Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘pussy’

My Big-Ass Mail Sack, Single Moms Still a No!!!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 21, 2011


This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers!!

I get all kinds of crazy shit in my inbox, mostly hate mail from some meth skank who is pissed off because her twat drags the ground when she walks.  But this time I found a cry for help from a reader.  I’ve changed the name to protect his dumb ass.

Hey Captain,

I’ve been reading your blog for a couple months now and you make me laugh every time I log on to my laptop. But I have a problem that I hope you could help me with. I’m a 31yr old guy who just finished graduate school. I have an ok job now making ok money, but I have a chance to possibly get another job with an awesome company in a larger city. I’ll get around a $20k raise and I’ll be making over $100k in about 5yrs if I stick with it. The problem is at my current job I met a really cool girl. She’s great! I know what you’re thinking but she really is fun to be around even with our clothes on. She’s not like most American bitches. Hell, she even cooks!

But, she is going through a divorce right now. Her kids dad is pretty much a loser who doesn’t want to help her out in any way with the kids. She got with him when she was young, but now she has matured and realizes her mistake. I know money isn’t everything so should I put off getting a new job for a little bit just to help her out? I’d feel like a jerk if I just went for the money and didn’t worry about her.

Let me know what you think. Thanks.

Byron

Ok, “Byron” thanks for dropping me a line.  So let’s take it from the fucking top.  You probably went to graduate school for the same reason that most of us go to graduate school…………to make MONEY!  You obviously had some kind of plan in place, don’t let a piece of ass get in the way, especially a high-mileage with a shit ton of baggage!

Newsflash:  All single moms who have losers for an ex and need to find a new sucker to pay all their bills are………wait for it………….really cool girls.  It’s called bait and switch!  She has to play nice, she’s damaged goods!!

But Byron, I don’t know what field you are in, but if your profession is like mine you can’t afford to get dragged down into the mud with a bunch of parental trailer trash drama.  What happens when the loser takes a swing at you?  Or better yet beats her up then you put on your Capt Save A Skank cape and slug him and guess who she’ll be crying over when the cops arrive?  It won’t be you Ace, it’ll be the father of her bastard children.  You will be the one in the slammer!! 

Tell me, how well does a felony go with your graduate degree?  What would your income potential be as a convicted felon?  You said right now your next gig would take you into the six figure range, so multiply that out by 20 or 30 years.  This is MILLIONS of fucking dollars we’re talking about here you fuck!  Goddamn! Wake the fuck up! 

You think some bitch who has already shit out some future car-jackers out of her twat is worth MILLIONS of dollars?  Are you fucking tit lick serious?

Stop talking to this bitch TODAY!  Do NOT take her calls, do not answer her texts.  Get the fuck away from her as fast as you can and from now on no more fishing off the company pier!  Find your pussy elsewhere and without all the baggage.

To quote Tom Leykis “DUMP THAT BITCH!!!!”

Soooooo, what say the rest of you to Byron?

You’re now free to dump that bitch.

keyra_agustina_sexy

 

Posted in money, Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 11 Comments »

Happy St. Patrick’s Day Fuckers!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 17, 2011


irish ass

Hey bitch! Go get me a fuckin green beer!

And suck my dick…….or cock!!!

 

 green beer bitch

Posted in Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Happy Marc Rudov Day!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 14, 2011


What’s up fuckers, I found this over at ScareCrow’s site. An awesome vid about feminism.  Well worth the time to check out and while you’re at it check out Marc’s site.  I’ve been listening to the radio archive section where you can hear some recent interviews about NO-mance Day, or as it should be called……Marc Rudov Day!


As ScareCrow would say…”SHOW DICK SOME RESPECT!”

The Story of Feminism–as told by WOMEN from maxtll on Vimeo.


Posted in money, relationship, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Time and Time Again

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 26, 2011


This is your Captain speaking…………….welcome aboard fuckers!

So how many of you have gotten the “don’t give up” speech when you’ve said that you will NEVER get married again?  Usually from a woman of course, which makes sense since most women suck at math.

Statistics vary but it’s pretty well accepted that around 2/3 of all second marriages fail and 3/4 of all third marriages fail.  Oh yes, you’re smarter this time, right?  You sure are Skippy, just like you thought the first time you got on this merry-go-round that you’d be in the 50% of first marriages that didn’t fail. 

Listen, leave the fucking gambling to the guys in the World SerLawyersies of Poker….(or is it Poke-Her?)

You need to ask yourself why you are even considering this, when you get your answer then you solve THAT particular problem instead of fucking yourself in the ass a second or third time in court.  If you love lawyers that much then take yo azz to law skool!!! 

If you are a broke fuck and chubby Diana is the only one that will fuck you then get your shit straight and stop being a loser.  If you were never a ladies man and you’re worried that it will be worse now that your older…..well read up on some game.  Not that game is the end-all be-all, but it’s a starting point if you don’t have a shit-fuck clue.  Go check out some guys like Assanova or the dozens of other blogs out there. 

