just walk into a bar, come up to a stranger and start talking about real shit like this. I have to carry on a rather boring superficial conversation about food or cars.

So I went online and found your site. Witch kinda reinforced the concepts that are already in my head: women use men and men let that happen because most of them are pussies themselves. That is until they get burned enough and become heartless bachelors, or even worse: submit to society, get married and forever get used as a slave by their wife who would divorce and take everything she can get her hands on if the man doesn’t act right. And if a man has a dispute with a woman the man is guilty until proven innocent. Proving yourself innocent is a very expensive process in court these days. This whole system is messed up and for some reason people are scared to talk about it publically. Only words exchanged are online in anonymous forums. I tried talking about this shit in public places with people I know. Most of them are frankly not intelligent enough to understand my points or they just don’t care about it because they are too stupid to realize just how much they would really get fucked in a divorce court or even in a dispute that winds up in front of a judge. And those who understand are too scared to come out of the closet.

There’s a whole list of things that are wrong with society today. And no, the problem isn’t liberals, republicans, gun collectors or anti-abortion groups. The real problem is that we live in a world where the society worships Kim Kardashian and a lot of women want to act like her. The problem is that men empower wrongdoing done by women by not standing up for themselves. And those men that do stand up for themselves don’t get labeled by the media as the "good guy". To be honest, men do a lot of shit wrong too but that kind of behavior doesn’t last because of courts and social exile that any woman can impose on any guy that tells her something she doesn’t want to hear.

So why don’t we males organize ourselves into political power? Well two reasons in my opinion: first of all there’s too much political correctness these days and the first politician to mention "men’s rights" is going to be committing a "public political suicide". Second and most important reason is that men want to fuck most the women while women want only 10% of the top preforming males. So the top 10% of men get 100% of the hot chicks. Notice no women are ever homeless by the way unless they’re old or fat. I’ve seen plenty 20 year old guys in down town Chicago asking for change, not a single 20 year old chick ever asked me for a nickel. So as a man I have a choice to compete with the rest and be a successful bachelor or settle for less and become a slave to my future wife. Either way I won’t be in an organized movement for "men’s rights". I will either get it my way and make money and travel the world enjoying life in every country or I will get enslaved by marriage and the court system. So either way I won’t be an activist.

On my last night out in Austin, I tried coming up to multiple hot random chicks and talking about serious shit like this. I didn’t get any good results at all. So what does that teach me? Play a game or be played but there is no changing it. Worst of all I’m beginning to think that the hotter a woman is the more entitled she feels. A gross stereotype maybe but prove me wrong. So as I go out pondering the streets looking for a one night stand I’m beginning to realize that I also know the meaning of life: I’m normal and everyone else is fucked up in the head.”


See, I told you that shit was good.  So many great points in one email!!!

I’m of the mind that if this gentleman enjoys his life the way HE wants to enjoy it, that sends a far greater message than any political action group could ever do.  So my good man, I am raising my glass to you where ever you might be, I hope that you are making your own way and enjoying your life to the fullest.  Cheers.


Posted in Captain No Marriage, Marriage, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »

Can’t Find A Good Man?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 1, 2011

                            the fantastic whore

This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers!

Women, especially single mothers, love to stand on their tuna-stained soapbox and tell everyone how there just aren’t any good men left.  But do they ever ask why? Maybe this offers a clue?ghetto-white-chicks

Ahhhh yes, single motherhood in action.  Ladies, the reason there are less “real men” around is because single mothers are raising kids like that.  You are the reason, yes you ya dumb deadbeat riding skank! 

It’s the economy stupid… wait…..wrong post…….it’s your vagina stupid!!  (that’s the ticket!)

You see when you decide to that you don’t need a man and that you can do it all “on your own” (on your meaning with a man’s money, state assistance or both) this is what you get. 

I could go on explaining this but fuck that, my beer is getting warm and every guy reading this knows exactly what the fuck I’m talking about.  Even my two female readers understand.  So I’m out, let these bitches whine about the lack of men, they need to look in the goddamn mirror, then they need to smash their face into it, then they need to suck my cock……wait…..suck my cock then smash your face.  Yeah, that’ll work.

You’re now free to do coke off a hookers ass, just don’t do it at the end of her shift.


