Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

You Can’t Spice Up A Turd

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on April 14, 2014


real woman's ass

This is your Captain speaking……welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Last time I got hammered I wrote down some advice for my three female readers.  Well here I am again with one more golden nugget for the girls.  I’m filling in the blanks for the broads out there, so listen up!

If you live long enough you’re bound to hear broad talking about her failing relationship and how she “worked” to make things better.  One often touted method of “working” on things doesn’t actually involve any work at all.  I’m talking about lingerie.  Women talk about how they dress sexy for their husband without any regard how they’ve let themselves go.

What you ladies need to understand is while men like a woman in lingerie, it needs to be said….since most of you are obviously slow…..we like HOT women in lingerie.  Check out the picture above, most me have some version of what we consider hot and that’s what we picture. 

So what happens when you squeeze your ass into something you just picked up off the clearance rack at Adam and Eve???  Well a couple things, first off it’s a stark reminder of how far you’ve let yourself go from the time we first met you.  So if you’re confused as to why your husband used to love you in something skimpy and now he vomits at the mere site of you, that’s why.  You just reminded him of how you ran the old bait-n-switch on him.  average woman

Here’s the other scenario that happens, you were never hot to begin with yet you are under some notion that your guy thinks you’re beautiful when the truth is your guy dropped out of high school and is a loser with few choices.  So you wear you’re little lace outfit but instead of looking like one of the hot chicks on Instagram you look like someone tried to strangle a giant squid with a garden hose.  Good job there Sally, you just basically rubbed your man’s nose in shit, as if he didn’t already know you’re ugly (hence the fact he has to be either high or drunk or both to fuck ya) now you just reminded him of that fact in bold, loud, living color.

So for those of you who want to actually work on your relationship, why not try doing the shit you did to trick him in to marrying you in the first place, like looking hot and blow jobs.

You’re now free to piss on a giant squid.

Posted in Captain No Marriage, marriage sucks, relationship, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Our Friend Sally

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on December 3, 2010


This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers!

As much as we love to rant and rave about how guys need to avoid single mothers, I know that’s often easier said than done for some guys.  Especially if you’re an younger guy who’s just starting out, doesn’t have his career going and isn’t making very much money.

It’s not uncommon to work with some single moms nowadays, so I’m sure some of you have gotten to know a few of these women.  While a lot of them remind you of what you read on this and other blogs, there’s always that one isn’t there?  The one that doesn’t seem like a complete bitch, the one who made a mistake when she was 16 and is now trying to get her life together.

Let’s call our single mom “Sally”.  Now Sally seems pretty cool, she takes good care of herself physically, she’s easy to talk to, hell we might even consider Sally a friend.  You tell yourself that she doesn’t fit into what we talk about here, she’s the exception to the rule!

                       hot mom

I work with a Sally.  She isn’t a feminist, in fact the way she talks about men it’s as if she’s from another country!  She’s fun to have around, attractive, she admits HER mistakes, it’s fucking crazy!!!! So some of you guys might say why not pull the trigger?

For the sake of argument, let’s say that Sally doesn’t change and that she is a perfect as she seems…………………you still have other issues to deal with.

  1. The kids’ father or fathers you’ll have to deal with FOR FUCKING EVER!!!!
  2. If you try to live with Sally the kids will probably resent you because you are not dad and they’ll work against you at every turn.
  3. If you and Sally break up but you’ve established a “bond” with her little rugrats then it’s possible you could be liable for child support for bastard children that aren’t even yours!
  4. Sex will revolve around when she can either get a baby sitter or when the kids are asleep (so you can have quiet sex then, what fun)
  5. If you move in or marry her then your vacations won’t be anyplace you actually want to go like Europe or some island resort, oh hell no, your fucking ass will be sweating your tits off at Disney in 90 degree heat in the summer.
  6. Like fine dining?  Not with two kids in tow, better get used to the playland at McDonald’s!
  7. Money, from extra food to electricity to little league, you will be covering the expenses for another guy’s kids, even if he does pay child support.  YOU will be footing the bill.
  8. And let’s not forget what will happen if she has an “accident” and forgets to take her pill for 2 months.  You know she’s not getting an abortion so you get to join her list of losers paying her money every month.  Good job Ace.

Gentlemen, I know Sally is a good person, but she is not a good choice.

You’re now free to piss in the road.

Posted in relationship, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Beware the Rebound Piece of Ass!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on October 20, 2009


This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers!

Tonight’s entry is sponsored by Busch…..in the Real-Tree camo can.  That means no one can see me drink.  I’m stealth drinking motherfuckers!

