Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘slut’

Happy St. Patrick’s Day Fuckers!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on March 17, 2011


irish ass

Hey bitch! Go get me a fuckin green beer!

And suck my dick…….or cock!!!

 

 green beer bitch

Posted in Single mothers, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Happy Marc Rudov Day!

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on February 14, 2011


What’s up fuckers, I found this over at ScareCrow’s site. An awesome vid about feminism.  Well worth the time to check out and while you’re at it check out Marc’s site.  I’ve been listening to the radio archive section where you can hear some recent interviews about NO-mance Day, or as it should be called……Marc Rudov Day!


As ScareCrow would say…”SHOW DICK SOME RESPECT!”

The Story of Feminism–as told by WOMEN from maxtll on Vimeo.


Posted in money, relationship, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Red Flags All Over My Screen

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on October 31, 2010


This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers.

Look what we have here.  princess tard Another fine contestant from the wonderful world of online dating.  A perfect example of what’s wrong with American women.  She looks good on the outside, but let’s look at her profile.  Starting with her headline.

“Big time fist bump to Match for allowing me a break from the bar scene.”

Nice huh.  By the way, she’s 31 and we all know that maintenance costs for a chick like this are worse than for an exotic sports car.  But perhaps I’m being too harsh let’s see her opening paragraph.

“So the word is out. I’m single and looking (but there seems to be a serious drought of decent men in Boston’s bar scene, and if I have to fend off another douchie guy out there, I might claw my eyes out). So, in the interest of saving my eyes (and my sanity), I am nervously turning to online dating in hopes of finding a nice, quality guy.”

Fuck, where do I begin with that?  I could get several posts just from that steaming pile she just laid.  Darling I realize that Boston is a really small town………….you stupid cum basket are you serious?  You can’t find a guy in a city the size of Boston?

Ladies if you can’t find a “decent” guy it’s because they’re avoiding you!  Conversely gentlemen if you hear a woman complain about the lack of good men around that’s your official notice that other intelligent men are avoiding this chick and you should do the same! 

But Princess Entitlement doesn’t stop there.  She goes on with her laundry list for Mr. Right.

“Someone who is genuine, honest, kind, great sense of humor (definitely an emphasis on this one), clever, active, interested in current events and can hold a conversation, enjoys trying new things and exploring new places, is confident (but not cocky), and is a gentleman whom even mom would approve of, for starters.”

Soooooooooooo……………………………..she want’s to date Jesus. 

“I guess this is my opportunity to go on and on about how amazing I am, but I think I’ll save that for our first date (and wow the pants off of you. Though not literally. I mean, it’s our first date).”

Oh ok, that cleared it up for me.  She wants an awesome guy to take her places but doesn’t want any pussy.  Good luck with that Princess.  You might as well start collecting cats now!

You’re now free jack off on a jack-o-lantern

Posted in relationship, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Alimony: A Lottery

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 4, 2010


Posted in Marriage, money | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Too Good to be True???

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on September 2, 2010


This is your Captain speaking………..welcome aboard fuckers!!!

Sometimes you have to take these bitches with a grain of salt.  Yes even my sarcastic ass knows that not ALL American women are fucked up, just 99.99999% of them are.  So there is a chance that I might meet one that is cool, just like there’s a chance I might win Power Ball, catch a unicorn or shit a golden turd.

So what happens when you meet that one that’s fan-fucking-tastic!!!  I mean she’s great, cool to hang with, likes your friends, and of course sucks the fucking color off your dick!  To quote the great philosopher Kenny Loggins, this is when you are in “The Danger Zone”.  This is when you can get easily distracted by her firm ass and excellent oral communication skills.

Don’t let your guard down gentlemen!  Take a step back and evaluate the situation as if you were giving advice to one of your drinking buds.   It will give you a much better picture of what you really have on your hands.  Recently, I’ve found myself in this same exact situation and when I did step back and mulled things over with my good friend Johnnie Walker here are some of the red flags that I found whipping in the wind.

Multiple kids, multiple fathers. (who don’t pay child support)
Previous “serious” relationship was abusive.
Complains about not finding any “good” men.
Radical spike in interest after learning of career path
Lots of male friends, very few female friends.
No goals, career or otherwise.  (waiting on Prince Charming)

    The list goes on, but you get the picture.  It’s easy to ignore the warning signs when someone is swallowing your load; especially when they do their best to hide them. Until next time fuckers.

    You’re now free to drink scotch on the rocks.

    Posted in sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    GODDAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 30, 2010


    Nothing like drunk emailing some skanks you bang on the side.  Goddamn you Alcohol!!!  You win this round, but I’ll be back tomorrow!!!!!


    Posted in pua, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    What Are You Really Getting?

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on August 17, 2010


    This is your Captain speaking…………..welcome aboard fuckers!!

    When you work someplace that the majority of employees are women, you get to see and hear some things that you’d probably rather not know.  Like the woman in her mid 20s who sleeps in a separate bedroom and when her “soulmate”  wants some ass he has to pay for it with dinner and gifts.  Or how about the endless medical issues that some women have ranging from migraines to anxiety episodes??  I mean if she’s pulling this shit with her boss, imagine trying to get some pussy from her?