If SHE is pushing you then you really need to ask why!  Is she in debt?  Is she tired of staying in shape to attract a man and she can’t wait to pork up to 563lbs, is she one of those women who claims that she’s “already had her fun” and now wants you to foot the bill?  A chick with no life plan, no retirement (except you), no career, no life savings?

If that’s the case then fuck her (don’t knock the bitch up) until she moves on to another sucker.  You just keep looking out for you because in the end that’s who has to live with your choices, YOU, numbnuts.

You’re now free smoke in the cabin and yell “BITCHES AIN’T SHIT!”

sports_beach_volleyball

 

Posted in Marriage, money, women | Tagged: , , , , , | 2 Comments »

World’s Greatest Fairy Tale

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on January 4, 2011


 

I spotted this on Eman’s blog.  It’s fucking gold!

Wall Hanging 2 (World's Shortest Fairy Tale)

 

Posted in Marriage, women | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »

Deadbeats and Dumb Bitches

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 13, 2010


This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers!

So I’ve been fucking around on FaceBook lately, with my laptop in one hand and a bottle of Johnnie Walker in the other.  I ended up on a page about deadbeat dads.  Post after post of women whining about how they haven’t gotten child support from their exes.

miley-cyrus

Yes to their surprise they let a guy who was a drug addict or an abuser or just plain loser knock them up… and now ……they are amazed that these guys aren’t paying child support.  How is this possible?  These women all have magic vaginas right?

WRONG!  Actually in the beginning these women loved all the things about these guys that they’re now bitching about.  They loved the dope smoking addict because he was such a free spirit.  The controlling, abusive guy really made her pussy drip with anticipation because he was a guy who knew what he wanted.

Of course having to support not only yourself and your kid or kids but also your loser boyfriend/husband gets old after a while.  Now these women want to cry “deadbeat” as if the guy has changed, but he hasn’t. 

                                             loser

This is just another example of women always playing the victim card.  Poor delicate little flowers they are……..my ass!  These guys were deadbeats from day one!  It’s not the guys fault, it’s the poor decision making on the part of the women to have children with losers!  

So girls before you complain about how much of a loser your kids’ father…..or for most of you fathers……..before you start bitching just remember that YOU picked this guy.  YOU got pregnant and decided that it’d be a fan-fucking-tastic idea to have a baby with a loser.  YOU did this!  Put your big girl panties on and shut the fuck up!

You’re now free to smack your bitch up.

 

Posted in relationship, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 24 Comments »

Our Friend Sally

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 3, 2010


This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers!

As much as we love to rant and rave about how guys need to avoid single mothers, I know that’s often easier said than done for some guys.  Especially if you’re an younger guy who’s just starting out, doesn’t have his career going and isn’t making very much money.

It’s not uncommon to work with some single moms nowadays, so I’m sure some of you have gotten to know a few of these women.  While a lot of them remind you of what you read on this and other blogs, there’s always that one isn’t there?  The one that doesn’t seem like a complete bitch, the one who made a mistake when she was 16 and is now trying to get her life together.

Let’s call our single mom “Sally”.  Now Sally seems pretty cool, she takes good care of herself physically, she’s easy to talk to, hell we might even consider Sally a friend.  You tell yourself that she doesn’t fit into what we talk about here, she’s the exception to the rule!

                       hot mom

I work with a Sally.  She isn’t a feminist, in fact the way she talks about men it’s as if she’s from another country!  She’s fun to have around, attractive, she admits HER mistakes, it’s fucking crazy!!!! So some of you guys might say why not pull the trigger?

For the sake of argument, let’s say that Sally doesn’t change and that she is a perfect as she seems…………………you still have other issues to deal with.

  1. The kids’ father or fathers you’ll have to deal with FOR FUCKING EVER!!!!
  2. If you try to live with Sally the kids will probably resent you because you are not dad and they’ll work against you at every turn.
  3. If you and Sally break up but you’ve established a “bond” with her little rugrats then it’s possible you could be liable for child support for bastard children that aren’t even yours!
  4. Sex will revolve around when she can either get a baby sitter or when the kids are asleep (so you can have quiet sex then, what fun)
  5. If you move in or marry her then your vacations won’t be anyplace you actually want to go like Europe or some island resort, oh hell no, your fucking ass will be sweating your tits off at Disney in 90 degree heat in the summer.
  6. Like fine dining?  Not with two kids in tow, better get used to the playland at McDonald’s!
  7. Money, from extra food to electricity to little league, you will be covering the expenses for another guy’s kids, even if he does pay child support.  YOU will be footing the bill.
  8. And let’s not forget what will happen if she has an “accident” and forgets to take her pill for 2 months.  You know she’s not getting an abortion so you get to join her list of losers paying her money every month.  Good job Ace.

