Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘Obama’

How the Fed Works

Posted by The Political Pirate on November 15, 2010



Posted in money, Politics | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Don’t Listen to the “You’re Wasting Your Vote Bullshit”

Posted by The Political Pirate on October 29, 2010


I’m a third party kind of guy.  I’m pretty much tired of the constant fucking up by both major parties.  Not only that but I am guilty of actually going to the various candidates websites and actually reading what they stand for.  Fucking insane isn’t it?

So to all those who like to say that unless you’re voting Repube or Demo-rat that you’re wasting your vote…….I say go fuck yourself.

Want to know who really is wasting their vote?  The fucks who don’t vote, that’s who!  Go talk to the nitwit who’s always bitching but isn’t even registered to vote.  Or the asstard who bitches about local taxes going up but yet when you talk to them about voting they only vote in “the big elections”. 

Now you know who does vote in every election?  Old fuckers, that’s right because they have nothing else to do.  Old fuckers only do two things, that’s vote and pass judgment on younger people.  Is that really who you want making your decisions for you?  Have you seen how they drive?

Go fucking vote.  Show up drunk and/or high, I don’t give a shit, just vote.

Posted in Politics | Tagged: , , , | 4 Comments »

Too Good to be True???

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 2, 2010

This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Sometimes you have to take these bitches with a grain of salt.  Yes even my sarcastic ass knows that not ALL American women are fucked up, just 99.99999% of them are.  So there is a chance that I might meet one that is cool, just like there’s a chance I might win Power Ball, catch a unicorn or shit a golden turd.

So what happens when you meet that one that’s fan-fucking-tastic!!!  I mean she’s great, cool to hang with, likes your friends, and of course sucks the fucking color off your dick!  To quote the great philosopher Kenny Loggins, this is when you are in “The Danger Zone”.  This is when you can get easily distracted by her firm ass and excellent oral communication skills.

Don’t let your guard down gentlemen!  Take a step back and evaluate the situation as if you were giving advice to one of your drinking buds.   It will give you a much better picture of what you really have on your hands.  Recently, I’ve found myself in this same exact situation and when I did step back and mulled things over with my good friend Johnnie Walker here are some of the red flags that I found whipping in the wind.

Multiple kids, multiple fathers. (who don’t pay child support)
Previous “serious” relationship was abusive.
Complains about not finding any “good” men.
Radical spike in interest after learning of career path
Lots of male friends, very few female friends.
No goals, career or otherwise.  (waiting on Prince Charming)

    The list goes on, but you get the picture.  It’s easy to ignore the warning signs when someone is swallowing your load; especially when they do their best to hide them. Until next time fuckers.

    You’re now free to drink scotch on the rocks.

    Posted in sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    Poverty Better than Abortion?

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 24, 2010

    This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers!

    I am amazed sometimes, I truly am.  Some of the conversations I have with women both amaze and frustrate me.  However the conversations I’m having are not occurring in a vacuum.  The effects of what I’m talking about can be seen in our society.  It can be seen in our so-called “working poor”

    The news channels love the working poor, especially around election time.  They parade family after family of people talking about how they can’t make ends meet.  That they need help from the rest of us.

    Now I do give to charity, but I can’t help to wonder if it’s ever dawned on any of these people that the fact that they keep shitting out little rug-rats is a major factor, often the major factor in their poverty!!  Newsflash fuckwad, if you’re poor before you have a kid, the shit will be worse after!!!!

    Or the poor single mother stories about how Sally had to drop out of college because she got knocked up by her loser boyfriend.  Amazing how these women can smoke, drink and bang all throughout high school and college yet the moment they get knocked up they suddenly latch on to some moral compass that doesn’t allow them to get an abortion.

    I know women who have been in that situation and guess what?  The ones who had the abortion are doing pretty goddamn good for themselves.  The ones who didn’t, well the typical story is that the guy who knocked them up left them.  Of course they didn’t finish school so now they have a dead-end job.  Now with the extra kid baggage they are not able to attract as high quality of a man as they could have before so they raise their child in poverty conditions living off Section 8 housing, food stamps, and other forms of public assistance.  To her abortion is wrong, but bringing a child up in shitty conditions without a father is perfectly ok.

    Well you know what missy, you can take that bullshit moral compass of yours and shove it up your twat.  Maybe it’ll act like a diaphragm so that you won’t bring any more future gang members and car-jackers into this world.

    Ladies your logic is fucked!

    You are now free to drink a 40.

    Posted in money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    What Are You Really Getting?

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 17, 2010

    This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers!!

    When you work someplace that the majority of employees are women, you get to see and hear some things that you’d probably rather not know.  Like the woman in her mid 20s who sleeps in a separate bedroom and when her “soulmate”  wants some ass he has to pay for it with dinner and gifts.  Or how about the endless medical issues that some women have ranging from migraines to anxiety episodes??  I mean if she’s pulling this shit with her boss, imagine trying to get some pussy from her?