Posted in Marriage, relationship, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Happy Marc Rudov Day!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 14, 2011

What’s up fuckers, I found this over at ScareCrow’s site. An awesome vid about feminism.  Well worth the time to check out and while you’re at it check out Marc’s site.  I’ve been listening to the radio archive section where you can hear some recent interviews about NO-mance Day, or as it should be called……Marc Rudov Day!

As ScareCrow would say…”SHOW DICK SOME RESPECT!”

The Story of Feminism–as told by WOMEN from maxtll on Vimeo.

Posted in money, relationship, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »


Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 10, 2011

This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Lots of divorce stories in the news this week.  I can’t help to notice a trend in some of the celebrity divorces coming about. 

Take Charlie Sheen for example, married in 2008, now has to pay $55hospital nursery,000 a month, yes a fucking MONTH!!!….for child support.  Ashlee Simpson also filed for divorce after her 3 year marriage but not before she found time to shit out a kid also.  

Now this not just a celebrity deal, I see it all the time.  Woman goes from being perfect girlfriend to never happy bitch wife and is knocked up, by accident of course within the first year of the marriage.  Then before the kid even is barely out of diapers the couple some how “grows apart”. 

A lot of times if the guy is well off, she’ll crank out two or three kids in rapid succession, be a stay at home mom and secure both a healthy alimony and child support payment from the poor sucker who married her ever expanding ass.

don't want kidsTom Leykis used to tell his listeners to wait until you’ve been married 5 years before you have kids.  That is of course if you were just determined to be married and to raise a family, children were the only reason he’d ever be ok with marriage however he would still point out that while it was good for the child it was still not good for the man.  I completely agree.

I also agree with waiting 5 years.  Just think of all the relationships that were in the shitter by year 3 or 4!!  I know lots of guys whose wives conveniently got knocked up right before they decided they wanted a divorce.  Leaving the guy stuck paying an 18 year annuity, tax free for her!!

Gentlemen, your sperm are like blank checks or a debit card with the pin written on the back.  Actually worse because if a thief steals your debit card he can only get what’s in there today.  If a woman gets a hold of your sperm she gets her claws into what you have for the next two decades!!!!

You’re now free to blow a load in her eye.


nice beach ass


Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Time and Time Again

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 26, 2011

This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers!

So how many of you have gotten the “don’t give up” speech when you’ve said that you will NEVER get married again?  Usually from a woman of course, which makes sense since most women suck at math.

Statistics vary but it’s pretty well accepted that around 2/3 of all second marriages fail and 3/4 of all third marriages fail.  Oh yes, you’re smarter this time, right?  You sure are Skippy, just like you thought the first time you got on this merry-go-round that you’d be in the 50% of first marriages that didn’t fail. 

Listen, leave the fucking gambling to the guys in the World SerLawyersies of Poker….(or is it Poke-Her?)

You need to ask yourself why you are even considering this, when you get your answer then you solve THAT particular problem instead of fucking yourself in the ass a second or third time in court.  If you love lawyers that much then take yo azz to law skool!!! 

If you are a broke fuck and chubby Diana is the only one that will fuck you then get your shit straight and stop being a loser.  If you were never a ladies man and you’re worried that it will be worse now that your older…..well read up on some game.  Not that game is the end-all be-all, but it’s a starting point if you don’t have a shit-fuck clue.  Go check out some guys like Assanova or the dozens of other blogs out there. 

If SHE is pushing you then you really need to ask why!  Is she in debt?  Is she tired of staying in shape to attract a man and she can’t wait to pork up to 563lbs, is she one of those women who claims that she’s “already had her fun” and now wants you to foot the bill?  A chick with no life plan, no retirement (except you), no career, no life savings?

If that’s the case then fuck her (don’t knock the bitch up) until she moves on to another sucker.  You just keep looking out for you because in the end that’s who has to live with your choices, YOU, numbnuts.

You’re now free smoke in the cabin and yell “BITCHES AIN’T SHIT!”



Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Enter the Inferno

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 10, 2011

What’s up fuckers.  I was on YouTube checking out thong videos and I took some time to check in on Chapin’s Inferno and found this gem.  He does some great work and this just one of millions of fine examples.  Enjoy fuckers.

Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

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