Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘porn’

Welcome to the Real World…Pussy

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 18, 2016


protesters

This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Holy fucking shit!!!  I was fully expecting to be under the reign of Queen Hillary come next year.  Don’t get me wrong, the nanny state will still no doubt get bigger, it’s just what governments do.  We’re fucked in that respect.

But damn, look how the SJWs, feminists and pretty much everyone the left has just lost their fucking minds.  I mean the poor little things, they’ve never had to deal with loss before.  What happened to the participation trophy?

Now I see stories about white people wearing safety pins to designate themselves as safe people to talk to or some bullshit.  Why?  Well……….you might want to sit down for this…….there are bad people out there.  Yeah, who the fuck knew.  Apparently they were all sitting on their hands until the election, they were sitting at home canning vegetables for the long winter ahead.  Until Trump won, then suddenly they all came out of the woodwork and are now threatening anyone who isn’t a straight white male.

This is seriously some of the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. Am I saying there aren’t racists and shit out there, of course not. I’m saying they’ve been there all along but Generation Snowflake thought all their FaceBook likes and boycotts were actually doing something.  I mean fuck, why actually do something when you can change your profile picture?

Welcome to our world snowflake, where the system is fucked and so are you. How much of a fucking pussy to you have to be to actually be depending on a certain candidate to get elected.  Ok, if you work in DC, different story.  But you know what the fuck I’m saying, all these fucks on social media talking about how fucking scared they are now.  How dark times are coming.  Bunch of fucking twats!

I didn’t vote for Trump, ever since the Libertarians said they want to legalize hookers and blow, I was in!  Now, have I cried or rioted the past several elections when my guy NEVER wins………no, I voted, I drank……sometimes not in that order………and I went about my fucking life because I am the one who determines my fate, not some old fucks in Washington.

Grow up snowflakes, this is the real fucking world where there are winners and losers and you fucks are losing.

You’re now free shove a safety pin up someone’s ass.

 

Posted in Captain No Marriage, Politics, Uncategorized, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

The Great Escape

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 31, 2010


This is your Captain speaking……………….welcome aboard fuckers.

Back on May 4th 2009, I entered my first damn post where I said I would chronicle my journey out of marriage.  Since then I have been stashing away cash, $5 here, $20 there into what I call a F U Fund.  This is because my wife and I had already separated once and got back together due to finances.  Since then, we have eliminated all joint debt and even some of our individual debt.  I needed my stash of cash because although I do have friends that would put me up if I was out in the cold, I do not have any family that I could shack up with for a few months while I got my affairs in order.  So I had to plan.


I planned for the worse.  I planned that the day I told my wife I wanted a divorce that I’d have to leave that day.  That day came and went this week, prior I had been looking at apartments.  I knew exactly where I would go.

However the worse did not happen.  Although I would compare my situation to the situation in the Gulf of Mexico and the BP oil spill.  The situation may seem under control now, but it could go to fuck at any minute.

Some things did go as I planned, I was the bad guy of course and she claimed to be the perfect wife.  She claimed I was just using her and that she was the only one contributing to the marriage, blah, blah, blah.

While I play an asshole on the internet, I do have one or two good qualities even though being civil can get you screwed over.  Currently we have agreed that this will not be a hasty, unguided split.  However, please remember the BP situation.  It could blow at any moment.  Right now the time frame for my departure is Nov-Dec.  I am still preparing for the worst.

You are now free to move about the cabin.

Posted in Marriage, money | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Even Famous Pussy Has a Biological Clock That Rings Louder than Big Ben!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 12, 2010


This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers!!

Have you seen this article?  I’ll wait a minute while you read…..so Jessica Biel, who appears in the latest A Team movie is “desperate” for a baby from Justin Timberlake.  Hmmmm……I wonder why, oh wait I see why, she 28!!!! That’s like 45 in Hollywood years!  My advice to JT, GET THE FUCK OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!!


She’s been banging around having a good time and now she wants that guaranteed 18 year annuity known as a baby.  I know what you’re saying, she has her own money, right?  At the moment, yes.  But haven’t you noticed how in Hollywood that the same group of leading men are getting older, but that they make sure that the female actresses that play opposite of them stay the same age.  You don’t see Brad Pitt playing opposite Sharon Stone, hell no, they get the newest, hottest piece of ass they can find.