    Of course these women hid these behaviors BEFORE their guy signed the dotted line.  These women I’m talking about look great when you first see them.  You think, man that’s not too bad right there.  She’s HOT!  But soon you see she’s more loosely held together like a shade-tree mechanic’s old Chevy!

    Their husbands thought they were getting this…………………………….

    But what they REALLY got stuck with is this…………………….

    Talk about fucking Cash for Clunkers!  Holy Bait and Switch Batman!!!

    I have recently seen an increase in some of these so-called “classics” trying to get my attention.  I’ve even test drove a couple.  However in the back of my head, I wonder HOW MUCH ARE THE MAINTENANCE COSTS!!!!

    You are now free to listen to Tom Leykis.

    Posted in money, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    It’s Not My Fault, God Wants Me to Keep Shitting out Kids!!!

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 28, 2010

    This is your Captain speaking…………………welcome aboard fuckers.

    We shall start with a fucking joke……………………

    There once was a prediction of an imminent flood in Ohio. A warning was announced on the local radio and TV. The sheriff drove around to make sure everyone had evacuated the area. He came to one man’s house, found the owner still there, and told him to get into his jeep to avoid the coming flood. The man replied, “Don’t worry, the Lord will save me!”

    Well, the floods came and the man had to go up to the second floor of his house. A rescue boat went by. “Get onboard, the flood is going to get even worse!” the rescue worker cried out.
    But the man said, “Don’t worry, the Lord will save me!”

    The flood did get worse! The man had to go up on his roof to avoid the rising water! A helicopter flew over his house. “Grab the rescue line,” they hollered to the man. “Don’t worry,” the man hollered back, “the Lord will save me!” The waters rose further, the man was washed away … and he drowned!
    Thankfully, the man wound up in heaven. But, when the man saw God, he strutted right up to God and said, “Why didn’t you save me? I waited for you!”

    God replied, “I sent you a jeep, a boat, and a helicopter! What more did you want me to do?! All you had to do was get onboard!!”

    Now on more than one occasion I have heard women say that if they get pregnant that it’s because its God’s will.  If you ask these women what kind of birth control they are using they will say “a condom”, as in the guy is wearing the condom and they are using NOTHING.  That’s convenient, that way you can blame fate for your shitty life you stupid horse cunt.  Not to mention bringing another person into the world that you can’t fucking afford…………and the rest of us have to support little fathead because you can’t.  Nice, really fucking fuck nice.  By the way, is this the same God that promises 70 virgins to suicide bombers?  Just wondering.

    Hold up bitch, 11 types of birth control and you use nothing?  Maybe the fact that your God has given you 11 types of birth control is a fucking hint you stupid meth-head.  And why is it the fat chicks who bitch about the pill making them fat?  First off, the pill is only 1 out of a dozen fucking types of BC available and second, your ass is already ten feet wide.

    Of course to compound things, it’s usually the poor barely making it by types that have this type of attitude.  It’s easier to blame old guy sitting in the fucking clouds than to take responsibility for their own stupid decisions. “I was in college until I “got” pregnant.” It’s like Tom Leykis says, if a woman is not on some type of birth control, she wants a baby.  I agree, isn’t amazing how some chicks can bang away all through college and never get knocked up?  Yet somehow the waitress with the 10yr pin on her shirt gets morning sickness when she looks at a cock sideways.

    It’s as if some people say “I’m a loser, now what can I do to compound the fucking situation?  I know…..I’ll bring another person into this world and teach them how to be a loser too!!  Besides, there’s lots of government programs out there to help me, I won’t even have to pay for it all!!  I’m a fucking genius!”

    If you want to see the birth rate drop, give men the same number of options for BC that a woman has.  Give men the option to opt out just like a woman does after conception.  After all ladies, isn’t it equality you want?  Take some goddamn responsibility, your life is a direct result of the decisions you make girls.

    You’re now free to tell the bitch you want paper instead of fucking plastic.

    Posted in money, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

    One Stop Shopping…….Great for Wal-Mart, Sucks for Dating.

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 2, 2010

    This is your Captain speaking……………welcome aboard fuckers!!!!

    I see a lot of people trying to do the same kind of one stop shopping that they do at Wal-Mart in their social lives.  They try to find one person who “has it all”.

    This is a complete waste of time, not to mention impossible, unless you want to greatly lower your standards.  It’s a fool’s mission to try to find a woman that is hot, likes sex, loves sports, isn’t bipolar, cooks, is fun to hang out with, and is knowledgeable about politics and money.

    Chicks are for banging.  Humping and dumping.  Have you ever tried to have a conversation about politics with a women?  Unless she’s over 40 chances are she doesn’t even have a clue what time the nightly news comes on.  Like I said, women are human urinals, they are to be used and left.  If you want to talk politics, talk to your male friends.  They’ll actually know what the fuck is going on.

    Do not try to find all of these qualities in one person, especially one of our worthless entitlement whores we have here in the US.  Don’t get yourselves wrapped up in some chick who only has one quality………sex.