    Of course these women hid these behaviors BEFORE their guy signed the dotted line.  These women I’m talking about look great when you first see them.  You think, man that’s not too bad right there.  She’s HOT!  But soon you see she’s more loosely held together like a shade-tree mechanic’s old Chevy!

    Their husbands thought they were getting this…………………………….


    But what they REALLY got stuck with is this…………………….

    Talk about fucking Cash for Clunkers!  Holy Bait and Switch Batman!!!

    I have recently seen an increase in some of these so-called “classics” trying to get my attention.  I’ve even test drove a couple.  However in the back of my head, I wonder HOW MUCH ARE THE MAINTENANCE COSTS!!!!

    You are now free to listen to Tom Leykis.

    Posted in money, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    The Great Escape

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 31, 2010


    This is your Captain speaking……………….welcome aboard fuckers.

    Back on May 4th 2009, I entered my first damn post where I said I would chronicle my journey out of marriage.  Since then I have been stashing away cash, $5 here, $20 there into what I call a F U Fund.  This is because my wife and I had already separated once and got back together due to finances.  Since then, we have eliminated all joint debt and even some of our individual debt.  I needed my stash of cash because although I do have friends that would put me up if I was out in the cold, I do not have any family that I could shack up with for a few months while I got my affairs in order.  So I had to plan.


    I planned for the worse.  I planned that the day I told my wife I wanted a divorce that I’d have to leave that day.  That day came and went this week, prior I had been looking at apartments.  I knew exactly where I would go.

    However the worse did not happen.  Although I would compare my situation to the situation in the Gulf of Mexico and the BP oil spill.  The situation may seem under control now, but it could go to fuck at any minute.

    Some things did go as I planned, I was the bad guy of course and she claimed to be the perfect wife.  She claimed I was just using her and that she was the only one contributing to the marriage, blah, blah, blah.

    While I play an asshole on the internet, I do have one or two good qualities even though being civil can get you screwed over.  Currently we have agreed that this will not be a hasty, unguided split.  However, please remember the BP situation.  It could blow at any moment.  Right now the time frame for my departure is Nov-Dec.  I am still preparing for the worst.

    You are now free to move about the cabin.

    Posted in Marriage, money | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

    Even Famous Pussy Has a Biological Clock That Rings Louder than Big Ben!

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on June 12, 2010


    This is your Captain speaking………….welcome aboard fuckers!!

    Have you seen this article?  I’ll wait a minute while you read…..so Jessica Biel, who appears in the latest A Team movie is “desperate” for a baby from Justin Timberlake.  Hmmmm……I wonder why, oh wait I see why, she 28!!!! That’s like 45 in Hollywood years!  My advice to JT, GET THE FUCK OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!!


    She’s been banging around having a good time and now she wants that guaranteed 18 year annuity known as a baby.  I know what you’re saying, she has her own money, right?  At the moment, yes.  But haven’t you noticed how in Hollywood that the same group of leading men are getting older, but that they make sure that the female actresses that play opposite of them stay the same age.  You don’t see Brad Pitt playing opposite Sharon Stone, hell no, they get the newest, hottest piece of ass they can find.

    At 28 Biel is no longer the hottest or youngest.  So she needs to lock in some mega child support that you can only get from a famous actor/musician/athlete.

    But gentlemen this happens at all levels, not just Hollywood, it’s happening on your street, maybe it’s happened to you.  You’re dating some broad and things are going well until………………………….she hits you with the “I’m not getting any younger” speech.  Suddenly just having a good relationship is no longer enough for her.  Of course these are the same chicks on Match.com and Plenty of Fish who have headlines like “I’ve had my fun” or “Not into playing games”.

    What this means is that she’s banged every Tom, Dick, and Harry Balls in the city and now that she has 150,000 miles on the odometer she wants to settle down and have YOU pay for her.  Sometimes one or four of the bad boys that she used to bang has left her with a little present in the form of a child.  Of course bad boy doesn’t pay any child support so she needs someone to “step up” or whatever other line of bullshit they try to pass off as honorable.  The bottom line is that as  a guy you want NO part of this mess.

    As soon as a chick even hints of a baby you need to stop having sex with her immediately!!!!  Don’t make a 18yr gamble that the condom won’t slip or break.  Don’t hope that she won’t accidentally forget to take her pill or that she won’t poke a hole in your condoms.  Just like Justin Timberlake could replace Biel with an equally hot or hotter piece of ass, that’s what you need to do the moment she says she wants a child.  I don’t give a fuck if your Justin Timberlake or Joe 6 Pack, you need to run!  Run hard, run silent, run deep, just fucking run!!!

    You’re now free to shove peanuts up some sky cunt’s ass.


    Posted in money, sex, women | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

    I’m Tiger Woods…SUCK IT!!

    Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on May 29, 2010


    Posted in Marriage, sex | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

     
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