Gentlemen, I know Sally is a good person, but she is not a good choice.

You’re now free to piss in the road.

Posted in relationship, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

How did YOU get here??

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 12, 2010


This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers.

beach

Ever wonder how people find this shit hole corner of the internet?  Well grab a hooker because you’re in luck.  I’ve saved some of the search terms that have brought people to this blog.  You’re some sick fucks but I love ya.

Piece of shit pinto

Sexy fat American woman blog

Only puff shag women real men shag men

skanks

Beer fucking

Cartoon sword woman

you are special fucktard

bottle up cunt

prince of hell

um you’re a skank go away

skank whore

shitting women in America

fuck you’re fucking fuck

how do fat women take shits?

fuck you then

bipolar cunt

shove a bottle up my ass

ball n chain

stand-up urinals

bitch throwing up cum

new young black pussy fuck

handicap fuking ledies and gents

whore urinal

act like a princess

show me how to fuck a beautiful cunt

worthless cum dump skank

beer bottle fuckers

See told ya.  You weird fuckers. Thanks for stopping by.

 

Posted in relationship, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

I’m Not That Kind of Girl

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on November 6, 2010


This is your Captain speaking……..welcome aboard fuckers!

How often have you heard a woman talk about divorce, specifically about women who clean out their soon to be husbands and say “I’d never do that, I’d only want what’s mine”.

innocent look

Of course when the marriage is over women tend to think that EVERYTHING is theirs, don’t they.

The ones that amuse me are the married ones who say that they don’t want their husbands money.  These women claim that if they left, they wouldn’t go after the guy because……….wait for it…………..wait………..they’re not that kind of woman.

What I’ve noticed about 99.9% of these women is that they are married to losers who don’t have any money to take in the first place.  So these suedo-saints are trying to take credit for something that is basically impossible.  Big deal honey, you won’t go after your pot smoking boyfriend who works part time in retail.  That’s mighty nice of you, I’m sure you could really cash in there.

These women talk as if they’re married to Donald Trump and could get some huge payday.  The only reason these women are saying they don’t want their husbands money is because you can’t get something that doesn’t exist.  Classic sour grapes! 

I guaran-fucking-tee that if these women were with guys bringing down six figures that their tune would change.  Suddenly they would claim that they somehow contributed to the guy being where he is.  Funny how that retarded saying about every successful man having a woman behind them doesn’t kick in when the guy spends his day asking people “paper or plastic” or is serving a life sentence in prison.

Fellas, when a woman says that she’s not that kind of girl, that’s your signal to run like the fucking wind.  Talk about a huge fucking red flag!  The women who yell the loudest about not wanting money, are the ones who are all about the money.  Avoid these bitches like the plague they are!

You’re now free to do whatever the fuck you want.

Posted in Marriage, money | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Red Flags All Over My Screen

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on October 31, 2010


This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers.

Look what we have here.  princess tard Another fine contestant from the wonderful world of online dating.  A perfect example of what’s wrong with American women.  She looks good on the outside, but let’s look at her profile.  Starting with her headline.

“Big time fist bump to Match for allowing me a break from the bar scene.”

Nice huh.  By the way, she’s 31 and we all know that maintenance costs for a chick like this are worse than for an exotic sports car.  But perhaps I’m being too harsh let’s see her opening paragraph.

“So the word is out. I’m single and looking (but there seems to be a serious drought of decent men in Boston’s bar scene, and if I have to fend off another douchie guy out there, I might claw my eyes out). So, in the interest of saving my eyes (and my sanity), I am nervously turning to online dating in hopes of finding a nice, quality guy.”

Fuck, where do I begin with that?  I could get several posts just from that steaming pile she just laid.  Darling I realize that Boston is a really small town………….you stupid cum basket are you serious?  You can’t find a guy in a city the size of Boston?

Ladies if you can’t find a “decent” guy it’s because they’re avoiding you!  Conversely gentlemen if you hear a woman complain about the lack of good men around that’s your official notice that other intelligent men are avoiding this chick and you should do the same! 

But Princess Entitlement doesn’t stop there.  She goes on with her laundry list for Mr. Right.

“Someone who is genuine, honest, kind, great sense of humor (definitely an emphasis on this one), clever, active, interested in current events and can hold a conversation, enjoys trying new things and exploring new places, is confident (but not cocky), and is a gentleman whom even mom would approve of, for starters.”

Soooooooooooo……………………………..she want’s to date Jesus. 

“I guess this is my opportunity to go on and on about how amazing I am, but I think I’ll save that for our first date (and wow the pants off of you. Though not literally. I mean, it’s our first date).”

Oh ok, that cleared it up for me.  She wants an awesome guy to take her places but doesn’t want any pussy.  Good luck with that Princess.  You might as well start collecting cats now!

You’re now free jack off on a jack-o-lantern

Posted in relationship, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

 
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