Listen, although I love reading different MRA blogs and websites, I do not consider myself in that league of elite thinkers.  I’m just a regular guy who fucked up and got married.  My opinions mostly come from personal experiences and observations.  Now on to the bullshit!

At some point, either during or after a marriage/ltr, you’re gonna need a piece of ass.  What you won’t be aware of is just how rusty you will be.  I don’t really mean your skills about seducing some bitch, I’m talking about your skills governing the selection of that bitch.

It happens in all areas, MMA fighters talk about “cage rust” when they haven’t fought in a while and we all know that playing “the game” is a lot like combat.  What we forget is the little things.  Not the big red flags, but the smaller, less obvious signs that a certain bitch just isn’t worth it.  One of the things that can hinder your skills is when you are going through a shit-hole of a relationship yourself.  Hating having to come home every night will no doubt throw off even the most seasoned players game.

Mental illness is one of the trickiest things to sus out early on because so many women have gotten good at hiding it in the beginning.  Of course the signs become clear in hindsight and you want to kick yourself for not seeing it.  Here’s how I fucked up…….

A “friend” of mine (not a co-worker!!) recently went through a divorce.  She spent all her time talking to anyone who would listen about how bad her ex was.  Looking back, here’s the mental illness clue that I missed.  She said “He left me for an unattractive fat bitch”.

Now this “friend” isn’t smoking hot by any stretch of the imagination.  She’s a three quart girl at least.  By that I mean you need to drink at least three quarts of some old school Colt 45 before you’d consider fucking this bitch.  So if after 10+ years, this guy bolts to a fat chick, what the fuck is up with that?

Well, my dumbass found out.  She was great at first, she was one of those cool chicks that were fun to hang with, drank beer and sucked dick like a fucking machine!

I quickly found out how crazy she was when I sobered up and decided that my rebound phase was over.  In the standard line, she accused me of taking advantage of her.  Keep in mind that normally she likes to talk about how fucking “smart” she is, but suddenly Ms Genius got “taken advantage of”.  She isn’t that kind of girl, she’s never done that before, blah, blah, blah, you’ve heard it all before, all the fucking excuses.

I am amazed that her ex hung in there as long as he did.  This chick is a major drama queen, if something isn’t happening, then she manufactures something out of thin air.  In typical American fashion, this bitch has an over-inflated sense of entitlement.  To call her a muffin top would be an insult to muffin tops, yet she thinks she’s hot as she continues to pile on the pounds.

This bitch is one of the most manic depressive bipolar fucked up lame-brain bitches I’ve ever seen.

Talk about jumping into the cold water!  My spider senses are back now, I’m sniffing out mental illness every fucking where after this bullshit!  Luckily I was smart enough to not let this bitch know where I live!!!!  Holy worn out pieces of ass Batman!!!!!

So fellas, learn from my fuck up.  Take time to warm up and get yourself right.  Stay away from the three quart girls!!   Especially on the nights that you’ve drank three quarts!!

Forty ounces to Freedom Fuckers!

You are now free to drink about the cabin!

Posted in Marriage, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Who lies more? Men or Women?

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 19, 2009


This is your Captain speaking, welcome aboard fuckers……….

Ok, so some of you might recognize the title of this post as a pickup line or opener used to chat up women.  But I’m actually asking the question.  When it comes to dating and relationships it’s obvious that women are the lie.  It was Albert Einstein who said “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not…”

Women put up the classic dog and pony show when you first meet them.  Then once they have you locked down either by marriage or by squeezing out a baby, that’s when they change.  Well not change, more like go back to their real slobby selves.

How often have you heard women talk about losing weight for their wedding?  And that’s exactly what they do, they lose the weight for that ONE day, then they pork up like the pigs they really are.  Plus, why aren’t they losing weight for the so-called love of their life?  Don’t they love the guy enough to lose the fat for more than one day.  Of course most American women are just way to fucking lazy to do that, it’s much easier for the fat pig to point to her wedding picture and say “see what I USED to look like”.

hotrussianbrides

For the guy the wedding picture is a reminder of how he fell for the classic bait and switch routine.  Hopefully some of these guys will use those pictures as reminders of who really does lie more!  That poor smuck actually thought he was getting the girl in the wedding pictures!!  Instead he got a fatter and more hostile version of the woman that he first met.  That’s why guys cheat, not to get something new, but to get something like they thought they had in the first place!

fat_lady

There is no benefit for a man to get married, unless he’s a complete loser.

You’re now free to drink about the cabin…..

Posted in Marriage, pua, Uncategorized, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

 
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