Captain No-Marriage Blog

Marriage is a kick in the nuts.

Posts Tagged ‘Some’

Create Some Space

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on October 30, 2014


couple-arguing

This is your Captain speaking………welcome aboard fuckers!

I was halfway through a lengthy blog post for married guys about shit to do when you want to waste time when you don’t want to go home when it dawned on me that I needed another beer.  It also dawned on me that I needed to back up a bit with my thinking.  Because just like in sports, shit needs to be set up before it’s executed. So just like the offensive line sets up a good run, here’s how you set up your life.

I’m talking to all sorts of guys here, whether you just have a fuck buddy or a wife, you need to set things up so that whenever you need some space, you can have it.  Often times in relationships we give away too much, our wives know our daily routine down to the fucking minute.  This tends to happen slowly over time usually because if some bitch just flat out asked you where you are every second of the day you’d Ray Rice her ass!

Are you that guy who has to call the little lady on your lunch and/or breaks every fucking day or maybe the guy who has more personal calls than business calls?  Does she expect a prompt response when she emails you at work?  Is your cell phone nothing but a hand-held ankle bracelet?  Be honest here, I’m not busting your balls over it, you might have answered yes to every question, but there is still hope for even you.

First off, this is your fucking job, not her message or answering service to track you down during the day.  So here’s what you do TODAY…….your company is cracking down on personal calls, both at your desk and on your cell phone.  Cell phone ringers are to be turned off, yes OFF, your story is the familiar “some asshole ruined it for the rest of us” deal.  The idea here is to not be at her fingertips all the fucking time.  Don’t let her derail you with that bullshit about if an “emergency” comes up, that’s just total bullshit on her part.  Yes emergencies happen, but not every fucking day and you not answering her text is NOT an emergency.

So now she’ll want your attention on all your breaks and lunches.  You have to slow her down here too.  If you are salaried, you’re going to be “too busy”
on some new project you’re working on……..a long term project with lots of big words to describe it, that way she’ll never ask about it in detail.  As far as lunches, you’ll be having more working lunches, lunches with colleagues, team lunches, anything that will give you an excuse to silence your phone. 

The idea is to create space for you. You also need to start varying the times you go to and come home from work.  Even if you get off the same time every day, start coming up with reasons you’ll be working late……but not at your desk where she can call you.  The team is wrapping shit up in a conference room, one without a phone.  You guys like to work in this room because it lets you focus or whatever line of shit you want to give her.  But make sure you set this up before you start actually “working” late.  Start telling her you won’t be at your desk, you’re working on a project and you all agreed that cell phones were distractions so you are all leaving yours at your desks.  If she has a real emergency, she can call the secretary or whatever main line your company has.

This will do a couple things, it’ll give you some piece and quiet at your desk and it will buy you some time later on when you don’t feel like going home right away.  But you have to start slowly setting this shit up early guys, don’t try to do all this at once, ease into it.  The cracking down on personal call one is easy and it’ll buy you some quick relief.

These are just a few ideas, I’m sure you can think of more.  Just in general, both at work and home, start thinking of things to get away.  For example a monthly thing with the guys, this can be anything from spending a whole day fishing, car show, or watching a game at a sports bar.  Just something to get you out of the house.  This one is obviously one you want to actually do, but even if there’s one day your friends can’t make it, you should still take that time for yourself.

That’s the other thing, I’m not just saying to think of fake shit to buy yourself some time, but also come up with actual shit you like to do.  Be the guy who finds a cool place for an after work happy hour once or twice a month. Go golfing, fishing or some other activity that she hates on the weekends.  Go to the gym, that’s one that you can use just to get out of the house also.  A bonus tip for the gym is to join a gym she would hate, don’t join a female friendly gym like Planet Fuck Fitness or some bullshit like that.  Join a real one where they blast heavy metal and hard rap. 

Conventions, go to one, out of town, without her.  This will do a few things, it’ll actually help your career for one by giving you a chance to network and learn more about your industry or trade.  Hell you might even be able to convince your company to partially foot the bill or make it so it’s considered work days so that you don’t have to use your vacation days.  This is also an easy to get a little traveling in, granted only a few days but imagine how nice it’ll be to come back to that nice quiet hotel room.  Even better if it’s in a different time zone so that you can blame jet-lag for cutting her off on the phone so that you can go to bed.  So many pluses to this one!  Book smart and use the same airline and hotel so that you get the benefit of points and shit, sounds corny, but once you’ve stayed in some kick ass suites for free, you start to warm up to the idea.

So there’s some ideas for you guys.  I know there’s a lot of talk about just getting the fuck out of the marriage, but sometimes you can’t just up and leave, sometimes that shit takes a while to plan out and get yourself straight before you make your exit.  This will help make that time more bearable. 

If you guys have other tips and ideas, I’d love to hear it.  Until then, keep drinking.

You’re now free to pass the Scotch.Highland-Park

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Posted in avoid marriage, marriage sucks, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Why I Support Gay Marriage and Adoption

Posted by Capt. No-Marriage on July 8, 2013


Gay_Marriage_Women

This is your Captain speaking, sorry about that landing in San Fran, but……….Welcome aboard fuckers!!!!!!!

Ok, you probably never expected me to support any kind of marriage but hear me out fuckers.  Some of you probably already know my angle on this so here we go!!!!!!!

Listen, our family court system is FUCKED!!!  We all know that, if you’re a man you might as well lube up your ass and grab your ankles because you will get royally screwed in court by your ex, the lawyers, the whole fucking system!!!

As we’ve talked about here and other people have brought up in other venues, the only time they change a law that’s unfair to men is when it affects the little women too.  Just look at the case in Florida where the governor vetoed a bill that would have eliminated lifetime alimony.  I mean we can’t have that now can we?  What would the poor little gold-digging whores do?rm

So what we need guys is more bitches thrown on our side of the fence.  What we need is a nice pretty young thing to get with some manly looking broad and the two divorce.  It would be even better if they adopted a kid too, that way the manly bitch could get ass raped just like any man.

Things aren’t going to change until women start to feel the pain too, then it will suddenly become a national priority, there will be pages of editorials of how the system is broken and unfair.

I personally don’t give two shits who you’re fucking, this isn’t about gay, straight or sheep lovers.  The marriage failure rate for gay people will be just as shitty as it is for the rest of us.  So hang on to your butt plugs and rubber fists gay people because this is one ride that won’t make you explode with pleasure.  You have just boarded the Shit Town Express!!!!

I’ve tried to warn the LGBT community that marriage was a shitty deal, but you fucks refuse to listen, so now I want you to get exactly what you’re asking for, because that’s the only way men will get what I’m asking for. The system is broken people, take off your Elton John rose colored glasses and try to see what the fuck I’m saying.  Read the comments on this blog and others like it.  You don’t want this.

However, since the gay community seems to think they know more than the rest of us, fuck em.  I look forward to the day when some crying cunt in on the Today show talking about how her ex-wife took her for everything she owned.  Welcome to our world cunt.

You’re now free to do whatever the fuck you want.

Brasil ass rocks

Posted in marriage sucks, Politics, women's studies | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

 
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