At 28 Biel is no longer the hottest or youngest.  So she needs to lock in some mega child support that you can only get from a famous actor/musician/athlete.

But gentlemen this happens at all levels, not just Hollywood, it’s happening on your street, maybe it’s happened to you.  You’re dating some broad and things are going well until………………………….she hits you with the “I’m not getting any younger” speech.  Suddenly just having a good relationship is no longer enough for her.  Of course these are the same chicks on Match.com and Plenty of Fish who have headlines like “I’ve had my fun” or “Not into playing games”.

What this means is that she’s banged every Tom, Dick, and Harry Balls in the city and now that she has 150,000 miles on the odometer she wants to settle down and have YOU pay for her.  Sometimes one or four of the bad boys that she used to bang has left her with a little present in the form of a child.  Of course bad boy doesn’t pay any child support so she needs someone to “step up” or whatever other line of bullshit they try to pass off as honorable.  The bottom line is that as  a guy you want NO part of this mess.

As soon as a chick even hints of a baby you need to stop having sex with her immediately!!!!  Don’t make a 18yr gamble that the condom won’t slip or break.  Don’t hope that she won’t accidentally forget to take her pill or that she won’t poke a hole in your condoms.  Just like Justin Timberlake could replace Biel with an equally hot or hotter piece of ass, that’s what you need to do the moment she says she wants a child.  I don’t give a fuck if your Justin Timberlake or Joe 6 Pack, you need to run!  Run hard, run silent, run deep, just fucking run!!!

You’re now free to shove peanuts up some sky cunt’s ass.


Posted in money, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Old Friends

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 11, 2010


This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers!!

Old friends………..ever have that chick that you knew way back before all the bs set in between the sexes.  Back when you were just kids.  You kinda keep that fond memory alive over the years, even chat with her every once in a while.

Gentlemen it’s a fucking trap.   Hard to admit, but true.  A very good old friend of mine fits the bill.  She, at one time, was a great girl.  The hardest thing for me to do is to step back and take a honest look, not at the girl I used to know, but at the woman that is now there.

She was a petite, very cute blond, still is in fact.  But tell me is this story sounds familiar…..she got knocked up by a few bad boys and now she suddenly wants a real relationship.  Now she wants a “good guy”.  Now she wants someone to come in and be Captain Save-A-Hoe.

Fellas, the image of this former friend is one that has been made up over the years, please do not fall for this illusion.  The girl you knew is long gone, dead.  What you see now is just a shell, I know the memories are powerful, but trust me.  Your friend is dead, what is left is your typical American cunt.

I know it’s hard, but you have to take a step back and look at how she acts.  Granted there may even be flashes of what used to be when you were kids, but that’s all it is, just a flash in the pan.  What was once there has long since evaporated!  Don’t try to capture the past, just let it be and move on, in the end you will be happy that you did instead of settling like most people.

You’re now free to bang about the country.

Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

I’m Soooo Fabulous, now promote me!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 1, 2009


This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers.

The title of this story sums up the attitude of my female classmates.   As I am working and going to school full time to get my MBA, I often hear the cackle of my fellow female students and I am often sickened and amused at the same time.

I heard one heavyweight talk about how she has no interest in getting to work early or staying late but yet…………..she thinks that when she graduates that her employer should just automatically give her a raise.  Yeah, just out of the goodness of their fucking hearts I guess.  What in the blue fuck are these spoiled American dumpster cunts smoking?  Ever thought of trying to add value to the company you stupid mullet?  No of course not, that’d mean work and we all know women hate that.

And don’t make the mistake of suggesting that they take a higher position with more responsibility, of fuck no.  That’s like telling a Catholic priest to fuck a woman instead of a 10yr old boy.  That shit just does not go over well.  These entitled cum urinals want to keep the same job they have now, but just get paid more.

This is why despite most college grads being women, it’s still men at the top.  These overweight bitches don’t have a clue.  Don’t even get me started on how they think they’re so “smart” and how that should turn men on.  Sorry warpigs, I’d rather jack off to old Asia Carrera  flicks than to have to listen to you turkey-necked battle cunts.