    Bang a variety of women and have a huge social circle of friends that you can hang out with when you are in the mood for some intelligent conversation.  Don’t waste your time looking for something that doesn’t exist.

    You’re now free to bang a hot dumb chick.

    Posted in Marriage, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    Hey Old Fucker!!!!

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 14, 2010

    This is your Captain speaking……………welcome aboard fuckers!!

    Does any of this female psycho-babble sound familiar?

    You’re just bitter!

    Someone must have really hurt you.

    You just hate women!

    Not all women are like that……I’m not.

    You just haven’t met the right woman yet.

    Of course when that doesn’t work then they try this…………..

    Don’t you want to grow old with someone?  (what they forget is to add is that someone will be bugging and nagging the living hell out of you until one of you dies!!!!)

    I feel sad for you.

    You’ll never know true love with that attitude.

    Older guys didn’t just pull their attitudes out of a fucking straw hat.  They came from years of life experiences.  We need to listen to our elders, I know that’s crazy-talk nowadays, but trust me.  These guys aren’t saying to stay away from marriage because “they can’t get laid”.  They’re saying it because its true.

    The “See the matrix” analogy is probably grossly overused, but in this case it fits perfectly.  As we mature we start noticing patterns of behavior.  We notice that these patterns seem to match what some of these “old farts” have been trying to warn us about for years.  Pretty much every guy knows of another guy who has been raked over the coals by the court system.

    Then through the power of hindsight, you start looking back at all your relationships and you can usually pinpoint the moment the first red flag went up.  But you stayed.

    You’re now free to walk 10 miles uphill in the snow.

    Posted in sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

    Boycott Valentine’s Day

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 27, 2010

    This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers.

    Mark Rudov is alive and well.  For the fourth year in a row he’s calling for a boycott of Valentine’s Day.

    I can’t fucking agree more.  Of course the average woman looks at money the same way she looks at sausage………the bitch doesn’t care how it’s made, she just wants to consume it.  Forget about the economic downturn, women don’t care about trivial shit like that.  She doesn’t care if you’re one paycheck away from being homeless, you have to “prove” your love.

    Women are so diluted and vain that even though they know that the only reason guys pretend give shit on valentines fucking day is because they don’t want to hear her bitch…………they still act like its a genuine act of “love” and not the mental water-boarding that it really is.   Stupid fucking cunts.

    Want to stump a woman?  Try these four words…….TIME VALUE OF MONEY.  Take that money you’d blow on that cunt and pay off some debt or better yet put it in  your “Fuck You” fund.

    Then look at the bitch and say “Fuck You”.  Fucking fuck-tard fucked up cum fucking urinal cunts.

    You’re now free to buy yourself a quart of beer on Valentine’s Day and shove the empty bottle up her snatch.

    Posted in money, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

    Cheaper to Keep Her? Fuck NO! It’s Cheaper to Chuck Her Out the Fucking Door!!

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 20, 2010

    This is your Captain speaking………………welcome aboard fuckers.

    There’s a lot of myths flying around when it comes to relationships.  One of them is the old “it’s cheaper to keep her” myth and while there are cases where this is true (thanks to our fucked up court system).  I think that if most guys get the fuck out of Dodge before the 10 year mark, then its “cheaper to chuck her”.

    I’ve heard shit like “two can live cheaply as one”, that’s a crock of swine flu ridden pig shit!!  The truth is once the bitch moves in, you’re FUCKED.  I’m not just taking the obvious shit like utilities and food, but all the extra shit that you wouldn’t normally buy.  This could be as simple as her always demanding the brand names where before you always bought the store brand.  Or how about all the special stupid fucking special lotions, feminine rags and other shit that she just has to fucking have.

    Let’s not forget stupid household shit, like how she just has to have new furniture, and new bedding and linens to match the furniture. Furniture which you would have NEVER bought on your own even if you need new furniture.  Women just love to redecorate, it makes their slopholes wet to buy shit that is completely fucking worthless as soon as the cashier rings it up.

    Let’s not forget about pets!  Pets can be a double-edged sword because getting a pet could be her way of “testing” you to see what kind of parent you would be.  Not to mention you have to train the fucking pets and feed them, more money coming out of your pocket.

    I mentioned, kids, if she “forgets” to take the pill or the condom breaks, then she really has her claws deep into  your finances!  Plus she’ll have to cut back her hours, or even quit work when the little crumbcruncher arrives.  She’ll want all the newest shit for the little rugrat and guess who pays?  YOU!

    Don’t fall for it!  If you don’t believe me, just listen to some of the old Tom Leykis podcasts of his show and listen to caller after caller talk about he got royally FUCKED by trusting some chick, by being the nice guy, by doing what was “right”.  Fuck what’s right, do what is right for you and DUMP THAT BITCH!!!

    You’re now free to get your balls back.

    Posted in Marriage, money, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

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