But with this being my competition, its a pretty clear fucking path to the top.

You’re now free to watch classic porn about the cabin.

Posted in sex, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Female Sexual Prime Myth?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 1, 2009


This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers!

OK, I’m sick and tired of listening to these overweight middle aged broads talk about how they are in their “sexual prime” and that men their age can’t keep up.  For now, let’s ignore the fact that the simple sight of the average American woman naked is not a pretty sight and would be an instant boner killer.

Everyone knows that women are at their hottest the second that they turn 18 and it goes downhill from there.  However when they are young, they are getting plenty of attention from guys.  Its ATTENTION that women crave and when they’re young they can get lots of it without much trouble.  It’s been said by countless others and its worth repeating:

WOMEN ARE ATTENTION WHORES!


typical  30-something American woman

Fast forward 10 years and 55 pounds later and Ms. Fat and Sassy is finding that she’s about as desirable as a used turd at a yard sale.  Guys her age can afford chicks much younger and hotter.  The attention train has derailed for her.  So to combat this and to fill the never-ending Western Female ego, this idea that they are in their sexual prime was started.

Because sex is the only thing that they have left.  Now that their looks have vanished its their last and only card left to play.  Some guys will bang anything, mainly broke guys.  But for a woman, attention is attention and they don’t care where or how they get it.

The sexual peak thing is just another example of how women want their cake and eat it too.  They can’t accept the fact that as they age, they have less of what men want and as men age, we have more of what women want.

So they make up some shit to make themselves feel better because the last thing that any woman wants to hear is the truth!

You are now free to piss on a fat girl’s french fries.


Posted in Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Why bother moving out of your parent’s place?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 15, 2009


This is your Captain speaking,

My question is not to suggest that people never move out. It is in reference to the fact that when a man gets married, he ends up right back in the same situation he was in when he was 16.

The place really isn’t his, he damn sure can’t set up the house like he wants, the bitch decorates. He has to ask permission for his friends to come over to watch the fight and God forbid that he wants to go over to that friend’s house that she doesn’t like. Yep, like 16 all over again, feeling trapped and looking forward to moving the fuck out.

Who do women act like a man’s mother? Who the fuck is telling them that this a good idea? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, one mother is enough!! Women, especially American women are just a bunch of mentally unbalanced, controlling bitches and men need to learn that women really are good for one thing, sex. Fuck em’ and chuck em’.

Men need to lose this scarcity mindset and realize than there’s a constant stream of new pieces of ass turning 18 every fucking day!!!

super-hot-thong

Don’t give in to these war pigs that you have to drink 4 quarts of malt liquor just to be able to look at her mismatched, discolored, sagging tits.

warpig-thumb

fat-girl-thong

Let’s step it up and let’s step out and make one final move out into our own place again! And once you have your freedom gentlemen, NEVER give it up again. If a chick wants to move in then it’s time for you to move on.   Kick her ever-expanding ass to the fucking curb!

You’re now free to grab your shit and go!

Posted in Marriage, pua, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

10 Reasons a Guitar is BETTER than a Woman

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 26, 2009


This is your Captain speaking, welcome aboard Fuckers!

I’ve decided to do a list of reasons why a man is better off buying a guitar than a woman, especially a wife.

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This list is in no particular fucking order and it may end up being less or more than 10, fucking sue me.  This list is sponsored tonight by Steel Reserve, 8.1% alcohol by fucking volume!

fender girl

  1. I still get aroused when I hold one of my guitars.
  2. My guitars don’t get all pissed off if I come home with another guitar.
  3. A guitar will still look just as good 2,4,5 or 10 years later.
  4. A guitar actually sounds good when it screams or cries.
  5. A guitar has a volume knob.
  6. All my guitars still weigh the same as when I first saw them.
  7. I was able to finger all my guitars BEFORE I took my wallet out.
  8. I still look forward to seeing my guitars.
  9. The pleasure you get from a guitar actually increases if you spend more time with it.
  10. A guitar doesn’t bitch or nit-pick you to fucking death.
  11. Your guitar doesn’t give a fuck how many beers you drink.
  12. A guitar understands that a 20yr old step-daughter is really not considered “family” and therefore ok to shag.
  13. A guitar is worth MORE the older it gets.
  14. I just wanted to repeat the last one, the value of a guitar actually goes UP as it ages, much like a man, but completely opposite of a woman.

You are now free to jam about the cabin…

tiger


Posted in Marriage, money, sex, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Is She a Regular, or just in-between suckers?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 21, 2009


This is your Captain speaking, welcome aboard fuckers…….

As a long standing member of Gold’s gym, I have seen countless people start and eventually stop their workout habits.  I have become pretty accurate over the years of predicting how long someone will hang in there.

One interesting occurrence is how you will see certain women join the gym, you can tell that they have been neglecting trying to keep themselves up for a while.  But to their credit, they will work their fat asses off to the point where they are looking pretty bang-able.

Then they suddenly disappear.  They just stop going.  Their workout partner isn’t sure what happen, they’re just a no-show.  So one day, usually several months even a year or so later you see this overweight female who looks kinda familiar………….”but it can’t be the chick I’m thinking of” , you say to yourself.  But sure enough, it’s her.

overweight-woman-treadmill-150

She worked out long enough to reel in the next sucker, then her lazy ass quit working out.  Typical bait and switch, dog-n-pony show that American women are famous for.  You think you are getting a woman who takes pride in her appearance, then WHAM, the lazy cunt reveals her true lazy colors.

Of course, the reason is that she’s “comfortable” and you should like her for more than her body, even though it was the body that got your attention in the first place.

This is just like women who lose weight for their wedding day and then pork back up once the guy is locked into the marriage contract.  Then they wonder why the guy cheats.  Of course he’ll cheat, he feels duped and he was duped!!  He thought he was getting one thing but wound up with something completely different and fatter.

So if you see a chick in the gym or meet a women on the street or where ever, how can you tell is she really works out or is she is just between suckers and is only faking it until someone takes the bait?

One good way is to look at her shoulders and arms.  For women, these areas take a while to get nice tone, plus it requires attention to diet too.  Now I’m not saying she has to have arms like Arnold, but toned.  The fact that it takes a while to attain this toned look means that she is not one of those people who work out when things are “right”.  If she has a toned upper body then she’s been working out through thick and thin and not just when its convenient or when the planets are aligned.

woman_lifting_weights

Don’t be fooled by a nice body with no tone, unless you are in it for the short term, then it doesn’t matter, you can just tap the ass while she looks hot and kick her man-cow looking ass to the curb when she starts packing on the pounds.

You should never depend on one woman for your sexual needs, that’s one of many reasons why marriage is such a bad deal for men.

Strike while the ass is hot fellas, hump em’ and dump em’!

You’re now free to move about the gym….

Posted in Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Who lies more? Men or Women?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 19, 2009


This is your Captain speaking, welcome aboard fuckers……….

Ok, so some of you might recognize the title of this post as a pickup line or opener used to chat up women.  But I’m actually asking the question.  When it comes to dating and relationships it’s obvious that women are the lie.  It was Albert Einstein who said “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not…”

Women put up the classic dog and pony show when you first meet them.  Then once they have you locked down either by marriage or by squeezing out a baby, that’s when they change.  Well not change, more like go back to their real slobby selves.

How often have you heard women talk about losing weight for their wedding?  And that’s exactly what they do, they lose the weight for that ONE day, then they pork up like the pigs they really are.  Plus, why aren’t they losing weight for the so-called love of their life?  Don’t they love the guy enough to lose the fat for more than one day.  Of course most American women are just way to fucking lazy to do that, it’s much easier for the fat pig to point to her wedding picture and say “see what I USED to look like”.

hotrussianbrides

For the guy the wedding picture is a reminder of how he fell for the classic bait and switch routine.  Hopefully some of these guys will use those pictures as reminders of who really does lie more!  That poor smuck actually thought he was getting the girl in the wedding pictures!!  Instead he got a fatter and more hostile version of the woman that he first met.  That’s why guys cheat, not to get something new, but to get something like they thought they had in the first place!

fat_lady

There is no benefit for a man to get married, unless he’s a complete loser.

You’re now free to drink about the cabin…..

Posted in Marriage, pua, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

 
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